Dolph Phin

Just a regular ol' Dog with a Blog

[dolphs-world]

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Beautiffffuuuuuullllllllllllllllllllll

I've now watched 112 episodes, over 36 hours. And I still want to watch 26 more episodes and most of Season 7 so that makes 156 more episodes. I will write a more rigorous analysis on the show but I'll start with this, watching a show in this semi-random really shows how the show changes. If you watch the show normally then the only real indicator of the show changing, not growing, is what Lily's hair looks like. If you're a veteran like me then you know that the show moves a gear in Season 6 when they start getting more emotional and setting up the direction of the rest of the series and then again in Season 7 when it becomes a love triangle and the idea that Robin was the only woman that could have been "the one" for Ted exists. But now, holy shit. Season 8 is the only season I could argue is bad. I did a little bit of research and it turns out this could have been the final season if Jason Segel didn't come back for a ninth. I know people have an issue with Season 9 but I really like it. It has the most obvious bad episodes but it's really high concept. So that leaves Season 8 being jammed between the finale and the gut punch that was Season 7. Barney and Robin, that's the end game so Season 8 is just getting there. The first third is breaking everyone up, including Nick who is just the worst character. Set-up from Season 6, was supposed to come back for Season 7 but the actor had another show so they created Kevin, who is Robin's best boyfriend after Barney, I will not argue this, and then he just appears in Season 8 and when they want to write him out they make him an idiot. Season 8 has a really strong middle section from episodes 9-13 and ending with the last three, but apart from that: I like the episode where they fight over being a Godparent, selling Barney's apartment is a fun idea but we know that it's not going to be sold, the final Sparkles episode is good and better than the final Slap episode but it's still the weakest, bringing back the captain and letting Lily be fulfilled career-wise and an homage to the 'Pineapple Incident' (there is a reason they were going to make The Captain the owner of the Pineapple), and 'Time Traveler' is one of the best in the series. 13/24 and if it's just the great ones it becomes 10/24. The show needed to end or do something new, they could only break everyone up and then give Ted a crazy girlfriend who is nowhere near the level of enjoyable bad partner as Simon, Shannon, Scooter, or Shannon. Bad Season. I didn't think I'd have that much to say about Season 8, I will have less to say about the rest or at least the next. Season 1 is the second weakest season which is always a good sign. Actually, I'm so tired, I'm going to summarise. Season 1, good but awkward. Season 5, disappointing, I don't care for Don nor how they handle Barney and Robin only for him to immediately return to his old ways, and not a lot for the other 3 characters though I do like the dynamics happening between them at the start. Season 9, I love it. Season 2, a really fun season to look back on. The only relationship that lasts an entire season, Lily and Marshall don't count, Lily and Marshall in a new environment, Barney starts becoming more realised, a great follow-up to the first season whilst also feeling unlike anything after it. I'm too tired. I like Season 4 less than 3 because it's a lot of set-up without payoff, and seeing how Season 5 went, it didn't really pay-off, but I love Barney in this season, I like Ted and Robin being friends, a lot of stuff to love. Season 3, I can see how this is someone's favourite, I wouldn't be surprised if this is the average choice. Perfect. But I love 6 and then 7 the most. Zooey and Melodrama all the way.

[dolphs-world]

Solid

Something I try to do in the age of binging is simulate American Television pre-2015. You can not truly appreciate a show if you only watch the one show and you should never watch more than 4 episodes in a day. The best show I every simulated was 'Breaking Bad'. I watched an episode a day and when I finished a season I would wait a week to start the next. On YouTube, I found a video that was a recording of a night on Adult Swim, ads and all (yes, ads were better before the 2010s). I really think this is the best way to watch episodic shows because you get to compare them to each other. In the recording, there was: 'Home Movies, Baby Blues, Harvey Birdman, The Brak Show, that Eltingville Pilot, that disgusting John K. Yogi Bear short that, in comparison, makes the Seth MacFarlane Flintstones short deserving of being in the Louvre, and Mission Hill'. I think that was a great taste of adult cartoons 25 years ago that weren't trying to rip-off 'South Park', and nothing got stale. If I were to watch a sitcom or cartoon, I'd load up a few to watch for an hour or so. I can't imagine ever just watching 'Powerpuff Girls' until I finished, variety is the spice of life. I have not been doing that in my latest rewatch of 'How I Met Your Mother'. Watching different shows back to back really shows which you prefer and can even make a show you thought was only ok or good great even. I started watching 'The Amazing Digital Circus', a show that I do not understand the appeal of, and then I watched the last two episodes of 'Smiling Friends', a show that I thought was incredibly animated but I only really liked two episodes back in Season one, and I felt like Danny DeVito in that 'It's Always Sunny' episode where Mac visualises his sexuality. I get it now, 'Smiling Friends' is something new and quality television. I love 'HIMYM', if I was to have a comfort show that would probably be it, but then I watched the episode of 'King of the Hill' where Connie and Bobby break up. And to prove that I wasn't cherry picking, I watched the episode where Joseph hit puberty over the summer (this is actually a great episode but I'm sure fans could find the fight between Connie and Bobby harsh) and the episode where Bobby hangs out with Bill and becomes a mess (the episode after Connie and Bobby break up, I hate Bill, I hate how this episode ruins Bobby for 20 minutes); 'KotH' is one of the greatest shows, 'HIMYM' is not. My latest rewatch of 'HIMYM' started with Marshall's dad dying in Season 6 a couple weeks back. And then I remembered the Goat and how that was something the writers set up in Season 1 for Season 3 but when the time came they pushed it until Season 4, explaining it away with Ted being forgetful. In comparison with 'The Mermaid Theory' where Ted can't remember a fight between Lily and Barney but then remembers it happened a year later, this one wasn't a retcon but a similar moment that was better set up. 'HIMYM' is the master of retcon so the Goat retcon gives us another hint for the future, Robin living with Ted. And then I thought about the episode where Ted is anti-phone because it ruins the mystery of dating and the fun arguments with friends; and that was also the episode that had such a beautiful shade of yellow paint that, when I grew up, I painted my room that colour. And then watched half of 'Sunrise' and the last 5 episodes of the show because I wanted to see if my opinion on the finale changed, it didn't. And that was supposed to be it. It wasn't.

[dolphs-world]

That's what Being Friends is about

You know that phenomena where people are so entrenched online or in a community that they forget what the average view is, like when people are arguing for more hetero ships as if they're the minority. Or, better examples for my case, 'Ocarina' is the greatest game of all time but in the Zelda community the prevailing favourites are 'Wind Waker, Majora's Mask, and LttP' before 'Ocarina'. 'Abbey Road' is the Beatles best album, I would put it #3, 'Revolver' has only 2 bad songs and 'Help!' has only 1 and none of them go on for 8 minutes, 'I Want You (She's So Heavy)'!

I mentioned in a recent post that I'm starting to think everyone is wrong about NES games. Yes, a lot of them had some jank. Yes, a lot had difficulty spikes. Yes, the games of the 90s, both on 2D and 3D systems, were better. But, the NES deserves fair reviews and not a bunch of AVGN inspired revisionism (this is not a critique of James Rolfe) like we're currently seeing against the N64. The NES is so good that I have to reorder by Nintendo System Ranking. The NES is better than the 3DS. It may be the perfect system in terms of modding and backwards compatibility and kept Nintendo a float before the NX, but it's held up by being a DS in the way the Advance is propped up by being a Gameboy (though I may have to reevaluate that system at some point). 3DS library: Pushmo, Fire Emblem, Kidicarus, a Resident Evil game, a couple of indie games, and a whole lot of ports? (admittedly, the most impressive ports that will ever exist). Yeah, the NES had a lot of Arcade games but being able to play 'Dig-Dug' at home beats being able to play 'Ocarina' anywhere. I'm losing focus. If it wasn't evident by the title and the first paragraph, I'm talking about 'Mother'. I will not discuss 'Mother 3' beyond this: It has the best battle mechanics I've ever felt in a turn-based RPG but it did not impact me in the way 'Earthbound' did. There is one thing I think 'Mother' does better than 'Earthbound', if you choose to attack an enemy with multiple party members and they die before every lays a hit on them, the rest of the party attacks nothing. I know that's tough but that puts an extra layer of strategy in what is a very simple battle system.

There's a lot I like about the game that's not better than 'Earthbound' but is meaningfully different. I like the difference between Lloyd and Jeff in their characterisation and differing introduction points in each game. I like the open-world a lot, I really like that there's an entire town that is not important to the plot. Telepathy is interesting, choosing where to go next is interesting, playing the game in unintended ways so that you end the game with Teddy in your party is awesome. Oh yeah, Teddy. Teddy is my favourite party member in the series. Too bad the story did nothing for me.

Besides the final battle, the party dancing in Ellay (sidenote, I played the GBA translation so I got the epilogue ending but I prefer the more liberal translations of the town names than the more accurate ones, Podunk all the way), and Ninten and Ana dancing on Mt. Itoi, none of the story impacted me in anyway. The writing is on the same calibre and wit as the other two games but it moves way too fast to leave any impact. Teddy and EVE are in and out of your party after one section, there's no reason to return anywhere besides home throughout the course of the game, you get stronger but it doesn't feel like you're making an impact because you still have to fight Wally and Crows in Podunk even when you've taken on the RTX series. I like the dance that Ana and Ninten share but there is absolutely nothing to latch onto with these characters. Ana is added way too late to the game to have the impact that Lloyd does and then Teddy shows up and he steals the show. I do not get how people prefer the story of 'Mother' compared to 'Earthbound' just because it's more "connected". It's not. There's the blurb at the start, the Queen Mary reveal and familial connection, Giegue's connection to Ninten and Maria (this does work a lot), and George stealing the plans for EVE which is only ever implied. The kids want to prove that they're brave and Teddy wants to avenge his parents but gets attacked on the Mountain just like them (this is not as poetic as it sounds). 'Earthbound' is just more episodic and there's no familial connection to Giygas. Yeah, a prophecy is lame but it's more so done to tell you what you're party is going to look like. Everything else is more effective and the final boss is the most memorable moment of the entire series.

I would love if there was more connective tissue between these two games but you have Giygas. Eagleland probably wasn't affected during 'Mother'. I think it's fair to say he defeated Ninten in the timeline Buzz-Buzz was from but they're probably still alive in this timeline. I doubt Ninten even knew what was happening but they probably prayed for Paula. Giygas destroyed himself so that he could never be emotionally affected again, just because him and Ness aren't brothers doesn't make the story weaker. 'Earthbound' is a remake of 'Mother', let's make that clear. I keep imagining a story where Giygas' revenge on Ninten is distorting his world: He only has one sister, his neighbour isn't Pippi but Picky who helps out less and has an evil brother (maybe that's why Giygas got rid of his sister, to make the families more even), the leader of the gang doesn't join your party, no, he's a healing point, the world is way more messed up with cultists and overpriced resort towns and a statue that makes people evil in a way that goes beyond an overworld enemy, Lloyd's father isn't supportive of him, Ana gets captured, only Ana has telepathy that can't be activated in the menu, Magicant is now his subconscious instead of Maria's, there's so much more desert that you (it's deliberate that I've changed from third person to second) can now get heatstroke by, no canary to by reunited with their mother but instead chickens you can sell, the factories enslave creatures, Lloyd appears more confident than you, your fourth party member isn't someone looking for revenge who is so tough against new enemies but a prince who cuts of his body and soul to find you and you have to grind to make him keep up with the rest of the group. I'm sure there's stuff I'm missing but if my point needs to be made more clear: In 'Mother', you end the game but singing a song to your alien brother. In 'Earthbound' the neglectful father figure has to transfer your mind from your organic body to a robot, much like the Starmen Giygas relies on, transporting you through time because not only can Giygas travel through space but he needs to win so badly that he has made it so he's always existed, he is incomprehensible but resembles a fetus at points, and the only thing you can do is pray in a world where there are no churches not in the sky, you know, Giygas' domain. And then, his minion, your neighbour, is so held up on both Giygas and you that he kidnaps the neglectful father figure and creates a world built in his image and perverts every memory you experienced in your journey.

I think 'Earthbound' is near perfect but I'm glad 'Mother' exists. There is no one without the other and 'Mother' is a great game, it's better than 'Dig-Dug'. But, you know, Tony beats Teddy any day.

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TBC

I'm so tired. I have about 8,000 more words to post, 4 more topics. I'll do the rest tomorrow. I'll end with this. I am currently replaying 'Earthbound', I love it. I need to play a lot more RPGs, the only one I haven't liked is 'Pokemon'. Before replaying 'Earthbound' I played 'Mother 1' for the first time. It was great. Everyone is a fucking moron. Yes, Video Games got better in the 90s. Yes, 80s games were more cryptic and had a higher level of BS. But I just think people are bad at Video Games. 'Zelda 2' is one of the best games, top 20. I swear, if 'Metroid' and the original 'Final Fantasy's and 'Dragon Quest's are great games, I will go on a rampage.

[timelesstinkerer]

Zelda 2 is like actually better than original LOZ those 80s kids were chumps who had no idea what a good game was

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And both of those games are better than LttP

[dolphs-world]

Terminal Madagascar (finale)

First off, no mention of Alex's parents. I know that Bernie Mac died but that plotline is the emotional core of the second film, even if it's sexist in its role importance. And then in a cut to black, they're in Monaco. What?! Why haven't they done this at any earlier point? I know Tanzania is closer to Monaco than the U.S. but come on. In isolation, this sequence is phenomenal. Well directed, funny, and insane in the right ways. In the context of the film and the films before, how is anything happening? Why are they trying to set up a conflict between who is the leader of the gang only to completely sideline the gang besides Alex? How come no one in New York hears about this and realises that their zoo animals are now in Europe? It's ridiculous. And then, circus time and we have to get introduced to new characters that aren't interesting.

I'll give the film this: I like that Gloria and Melman are still together, often in kid's films and sequels it's really easy to do a "on the rocks" plotline, and though they are heavily sidelined I would rather this than unnecessary conflict; the direction and camera work of this film is phenomenal, I've talked about this when comparing Monster's Inc. to Cars but as these 3D studios develop their craft they take full advantage of the main edge they have over traditional animation, a dynamic camera, there are sequences of this film that if you watch in isolation and silently you can enjoy them; Chantel DuBois, I like that the first movie didn't have a villain and Alec Baldwin only works in animation, but DuBois steals the show, one of the best animated characters ever, no further comment.

But that's it. I watched this film with my head in my hands, how is the conclusion that they've moved past the zoo when it's clear that everyone, besides Marty who is completely sidelined, misses the zoo? These films are not complex enough to do a Hero's Journey "return home different", they haven't changed or grown as characters, they just know that they can tame the wild. I get it, what's better than performing at the stationary never-changing zoo, performing at the circus you own, but if you were told at the end of the first film that this series would end on the characters running away with the circus and animal control being sent to Madagascar in boxes next to a George W. Bush joke (there's a box that says freedom fries on the ship and that's the last thing you see before the credits), you'd think it's a joke. How about this, this movie is a joke? The animation is nowhere near the caliber of the first, the new characters aren't good and just take up screentime that could have been used by the old ones, it's not funny, I'm tired of Americans doing stereotypical European accents, and they run away with the circus. Thank god for the Penguins because I do not know what the point of these movies were.

And that's it, 30,000 words written over 6 months. I don't know when I'll write again. Bye.

[dolphs-world]

Madagascar Insanity

I have to write something about these movies. What is the point of the Madagascar franchise? I know people really like the second one but I think besides the Penguin's subplot and then all the lines that keep getting repeated online, there's not much there. Otherwise, you get a decent Penguin's spin-off movie that makes sense as a standard film with a narrative that connects from one scene to the next, but it still has to retcon the original movie by showing the past, why would the Penguins want to go to Antarctica in the first film if they were born there and hated it, why would the end up in the zoo in the first place?. A standard and mediocre Netflix show, a show for babies, and shorts that aren't good except for the Penguins one. I think the common consensus is right, the Madagascar movies gave us the Penguins and we should be thankful for that alone.

I think the first Madagascar film is fantastic. What it's missing compared to the others: not enough Penguins, the directing gets better later, What it does better than the others: everything else. It's still disjointed, you can split it up into the New York section, Madagascar section, and Steak section, but compared to the others that try and balance 6 different plotlines with too many characters, it's not awful. All the characters serve their part well, Marty isn't completely sidelined because he's the one that kicks off the plot, Melman, Gloria, and all the other side characters are well utilised. Yeah, the lemurs are annoying, there's too many pop culture references, but I have never seen a 3D film animated like this.

The worst part about everything that's animated looking now is that it's no longer interesting. A bad film can't be saved by high quality animation because everything has high quality animation. And most of the time, it's just the graphics that look nice, to call it "well-animated" is facetious. Madagascar is well animated, it feels like a cartoon. Everyone is jumping around all over the place, there's a real snappiness to everyone's movements, and they also know when to reel it in and be more stiff. Even if some of the textures haven't aged well, each character is designed beautifully and moves differently from one another. The only other films I can think of that are similar to Madagascar, in this aspect, is the original Toy Story and Hotel Transylvania and Madagascar is better than both, in this aspect. I think the sign of really good animation (and well-directed live-action films) is when you can watch it in silence and enjoy it equally. Madagascar is fantastic.

But here's where the disjointedness breaks these movies, what are these films about? First one, Marty wants to go the wild and causes everyone to go to the wild, when they'd rather be back home, and then after they sort everything out they realise that home is where the heart is, they should explore the world but still want to return to the zoo. The most clever thing the second film does in the opening is retcon Melman and Gloria's relationship, giving Melman a crush on Gloria and making you forget that this didn't exist in the first one. Now that's hard to pull off! That and setting up the Grandma, you can tell because of how detailed the new model is in the interview at the start. But the second film ends with them still wanting to go back home as, even though they connected with their blood, they still only feel at home with each other. They are domesticated animals that can survive the wild but prefer to be in the zoo. The third film is fucking nuts.

[dolphs-world]

Mario Movie Outline

The weirdest aspect of the 'Mario Galaxy Movie' is that it's the second one. 'Galaxy' before 'Sunshine, 64, 3'? Initially, it seemed that the sequel would be based on 'World' which would have made more sense. Relating to my 'Wario Land' backstory, how would you condense the Mario series? Like, there's not going to be 4 movies for the 4 'New Soup' games, I don't think there should even be one. There's the original 'Donkey Kong' arcade stuff and 'Yoshi's Island', which only needs to be one movie, no star children here, and then '1, 2, 3, Land, World, Land 2, 64, Sunshine, Galaxy, Odyssey' and now 'Wonder'. I'd merge some of the '3D World' stuff with '2' and put Lubba at the end of 'Galaxy' as an homage to ending of 'Galaxy 2' where Rosalina appears out of nowhere, a converging of two alternate tales. But still leaves 11 solely Mario movies and you'd probably want to do something with Donkey Kong III and Luigi's Mansion. I hate to do the origin BS but I think you would have to. I'd like to start with '64' but that would skip over 'World' ('2' can happen at any point).

Rough plan, start with Bowser kidnapping Peach and then cut to the arcade 'Mario Bros' with Mario and Luigi living in New Donk City, working odd jobs, NES arcade games, until Donkey Kong kidnaps Pauline. Make this the Gameboy version and Mario learns more about the word outside of New Donk and loves the adventure of it so moves to the Mushroom Kingdom. Instantly gets embroiled in Peach's kidnapping. Merge '1' and '3', no Koopalings but have the more dynamic landscapes and the Kings but make them like Cheifs or something. Here's where I struggle a bit because I want to include the 'Land' subseries. Mario rescues Peach, gets a castle, learns about Sarasaland, goes to save Daisy, Wario steals his castle, Mario takes it back, Luigi comes out for a visit as Sarasland and the Mushroom Kingdom form an alliance, Luigi moves out here. 'World' happens, Mario returns home and realises he doesn't want to castle anymore, moves in with Luigi, this movie is also cut with 'Yoshi's Island' so it's a dual story like 'Godfather Part II'. Mario dreams of Subcon and also has to return the sprixies to the woods. Mario gets a letter to go to the castle. '64' then 'Luigi's Mansion' then 'Sunshine' then 'Galaxy' then 'Odyssey' then 'Wonder.

10 movies from 28 games. I'm impressed that I could condense the 2D platformers, arcade games, and spin-offs into 4 movies but I don't know how to do that for the 3D games.

If I was to make a totally unique Mario movie, like how I was saying Superhero movies should adapt more obscure and weaker comics, I would wave Wario seemingly turn over a new leaf claiming that Donkey Kong was acting like his grandfather in his heyday. Mario and friends would have to travel to DK Island only to find out it was a trap and the DK crew have been captured. Wario springs a trap and only Luigi avoids it and Yoshi escape. They run to E.Gadd to figure out a plan and realise that the only being left to help them is Bowser. Luigi has to go through essentially a Mario game to get through but Bowser isn't having it. It's only when Luigi mentions that Peach has been captured that Bowser agree to help, only he is allowed to capture her. They rescue the others but now Wario has captured E.Gadd and Kamek in Bowser's departure and uses science and magic to rule the kingdom. They defeat him, Wario has a tantrum, the others feel bad for him, but he is able to steal a jewel from Peach, a Golden Banana from DK, and a scepter from Bowser. They all chase after him.

[dolphs-world]

Nintendo Movie

I find this baffling because I think most Nintendo franchises could work as Movies or TV. I'd hate if they made an 'Earthbound' movie but 'F-Zero' is tailor made to be recurring Saturday Morning Cartoon, it got an anime for crying out loud. 'A Fox in Space' is the best piece of fiction I've ever seen on the internet, a 'Pikmin' documentary/found footage type film would be great. If I were to make a 'Zelda' franchise here's how I would do it: I would start with the end of the first game and show how Link and Zelda would build up Hyrule to its former 'LttP' glory over the course of 5 years as he discovers what transpired many years ago. Then it becomes 'Adventures of Link', followers of Ganon try to resurrect him and Link sets out to stop it. He learns about the Imprisoning War, 'Ocarina', by going through the towns named after the Sages. He learns how Ganon came to be, how his plan played out and Hyrule crumbled, and how to stop Ganon once and for all. Once he leaves the Hyrule mainland via boat we cut to 'Link's Awakening'. When the Hero of Legend awakens the whale so does our Link wake up and arrive on the islands. At old Kasuto town, 'Majora's Mask plays out'. It's left unclear if Link knows about the Hero of Legend and the Hero of Time's second adventures. During the final showdown, instead of fighting a dark counterpart of himself he fights shadow versions of the Hero of Legend and the Hero of Time, guardians of the Triforce of Courage. And then you can do 'Wind Waker' if you want.

Mario should be easier to adapt seeing as he's now had 3 movies, 3 American cartoons, and tons of manga. What I think the most interesting Nintendo series to adapt would be the 'WarioWare' series. People want a 'Crash Bandicoot' cartoon but I don't see how that can work without being a 'Looney Tunes/Roger Rabbit' rip-off, Crash works because it's that slapstick inspiration but in a video game. 'WarioWare' I think would be ripe for a cartoon. Large ensemble cast with dynamic contrasting personalities and professions, a running formula of making a game, the zany wacky humour inherent to the series, Wario himself. I've written a whole backstory condensing Wario's story outside of 'Ware' but I'll summarise it even further. Wario rubbed up on Mario and friends, became a treasure hunter, fought pirates, saved a couple worlds, and here's my headcanon, unleashed an evil on the world that caused a hole between Subcon and the Mushroom Kingdom but got fed up and never fixed it (this is where I've made Waluigi come from), and so moved to Diamond City, where it happened a lot of refugees from the worlds he saved ended up so they allow him to get away with a lot without him realising, which is the most recent territory claimed by the Sarasaland Empire. Keep Captain Syrup around and her crew, make Diamond City a melting pot of obscure Mario characters that exist outside of the Koopa and Mushroom Kingdom, but make this a Wario show. No Mario and friends bar Daisy on the rarest of occasions and Toadette (if you know you know). All of this to say I have no idea what to do with Mario but it can be done.

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I'm done

I'm pretty much done with Nintendo at this point. I think they are better than every other major game studio out there, I think they make better games than everyone else, and I think their scummy business decisions are overblown compared. But, they are still abusers of copyright law, their games never go down in price, they let AI slop run rampant on their game stores, they charge way too much for everything, they make shitty shitty hardware which hasn't meaningfully progressed since 2004, they will never understand the internet, they hate their fans, they are making their games more casual in an even more insulting way than they did with the Wii, and they are going to get away with it all because they are best to have ever done it and their die-hard fans are comparable to that of Disney. I got 'Odyssey', I got 'Smash: Ultimate', and I got 'Pikmin 4', as dissapointing as that was (9/10). The only competition they have to their legacy are the first two Playstations and the very best of PC gaming. They have the best catalogue, even excluding third-party exclusives, of games. But since Iwata passed away they have been going through a downward spiral culminating in the Switch 2. I can live without 'DK: Bonanza' because I have an entire 40+ years of Nintendo games.

I liked the Illumination 'Mario Movie'. It was well animated and I found the humour funny, I think about the scene where Peach and Mario flirt on Rainbow Road only for DK to chastise him and Toad chimes in with a level of over support every week. I have no interest in seeing the 'Mario Galaxy Movie'. Nintendo are never going to allow Illumination to do anything interesting with the movies, nor does Illumination have the capacity to create something meaningful, and they're just going to become another facet of advertising all in the name of synergy which will lead to a casualisation of the games; think of how Marvel killed the Inhuman Kamala Khan twice and brought her back on Krakoa as a mutant because in the MCU they made her a mutant. I don't care how good the new DK design is, they're bums for changing him. They're bums for making Fox McCloud more "expressive". Isn't sad that the kids flicks that are getting a quick turn around between sequels are video game adaptations? Disney sequels have a minimum of 6 years between them, that was a death sentence for 'Ghostbusters 2'. Mario hasn't been regularly weird since 2007, 'Wonder' and 'Odyssey' being the exceptions. 'Brothership, Super Mario Party, Tennis Aces', Mario has become Mickey Mouse. That's too harsh, the Mario series is plenty weird but you know what I mean, there's never gonna be stories like 'Super Paper Mario' or Rosalina's library in 'Galaxy'. All the interesting games will be mainline, which is still a win especially considering the period between 'Galaxy' and 'Odyssey', or held by Wario or Donkey Kong. You're not going to get 'DDR: Mario Mix' ever again, branching out is dead. Can you imagine them making a new spin-off series? I can't. It's just going to be the movies. (I just remembered 'Mario + Rabbids' so maybe I should shut my mouth)

I've talked about this before but the only "lore" or "worldbuilding" I really care about is something like Mario because there's so much spin-off material. The Mario cast is versatile because they can and have been plopped in any setting. Vibe Island, Baseball Island, Subcon, Flopside, for crying out loud. There is so much the movies can take from but it's just going to be: 'Donkey Kong, 3, World and the Yoshi games, 64, Galaxy, Odyssey, Kart, Party, and DKC:R'. Maybe 'Luigi's Mansion'? Wart and the gang and Spike were surprises so every movie is probably going to have a cameo like that but that's it. The RPGs will never be a factor. They are going to be more generic than Sonic. I guess Sega really does what Nintendon't.

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Unfair Mario Complaints

In order for games to be appreciated as high art all aspects must be viewed as having merit. There are no objective bad tropes. Ice levels, water levels, grinding, escort missions, are not inherently bad. Given that no other medium is remade as often as video games, a lot of gamers have a weird view of technological advancements. The closest equivalent to Quality of Life additions I can think of for movies, books, and music is just making sure nothing has been lost in translation or conversion and all channels are clear. People are generally much harsher on AI 4K upscales in movies or watering down language and content in books or mixes that muddle music. Video games, no so much. If a remake loads faster than the original it must be the better game, as if downtime has no place in video games. I can think of no better example than the 'Super Mario' series.

I see this idea of the best Mario game being one with no load times, the idea that segmentation is a bad thing (someone must hate looking at Wario's nose). " 'Odyssey' is better than the earlier games because when you collect a Star (Moon) it doesn't boot you back to hub world!". I don't know anything about actual coding or loading and the earlier games were probably influenced by hardware limitations, but has the idea of the booting being intentional not occurred? There are 120 Stars in every other 3D Mario game. There are 880 in 'Odyssey'. They have different designs! The earlier games are designed around the Stars being the end goal. In 'Odyssey' they're more so like expanded Red Coins, challenges within a big level. And even then, there are Multi-Moons that serve the same function as Stars in the other games. 'Odyssey' allows you to have your cake and eat it too: there are plenty of Moons to collect that don't boot you out of the stage and there are bigger checkpoints that morph the level so you can get more ones. But no, people are still not happy. Now that there are 880 Moons they just don't feel that special. Yeah, that's the point, that's the difference between games. You know why the Stars in '64' felt more special and memorable? Because you got booted out of the stage!

I don't really know where Mario can go besides releasing another 3D game in either the vein of 'Galaxy' or 'Odyssey'. The last two games didn't do much for me. 'Wonder' was better than all the 'New Soup' games but I'm still of the belief that nothing will ever top 'World' (or even the 'Land' games). 'Bowser's Fury' was a good blueprint for the future but felt like a tech demo. Supper Mario Broth, if the internet got scrubbed besides one user I would want it to be him, made a post that showed that in a 100% playthrough of 'Galaxy 2', 2 hours would be spent watching post-star collection cutscene. That's interesting. I can't imagine being so impatient that this revelation would impact me in anyway. I've never played a Mario game and thought "This is great but it would be better if I didn't get a moment to take a breath between levels. It would be better if there were no levels and the entire world was one level and I never had to be left with my thoughts for even a moment" like some people seem to think about 'Bowser's Fury'. I just don't care for that unnecessary level of optimisation! I think downtime and having to have a little bit of patience, to take it all in before you move on is a good thing. Even 'Odyssey' understood that. I think a lot of gamers have to come to terms that they do not view games as an artform where its decisions are worthy of their respect, they just want mindless fun. Not fun, if it's not fun, why bother?, but mindless fun.

[dolphs-world]

The Greatest Character ever Desig-ned

I think Wario is the greatest character ever designed, a perfect antihero, a perfect parody of Mario. Mario has beautiful colourful eyes, a round nose, rounded moustache, round ears, round shoes, round face, eyebrows with points, and a welcoming smile. Wario has dots for eyes with prominent eyebags, a bumpy and segmented nose, zig-zag moustache, pointy ears, pointed shoes, a square face with a prominent butt-chin, big and bushy eyebrows, and a mischievous grin. More obviously and well-know, and still genius, Wario is flipped version of Mario, being a portmanteau of warui, which means bad, and Mario. Bad Mario, Wario, M/W. Mario is short and fat but well-proportioned and loves to jump. Wario is stout and obese, his legs shrivelled but his arms are muscular. Mario only uses his hands to throw stuff and break bricks, maybe do a spin. Wario uses them to destroy everything. But the most genius thing I think is the structure of their platformers, reinforced by their opposing focus on legs vs. arms.

Thanks to a 'Brawl in the Family' comic depicting NSMB:2 where, due to the gimmick of overabundance of coins, Mario looks like Wario at the end, it hit me. Mario aims to save the world and ends up with a boatload of coins at the end. Wario sets out for treasure and ends up saving the world in the end. This is why Wario is the perfect antihero: intent and nobility. Wario is a joke character, a parody of Mario that, in-canon, never succeeds at his goal. And his goal is money and his methods is destroying anyone who gets in his ways or screwing over his friends. But he does help people, he thwarts pirates, and he saves the day. He just doesn't care for this and he never learns better. There are only a handful of characters who I think can match all of these aspects of Wario: Crunch and Fake Crash from 'Crash Bandicoot', Odlaw from 'Where's Wally?', Teto the vocaloid singer, and Bizarro from 'Superman'.

I've tried to think of a character from the 'Sonic' universe. Scourge is too much of a villain and Surge has a character arc so the closest is Jet (funny that they're all green). Sonic is an interesting character because he has one clear nemesis but nine other rivals, or characters that were introduced as rivals.

In order of how good I think they are as rivals: Silver<Scourge<Fang<Shadow<Surge<Knuckles<Jet<Blaze<Metal Sonic, and I say this with Fang being my favourite Sonic character. You know, maybe Blaze is the closest to a Wario. Jet only has the money and jerk aspect of his personalities and his silhouette being an exaggerated, twisted version of Sonic's. Blaze is the opposite of Sonic and a great inversion of Sonic so maybe not a good Wario counterpart, more like a foil without the foil part. Still, great character that is defined in relation to Sonic and sprung into a life of her own so the comparison to Wario is fair. No real conclusion here. I already finished what I had to say about Wario and Crunch, I just wanted to try to link in Sonic.

[dolphs-world]

Protagonists and Parodies

There are 3 types of protagonists: classical heroes from fairy tales that are motivated by external rewards, modern heroes who are driven by an internal desire, and antiheroes. I am being incredibly reductive here. I know that our relationship with stories and heroes have changed over time and early heroes can seem like repugnant characters today or actually have more depth and introspection than most heroes today but I'm trying to illustrate a point about antiheroes. Uncomplicated heroes who are paragons of good and complicated heroes who have to go through some form of arc. A lot of people do not know what an antihero is, they think it's all about methods. If a hero is edgy or kills people then they must be an antihero. That's wrong. An antihero is all about nobility, framing, and a lack of an arc. My go to archetype of what an antihero would be is this: Imagine. You have a generic flick with a standard male lead. They have a nerdy sidekick who is a coward. At some point, this coward gets over their fears and prove themselves as more capable than they thought. Think George McFly. Now imagine if this character was instead your lead and they didn't overcome their cowardice and the standard male, now the sidekick, had to save them instead. That would be an antihero. Are their actions noble or selfish? Do they have a change of heart or stay the same? Does the narrative frame their actions as good or lame? If you chose the latter for each question than you have an antihero. This is why someone like Walter White is not an antihero whilst Tony Sopranos is. Walter White is ultimately redeemed by the narrative and their actions are framed as necessary whilst Tony Soprano ends up no different from when he started, maybe even worse, and framed as a lame individual. What people think of an antihero: Shadow. Edgy, tragic backstory, cool, uses guns. Who an actual antihero is: Wario.

Here me out, what if the villain of our story is an evil version of the hero, eh? Lame. Oh, we're in the 10th dimension and now an Evil Crash Bandicoot has shown up. I don't care how cool his design is nor how we could have had a cool Goth Coco, it's a lame and hackneyed idea. For our analogy this is a classical interpretation. For a modern version you'd have a villain which represents a negative trait of the hero or what they could have been like or what they could be like. Think the best Batman villains. Penguin/Wealth, Scarecrow/Fear, Two-Face/Justice, Catwoman/Vigilante. Or, keeping with the gaming theme, Dark Link. A test before the final showdown (or in the best game IS the final showdown), Link has to face himself and his hidden dark side, literally and figuratively. But what if we had a twisted version of a character. A funhouse mirror version, an inverted version, a knockoff, a parody. Crash actually has two. Fake Crash, the much more obvious one. Based off a bootleg Crash doll, this Crash has messed-up teeth and bushy eyebrows. But consider this. Crash was supposed to be the general of Cortex's army. Strong and assertive. So what if we take Crash, make him bigger, more exaggeratedly masculine, twisted teeth and twisted eyebrows and a goatee. Crash is a goofy cartoon character, this guy will be a serious action hero who commands respect with his voice alone. Crash becomes the parody then. And what if … we make him red. There are foils, there are nemeses. There are characters that show how the protagonist how they could have ended up that way if a few things went different, there are characters that show how the protagonist can end up if they continue down the path they're on. There are characters that take a positive trait of the protagonist and use it for evil, there are characters that show the evilness the protagonist holds back. There are mirror versions and evil versions and opposite versions but I prefer twisted parodies.

[dolphs-world]

WorkDreams Saga

DreamWorks franchises, none of them as a whole hold a candle to, even like, 'Monster's Inc.' as a franchise. They are all a sum of their parts. The best franchise is probably 'Madagascar' and that's including the shit third one. I don't like 'Kung Fu Panda', I don't like the second or third 'How to Train your Dragaon', and the rest aren't interesting enough to talk about. And then I have nothing to say about their shit/mediocre flicks. And what is there to be said about 'Shark Tale' and 'Bee Movie' that hasn't already been said? DreamWorks has 4 truly worthwhile films: 'Shrek, Shrek 2, How to Train your Dragon, and Megamind' and those movies have been talked to death more than the shit ones. But there are a handful of films that are better than most of Disney and Pixar's output. I've already talked about 'The Croods' but that would have been here. A really well designed film that has great use of set-up and pay-off and ends with a strong theming of family whilst embracing the new. There's only three more films to talk about and I don't have too much to say but I think these are movies that deserve some more credit.

'Madagascar', this one mainly holds up due to character design and writing. These films are really funny, like, 'Aladdin' levels of funny. Compared to anything else at the time, and there was a lot of experimentation at the time, nothing had these distinct angular designs. Whilst the actual rendering hasn't held up the best the animation has. Every character moves different. Melman is anxious, Alex is full of himself, Gloria is confident, and Marty is excited for the new. Each character's designs and movement is expressed in their unique animation. The scene where they all reunite on the beach, with Alex jumping around the place all franetically, Marty running away from him, Melman trying to stay together mentally, and Gloria trying to figure everything out is a great example of their clashing personalities. 'Madagascar' is the only movie besides 'Toy Story' that embraces the cartoonyness of animation. And the second one is even funnier with better, non-dated rendering, even if the emotional story doesn't really work. Then the 'Penguins' spin-off is onpar with these two films. Just don't watch the third one, it's just dumb. (This is now outdated)

'Rise of the Guardians', this one always appealed to me because I liked mythological teams as a child and I liked seeing the different cultural influences that lead to unique interpretations of the characters, the highlights being Santa and the Sand Man. This movie is also very ugly but in an appealing way, probably a better capture of Chris Van Allsburg's artstyle than 'The Polar Express' was. I really don't have a lot to say here, just a really solid ensemble flick.

'Over the Hedge', I'm probably the biggest defender of this movie. I love all the characters and casting, I love the takedown of suburbia. It's quite funny, it's well-animated. But what really makes this film special is this theme of forgiveness. A Racoon is in food debt to a Bear and needs to pay him back before he wake up from hibernation. A group of animals who have woken up to find that, during the Winter, a suburb has been built. The Racoon swindles the group into exploring the suburb to quickly stock up on more food with the Turtle, the leader of the group being distrustful. There's a scene where the Turtle's action causes them to lose all the food and the group sides with the Racoon. A sad song plays with the Turtle missing his family and the Racoon worries about what's going to happen to him. They meet up and the Turtle talks about how jealous he's been and that he'll be fully onboard with any new plan the Racoon has. How does he get in the good graces of his family? He apologises. Just says I'm sorry, with no modifiers added, and they forgive him because they knew he had their best interest at hearts. And then later, instead of a drawn out "Liar Revealed" plot, the Racoon lets the food get destroyed, returns to the group to free them because they are now his family, and because he returned the Turtle instantly realised his change of heart and forgives him. Can't every movie be like this?

Please watch these movies. And then watch Megamind.

[dolphs-world]

DreamWorks Saga

DreamWorks needs some form of measured re-evaluation. They have never, ever reached the same heights as Disney or Pixar but have also never achieved the trenches that Illumination and Sony have found themselves in. But it seems like anytime Disney or Pixar shits the bed, which happens a lot, there are people raving about how it's DreamWorks time to shine only for a movie like 'Encanto' to come out and everyone returns to the default. The studio that is maintaining critical and cultural success is Sony which, 10 years ago, everyone would have thought impossible. Disney's only made one good film this decade and three the decade prior, Pixar is never going to reach the heights it had in the 2000s and they haven't made a great film in 5 years, and Illumination will always suck but actually treat their workers right. In an industry that has as many lay-offs and outsources as the American Animation industry, I can't really see a change. I don't want to get too real though so let's get back to movie critiques.

What sucks the most about American Animated Movies now is that they can look good and still suck. It used to be that if a flick sucked but was well animated it would still be interesting to watch and talk about. 'K-Pop Demon Hunters' can look good whilst being a generic story with unappealing male character designs but it's so tapped in to the zeitgeist that no one will realise it. I rewatched 'Monster House' the other day. It's a good movie. The middle chunk isn't as good as the rest of the flick, the animation is definitely in the early days of mo-cap, the girl main character, the best character, is used as a lame device for male attraction and is the worst most dated part of the movie. With all that said, I think this might be the best directed animated film. The sequences, composition, planning, and way the camera moves is unlike anything I've ever seen in a 3D animated movie. Which is weird because a more dynamic camera is the only objective leg-up it has on traditional animation, it's why the 3D section in 90s Disney movies (and 'The Great Mouse Detective') still look great despite the dated textures. But 'Monster House' does it throughout the whole flick. 'Tale of Despereaux', a film I do not like, has incredible character and set design and such thoughtful lighting. The paintings are all cracked in the way that medieval paintings crack which reinforces the storybook feel of the movie. I wish the whole movie was animated in the style of the storybook Despereaux reads but I can take solace in the beauty that is Andre and Roscuro's noses.

DreamWorks may not be as good as Pixar but they are certainly more interesting or varied to talk about. 4 traditionally animated films, 11 franchises (ignoring TV shows), and the rest of their catalogue go from dribble to generic kids flicks to insane-o high art to beautiful movies (I am ignoring Aardman here). Sinbad, Madagascar, Abominable, Shark Tale, and Megamind are made by the same studio. Next year they are going to make a Cocomelon movie. I feel as if the discussion of DreamWorks is limited to: their traditionally animated films, which is mostly dominated by 'The Prince of Egypt', which I'll get to, their franchises, but only 'Shrek, Kung Fu Panda, & How to Train your Dragon', their shit, which doesn't get as many clicks as it did 10 years ago, no one has the same passion of hatred like they used to for films like 'Home', or their beautiful movies. And of course 'Bee Movie'.

Cards on the tables, all of this is a mixed bag. I can see why they stopped making 2D animated movies because they're not that good. 'Sinbad' is generic as is 'Joseph: King of Dreams' but I liked that one more because I found its theme of forgiveness more powerful than any theme in 'Prince of Egypt'. 'Prince of Egypt' is the most beautiful looking movie they've ever done which makes up for an incredible lot but I have so many different problems with it. I don't like any of the characters especially the side characters, I hate the score and music of the movie as well. I know it's in the bible but Ramses finally letting the Jewish folk free only for one final action sequence because we don't have enough tension and we need to make the miracle of parting the Red Sea even more of a miracle, and then Moses feeling sorry for Ramses for one moment only to immediately be in God's golden light and the film ends on a happy note. No, I don't think God killing all the first-born children of one race so that another race can live happily is justified and I don't think kids should be lead to believe that it is. 'Stallion', even with a better depiction of First Americans than any mainstream film prior and a more realistic depiction of White settlement, is still a boring movie made bad by the Bryan Adams songs and the Matt Damon narration. The only good one of these is 'El Dorado'. Eat your heart out 'K-Pop Demon Hunter', this is how you make both attractive female AND male character (even if there is a clear imbalance in one direction). But I don't have much else to say, I like how the Chief realises Tuto and Miguel aren't gods but doesn't hold it above them.

[dolphs-world]

TBC

I'm so tired. I have about 8,000 more words to post, 4 more topics. I'll do the rest tomorrow. I'll end with this. I am currently replaying 'Earthbound', I love it. I need to play a lot more RPGs, the only one I haven't liked is 'Pokemon'. Before replaying 'Earthbound' I played 'Mother 1' for the first time. It was great. Everyone is a fucking moron. Yes, Video Games got better in the 90s. Yes, 80s games were more cryptic and had a higher level of BS. But I just think people are bad at Video Games. 'Zelda 2' is one of the best games, top 20. I swear, if 'Metroid' and the original 'Final Fantasy's and 'Dragon Quest's are great games, I will go on a rampage.

[dolphs-world]

God only knows what I'd be without you

'Toy Story 4' is what would have happened if Woody was healthy during 'Toy Story 1'. Yeah, he's bummed about not being Bonnie's favourite or anywhere close but when presented with Forky, instead of undermining him like he did with Buzz, he over embraces him. If Forky is the most important toy for Bonnie then Forky is the most important toy to him. When presented with the idea of being a lost toy, he doesn't freak out and get into a fight with Buzz, he feels bad for Bo only to learn it's what she wants and, ultimately, what he wants too. Woody is loyal to a fault. You are introduced to him as stubborn but for the first three movies he learns to become more and more loyal. The fourth film is the one that finally challenges it. It's why the saddest good-bye is to Buzz because he is the one who taught him that. But it's also why Buzz is the first to pick up on Woody's change, before Woody even. Change. Woody changes the most out of any character I've ever experienced without losing any aspect of his personality nor my investment in his story. His Toy Story.

[[return later]]

[dolphs-world]

Woody's Character Roundup

Woody is the most dynamic character in the shortest amount of time. 'Toy Story' has been around for over 30 years but Woody has had a maximum of a little over 6 hours of screentime. That's less than your average season of television. And yet, he's gone from being a jealous jerk to being so moved by another toy's plight that he'll stay in a museum to loyal to his owner and family to a fault only to realise that he's not needed anymore and he has to figure out what HE wants now. He is a completely different character in every film yet he is the same personality throughout. Jerk, wreck, scared, forgotten, he is still Woody. How many kids movies are there were the protagonist is an asshole? There's many where they're cocky or arrogant or jealous, and I'm definitely blanking on a lot, but all three? Would anyone other protagonist put another character in a situation where they think they won't be able breath? Woody starts the on top of the world only to get a reality check and has to learn that he will not always be the most important toy in the world. In the next film, he has to come to turns with his and Andy's own mortality. Woody only gets the museum idea in hid head when Stinky Pete plays him, reminding him of his previous feud. "Two words: Sput-nik. Once the astronauts went up, children only wanted to play with space toys. I know how that feels" Jessie's story is pretty convincing but Woody only listens to her because Stinky Pete "pleaded" with him to. And who got the last line? "How long will it last, Woody? … Andy's growing up and there's nothing you can do about it. It's your choice, Woody. You can go back, or you can stay with us and last forever. You'll be adored for generations." Woody is an incredibly reactionary character. Buzz shows up and he makes it his mission to get rid of him, initially only saving him to exonerate himself. It takes Stinky Pete two solid attempt to convince him of the museum plan and only his closest friends can convince him otherwise. At the end of the film, Woody looks out the window at Andy. Molly is now starting to walk. "You still worried? About Andy? Nah. It'll be fun while it lasts. I'm proud of you, cowboy. Besides, when it all ends, I'll have old Buzz Lightyear to keep me company for infinity and beyond." Woody is clearly scared of losing Andy, scared enough to run away forever so as to never confront it. At least now he realises that he will have to come to terms with it but Andy is still his highest level of truth. After Woody's initial rejection of Buzz, realising they have to work together to return home in the first film, and now Buzz rescuing him in the second, Buzz is Woody's second highest truth. This fear of losing Andy and losing the gang plagues him for the years between the second and third film. Now instead of running away he is going to hold them as close as can be. And even then, he is loyal to a fault. When given the choice of staying with his friends, he chooses Andy. Even though he was going to leave them in the last film, them creating a new life at Sunnyside is a betrayal. He can't even shake Buzz's hand. Woody can't actually confront his fears, he can only run away or run to what he knows. Even in his realisation in the first film over Buzz, he can only admit defeat, he can't build himself back up. 'Toy Story 3' is the first time he can actually apologise to his friends, seeing how abandonment can ruin a toy like Lotso. And after all that, embracing death and the finite, he can create a better world for his friends by them going to Bonnie's house.