Domestically Flawed @domestically-flawed - Tumblr Blog

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I promised resources, and here's our first. René Brooks is excellent. She's dynamic and relatable, and I highly recommend following her on T

Resources and burbling enthusiasm

#hmbsproject #ADHDawarenessmonth

How to housework, By Heather 1. If you have a fruitfly problem, put out open containers with apple cider vinegar and add a few drops of dish detergent. Set out and wait for the little entitled...

Household tip for Empaths

#cleaning #empath

domestically-flawed

Texts with my niece. The video is here. Find it. It’s worth it. Also,the picture is explained here.

faronmckenzie

Pay attention to the things you are naturally drawn to. They are often connected to your path, passion, and purpose in life.

shisasan

Gary Oldman and Winona Ryder posing for a photoshoot for the cover of Premiere magazine, to promote Dracula, December 1992.

heathersenz

White Rabbit

The Internet is full of rabbit holes that lead from something mundane and hopefully interesting straight to a message from the Universe, tied up with a bow. I can’t be the only one this happens to.

Today’s nudge was when I clicked on a post looking for writers with mental health issues. (This, by the way, is a terrible thing to write about while I am job searching. Ill-advised. But honest!) I am recovering from depression and battling anxiety, and a lot of the work to get me even this far has been centered around facing who I am, seeing how I hold myself back, and embracing the idea that I have heaps of potential, waiting to be tapped. I left my job to focus on my family and writing and healing, and until recently, I have truly only had it in me to focus on two of those three. Writing needed to keep waiting.

Until now, I think. Today.

So here I am, cautiously optimistic, and starting to feel up to the task of working with words again and finding ways to get paid for it. I’d followed a link to the submission guidelines, which freely offered the sage advice of actually reading the site. From there, I found a contributor whose story I identified with enough to check out her blog. She mentioned writing for Arianna Huffington’s site, Thrive Global, and so I hopped on over there to take a peak and to be honest, I haven’t even left the page yet. It’s still open in a browser.

So briefly, a little about me, because I haven’t posted much yet and so it’s possible the rest of this will be a little underwhelming to a stranger on the Internet:

I’m 38, married, with a daughter who turns two next month. I’ve always been interested in psychology; recently, I’ll admit to being a tad overzealous. I’m into mindfulness and happiness research at the moment, and my dream is to be able to make a living with writing. I’m also into karaoke and LARPing, but those don’t quite tie into this story as neatly. But as for the rest?

Well, here’s the screenshot:

The Intersection of Eastern and Western Wisdom Helps Conquer Anxiety

You May Be Holding Yourself Back Without Realizing It

How to Ruthlessly Prioritize Your Life

Why Losing Your Job is the Best Thing That Could Happen To You

The Secret of Happiness, According to Stanford Research

Faced with such Heathercentric options, I wasn’t sure what to read first, so I chose “Why Losing Your Job is The Best Thing That Could Happen to You”. I thought it would cheer me up. It did much more than that. While I suspect that the other articles also have solid advice for my current situation, this one encouraged me to listen to the voice in my head, the one I know is telling me to write. The one I need to hear. Bariso writes,

“Years ago, I could have never see myself working for myself. Now I can’t imagine doing it otherwise.

So, if you’ve hit rock bottom, my heart goes out to you.

But I also implore you not to give up. Don’t feel ashamed, because it can happen to anyone.

Instead, take that sad situation, and see it for its potential:

The best thing that could have ever happened.”

So alright, Universe. I’m listening. I’m choosing to believe in myself.

I’m choosing to write.

Right now, before I have even finished reading the other articles.

Write now.

fuckingrecipes

Do you have any lunch ideas that aren't sandwiches and don't need to be microwaved or put in a fridge? I need exciting sustenance to get through days of learning shit and adventuring

TO BE HONEST: ON THE DAYS WHEN I HAVE NEITHER HEAT NOR COLD TO KEEP MY LUNCH, THIS ONE KEEPS DRIED MEATS, DRIED FRUIT, AND PEANUT BUTTER ON HAND - PROTEIN AND FATS KEEP A STOMACH FEELING SATISFIED, AND FRUIT SATISFIES MOST SUGAR CRAVINGS. THAT’S GOOD SHIT.

FOR A FULLER MEAL FOR A GROWING STUDENT, REMEMBER THAT HARD-BOILED EGGS, VEGETABLES, CHEESE, HARD FRUIT, AND DRIED MEAT SHALL STORE PERFECTLY WELL AT ROOM TEMPERATURE.

MANY SAUCES ARE JUST FINE FOR A DAY IN THE WARMTH, SO LONG AS THEY HAVE BEEN PLACED INTO A SEALED BAG OR SMALL CONTAINER FOR EASY STORAGE.

ON LAZY DAYS I HAVE BEEN FOUND EATING AN ENTIRE CUCUMBER AS IF IT WERE AN APPLE, SPRINKLING SALT BETWEEN BITES.

FOOD IS FOOD.

YOU CAN EAT BREAKFAST FOOD FOR LUNCH IF YOU REALLY LIKE EGGS. YOU CAN EAT DINNER FOOD FOR BREAKFAST IF YOU DON’T CARE FOR TRADITIONAL BREAKFAST FOODS.

DEVOUR

GROW

CONQUER

domestically-flawed

Devour. Grow. Conquer.

hmbsproject

On Mindfulness and Changing the World

I’ve been thinking about mindfulness a lot lately. In my writing, I’ve left the season of Heart (Jan-March) and am now in Mind. For the next three months, I will be reading up on the brain, on intelligence and creativity, on multiple kinds of intelligence, anything and everything mind based that catches my eye. (My filter is open, and I swear the Universe and/or algorithms get me and are practically dropping omens and resources on my head- but please feel free to provide suggestions and leads and observations for me to mine. I’m greedy for it.) So far, it seems that mindfulness is a kind of superpower we all possess that can slow down time and increase our joy. So why does it seem so hard? Cause it’s not.

I’m currently reading Search Inside Yourself by Chade-Meng Tan and it is fascinating. The author believes he can spread world peace through mindfulness and the giant platform of Google, and I hope he can do it, eternal optimist that I am. Anyway, if you can get over the brainwashing caused by the constant refrain of the word “Google,” (seriously, the book is all about how repetition can rewire your brain and he writes as though he is paid by the G-word. This is the most genius mix of marketing and enlightenment since the ever materialistic-but-on-to-something The Secret) Search Inside Yourself contains an exceptional description of the need for emotional intelligence, geared to those with more technological minds. He writes:

For example, where traditional contemplatives would talk about “deeper awareness of emotion,” I would say “perceiving the process of emotion at a higher resolution,” then further explaining it as the ability to perceive an emotion the moment it is arising, the moment it is ceasing, and all the subtle changes in between. (Page 21)

For me, EQ comes easy; I’m empathetic to a literal fault. Sometimes the word “empath” sounds just about right, other times I worry that sounds pretentious, other times I realize it doesn’t matter, it’s Pavlov’s magic, I don’t need to think about it too hard. What I need to do is recognize my feelings run deep and usually have the loudest voices at the round table. I need to try what the book recommends- practicing mindfulness to train my brain to look at my emotions dispassionately, to name them and lessen their grip, and to recognize the effects they have on my body, which provide signs I can use as triggers to remind myself to practice mindfulness, rinse, repeat.

My daughter is 22 months old and changing everyday. Everybody says that the time moves so quickly, blink and she’ll be eighteen and out. My husband even said that just last night, something along the lines of, “We have 16 years with her and then she’s just, poof, gone,” and I reminded him that 16 years is actually a very long time. And when I’m mindful, time stretches. It’s easy to be happy. I’m catching everything, and when I am present, my daughter shines with the attention. Until yesterday, I would beat myself up for all those times I miss, when I am in my own head and far away, when I am inattentive.

Tan changed that for me. Mindfulness is like a muscle, he says, and the more you flex it, the stronger it gets. Each time you recognize you have drifted into daydreams, ruminations, or worries and have left your body behind on autopilot, you can just come back and start over, no big deal. In fact, good job for noticing. It will only get easier from here.

So far, Tan has used this compassionate approach in his description of awareness in meditation, but I’m extrapolating from the tone of the book and what I’ve seen from the table of contents, and slapping on my own ideas of radical-self-forgiveness. I’m only on page 65. But I think that’s the point. I am only on page 65 and I can already tell my worldview has shifted for the better. I have read a third of the book and I am changed.

There’s a sample of the book here. I’m not getting paid to endorse it, or to provide opinions, or profit in any way. It’s simply that good so far. But fair warning: don’t let all humble-bragging get in the way of its message. Ignore your envy, because clearly working at Google is nirvana. Shelve your preference for Bing, which is inferior anyway. Go forth with an open mind, and let’s see if we can help Tan’s crazy, beautiful goal of World Peace come a little closer to fruition.

Photo by Lesly Juarez on Unsplash

heathersenz

Cross-post! #HMBS

Eat, Pray, Love is the sequel to Coyote Ugly. Piper Periboo grows up to be Julia Roberts. Who knew? I’ve been reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s book Big Magic, which I can’t recommend enou…

I wrote a thing

I just realized Eat, Pray, Love is the sequel to Coyote Ugly.

#violetisliz

#eatpraylove #coyoteugly

We Don’t Throw Our Food on the Floor

My daughter, Kenzie, is a year-and-a-half now, and her spirit is showing. She likes to refuse even more than she likes to choose, she says no when she means yes and expects us to puzzle out which her little sphynxian-self means this time, and she relishes in the thrill of deciding the fate of each piece of food to pass her way: shall she eat you, little morsel, or shall she mess around with the joys of gravity again? Perhaps she'll chew on you a bit first, decide for herself in the moment. Her sweet blue eyes have wicked gleams. She's an evil queen.

My husband has less patience for this than I do. Sometimes I feel her thrill as she explores the knowledge of her budding powers and displays her developing personality. She's finding lines, seeing what happens when she crosses them, making up her own mind, and I've got to say, I am so proud of what I see every new day. I like it best when she knows the line is there, is fully aware, but watches my face as she defies it, just a bit. It feels like a meeting of the minds, two wild spirits eye-to-eye, the youth showing the elder they have something in common, a fluidity with rules that slurs them into guidelines at best. So sometimes I am grateful that her father will encourage some order, some borders amidst the chaos. I'm only just establishing these boundaries now, and 38 feels likes a late time to start. I don't want Kenzie to have to face this particular challenge.

However, we're really at a loss how to make Kenzie stop throwing her freaking food everwhere. Our methods have no effect. I'm afraid we're making too big a deal out of a natural impulse; I'm equally afraid I'm raising a wildebeest with the face of an angel.

I found an article by Sarah Remmer at Todaysparent.com that resonated with me, and if you need tips, I highly encourage reading the whole thing. For me, I have a few key takeaways to try.

1) Eat with her, or at the least, sit with her while she eats.

This makes sense to me, though I am already missing the freedom to clean up and flit around (or check Facebook) while she's safely hogtied to her highchair. I expect this change to be relatively easy. It fits into the mindfulness that society, in general, and my therapist, in particular, recommends so highly. I love the moments spent communing with my daughter. Her language skills are growing in leaps and bounds, but I still love trying to understand what she means by guessing at her thoughts, based on her context and expression, finding her point of view in her eyes. I am pretty good at this, it helps me recognize that she understands more than she could possibly convey. I hope the skill stays with me. I hear it may come in handy when she's a teenager.

Plus, the article points out eating together is a great modeling opportunity. See Kenzie? We really DON'T throw our food on the floor.

2) Smaller portions, more servings

She's less likely to squander limited resources. Babies are clever and dumb. By the time she realizes she really does have all the food she'll want and more, she should be less inclined to waste it anyway. As I type this, I can't help but feel grateful that "all the food she'll want and more" is a lesson she gets to learn. Note to self: raise her to be grateful, too.

3) Don't react, don't return her food.

We can remind her we don't throw our food, but if she asks for it, we're not supposed to return it. I know me, I'm not going to follow this to the letter. Sometimes I'll let her pretend she did it accidentally, but she knows I know the truth, or I pretend she knows I know the truth, and I'm okay with either. Also, I'll always return her water eventually. But! All the rest of the time, I can do this, and, fine, I'll cut down on the "accident" exceptions, which in retrospect undermine all our other good work. Perhaps this is one of those guidelines I should grow up and adhere to, rule-style. See: wildebeest concerns.

4) Believe her when she says she's all done, even if she hasn't eaten as much as I think she should have.

I actually excel at this one. What I struggle with is the guilt and fear that I will be sending my beloved child to bed with an empty stomach and vitamin deficiency. But this article reassures me. It pats me on the head and states calmly that she'll intuitively eat enough, and that, given enough opportunities and variety, she'll "meet her nutritional needs over the period of a week." Between the schedule she follows at daycare and what we feed her at home, I know we're doing what we should. I can stop beating myself up over this. That's one of my favorite conclusions to draw.

I'm sure there will be more failed attempts and secret tricks along the way, but this at least feels like a place to start, just tweaking our already established routines. Chances are good she'd grow out of it even without our efforts, but the battle seems worthy and she really is the cutest of foes.

#baby #highchairwoes

thelovelylights

Hurricane Irma

This hurricane has officially hit a category 5. To give you an idea of the strength of this storm:

Harvey was a category 4.

Katrina and Andrew were a category 5 and Irma is at the moment is stronger than both of them. This hurricane is going to cause absolute destruction when it hits. Puerto Rico (especially this beautiful isla) Cuba, Haiti, Dominican Republic and Florida are all in it’s path. Here’s a checklist if you can afford these supplies.

Food

Bottled Water- a week’s supply minimum (One gallon daily per person)

Non perishable items that don’t require cooking ( Tuna, nuts, fruit cups, Cereal bars, peanut butter, crackers, dried fruits, canned vegetables, chili)

Dry pet food

Packaged juices

Powdered or canned milk

Supplies

Manual can opener

Toilet paper

Baby wipes ( this will make a great alternative for showers)

Batteries ( AAA, AA, 6V, C, and D)

Flash lights (if you have manual ones even better)

Battery powered radio

Utility knife

Waterproof matches

5 gallons of gas

Tampons and pads

Portable phone charger fully charged)

Sand bags (redirects water and debris flow)

First aid kit

Blankets

Rain gear - Ponchos, boots. (avoid umbrellas)

Medications

Portable cooler

Documentation / Legal End

A closed water proof sealed container

Take pictures and send them to yourself in an email of the following: Drivers License, photo ID, social security numbers, medical insurance cards (of each person)

Take photos of everything! Insurance companies are not your friends. Email everything to yourself.

If you have young children and they are able to make sure they memorize your name, address, and phone number

Other tips:

Before the hurricane hits fill up the bath tubs in your house (extra water for flushing the toilet)

Bring any ornaments from outside inside

Trim trees

Board your windows

Have a secure room that you an pile everyone ( has to have no windows)

if you have any questions message me. Keep safe mi gente xx