oozey mess
Cosmic Funnies
if i look back, i am lost
Jules of Nature
NASA
izzy's playlists!
I'd rather be in outer space šø
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YOU ARE THE REASON
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
almost home
romaā
sheepfilms
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Claire Keane
noise dept.
occasionally subtle
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
DEAR READER
Origami Around
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@hmbsproject
āTo stay in the present moment takes concentration. Worries and anxiety about the future are always there, ready to take us away. We can see them, acknowledge them, and use our concentration to return to the present moment. When we have concentration, we have a lot of energy.ā
ā Thich Nhat Hanh
Yes.
I promised resources, and here's our first. RenƩ Brooks is excellent. She's dynamic and relatable, and I highly recommend following her on T
Resources and burbling enthusiasm
Ask Me About My ADHD
Seriously, ask me. I want to talk about my ADHD. I want to tell you about what I have learned about myself; how I can now start to separate my person from my behaviors, coping mechanisms, and symptoms; how going down the rabbit hole and educating myself about what ADHD really is- physically, chemically- has effected my psyche, my esteem, my sense of Heatherness. I want to tell you my experience of loving an ADHD partner who presents very differently. I want you to know about ADHD and relationships, energy, empathy, creativity, and chaos. I want to show you that there are rich, vibrant communities, on-line and IRL, for people with ADHD and also for the people who love them.
I want you to know ADHD is insidious and if left untreated (with or without meds), it can impact your finances, your physical and mental health, your work performance, and your general quality of well-being.
And I want to show you how world-shattering and affirming it is to be patient with yourself, to be more generous and forgiving to your flaws and mistakes, especially if you are like me, a person who didnāt understand the scope of ADHD and its effect on my life until recently, who has a lot of unlearning to do, as well as a metric fuckton of shame, blame, and guilt to purge from my pores.
So Iām going to, right here if you want to follow along.Ā
Over the next month, I will be posting resources and links and articles and tidbits and whatever else strikes my fancy. October is ADHD Awareness Month, and I am in the stage of my journey where I want (and need) to understand as much as I can about this brain of mine, so clearly the stars have aligned. Tell me what you want to know, ask me anything, or just sit back and enjoy the info I have gathered along the way. Thatās cool.
Iāll end with my most important take away so far, just to get it out there as soon as possible, because this knowledge gives me the sweetest relief:
Ā My ADHD is unique to me, yet I am not alone.
The One Resolution Iām Willing to Make
One year in my twenties, my best friend and I resolved to celebrate every holiday. We did. We often bucked tradition (like how on Palm Sunday I taught myself rudimentary palm reading) but we tried to do something. We were often inclusive of other cultures, we were irreverent all over the place, and, when the calendar got particularly crowded, we skipped holidays here and there (we passed over Passover). I can say without hesitation, this year was one of the best of my life.
This year, Iām adapting the resolution and trying again: Iām going to contact this friend on every holiday. Iām intending to celebrate in some small way as well, but the important part is spending more time connecting with her. She lives far away, and I have developed an aversion to long distance communication (or reaching out at all) and this is a tendency I want to squash. It is incredibly isolating and self-defeating. Begone.
Hereās the thing: marking these holidays in someway is like inserting post-it notes into your brain as memory markers in years to come. Iām hoping my awareness of each impending holiday will inspire me to create special moments for myself, for Kenzie, for my family. Iām hoping this will bubble over into everything, making this year a celebration of life and time and experience, an exercise in mindfulness and a time to practice gratitude. But if all I can manage is to contact my friend on special days, Iāll still have done it right.
Eudaimoni-what?
What you need to know about Eudaimonia
The pursuit of happiness is a human obsession. It is written into our Declaration of Independence as an āunalienable right.ā Even the Dalai Lama posted on his Facebook page that the āvery purpose of our life is happinessā:
Yet we tend to go about obtaining happiness in the wrong way. We look for it outside ourselves, in vacations and junk food, in parties and Netflix binges. Too often, we mistake material and fleeting happiness as the only way to get the positive boost weāre seeking. These quick fixes work well as distractions but may actually detract from our overall level of joy. Why?
Letās take a quick look into ancient philosophy. Socrates and his students, like Plato and Arristippus, debated the ethics of happiness. Arristippus put forward āhedonism,ā a method that concentrates on pleasure and self-indulgence. Itās an extremely tempting option, but it often excuses selfish behavior. Hedonism is like living a life by consuming only empty calories and hoping to stay healthy.
Aristotle, on the other hand, encouraged a more moderate method. āEudaimoniaā is like eating a well-balanced meal that also tastes great. Translating into something close to āwell-beingā or āhuman flourishing,ā eudaimonia encourages finding joy in contentment and accomplishment. While happiness is subjective and will vary from person to person, the act of pursuing your happiness in your everyday activities will put you on the right path.
Here are a few ways to incorporate eudaimonia into your life:
Get stuff done. Flourishing has nothing to do with luck and everything to do with effort. You donāt need to cross an entire project off your to-do list to feel accomplished. Break your goals into subgoals and tackle away. Each time youāve completed a milestone, allow yourself to feel success. Use that glow to propel yourself forward to the next step, or the next goal. Youāve got this.
Believe in yourself. Itās okay to tackle the hard things, even if you donāt believe you have the skills required. You can learn, or you can ask for help along the way. The point is, in the end, you are capable of putting in your best effort. In eudaimonia, the journey is more important than the goal. You donāt need to wait for the result to feel good. Despite Yodaās sage advice, there is ātry,ā and ātryingā is a great start.
Explore your purpose. Remember how happiness varies? Thatās because we are all individuals with different interests, gifts, and aversions. Fortunately, there is a place for your unique talents in this world. Ā By following your heart and accepting who you are, you will be that much closer to creating a life that suits you. Hereās another secret: accepting yourself is crucial to happiness. Take an honest assessment of who you are- your values, your talents, your challenges, and resolve to be your best self. You will know when you arenāt.
Give yourself a break. Ā You canāt be perfect all the time. In fact, you probably canāt be perfect at all and thatās okay. Flourishing doesnāt mean working yourself into a state of exhaustion. It means taking care of yourself, physically, mentally and emotionally. It means meeting your deadlines and relaxing with your friends. It means setting yourself up for success and keeping your options open.
The world is a very different place now than it was when Socrates engaged in long debate with his students. Not everything about their ideas will transfer neatly into modern society. However, the idea that happiness is not only attainable, but within your grasp, within your control, is timeless.
Reach out.
What Is The Universe Trying to Teach Me Today?
Iāve been playing a game lately, as part of my research and as part of my goal of personal growth. I head over to Psychology Today or The Greater Good, and I see what first catches my eye. Then I follow the trail, and eventually the lesson of the day settles into my core. On Monday, it was a reminder to take charge of my life, hidden among a description of the fascinatingly accurate Serenity Prayer Couples blog post. Yesterday, the Universe encouraged setting goals and resetting my brain. Today, the theme is being bold, leaving my comfort zone, and taking a leap.
This blog post was particularly powerful:Ā Ā Helping the Self-Loathing Break Out of Their "Comfort Zone"
Mark D. White (Ph.D) discusses how our low self esteem and doubts about ourselves become important to our identities,Ā āthe one thing about ourselves we are certain about.ā He says that, even if we let ourselves believe we have the potential to succeed, we can also feel fear,Ā ānot just because youāre not sure you can handle what would come next, but also because it challenges your doubt about yourself.ā
On this journey to confront inner demon after inner demon, Iāve learned these little beasts make themselves more intimidating than they are. Iāve made enough leaps in the past- starting a column, studying in Ireland, going through IVF- to know that the rewards are greater than the pain of rejection along the way. But time again, I panic at any precipice, heart in throat and fears in hand.
Whiteās advice?Ā āMany of us become good at ignoring the possibility of something better because to acknowledge it would challenge that illusion, and to deny it makes us feel better about not trying. What we really need to do, though, is focus on the unrealized potential, let it āhaunt us,ā and use it to pull us out of the comfort of our self-doubt.ā
There's more than one way to get your chocolate fix this winter. From European-inspired blends brimming with antioxidants to cocoa sans a...
Get cozy, friends.
Ruled by Heart
On bullying and the self
This is so interesting.
Saying āFuck itā actually motivates me more than āYou can do thisā.
Because saying āfuck itā includes the total acceptance of failure as the outcome, meanwhile āyou can do thisā focuses only on the hopes of a successful outcome and the lack of acknowledgement of the equally probable failure outcome induces a certain level of unspoken anxiety
āYou wander from room to room, hunting for the diamond necklace, that is already around your neck.ā
ā Rumi
On Mindfulness and Changing the World
Iāve been thinking about mindfulness a lot lately. In my writing, Iāve left the season of Heart (Jan-March) and am now in Mind. For the next three months, I will be reading up on the brain, on perception and creativity, on multiple kinds of intelligence, anything and everything mind based that catches my eye. (My filter is open, and I swear the Universe and/or algorithms get me and are practically dropping omens and resources on my head- but please feel free to provide suggestions and leads and observations for me to mine. Iām greedy for it.) So far, it seems that mindfulness is a kind of superpower we all possess that can slow down time and increase our joy. So why does it seem so hard? Cause itās not.
Iām currently reading Search Inside Yourself by Chade-Meng Tan and it is fascinating. The author believes he can spread world peace through mindfulness and the giant platform of Google, and I hopeĀ he can do it, eternal optimist that I am. Anyway, if you can get over the brainwashing caused by the constant refrain of the wordĀ āGoogle,ā (seriously, the book is all about how repetition can rewire your brain and he writes as though he is paid by the G-word. This is the most genius mix of marketing and enlightenment since the ever materialistic-but-on-to-something The Secret) Search Inside YourselfĀ contains an exceptional description of the need for emotional intelligence, geared to those with more technological minds. He writes:Ā
For example, where traditional contemplatives would talk about ādeeper awareness of emotion,ā I would say āperceiving the process of emotion at a higher resolution,ā then further explaining it as the ability to perceive an emotion the moment it is arising, the moment it is ceasing, and all the subtle changes in between. (Page 21)
For me, EQ comes easy; Iām empathetic to a literal fault. Sometimes the wordĀ āempathā sounds just about right, other times I worry that sounds pretentious, other times I realize it doesnāt matter, itās Schrƶdinger's magic, I donāt need to think about it too hard. What I need to do is recognize my feelings run deep and usually have the loudest voices at the round table. I need to try what the book recommends- practicing mindfulness to train my brain to look at my emotions dispassionately, to name them and lessen their grip, and to recognize the effects they have on my body, which provide signs I can use as triggers to remind myself to practice mindfulness, rinse, repeat.
My daughter is 22 months old and changing everyday. Everybody says that the time moves so quickly, blink and sheāll be eighteen and out. My husband even said that just last night, something along the lines of, āWe have 16 years with her and then sheās just, poof, gone,ā and I reminded him that 16 years is actually a very long time. And when Iām mindful, time stretches. Itās easy to be happy. Iām catching everything, and when I am present, my daughter shines with the attention. Until yesterday, I would beat myself up for all those times I miss, when I am in my own head and far away, when I am inattentive.Ā
Tan changed that for me. Mindfulness is like a muscle, he says, and the more you flex it, the stronger it gets. Each time you recognize you have drifted into daydreams, ruminations, or worries and have left your body behind on autopilot, you can just come back and start over, no big deal. In fact, good job for noticing. It will only get easier from here.
So far, Tan has used this compassionate approach in his description of awareness in meditation, but Iām extrapolating from the tone of the book and what Iāve seen from the table of contents, and slapping on my own ideas of radical-self-forgiveness. Iām only on page 65. But I think thatās the point: I am only on page 65 and I can already tell my worldview has shifted for the better. I have read a third of the book and I am changed.Ā
Thereās a sample of the book here. Iām not getting paid to endorse it, or to provide opinions, or profit in any way. Itās simply that good so far. But fair warning:Ā donāt let all humble-bragging get in the way of its message. Ignore your envy, because clearly working at Google is nirvana.Ā Shelve your preference for Bing, which is inferior anyway. Go forth with an open mind, and letās see if we can help Tanās crazy, beautiful goal of World Peace come a little closer to fruition.
Photo by Lesly Juarez on Unsplash
āWhatever our individual troubles and challenges may be, itās important to pause every now and then to appreciate all that we have, on every level. We need to literally ācount our blessings,ā give thanks for them, allow ourselves to enjoy them, and relish the experience of prosperity we already have.ā
ā Shakti Gawain
Good news!
Hint: It's not your career.
āAnd yet isnāt it the wonderful people, the generous, kind, and compassionate ones, who actually do the heavy lifting? Isnāt it they who carry us through life? They are there when we have fallen, they love us when we donāt love ourselves, they care when no one else does, they show a depth of empathy that inspires us to be better people, they laugh from a place of wisdom and peace, they share with us a kindness we donāt find elsewhere. Itās the wonderful people who are the most successful and impactful influences on all our lives, and we are blessed to encounter them.ā
An inspiring perspective of success. I am fortunate to have so many wonderful people in my life. So many, in fact, that if youāre reading this and you know me, Iām likely talking about you.
