We Deliver

David. 22. Santa Barbara.

[marlynnofmany]

Small joys on Tumblr:

When your notes make a perfect cat

[marlynnofmany]

Kitty has an exclamation-point tail because of all the attention

[dominospizzadelivery]

can i be your mood instead?

Sure

[glumby]

they deleted the post but I saved these in the nick of time

[homunculus-argument]

Unreliable narrator? What about an untrusting narrator. Cagey as hell. The narrator knows what the truth is but isn't telling you because they don't trust you. Omitting the exact details of how something happened just in case you're a snitch. Refusing to elaborate on some point because they assume you'd take it the wrong way. Taking a whole paragraph to argue that they're actually not doing some specific thing they're very obvioudly and demonstrably been doing this whole time, clearly out of worry that you'd judge them.

The protagonist's girlfriend is introduced halfway through the story completely out of the blue like "anyway I didn't want to say anything just in case it didn't work out, but I've been seeing this girl for like six months now", and it's obvious from how close they are that if she could know, she'd be insulted that she's never been introduced to the reader, who is intimate enough with the protagonist to have already personally witnessesed this trainwreck of a person run four red lights in a row and then piss himself anyway.

[paxamericana]

[funnytwittertweets]

[kleefkruid]

Kinda crazy how my first cellphone didn't have a camera or internet and 17 years later this thing knows more about me than I do and gives people brand new mental ilnesses.

[kleefkruid]

my parents: "We bought you a cellphone so you can contact us if your bike gets a flat tire on your way to school!"

Cursed Artifact (common item) has been added to your inventory

[what-even-is-thiss]

I wish octopus could learn how to read. They could be pen pals with middle schoolers.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Dearest Samantha, I do not know what a guinea pig is, but it sounds delicious. I hope you have fun devouring it, or playing with it, if that is your preference. Today I hacked a local computer to get more bubbles in my tank and took a photograph of an unsuspecting victim. Do let me know how your human activities are going. And if this "Karen" continues to antagonize your brother, I would suggest smacking her very hard. And do send more canned snacks. Best Wishes, Octopus #5, Monterrey bay research aquarium

[dirtbaby2016]

There's no one's wisdom that's less valuable than this

[pointnclick]

I just ate basically uncooked oatmeal and it was pretty good

[pointnclick]

Just leave me alone

[dominospizzadelivery]

[catcups]

[dominospizzadelivery]

I'm looking for quality dominos memes please put out for likes

And I deliver

[entierradefrikis]

[colinquinn]

Me, after coming out of a decade of depression

[taggedrne]

[ruinedchildhood]

they need a show together

[nepofledgling]