Secular Progressive @donateyourhandstocarl - Tumblr Blog

plot twist: i actually died years ago this is just a queue

pearents

420 is so close I can almost taste all the bad jokes I’ll have to weed through

meteor-falls

ulibeanzz

ppl who hate wearing socks to bed what have U got to lose?? why deny urself warmth and comfort??

puds-archive

but me feets overheats

burnaday

Things straight people like (as learned from HGTV)

Mancaves: This is a room separate from the house with a large entertainment center and sound system, so no one can hear your existential weeping

Two Sink Bathrooms: Once your husband finds you rinsing out your Diva Cup, the magic is gone.

Hardwood floors that flow throughout the house: This makes it more likely your children will slip while running and maybe die, so you can finally get that divorce.

Open Concept Layouts: If no one sees you, what’s the point of pretending to be happy?

Office Space: Excellent for privacy while Skypeing with your lover in Belarus, the only person who really understands you.

Walk in Closets: You can keep so many clothes in there, it might take years for someone to find the body.

Guest Rooms: In case a friend stays the night.

sevreds-deactivated20181129

paprika

ben-walker-deactivated20230713

I’m so thankful I had a childhood before social media took over

intensional

the holy trinity

iwishihadafather

jasper-rolls

the more things change the more they stay the same

honeyproducer-blog

Pretty sure I’ve said “come out you bitch I’ll maul you” word for word

heyimawesome

PSA

Don’t neglect your toys even when you have a partner because one day you might be without a partner and all you will find are corroded batteries inside.

haintxblue

OK listen as someone who collects dolls and blind box figurines and things I was nodding along in appreciation of the cynical message “people are ephemeral, stuff is forever” until I got to the end of this sentence and realized I’d wildly misinterpreted the intent of this post.