I WANT IT ALL .

  𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝'𝚜   𝚝𝚑𝚎   𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 ,   𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝   𝚑𝚒𝚖   𝙣𝙞𝙘𝙚 . 

[dontagree]

❛     it's the nausea before the game and the pain that won't subside in winter : it's the knees that threaten to go bad , the body that you thought you had that lied . it's the scores that go unanswered and unsatisfied : the growing up , the falling down / the throwing up , the shame / the silent prayers     ━━━

A 𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄  & 𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐄  WRITING  BLOG    :    WRITTEN  ,   PORTRAYED   &   DEVELOPED  BY  REN  .    21 + only  .     ESTABLISHED AUGUST 2017 & REVAMPED IN MARCH OF 2025 . MARVIN OF THE MARVIN TRILOGY .

¹ . 𝖢𝖠𝖱𝖱𝖣 ² . 𝖯𝖨𝖭𝖳𝖤𝖱𝖤𝖲𝖳 ³ . 𝖦𝖱𝖠𝖯𝖧𝖨𝖢𝖲 𝖢𝖱𝖤𝖣𝖨𝖳

[dontagree]

drop urls for musical rp blogs or else (threat)

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guys beware it’s falsettos season for me

[dontagree]

guys …… guys ..,,.., guys

[dontagree]

abt to board the broadway cruise y’all let’s get it

[dontagree]

abt to fly home after the broadway cruise y'all let's get it (but bawling)

[dontagree]

where'd u get this picture of my bf?

[starseized]

@dontagree liked for a starter / whizzer

"okay, tell me... how attached are we on this shirt of yours? because to me it seems like it's perfect for the donation bin."

[dontagree]

“ WHIZZER , ” an implicit warning [for an explicit temper] , though he doesn't move away . instead : a quirked brow and contemptuous smile , a bitten back (don't be a prick) as he watches ... challenging .

[dontagree]

@andpassion ( 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐙𝐙𝐄𝐑 ) : ❝ did i do something ? ❞

JEALOUSY IS A DISEASE ; MARVIN'S CASE IS FATAL ! from head to toe / from fingernails biting through fabric into his own hips to feet fighting to stay anchored [still, he tiptoes towards tantrum] of course there are others , that has [certainly] never been a secret (whizzer gratingly reminds, whizzer obnoxiously taunts) but jesus , have a little bit of tact , whizzer ! is that so hard , whizzer ? apparently so , whizzer !

chest tightens and aches at sight of unfamiliar (irritatingly new) hickeys [marvin wants to laugh ; hickeys ! tsh . really ? how ridiculous , how immature , how high - school show - off , how goddamn infuriating when they outnumber the ones left by you] each mocks , each pushes marvin towards the edge , and the temptation to dive head - first into an argument [one they've had a multitude of times before] is all too tempting ; it's the promise of a fight / a game marvin simply cannot sit out on .

“ something . (he echoes!) hm . ” mouth pulled into a spiteful line , muttered sneer contradicts act of feigned composure did i do something ... ha ! something is a funny name for a man and , oh he just can't help himself , “ someone , clearly . ”

[dontagree]

@andpassion ( 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐙𝐙𝐄𝐑 ) : ❝ i'll always want to listen to you . ❞

“ HA , ” flat , unspoken you say that now follows bitterly at scoff's heels ... but whizzer means it : marvin doesn't have to turn and look at him to know that . time is said to heal all wounds [or at least gives you the tools to mend them , they both could attest to that] yet lover's curiosities about the past threaten regression RELAX , RELAX , RELAX , RELAX soothings fallen upon deaf ears become harsh demands become incessant taunts become RELAX , MARVIN ! a drawer shut with too much force .

utensils clink and clang as they propel backwards / memories wail and scream as they launch forward , risen from the grave ; a lonely , rotten lifetime spent with shovel in hand , digging grave deep deep deep to bury and forget past transgressions (how dumb) . recklessly , repeatedly , efforts are reversed : horrors and shames revived , pulling [mistakes or choices or mistakes or choices or mistakesorchoicesor] from their burial again and again , holding them up to the light / subjecting them to scrutiny . (can the dirt ever really set , can the grass ever really grow ?) marker reads : marvin , proof that cowards still can rise .

many times before had he crept forward , dared peek over grave's edge to see what remains and consequently tumbles back down , suffocating as dirt is shoveled back in ━━━ but now he inches forward and , for the first time , arms catch him . and they promise that it's okay to fumble .

love is often debris / never , never , never do it over again (please don't get morbid) a cauterizing agent for wounds opened time and time again . it's time to remove the bandaging , suck it up ... face it together and heal . so brows work out of their frustrated crinkle , ease into expression of [uncharacteristic] vulnerability . teacups ( two ! ) lifted from the counter and brought to the table where he sits across from whizzer . foot nudges once , twice against his , smile and hand extended [palm up, patient] , “ what do you want to know ? ”

[starseized]

rolling her eyes, she gives him a good natured shove in the arm and doesn’t attempt to hide the amusement in her expression.

“such a dick,” she mutters fondly, “you could at least pretend to be interested in the game, you know.”

[dontagree]

“ WHAT ?! ” he sways easily with her nudge , laughter chasing his dip to the side [a sound given more freely these days] before propping himself back up with a sigh , jaw set in palm and amused twist of lips remaining in spite of himself (at least pretend to be interested in the game ! she says) does this really qualify as a game ? doesn't someone have to actually hit the ball for it to count as a game ?

snark charges to the tip of his tongue , comes within seconds of homebase (or whatever) but ━━━ STRIIIIKE ! snark , you're out ━━━ sight of JERSEY 32 knocks you out of the park ! [REMINDER: you're not here for the game , you're here for him] “ maybe there'll be a miracle today . ”

[dontagree]

@andpassion ( 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐙𝐙𝐄𝐑 ) : ❝ you're doing well . you're just discouraged and tired . ❞

DISCOURAGED AND TIRED are merely two ( and perhaps the kindest ) of several words that could describe marvin , sweating and huffing as he leans back against court wall / notably a sharp contrast against whizzer , confident and cool . it's as much of a disparity as that seen in their game : whizzer strides across the floor , plays with ease and expertise . marvin stumbles back and forth / side to side , is lucky if racquet comes within a foot of the ball . he quit keeping score long ago [whizzer is some ridiculously - high - number to his pathetic zero], but he's not giving up just yet : he's no longer playing to win ... besides , he'll attest his defeat to whizzer being a distraction .

❝     HEH ,   YEAH .      ❞               words of encouragement are half a blatant lie , but cause for amusement nonetheless , huffed against water bottle's mouth . one last swig is taken before racquet is retrieved and eye guards are pulled down . even as he walks into a most certain defeat , he's still smiling as he takes his place by whizzer's side .           ❝     alright ,   come   on .   your   serve  .      ❞ ​​

[dontagree]

@andpassion ( 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐙𝐙𝐄𝐑 ) : curls up against marvin in his sleep .

SLEEP NEVER COMES EASY , only achieved after overcoming mental hurdles of wild and self - indulgent fantasies , then bouts of guilt and shame , and now a days [...] love . as usual , whizzer has fallen asleep first , leaving marvin alone with his thoughts : what once was a fitful , lonely misery is now kind , peaceful .

night begins to creep into the early hours of the morning , which , this time for marvin , seem to beg the question : how do you define love ? any dictionary or thesaurus might pose suggestions [affection , fondness , adoration , ...] that are a good start , but fail to delve deeper into its complexity (an elaboration , marvin has learned , love certainly deserves) : love is exciting and fun , yet also calming . it's acceptance and freedom , yet also forgiveness . it's heat and passion , yet also innocence . it's more .

maybe , then , answer is found not in words , but in moments . the recoveries after their stumbles , a hand held tight , a knowing glance . whispers of a pet name , listening to a heartbeat , the journey of lips from forehead to cheeks until meeting in a kiss with noses bumping right before . curling up together in bed , teasing with breaks of laughter . a shared bathroom mirror before work , laying across one's lap , occupying the same space in comfortable silence . it's healing and it's growing , the entirety of their journey [past, present, future] and the promise of choosing to do this again and again . still , it's more .

perhaps , ultimately , it's a pointless endeavor to try to limit love to words or actions . LOVE JUST . . . IS . it's not the most sophisticated answer and marvin could roll his eyes at the anticlimactic finale of this internal debate lasting for who the hell knows how many hours now , but train of thought is abandoned as whizzer twists and turns (sometimes away , sometimes towards) and marvin smiles as it's the latter .

carefully , as to not rouse him out of his sleep , marvin shifts closer . arms wrap around whizzer's abdomen , legs tangle , and lips brush against his jaw before head settles against his chest . the rhythm of whizzer's heart is soothing , and it's not long before eyelids grow heavy and fingertips that idly trace patterns against lover's spine slow to a stop . it's not aloud , but a mantra of i love you , i love you , i love you plays in marvin's head until he too falls asleep . . . and THIS here is love .

[starseized]

@dontagree liked for a starter / charlotte

"alright, marv-- what are your bets for todays game? how do we think the blue devils are gonna do?"

[dontagree]

“ I BET , ” a slow inhale ( seemingly thoughtful ! ) as eyes scan the field : kid misses , crowd deflates , parents shrink in embarrassment / [he should've brought a book ... a distraction and shield in one!]

“ that this will be a waste of time . ”

[dontagree]

christian’s reaction when he saw me ….. i’m fucking collapsed on the floor

[dontagree]

            ( it's the promise of a perfect star ) 𝐖𝐇𝐎'𝐒 𝐌𝐄 ! ©

[dontagree]

@andpassion ( 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐙𝐙𝐄𝐑 ) : ❝ you look wonderful . ❞

NEEDLESS TO SAY , it's an outfit that marvin would've never picked out himself . it's a rather fancy ensemble that he wouldn't have thought twice [or even once] of , disregarded in favor of what's practical : something plain , something comfortable , something ... economical . to be concerned with fashion felt like a silly waste , but today , that opinion can play no role in his actions nor his words ━━━ he had agreed to whizzer's suggestion of portraits ( which had always proven to be a miserable affair in the past , although lover seems dead set on proving him wrong ) and thus , marvin had also assented to act as his mannequin , allowance of minimal - to - no complaining implied .

standing before mirror in the privacy of dressing room , however , permits for silent expression of his distaste . it's not that it's an unattractive getup , by any means . whizzer has an undeniable eye for charming apparel [always looks his very best] but ... well , it might look one way on stylish boyfriend , but on himself ? it looks a completely different way , he's sure . ( unbecoming , in comparison ... laughable , even ! ) and even though marvin had made whizzer promise to go easy on him , he expects to be teased - good - natured , these days . a drawn - out sigh puffed through lips already pulled into an expectant , amused grin as he steps out to reveal the mess . he flashes his brows , is about to prompt the other man to get it over with and take his shots , and then whizzer says . . .

YOU   LOOK   WONDERFUL . marvin stops , expression faltering . eyebrows drag into a pinch as he looks down over his person : an attempt to see himself through the eyes of whizzer [and he thinks marvin looks wonderful , isn't whizzer wonderful ?] marvin isn't sure he sees it . a bemused huff as smile begins to regain its power , looking for any indication of a late ' but ' or ' if only ' tacked on . but whizzer meant it , and marvin could melt .

abruptly , uncharacteristically , almost shyly ; gaze retreats back to his clothes , hands suddenly set on smoothing out non - existent creases and wrinkles , ❝     well ,    you    are    just   ridiculous .      ❞ ​​

[dontagree]

I   SWEAR     we’re   gonna’   come   through   it .   i   fear   we’ll   probably   fight .   but   nothing’s   impossible ,   live   by   your   wit    [kid ,   wife ,   and   lover]    will   have   to   admit   i   was  right ,   i   cushioned   the   fall .    𝐈   𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓   𝐈𝐓   𝐀𝐋𝐋 !        /         a   mutual - exclusive   blog   for   marvin   of   the   marvin   trilogy  as   loved   by   ren ,   est.   2017   -   revamped   2024 .