so Iāve been in a relationship for 5 years now. And I see a lot of posts about how people think relationships mean having butterflies forever, your heart beating faster when they walk into a room, about cuddling together every night, legs intertwined, that youād be so happy to live together youād sleep on a double bed with each other every night.
And its not really like that, at least not to me.
You stop getting the butterflies when you live together. Your heart no longer speeds up when you see them, but instead, everything calms down. When youre in the room with them, you feel calm, and secure. When you cuddle them you feel your heart beat slow, and the sound of their breathing carry you towards comfort. It doesnt feel like a roller coaster anymore, it feels like home.
You donāt sleep curled up with each other every night, legs twisted between theirs so tight its hard to tell where yours begin and theirs end.
Instead, you sleep comfortably, side by side, sometimes facing different directions. But every night, you find yourself scooting backwards on the bed so you bump into them. You snuggle against their arm, or stroke their hair as they fall asleep. There are nights when my boyfriend, in his sleep, reaches around me and pulls me to him, like a child with his teddybear, like I am his comfort.
Ā In the wee hours of the morning before the dawn breaks, when the world is blue and you see through cracked eyes, you curl into their chest and inhale their scent before drifting back to sleep.Ā
Kisses arenāt always romantic and firey anymore. But there are so much more of them now. There are cold kisses when youāre eating ice cream in the summer, and sticky kisses over breakfast pancakes. ThereāsĀ āim leaving nowā kisses, andĀ āone more kiss before you goā kisses. Thereās sleepy morning kisses before work, when you donāt remember the alarm going off but instead the press of their lips against yours is what brings you into the day.
Thereās kisses before sleep, and, you are so sweet with the things you do kisses. Thereās kisses because you treat animals so tenderly, and Iām so glad iām with you and not someone else kisses. Thereās quick kisses in the aisles of the grocery store, when its loud and you gravitate together, when instead of having your own personal space and their own personal space, its both of yours together, and you step into their chest to take up less area together.Ā
You donāt always text each other with confessions of love and care like you used to, because thatās a given now, and youāve moved on to quirky inside jokes about the life youve built together. You share looks of exasperation and amusement in public, your own little world against the outside one.Ā
Relationships arenāt always a fairy tale. Theyāre not always fireworks and sparks, at least, after the start.
But they are a quiet rhythm and hum of love and care. Itās not a fire in your soul, but one in your hearth, keeping you warm and comfortable, comforting you as you drowsily drift into sleep.
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