Life happens... so I keep on living....
I haven't written on this thing in a while... that's because I'm doing so much. Life has a way of happening where one minute you hate periods of your life, and other times you are thankful you had those teachable moments.
I've spent most of my time off my blog, my Facebook, and even my Twitter to really figure out myself... things I've learned about myself, about other people in my life and things I've learned about myself in relation to the people I allow into my life.
One of the things I have vowed to stop doing is allowing draining personalities in my life. Too many times I find myself being, for a lack of a better word captain-save-a-ho to people who really should be able to save themselves in every sense of the words "save yourself." And time and time again it leads to one thing, those same people not being there for me when I need them. So I've wiped my hands clean with a few people and there are more to come. Am I going to turn into a cold, calculated bitch because of it? Not at all but I've been there and done that. I have the t-shirt;keychain; and bumper sticker... everyone always says they're gonna "be out for self" when they are hurt in some way, but who are you really hurting by being that way? I know I'm not hurting anybody so I won't even pass that negativity onto someone else.
My time to myself has also allowed me to figure out some of my passions outside of school and work. I am pleased that I have some upcoming projects in the future will allow me to showcase my quirks and talents in relation to a few different things. Now how I'm going to find the time to do all this juggling a Residence Life job, 12 graduate school credits, and being the president of a club associated with the premier international community service organization in the world, and a bunch of other daunting tasks, but if anyone can figure that out its me :-).
I won't lie and say my time off hasn't allowed me to sit an reflect on some pieces of my life I think I need to close off for a while. I'm able to think about this next piece and not feel anything really. Bottom line is I took a chance on someone in my life for a very long AND significant time in my life and me taking that chance really hasn't left me with much other than some useless trinkets and a lot of unanswered questions, answers I feel like I'm more than deserving of. However in the end I've been a much happier person without that burden. Under normal circumstances, I'd be fighting to hold onto whatever this was but two days after all this went down I really just shook my head and left it alone. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't force it to drink and when someone tells you they can't give you what you want, there's no point in fighting for them. After pulling reins for as long as I did spending time, energy, and (too much) money to make this happen, I was given an out and I took it.
While I am happy about that, I just feel like I need to close that part off of my life off for a while. Somebody told me I "wasn't built like that" but that person doesn't know me well enough to make that statement. They watched me let me somebody in, in a way that I never had before and chalk that up to my personality. (Yea please stop.) I don't have the emotional stamina to deal with anything that could even result in me being unappreciated, undervalued, and/or taken advantage of.
So yea that's what I've been up to besides a trip to Cali, overseeing a camp staff, and living my hectic but wonderful life!
