you always said destiny would blow me away

I'm kinda mean sometimes -- but in a "haha--LOL" kind of way, I tend to think out loud from time to time & i'm a little bit ridiculous. you have been warned ;) I have a tendency to reblog a lot. I blog too, but not all of it is for public view ;) 2 Corinthians 4 var sc_project=10480726; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_security="5287ec5d"; var scJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://secure." : "http://www."); document.write("");

[dontgiveupthefight]

I long for the day where I'll have an appetite again. A real one. Where I crave food and enjoy eating it. Not the one I force myself to have, the one I force myself to follow through with because eating is important. When I crave food, it's a fleeting crave. When I'm hungry, there's nothing appealing or satisfying about what's in front of me or what could be. I long for things that I don't know if they will ever come back.

[dontgiveupthefight]

Weekends.

I've realized how hard weekends have been for me lately. There's this desire to want to wallow and be by myself. And there's the longing to be with people and the loneliness I feel. And in the end, there's this odd heaviness. It's hard to climb out of the heaviness. I sometimes wonder why it affects my whole being. Like, why isn't it just heaviness in my head? Why is it a mental heaviness and a physical heaviness and emotional heaviness? Why does it come when I'm with people or when I'm without people? What is the trigger? And when I feel heavy and down why is it when I feel the worse after having those great, Christ-centered days?

[dontgiveupthefight]

This is a face of joy.

I’m sitting at my church’s evening service, working at the children’s ministry check-in desk and listening to the sermon for the second time today.

I sit here reflecting on the question, “What have we loss that we have not grieved?”

My truth is that I continually lose my self. I lose my identity in Christ. I lose the belief that I am fearfully and wonderfully created. I lose the notion that God loves me so much. And when I lose all that, I lose the ability to be me. I drown in lies. I drown in sleepless nights. I drown in confusion and frustration. And, most of all, I drown in this false Marsha. The performance-oriented Marsha. The Marsha that gets completely stuck in routines and shadows that she forgets how to be happy and how to be present in life and in God’s work.

This is a face of joy, believe it or not.

To be joyful is to be silly and goofy and ridiculous. To be joyful is to laugh, to hug, to love. To be joyful is to be unashamed of who I was and what I’ve done.

To be joyful is to be the me God created me to be. This is me. In all its glory. The girl that sends silly selfies to friends, the one that desires to capture moments whenever she can, the girl that wants to hug and be embraced by hugs. The girl that talks and sings to herself. The girl that laughs for no reason. The girl that makes up personalities for all objects around her

This is joy.

[dontgiveupthefight]

Left work five hours early. Finally getting an oil change that should have happened 3,000 miles ago (& replacing my brake light that I've known about for over a year... ). Reflecting and organizing my life story. #blessings #littlevictories #smallthings

[worshipgifs]

[dontgiveupthefight]

How this preschool teacher starts her 11-hour work day. #adultcoloring #chexmix #classicalmusic #nokidsyet

[dontgiveupthefight]

Jam session at Hamilton house w/ @kcawood, @kjpyper, @stephaniewwong #googlyeyed #cajon #percussion

[dontgiveupthefight]

1. A representation of my life from Monday (aka the day I bought my dresser) until 5:30pm today. 2. The day I made it home before 10pm and had the ability to do more than tap nails in and not worry about waking others up. #thesmallthings #therestofmyroomisstillinboxes

[dontgiveupthefight]

Here lies eight years of recorded feels. So much happiness, sadness, sorrow, anger, jealousy, depression, tears, praises, blessings, and redemption is forever logged in these memories.

[dontgiveupthefight]

My nails, hair, and teeth can attest to the stress I’m under.

moving. fall conference. grad apps. counseling. 

i’m.exhausted.

[ven-ula-blog]

The good times and the bad times both will pass. It will pass. It will get easier. But the fact that it will get easier does not mean that it doesn’t hurt now. And when people try to minimize your pain they are doing you a disservice. And when you try to minimize your own pain you’re doing yourself a disservice. Don’t do that. The truth is that it hurts because it’s real. It hurts because it mattered. And that’s an important thing to acknowledge to yourself. But that doesn’t mean that it won’t end, that it won’t get better. Because it will.

John Green (via colestclair)

[dontgiveupthefight]

Now, I’m faced with letting Jesus being Jesus. I want so much from this world and the people around me but it doesn’t happen that way. I want Jesus to give me what I want. I want to be selfish and I want certain things out of life and certain things to happen. And I have that small hope in the back of mind that maybe I can be so obedient and follow Jesus in the best way that I can then He will give me what my heart so desires. And I know that’s not how it works but that’s what I desire. My heart needs to be aligned with Jesus. I’m so lost in that. I’m so caught up in my own wishes that I struggle so much with letting God be God. 

[dontgiveupthefight]

Freddy and Walter are ready to move!

[dontgiveupthefight]

A physical representation of how my mind works. #inductivebiblestudy #mark1 #cfw2012 #packratproblems #packingupmylife

[danielle-mertina]

one of the best lessons you can learn is that you’re valuable and worthy just because you exist. not because of your productivity. or your qualities. or because of how many people like you. or how close you are to societal understandings of attractiveness or success. but just because you are you.  

[dontgiveupthefight]

Note to self: don't leave the exacto knife on the couch when I'm done with my break from packing/working.

[dontgiveupthefight]

I went camping and all I got were these pictures of Lake Huron.