UNLOCK THIS CAR DOOR OR SO HELP ME!

i love all my children equally...

[dontmakemecallyourfather]

Because my child is now TikTok famous she isn’t responding to my text messages so IF YOU ARE READING THIS WASH YOUR HANDS THERE IS A VIRUS GOING AROUND

[dontmakemecallyourfather]

It’s summer and my kids are finally home, yet have I seen them? No, well, Ive seen one of them so guess who’s getting the $5 to my name when I die?

[dontmakemecallyourfather]

my daughter needs to go to sleep. she is sleep deprived, and im pretty sure she hasnt eaten in 24hrs. GO TO SLEEP STOP TEXTING ME DO YOUR HOMEWORK SOONER.

[dontmakemecallyourfather]

To all my children out there that are stressed and feel like everything is falling apart, I love you and I’m proud of you you are doing amazing ❤️

[dontmakemecallyourfather]

I think I might go visit my child, and it’s not because it’s -14 here and in the 50s there, it’s because I miss them. Obviously. #imtoooldtobecold #icantdolaundrycausemywatersfrozen #myarthritisneedstochill

[dontmakemecallyourfather]

Just splurged a bit and got myself some AirPods. Have fun trying to talk to me now broke ass child! #icanthearpoor #youcantsitwithme #torichtocareaboutthebroke

[dontmakemecallyourfather]

Finally figured out how to download tinder #youregettinganewdad #feedyourselfimgoingonadate #loveatfirstswipe #maybeilljustlookforasugardaddy

[dontmakemecallyourfather]

I have found an even more natural way of falling asleep other than taking melatonin, all I have to do is talk to my daughter and I’m ready to pass out. #goodnighttome #twobirdswithonestome #nolongersleepdeprived

[dontmakemecallyourfather]

sometimes I miss my daughter, so I call her, then I remember why I sent her away in the first place

[dontmakemecallyourfather]

Just a little over a week before the family is reunited 😊

[dontmakemecallyourfather]

My daughter won’t stop using the word “oof” I’m starting to think that maybe she is a furry but for roblox? Is that even a thing? Anyway, I would appreciate therapist recommendations.

[dontmakemecallyourfather]

I think it’s about time I let my children know that it isn’t Santa who eats all the cookies...it’s me. I eat all the cookies before Santa gets there.

[dontmakemecallyourfather]

Sweetie, I saw this on the internet and thought of you

[dontmakemecallyourfather]

make good decisions sweety. if i find out you went ziplining without me you will be grounded. 

[dontmakemecallyourfather]

It’s like my daughter is trying to get me to come visit her. “I’ve only eaten gushers today” like feed yourself child

[dontmakemecallyourfather]

If I hear one more costumer say they “just printed the $100 bill this morning” when I check to make sure it’s real I’m going to ground my daughter

[dontmakemecallyourfather]

It’s been 48 days since I’ve seen my child in person and I still have to wait another 81 days to see her. #okIadmititimissmykid #kidsick #notclickbait