words

scorp sun cancer moon pisces rising lol

[donttelllauren]

sometimes when I feel arms wrapping around me

I go ghost

other times I go soft and wet like dough

last night I felt thousands of tiny hands pushing

from behind my skin, reaching past the surface

and saying no

anchoring me in place and willing you away

soft like you hadn't just sliced into me like I was

cake

and you just ate and ate and ate

never even stopped to taste and

now I'm lying here in rainbow sprinkles

on your dinner plate

[donttelllauren]

part of me soon to be apart from me

I’m sorry for wishing it all out when all I ever wanted was to keep you safely

in

I’m sorry for dreaming up your life when it could never begin

I don’t want to count cardinals

catch butterflies

don’t want to see shapes in clouds or hear whispers in wind

I want what I was promised,

I’m a creator

I give breath I don’t care if you stretch my skin

I don’t mind if I get cut side to side again I wanted this

but now I’m just

a walking tomb, womb retching from the death

(a bit of me died with you)

please stay

and I’ll fill a swimming pool with saltwater tears where you can splash and play

please stay and I’ll spill bathwater from my eyes so you can bathe

please stay and I’ll keep the ocean full so you can watch the foam roll on the waves

(wishing the blood out isn’t wishing you away)

I died with you that day

[donttelllauren]

how do you tell the girl

you taught to equate

sex with self-worth

that someone may

one day

tell her no

what of me,

if our bodies

aren’t merging to become

whole wait does that mean

you don’t want

me though?

how do you tell her

when she’s shining

head to toe

dressed up like

a porcelain doll

in an antique store

wardrobe that

they may still betray

the ribbons and

bows

how do you explain

that even if she

drools your name

and sounds it out

like violins humming

dim and slow

she could be the orchestra

the symphony

and the curtains would

still close

[donttelllauren]

You go softer in my hands like snow

Soft like the garden near the treehouse grows

Green peppers and heirloom tomatoes youre soft

Like cashmere clothes

You’re soft like a pink rose soft like silk bathrobes

Or a glazed donut or a cinnamon roll you’re warm

And sweet and soft like nothing I have ever known

And you’re tenacious

And delicious, you’re ferocious

And I’m vicious

I’m a menace you’re my witness

I’m the flaws and you’re forgiveness

I’m a message in a bottle you’re the cork

That seals it tight

I’m a midnight maiden voyage and you’re

A red-eye flight

(I’m hungry like the wolf and you

let me have every bite)

I follow you into a hailstorm and you

guide me through the night

and it’s just right

We are fortune. We are riches

and they’re all screaming at the skies

Theirs are knuckles clenched and white

We are fortune

We are riches

The kiss hello

The kiss goodnight

[donttelllauren]

November fades

into burgundy breezes and

sienna corpses thrash under our feet

November retreats

Into death into solace

leaving her weight in the warmth of her promise

And silently, steady she fades without trace

Pink glow of the morning, the way the sun tastes

Like lilac melting on ice

Or a lavender corset that’s bound to green lace

Like lovers packing a suitcase

she’s waiting in shadows and emerges so gently

speaks ribbons through doorways to grant you sweet entry to autumnal lush and amber sunset

Remember November, November forgets

[donttelllauren]

You summon my ghost

And I appear, lifelessly haunting

rosary swaying like a pendulum between my ears I am

flushed, flowered

I am living again

You turn me into rain soaked stairs

You make me into crocheted patterns

You spin me into woven gold

You drink from me like I’m your tavern

Like a bullet straight from fingertips that land loveless

on my lips I straddle you with swerving hips my god I think you’ve got me

on a silver little platter

I rock steadily between your knees, you’re paint and I am splatter

My golden love, my moonlit dove

For all that may come after

[donttelllauren]

I kiss you on the inside

Swallow you whole, suck you out from underneath

the table and swallow like gold is coating my throat

Pucker my lips around each of your fingertips and taste

the father son and Holy Ghost

I slither around your leg like a cobra and I fasten tight

I button you up like a dress on Sunday morning and I fit just right

I’m the alpha the omega I’m the puppy whimpering at your side

Pawing your thigh and looking at you with big dewy eyes, I’m so alive I need you to take me out back and shoot me or

Take me on the wildest ride of my life, I’m no angel

But I’ll take you to heaven tonight, I’ll lap you up

like water when all you’ve ever known was dry.

Paradise

[donttelllauren]

You make me see stars when I close my eyes

Or you hung them in the sky, I can’t decide but

Your breath on mine makes them all align

This story never does get old

My loose knit heart shining like gold

Born to me but yours to hold

Yours to cherish, touch, unfold

your warrior heart fights battles

on our silly playing field

There’s nothing getting shattered

when the fighter’s made of steel

and you take two steps towards me

and I rest upon your shield, look up

into the eyes of the time we’ve yet to kill

If ever I get bruised when you’re loving me

this sweet, tender longing will fall dead

at both my feet and I’ll untangle fate and folly

just to kiss you from above

I’ve been immortalized in this bed tonight and

doesn’t

It

Just

Feel

Like

Love?

[heavensghost]

love changes you, in the end, I will not recognise the shape that I am

[donttelllauren]

I’ve been told I have someone’s blue eyes

over and over and over I’ve cried with them

and they turn bluer with each tear, I wonder

if they were like that for you too

I whisper sweet things in my mind and send words to the treetops

wondering if you’ll hear me asking if you’re there

I try to stay stacked up neatly like stairs but most of the time I’m down like basements, you know

the place you don’t want to go but you’re kind of rooted there

I try to stay sewn up nicely, like buttons on dresses but I’m

more of the silk slip underneath, a dirty secret

the day I was born was literally a fucked up omen, I’m so sorry to say

I cannot stress enough how much everyone fucking hated that day before I was born lol

but here I am and I’m here to stay

unless we’re pool balls like you say

we were destined for the corner pocket before

we even knew our names

[donttelllauren]

I worship a woman

her light is like my moon

I run fingers through her hair

& there is music

she’s like a peach

smooth and summer sweet

beauty like the blue sea

a goddess when she sleeps

bare skin all over me

whispering about our love and the symphony it sings

the girl is my dream

[donttelllauren]

I cannot turn and tell you “you make me believe in God” and so I am quiet

So I look around for something that will tell you for me but there aren’t words that rainy weather can say

There aren’t sounds that clouds can make that could ever emulate the way I moan when you drape over me and eat me like I’m cake

(and there aren’t words for the heartache)

So this is what two hearts make,

Desperation at the first break and every break that follows it is raging like an earthquake

This is why my hands shake

When you ask me why my eyes well up real sad it’s because you did that

I polish up my words, babe

Before I say them (if I can) and I know I won’t

I want to unsay all my words because it will hurt if I don’t

I love you (you make me believe in God)

I need you (if you were gone I’d fall apart)

I want all of you (it hurts when you’re not touching me)

You’re all mine (it kind of hurts all the time)

[donttelllauren]

I dreamt that it snowed

and that’s all I remember

deep in the dark in the pits of December

I cradled the image as I felt myself wake

and clung to it, window pane and a snow flake

I was desperate for colors or heartlands of spring

bursting open as lively old daffodils sing but

I stood with a haunting that I couldn’t shake

and I cried for a body that I couldn’t place

I’m in need of a prophet, not holy, not ghost

I have sickness inside and it’s undiagnosed

I have prayers that scatter and trip up my toes

I go dim when the city lights up and explodes

I dreamt that it snowed and that’s all I remember

deep in the sadness that floats on December

I hold what I can and I keep what I carry

on the sparkling wings of a sugar plum fairy

[donttelllauren]

Oh, Carolina it’s summertime and I’d have died holding this all back so I won’t try

High quality lovin’ keeps me warm in strange sheets, we’re laughing after a few lemon drop martinis

Oh, Carolina I don’t know you but you know me

Twisted between branches of mossy trees

Haunted motel down the street near the weird diner on 58

Big house on a bigger lake, we take our time ‘cause what’s the hurry?

We wouldn’t die here anyway

It’s just overgrown and underspoken because you found it too late

We’re hand in hand from January to December

I wrote it down so I’d always remember

That you’re my July and I’m your sweet November

Oh, Carolina

This room is still with humid air and I’m dying for a Long Island

I’m running fingers through tangled hair and blue eyes are crying, you never minded

Carolina I needed this tonight, girl

We’re under string lights staring into night skies and being reminded

Of birth and death and dog days,

Striped or solid hallways,

Beer cans on the fireplace,

Losing minds and finding souls in the worst ways,

Carolina I’ve got to leave but keep my taste in your mouth

Keep me wrapped up between chattering teeth and words fighting to fall out,

Hold me tight enough so that I don’t sink or swim or drown

Carolina, I’ve got to go now so keep me underneath your tongue

I’m off to slower sunsets and quieter minds

Busier streets and simpler times

[donttelllauren]

true ruin is the outpost

the mischievous grin

that swallows up cities

then does it again

true love is the outcry

the warrior’s shield

the rickety cabin on

two golden wheels

blind faith crosses rivers

and thrives in the trenches

sits in the park on memorial benches

stands tall on old mountains

in summers and spring

to become a new victor of an old dirty thing

vain lovers grow fonder of clutching their pearls

and feigning whoever looks over this world

holding tight to a record book keeping up scores

truth is the blood spilling onto the floor

[heart-petals]

[donttelllauren]

sun breaks and it’s heavy on my skin

I wonder, from sidewalk to sidewalk

“how many times will I be here again?”

and the answer is plain, my heart speaks

your name with baritone blues and she

sings notes I’d never dreamed of to

warn me about you

I’m walking the streets empty minded

my pockets are dry and my hands are

too wet to slide comfortably inside

I wonder, should I plaster up my heart

knowing she can crack open?

should I shield her knowing she can

be hit from behind?

should I wrap her in my arms knowing

how little they can hold?

do I tell her the truth after all this time?

I shift balance from foot to foot hoping

one of them will take a step in the right

direction, knowing they're clumsy and

can't help but falter as they sit side by side

I watch the sun close herself into the night

and lunar fantasies swirl in my mind, like

"if I stop thinking, could it all subside?"

"if I keep bleeding, will my bones run dry?"

"if I steady my breathing, can I keep my pride?"

"can you just stay home so it won't hurt this time?"