The Economics Of An Apology
I hate apologies.
I hate the condescension in your tone and
I hate the pressure to forgive.
I hate the accounting—
The egocentric audit
That apologies only come because you feel bad
For the actions and words of your own capable hands and tongue.
Your deafening regrets spew out
Like depositing a coin into a fountain
And waiting for your return on investment.
I hate that your words are your currency,
And you trade your penances for
A dividend of sympathy from me.
You don't want my clemency;
You want to liquidate your guilt.
You're looking for a ledger that doesn't show your deficits,
And you expect me to balance your books.
You curate your regrets like a portfolio—
Cherry-picking the ones that sound like "mistakes"
And writing off the ones that were deliberate choices.
You say you "didn't mean it,"
As if your tongue didn't have to practice the shape of the lie
Before it ever left your mouth.
You use a tax-exempt interpretation
Just so you can sleep at night.
You want to trade a “sorry” for a full settlement,
As if my memory is an asset you can just devalue.
But I am not the fountain for your counterfeit coins,
And I am not the lamp underwriting your best version.
I won't be the one to tell you you’re an honest man
Just because you finally feel the interest on your actions.
Keep your selective remorse.
I'd rather live with the insolvency of your wreckage
Than the fraud of your “sorry.”