A few months ago, my 7 years long boyfriend left me (whatever he tells you, no, I'm not ok).
I had no job.... well, not a stable one anyway.. I was trying to make my small illustration company something viable, and he was supporting me for rent, food, etc..
We agreed he was the one who would have to get the trouble of finding a new apartment and moving and stuff, and that he'd have to assume his responsibility and support me until I found a job.
I finally found a job, I start tomorrow, YAY. But while I waited for said job, I had way too much time to think;
I'm so not ok with this.
I keep trying to cheer myself up thinking of what I'll finally be able to do now that I'll have money, but then I think about the time I WON'T have to do those things. During the week, I'll be in a grey cubicle in a call center, and on the week-ends I'll have to try and keep my creativity alive and try to keep my illustration company going. I see the black hole getting bigger and bigger and sucking all my hopes away. I know I won't have time to take on contracts, draw for myself, prepare for conventions, work, clean, make my lunches, game, and have a life. I know I'll try, and I know it won't go well.
I'm ok with my ex leaving me, that's life. I'm not ok with him taking away all my hopes and dreams and my creativity and my will to go on with my passions. He's the one who insisted I quit my job to open this company 4 years ago.
We said we'd try to stay friends but it's getting harder and harder for me not to hate him. Or rather, it's harder and harder to fight the fact that I DO hate him.
I wish life had ''fast travel'. Can't I just be at the point where my life is back on track? I just want to skip all this and be at the point where I can say ''Yeah, I'm fine''
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