it feels so much like i'm not allowed to be... upset that i can't have children of my own
i'd love to have them. so badly. i would LOVE to have children. i even think i might like carrying them, giving birth to them.... but i can't. we don't have the money right now. we're not stable enough financially, emotionally, physically. i'm getting old enough that waiting too much longer will make it dangerous. my partner doesnt really want to have kids, especially not young ones. genetically, i have a few things that would be best not to pass onto a kid. and, as a trans guy, there's the potential for extreme dysphoria, and the fact i would be misgendered constantly.
but i can't help... wanting it. and being so mad that i can't have it. it's for the good of the hypothetical kids but... i dunno. i just want to mourn that i'm going to miss out on parenthood.
