mochi’s domain

✮ 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚌𝚌 𝚏𝚘𝚛 @𝚌𝚎𝚛𝚝𝚒𝚏𝚒𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚢𝚞𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 ✮ ( ◕‿‿◕ )

[dorayakipancakes]

hello!

call me mochi ʕ·ᴥ·ʔ

20 ~ she/any pronouns ❣︎

requests are open ~ no promises!

i only write for fun, please don’t take anything too seriously ★~★

alt account ~ @certifiablyunstable

will write:

~ fluff

~ angst

no NSFW/extreme gore/anything creepy

i hope you enjoy my writing!

[dorayakipancakes]

Forever was supposed to be longer…

♪ recommended ♪ : mostly chimes - Adrianne Lenker

Satoru promised you would all be together forever- so what happens when forever gets cut short after you were cursed during a fight?

terminallyill!reader x Satoru/Suguru/Shoko(friendgroup)

Word Count: 4679

TW- angst, slight comfort, death, terminal illness, funeral, sadness, author is sorry

The world seemed quieter after you heard the news, the healer’s sympathetic voice fading into the suffocating silence of ringing ears and thick air that choked your lungs. The RCT treatment wasn’t working, and your body was starting to fail you slowly, little by little, until there would be nothing left. You would rot from the inside out, and there was nothing anyone could do.

Shoko’s hand clasped yours, her cold fingers delicate but reassuring as she embraced your trembling skin, the soft murmur of her voice nothing but a muffled blur in the background.

“Please, there has to be something we haven’t tried!” She whispered shakily, trying to keep her composure as her thumb traced gentle circles onto the back of your hand. You couldn’t even hear her, you couldn’t hear anything over the racing of your heart and the pounding fear and dread that had overcome every cell in your aching body.

It was all too much, too soon. Too young. It was your final year at Tokyo Jujutsu High, and you were so, so close to graduating. Everything you had worked for for the past four years, all the nights you had stayed up studying until the birds sung with the rising of the sun the next day, all the missed events and opportunities for the sake of you passing some insignificant exam you had already forgotten the context of. All for nothing.

The words of the healer rolled around in your mind like a haunting, fading in and out as you tried to process it. Nothing could be done? But… why? You were a good person, right? You helped people. You were kind, honest, loyal… right? Why? Why now? Why you? What about Shoko? Gojo and Geto? How could you leave them behind?

You had always been the baby of the group (a few months younger than Geto) and they had all always looked out for you. Sheltered you, made sure you ate and slept, and kept you safe on missions. Not to say you couldn’t hold your own- far from it- but it was almost instinctual. You didn’t really have any family, maybe an odd aunt here and there or perhaps even a cousin, but no one who cared about you, not really. Not like the little family you had made for yourself at school.

A sudden surge of brightness invaded your vision, accompanied by a soothing warmth, and you realised you were outside, suddenly snapped out of your own head by the change in environment, having not even realised you had moved from the bench in the healer’s room. Shoko still had your hand tightly clasped in hers, moving slowly and talking quietly, as if trying not to spook a wild animal. You hadn’t responded to anything she had said, but in all fairness she hardly noticed, too overwhelmed herself to take anything personally. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears, bottom lip trembling, despite her best efforts to put on a brave face.

“I- I don’t even know what to say. Sorry doesn’t even begin to cover it.” She whispered, searching your absent gaze for a sign that you had even slightly registered what she had said. Words failed you however, and you just shook your head subtly, staring at the floor.

“Do I- do you- can I call someone? Take you somewhere?” She struggled to find the words, helping you sit down on a nearby bench, not letting go of you as if she was already treasuring every moment left with you down to the second- which, of course, she was. Her trembling hand came up to push a strand of hair away from your eyes, with the delicacy of one cradling a newborn baby for the first time.

“It’s so unfair. I’m so- just- just so angry for you. You don’t deserve any of this.” Shoko sighed, her forehead dropping down to rest on your shoulder, inhaling the comforting scent of your favourite perfume. “I don’t know what to do now.”

You could hear Shoko talking, but your ears couldn’t process it, your voice just didn’t know how to respond. How are you supposed to comfort one best friend over your own death, let alone three?

Under the peaceful shade of an old Hinoki tree, accompanied by the gentle tinkling of a few wind chimes decorating its branches, the pair of you sat for a little while, not saying anything, until you felt a subtle dampening on the shoulder of your sweatshirt, and you managed to force yourself to look down at Shoko. She was crying quietly against your arm, hugging your elbow desperately as if to keep you permanently tethered to her. It was a depressing, somewhat disturbing sight- Shoko never cried. She would get emotional over things, sure, but never to the point of actual tears rolling down her beautiful, pale face.

You swallowed thickly, battling the weight on your chest as you closed your eyes for a moment, still sitting stiffly against the bench.

“Don’t… don’t cry…” you mumbled, words slurred with how heavy you felt, the overwhelming pain and fear turning into a sense of complete and utter numbness, as if your mind was trying to shield you from reality. “…not over me.”

Shoko just cried more at your words, throwing her arms around you fully now and burying her face into the crook of your neck, her lithe body wracked with stifled sobs. All you could do was rest your cheek against the crown of her head, weakly patting her leg with a couple of your only functioning fingers left.

The train ride back to Jujutsu High was a silent one for the two of you, only interrupted by a sniffle or two from Shoko, or a small coughing fit from you as you hacked up more of the dark, tarry liquid left behind by the curse into a tissue. Shoko was by your side throughout all of it, diligently nursing you and holding your hair out of your face, while shooting scowls at anyone who dared to make judgmental faces at you. While silent, the journey allowed you to process a little more, enough for you to become somewhat coherent with your speech and thoughts again, and you even managed to give Shoko a small, weak-but-brave, smile.

When she asked you about informing the others of your situation, you smiled slightly and told her you would handle it, not wanting to put that responsibility on her shoulders when you knew she was already feeling like the world was collapsing down on top of her. In reality, you had no idea how you would even begin to break the news, but that responsibility would fall to you, and you alone.

“I’ll tell them, okay? Just don’t say anything… not yet.” You murmured as she helped you down off the train, her arm linked through yours, and the two of you began the slow walk back to the school, with Shoko supporting you the whole way- even as your legs trembled and threatened to buckle beneath you.

“I’ll call a taxi, hold on-“ Shoko squeezed your arm as she began rifling through her back for her flip phone, but you quickly stopped her.

“No- no I want to walk. Please?” You pleaded quietly, looking up at her from your stooped position, body trembling under the exertion that you would have previously not even broken a sweat over. “I- I want to walk as long as I can.”

Shoko hesitated before nodding silently, clasping your arm with her hands and gently helping you back upright, concern painted across her delicate features, her Bambi eyes never leaving you.

“Not far, ok? Just… tell me when you need to stop. Please.” She smiled sadly, squeezing your arm and guiding you up a hill. The one you, Shoko, Satoru, and Suguru had played on when it last snowed, where you had rolled around in the powdery white and made snow angels, and had a snowball fight (which Satoru won, of course). Now, it was the equivalent of hell on Earth to your burning lungs, wheezes escaping you as you trudged onward, refusing to stop and let your body get the best of you. At times, Shoko had to look away and bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from bursting into tears again at the sight of you struggling so hard.

After reaching the top of the hill, you practically collapsed, your only saving grace was Shoko still determinedly holding you up. You began coughing violently again, the black substance spurting from your lips before you could stop it, and you doubled over, trembling. Shoko silently dropped down beside you and held a tissue to your mouth, softly wiping at your lips and rubbing your back at the same time.

“I got you. Just take a minute.” She whispered, her voice calming and reassuring as always, even as her heart shattered once again. She pulled you against her, allowing you to rest for a moment and catch your breath, stroking your hair and whispering encouraging words into your ears.

“We’re nearly there. You think you can stand? I could try to carry you.” She whispered with a sad laugh, her cheek against your head, mirroring how the two of you had sat under the Hinoki tree earlier. You missed the wind chimes.

As the two of you slowly trudged back to Jujutsu High, you thought over the events of the day, trying to recall the patches your mind had blocked out, trying to make sense of it all. Was this it? You were just destined to die, as simple as that? Were you scared of dying? Or scared of being alone? Being left behind? Or going ahead, and leaving your family behind instead?

Before you knew it, you were back at the entrance to the school, where Gojo and Geto were sat waiting on the steps to welcome the pair of you back. Shoko squeezed your arm reassuringly as you put on a brave smile and watched as the two men came over, Gojo full of energy as always, and Geto close behind.

“Hey, you!” Satoru grinned down at you, ruffling your hair and pulling you in for a hug, for which Shoko scolded him for being ‘too rough’. Suguru just rolled his eyes and chuckled softly, hugging you gently after his white-haired buddy had stepped back.

“How’d it go?” Suguru enquired sincerely, smoothing the hairs on your head that Satoru had messed up with a gentle, deliberate hand.

“Ah, I’m sure it went fine! Nothing to worry about, right?” Gojo smiled cheerily again, although his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. There was something almost desperate in his gaze, like if he forced himself to be happy and cheery enough then nothing could possibly be wrong… right?

“Actually-“ Shoko began, a solemn expression on her face as she held you close to her side, arm still linked through yours.

“It went fine. Healer was helpful, just got to wait it out.” You smiled, putting on the strongest mask you could muster, and silently praying Shoko wouldn’t expose your lies. Thankfully, she stayed silent, but you could feel her hand tense on your forearm.

“Oh, thank god!” Satoru and Suguru sighed in relief, Satoru grinning and ruffling your hair once again before pulling you into a hug once more, his arms tight around you despite Shoko’s protests. Suguru smiled and watched, but his gaze kept drifting back to Shoko, who couldn’t quite look either of them in the eye. Satoru pulled Suguru and Shoko into the hug, sandwiching you in the middle of all of them, and you let out a small, genuine laugh for the first time in a very, very, long time.

A few weeks passed and you had become increasingly weaker by the day, spending most of your time in bed, however you had simply reassured Gojo and Geto that it was normal and nothing to worry about every time they came to visit. Shoko hardly ever left your side; she missed classes and skipped meals just so that you wouldn’t be alone. Much of her life had been reduced to the surprisingly comfortable armchair beside your bed, and wouldn’t leave to take care of herself despite you unashamedly begging her to do so. You hated it- being such a burden on her, and despite whatever reassurances she tried to give you, you knew the truth. On the rare occasions she did step away, Gojo or Geto (sometimes both) would come to visit you, with Gojo reinacting his latest missions to keep you entertained, and Suguru reading to you from a textbook or one of your favourite novels so you wouldn’t get too bored.

Shoko had been asking you to tell them the truth for weeks, and you assured her you would… eventually. You just hadn’t quite worked out how to yet. After a few close calls where you nearly just blurted it out during their visits, you decided to hold your tongue even more, worried about what might happen if you spilled without preparing them.

After prepping what you were going to say, you told Shoko you would do it at the end of the week, when they next came to visit. She nodded solemnly, squeezing your hand and brushing your hair back from your face.

“Want me to be here?” She asked softly, her eyes searching yours as if looking for an answer to such an impossible situation.

“No, no it- it’s probably better if it’s just me. It will be ok.” You put on a brave face, trying your best to smile for her despite the pain you were in. With weak hands, you tried to squeeze her fingers back, but it was almost impossible. Your fingers had turned purple and black at the ends and the mottling was slowly making its way down your hands towards your wrists, and your feet, knees, shoulders, and neck had all begun to do the same. Rotting from the inside out, just like the healer said.

On the Saturday at the end of the week, there was a compulsory meeting for all final-year students to attend (with the exception of you), so Shoko was able to see Gojo and Geto properly for the first time in a while. As they waited for the meeting to begin, Shoko sat picking at her nails anxiously- she hated being away from you.

Gojo noticed and cocked his head to the side, eyes watching her curiously, and Suguru did the same.

“Hey, we know you’re worried. We are too. It’ll be okay though, right?” Geto offered her a small smile, reaching across the table to squeeze her forearm reassuringly.

“Yeah, why don’t we do something? Next weekend, the four of us, we could go to the aquarium? Ooh, the food market? Or my favourite restaurant and a movie? Or-” Satoru suggested excitedly, before being cut off by Shoko.

“Seriously? Next weekend?” She snapped and narrowed her eyebrows, completely shocked he would even suggest that.

“What?” Gojo replied softly, his voice cracking slightly like a wounded puppy. Even Geto was taken aback by her sudden outburst, the two of them clueless as to what could have offended her.

“You seriously forgot? Are you kidding?” She hissed, looking around to make sure no one overheard their conversation. “That’s the date we’re booked in for the meeting with the funeral home!”

All Satoru and Suguru could do was stare at her, dumbfounded. Suguru was at a loss for words completely, and for once even Satoru didn’t know what to say, he just sat there with his jaw dropped and eyes wide with shock. Shoko stared at them, confused, before her face fell with the realisation that she had just broken the worst news the two of them could have possibly gotten- angrily, with no warning or care. She stood up, hands over her mouth, and shook her head, before turning on her heel and sprinting away. It took them a moment of complete silence, before Gojo and Geto looked at each other, and took off after her.

Shoko burst into your room, shaking violently and apologising more profusely than she had ever done before, collapsing onto her knees beside your bed, tears rolling freely down her cheeks. You were disoriented by her sudden arrival, having just been asleep, and stared at her with a confused expression as she clasped your hands in hers.

“I can’t- ‘m so sorry, you- oh god-“ she spluttered out, burying her face in your palms, shaking. You had no idea what she was talking about, too weak to try to comprehend the sudden disturbance. More of your skin was mottled and darker now; the hollowness of your cheeks and sunken eyes was a nauseatingly corpse-like sight.

Not even a minute later, your bedroom door burst open and Geto and Gojo spilled in, practically shoving each other out of the way to get in first, before coming to a screeching halt as they took in the scene before them. Shoko, a crying heap on the floor, clinging to you- or whatever was left of you. If it wasn’t for the fact you were looking up at them, blinking slowly with subtly furrowed brows, it would have been easy to assume you were already dead.

Satoru gasped and stepped back, almost falling over his own feet, and Geto was visibly beyond broken.

“I- I don’t- you said… you said you were getting better?” Satoru whispered, not trusting his voice as he shook and stared, tears glistening in his beautiful, ocean eyes. Suguru couldn’t even speak, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t do anything but stare as he took in the sight before him. One of his best friends on the entire planet, reduced to a shell of who you once were. You reeked of curses, the scent and sight of which had been covered by your and Shoko’s RCT, trying to keep your secret up as long as you could, but you were just too weak to do so anymore.

Suguru took one step forward, then another, his legs trembling as he reached out but hesitated, as if afraid you would disappear if he touched you. He sank down to the floor beside Shoko, staring at you silently as tears threatened to spill from his eyes.

“Why? Why didn’t you say anything?” Geto whispered, his voice broken and wavering. Slowly reaching out, he placed a gentle palm over where Shoko held your hands, silent tears now crawling down his face. Shoko was still sobbing beside him, overrun with guilt and devastation.

Satoru was the only one still standing, his glasses off as he tried to process the information his Six Eyes was giving him, able to see fully now that the techniques covering up your illness had finally faded. He let out a stifled sob, realising the truth, and paced the room, chest heaving as if he was starved of oxygen, trying to stop himself descending into a complete panic.

Wordlessly, he walked around your bed and stood behind you, before shakily climbing into the bed and burying his face into the back of your neck, sobbing into your skin as his arms cradled you. The room was filled with tears and quiet sobs as the group of friends grieved the reality they were faced with, all while you lay in the centre of them all with a weird sense of clarity, and peace.

Yes, you had promised Shoko you would tell them. No, you didn’t have the strength nor the courage to do so. You messed up, and this was what resulted from it. Weirdly, however, it almost felt better this way. The big secret was out, and you could finally rest without worrying about breaking the news. A gentle wind chime sung in the breeze of the open window, a gift from Shoko to you, and you closed your eyes and just breathed. Took in the love and warmth from the three people that loved you most in the world, even though your soul was beyond freezing; your body beyond exhausted.

The funeral was two weeks later.

A small ceremony, with just the three friends, a few other classmates, and a couple of the teaching staff from Jujutsu High. No family showed up to say goodbye, despite efforts to reach out from Geto, who was the only one still somewhat holding things together.

Shoko was a complete emotional mess, sleeping in your bed every night, smothering herself in your perfume, curling up in your hoodies. All to keep you close, to keep you real. She cried almost constantly when she was alone, but tried to keep up a brave face whenever someone else was around (it never worked). Everything reminded her of you, and it was sickening. The idea that this was all that was left of you, an empty room with no one left to care, it shattered what was left of her heart.

Satoru was destroyed. He had very few close friends or family members, so loss had never truly affected him before, but this… this was the most pain he had ever experienced. It felt like someone had broken completely through his infinity and carved his heart out of his chest, the physical ache of your absence a white-hot agony in his very soul. He pulled away from everyone, disappeared most days, slept for a couple hours every other night, and refused to eat. Sometimes he would cry, tears dampening his blindfold, but only when he was sure he was alone. He had to keep up appearances- he was the strongest, after all.

Suguru’s grief was quiet. Unending. It manifested in a simmering anger that bubbled up under the surface, oftentimes having to remove himself from the room before he snapped at someone. His eyes were dark, empty. The sparkle (you) had died out, and nothing brought him joy anymore. He tried to keep up appearances, keeping on top of his work, organising the funeral on Shoko’s behalf after she had a breakdown while reading the first document, and forcing food into Gojo’s hands whenever he saw him. It was all he could do to keep himself busy, to stop himself from falling apart completely.

After the viewing, funeral ceremony, and cremation, Shoko, Suguru, and Satoru gathered together around your cremated remains. Silently, they began separating the larger fragments of the remaining bones with shaking hands, carefully passing them between each other with chopsticks and into your beautiful little urn, the one Shoko had carefully chosen in your favourite colour, each of them silently paying their respects to you in their own way. Shoko had tears streaming down her face silently, only the odd hiccup or sniffle breaking the peaceful silence in the room. Traditionally, the deceased’s family members were the ones to perform this sacred practice, but they were as close as you got to family, perhaps even more so, and that was good enough. More than good enough.

Once the bone fragments had finished being collected and arranged in the urn so your soul would be upright for eternity, they all sat back, tearful and overwhelmed, but with a strange sense of… tranquility. Like now they could finally remember you properly, no more traditions or rituals, just pure love and admiration for the person who meant to much to them.

“Do you… do you think we… would… did we do well?” Shoko sniffled tearfully, struggling to find the words through her grief. She looked at Satoru, who was crying silently beside her through his blindfold, and Suguru who had a few stray tears crawling down his cheeks. The three of them sat in sombre silence for what felt like hours, not having the strength to stand or keep up appearances anymore. Just grieving for all of the memories that had been stolen from them from the past, and the ones stolen from the future, too. You deserved to be there, to be making them laugh when they cried, to be wiping away their tears with gentle hands and comforting them at their lowest. Not this. Not reduced to ash and preserved forever in an urn. You deserved more than that. You deserved your life.

Eventually, the three of them made their way back to the school, not speaking or acknowledging anyone, just a procession of devastation in black attire. Of course, everyone at the school knew by now, and kept a respectful distance between them so as to not interrupt their grief. By the time they made it to the corridor your room was located in, the trio noticed a small huddle of people gathered outside your door. When they approached, the students all gave them a respectful bow and cleared away, allowing Satoru, Suguru, and Shoko to see what they had left behind.

A beautiful memorial, just for you. White flowers, candles, incense, pictures of you and the amazing things you had achieved, little offerings like chocolate and even a tiny teddy bear. Shoko laughed tearfully, sinking down to her knees in front of the tribute, still clutching your urn tightly in her hands, before reaching out and trailing a trembling finger down your cheek in a picture where you looked as happy as you ever did. It was the day you had passed an exam you had been stressing over for months, and you were grinning from ear to ear. The trio were in the background of the picture, all laughing as you celebrated, and even in the black and white ink of the photo, your soul had never looked more colourful.

Satoru and Suguru knelt down beside her, admiring the memorial with fond gazes and gentle smiles. True, genuine smiles, for the first time since you had left. Satoru raised his blindfold as he took in your beautiful life through the pictures, not wanting to forget a second about your existence.

“Such a remarkable person.” Suguru murmured, smiling down at the picture of the two of you. He cradled the frame in cautious hands, memories of you two flooding back. He remembered the day the photo was taken- all the way back in second year- a beach trip. The photo showed you clinging to his back, shrieking with laughter as cold water from the sea splashed around your legs. It was such a beautiful, pure memory. “That was a good day.”

Satoru hummed in agreement, and Shoko picked up a photo of the four of you in your formal dance outfits. You were holding them all together, pride and centre, with your reached round as wide as you could and managing to reach around Satoru and Shoko on your left, and Suguru on your right. The four of you were laughing so hard you could see the slightly reddened faces even through the distant camera focus.

“We were so happy.” She whispered, finger tracing your tiny cheek as she laughed tearily once again.

“We will be again, one day.” Satoru murmured, squeezing her hand. Suguru sighed and nodded solemnly, leaning into his friend as Gojo’s arms came up around the two of them beside him.

A sudden noise came from inside your room and they all startled slightly, eyes flicking up to the closed door as if expecting you to be hiding behind it, as if this was all some elaborate joke. Deep down, of course, they knew it wasn’t, but the moment of pretending made it hurt all that bit less, and a bit more.

“Is that music playing?” Shoko whispered softly, standing up on shaky legs and clutching your urn to her chest, and her two friends stood up behind her as the faint musical notes caught their attention too. Shoko slowly opened the door to the (naturally) empty room and stepped inside, Satoru and Suguru following, the three of them transfixed on the source of the beautiful melody.

After falling silent in conjunction with your passing, Shoko’s gifted wind chime, hanging in the window, had begun to sing again.

A.N. ~ woo, first fic published! thank you so much for reading, if you enjoyed please let me know!! (this was really scary and I would appreciate the confidence boost) mwah ʕ·ᴥ·ʔ

all written content belongs to @dorayakipancakes. i do not own the original characters!! please do not feed my work into ai, repost, translate, or copy it, I will be very sad

≧◡≦

[dorayakipancakes]

Forever was supposed to be longer…

♪ recommended ♪ : mostly chimes - Adrianne Lenker

Satoru promised you would all be together forever- so what happens when forever gets cut short after you were cursed during a fight?

terminallyill!reader x Satoru/Suguru/Shoko(friendgroup)

Word Count: 4679

TW- angst, slight comfort, death, terminal illness, funeral, sadness, author is sorry

The world seemed quieter after you heard the news, the healer’s sympathetic voice fading into the suffocating silence of ringing ears and thick air that choked your lungs. The RCT treatment wasn’t working, and your body was starting to fail you slowly, little by little, until there would be nothing left. You would rot from the inside out, and there was nothing anyone could do.

Shoko’s hand clasped yours, her cold fingers delicate but reassuring as she embraced your trembling skin, the soft murmur of her voice nothing but a muffled blur in the background.

“Please, there has to be something we haven’t tried!” She whispered shakily, trying to keep her composure as her thumb traced gentle circles onto the back of your hand. You couldn’t even hear her, you couldn’t hear anything over the racing of your heart and the pounding fear and dread that had overcome every cell in your aching body.

It was all too much, too soon. Too young. It was your final year at Tokyo Jujutsu High, and you were so, so close to graduating. Everything you had worked for for the past four years, all the nights you had stayed up studying until the birds sung with the rising of the sun the next day, all the missed events and opportunities for the sake of you passing some insignificant exam you had already forgotten the context of. All for nothing.

The words of the healer rolled around in your mind like a haunting, fading in and out as you tried to process it. Nothing could be done? But… why? You were a good person, right? You helped people. You were kind, honest, loyal… right? Why? Why now? Why you? What about Shoko? Gojo and Geto? How could you leave them behind?

You had always been the baby of the group (a few months younger than Geto) and they had all always looked out for you. Sheltered you, made sure you ate and slept, and kept you safe on missions. Not to say you couldn’t hold your own- far from it- but it was almost instinctual. You didn’t really have any family, maybe an odd aunt here and there or perhaps even a cousin, but no one who cared about you, not really. Not like the little family you had made for yourself at school.

A sudden surge of brightness invaded your vision, accompanied by a soothing warmth, and you realised you were outside, suddenly snapped out of your own head by the change in environment, having not even realised you had moved from the bench in the healer’s room. Shoko still had your hand tightly clasped in hers, moving slowly and talking quietly, as if trying not to spook a wild animal. You hadn’t responded to anything she had said, but in all fairness she hardly noticed, too overwhelmed herself to take anything personally. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears, bottom lip trembling, despite her best efforts to put on a brave face.

“I- I don’t even know what to say. Sorry doesn’t even begin to cover it.” She whispered, searching your absent gaze for a sign that you had even slightly registered what she had said. Words failed you however, and you just shook your head subtly, staring at the floor.

“Do I- do you- can I call someone? Take you somewhere?” She struggled to find the words, helping you sit down on a nearby bench, not letting go of you as if she was already treasuring every moment left with you down to the second- which, of course, she was. Her trembling hand came up to push a strand of hair away from your eyes, with the delicacy of one cradling a newborn baby for the first time.

“It’s so unfair. I’m so- just- just so angry for you. You don’t deserve any of this.” Shoko sighed, her forehead dropping down to rest on your shoulder, inhaling the comforting scent of your favourite perfume. “I don’t know what to do now.”

You could hear Shoko talking, but your ears couldn’t process it, your voice just didn’t know how to respond. How are you supposed to comfort one best friend over your own death, let alone three?

Under the peaceful shade of an old Hinoki tree, accompanied by the gentle tinkling of a few wind chimes decorating its branches, the pair of you sat for a little while, not saying anything, until you felt a subtle dampening on the shoulder of your sweatshirt, and you managed to force yourself to look down at Shoko. She was crying quietly against your arm, hugging your elbow desperately as if to keep you permanently tethered to her. It was a depressing, somewhat disturbing sight- Shoko never cried. She would get emotional over things, sure, but never to the point of actual tears rolling down her beautiful, pale face.

You swallowed thickly, battling the weight on your chest as you closed your eyes for a moment, still sitting stiffly against the bench.

“Don’t… don’t cry…” you mumbled, words slurred with how heavy you felt, the overwhelming pain and fear turning into a sense of complete and utter numbness, as if your mind was trying to shield you from reality. “…not over me.”

Shoko just cried more at your words, throwing her arms around you fully now and burying her face into the crook of your neck, her lithe body wracked with stifled sobs. All you could do was rest your cheek against the crown of her head, weakly patting her leg with a couple of your only functioning fingers left.

The train ride back to Jujutsu High was a silent one for the two of you, only interrupted by a sniffle or two from Shoko, or a small coughing fit from you as you hacked up more of the dark, tarry liquid left behind by the curse into a tissue. Shoko was by your side throughout all of it, diligently nursing you and holding your hair out of your face, while shooting scowls at anyone who dared to make judgmental faces at you. While silent, the journey allowed you to process a little more, enough for you to become somewhat coherent with your speech and thoughts again, and you even managed to give Shoko a small, weak-but-brave, smile.

When she asked you about informing the others of your situation, you smiled slightly and told her you would handle it, not wanting to put that responsibility on her shoulders when you knew she was already feeling like the world was collapsing down on top of her. In reality, you had no idea how you would even begin to break the news, but that responsibility would fall to you, and you alone.

“I’ll tell them, okay? Just don’t say anything… not yet.” You murmured as she helped you down off the train, her arm linked through yours, and the two of you began the slow walk back to the school, with Shoko supporting you the whole way- even as your legs trembled and threatened to buckle beneath you.

“I’ll call a taxi, hold on-“ Shoko squeezed your arm as she began rifling through her back for her flip phone, but you quickly stopped her.

“No- no I want to walk. Please?” You pleaded quietly, looking up at her from your stooped position, body trembling under the exertion that you would have previously not even broken a sweat over. “I- I want to walk as long as I can.”

Shoko hesitated before nodding silently, clasping your arm with her hands and gently helping you back upright, concern painted across her delicate features, her Bambi eyes never leaving you.

“Not far, ok? Just… tell me when you need to stop. Please.” She smiled sadly, squeezing your arm and guiding you up a hill. The one you, Shoko, Satoru, and Suguru had played on when it last snowed, where you had rolled around in the powdery white and made snow angels, and had a snowball fight (which Satoru won, of course). Now, it was the equivalent of hell on Earth to your burning lungs, wheezes escaping you as you trudged onward, refusing to stop and let your body get the best of you. At times, Shoko had to look away and bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from bursting into tears again at the sight of you struggling so hard.

After reaching the top of the hill, you practically collapsed, your only saving grace was Shoko still determinedly holding you up. You began coughing violently again, the black substance spurting from your lips before you could stop it, and you doubled over, trembling. Shoko silently dropped down beside you and held a tissue to your mouth, softly wiping at your lips and rubbing your back at the same time.

“I got you. Just take a minute.” She whispered, her voice calming and reassuring as always, even as her heart shattered once again. She pulled you against her, allowing you to rest for a moment and catch your breath, stroking your hair and whispering encouraging words into your ears.

“We’re nearly there. You think you can stand? I could try to carry you.” She whispered with a sad laugh, her cheek against your head, mirroring how the two of you had sat under the Hinoki tree earlier. You missed the wind chimes.

As the two of you slowly trudged back to Jujutsu High, you thought over the events of the day, trying to recall the patches your mind had blocked out, trying to make sense of it all. Was this it? You were just destined to die, as simple as that? Were you scared of dying? Or scared of being alone? Being left behind? Or going ahead, and leaving your family behind instead?

Before you knew it, you were back at the entrance to the school, where Gojo and Geto were sat waiting on the steps to welcome the pair of you back. Shoko squeezed your arm reassuringly as you put on a brave smile and watched as the two men came over, Gojo full of energy as always, and Geto close behind.

“Hey, you!” Satoru grinned down at you, ruffling your hair and pulling you in for a hug, for which Shoko scolded him for being ‘too rough’. Suguru just rolled his eyes and chuckled softly, hugging you gently after his white-haired buddy had stepped back.

“How’d it go?” Suguru enquired sincerely, smoothing the hairs on your head that Satoru had messed up with a gentle, deliberate hand.

“Ah, I’m sure it went fine! Nothing to worry about, right?” Gojo smiled cheerily again, although his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. There was something almost desperate in his gaze, like if he forced himself to be happy and cheery enough then nothing could possibly be wrong… right?

“Actually-“ Shoko began, a solemn expression on her face as she held you close to her side, arm still linked through yours.

“It went fine. Healer was helpful, just got to wait it out.” You smiled, putting on the strongest mask you could muster, and silently praying Shoko wouldn’t expose your lies. Thankfully, she stayed silent, but you could feel her hand tense on your forearm.

“Oh, thank god!” Satoru and Suguru sighed in relief, Satoru grinning and ruffling your hair once again before pulling you into a hug once more, his arms tight around you despite Shoko’s protests. Suguru smiled and watched, but his gaze kept drifting back to Shoko, who couldn’t quite look either of them in the eye. Satoru pulled Suguru and Shoko into the hug, sandwiching you in the middle of all of them, and you let out a small, genuine laugh for the first time in a very, very, long time.

A few weeks passed and you had become increasingly weaker by the day, spending most of your time in bed, however you had simply reassured Gojo and Geto that it was normal and nothing to worry about every time they came to visit. Shoko hardly ever left your side; she missed classes and skipped meals just so that you wouldn’t be alone. Much of her life had been reduced to the surprisingly comfortable armchair beside your bed, and wouldn’t leave to take care of herself despite you unashamedly begging her to do so. You hated it- being such a burden on her, and despite whatever reassurances she tried to give you, you knew the truth. On the rare occasions she did step away, Gojo or Geto (sometimes both) would come to visit you, with Gojo reinacting his latest missions to keep you entertained, and Suguru reading to you from a textbook or one of your favourite novels so you wouldn’t get too bored.

Shoko had been asking you to tell them the truth for weeks, and you assured her you would… eventually. You just hadn’t quite worked out how to yet. After a few close calls where you nearly just blurted it out during their visits, you decided to hold your tongue even more, worried about what might happen if you spilled without preparing them.

After prepping what you were going to say, you told Shoko you would do it at the end of the week, when they next came to visit. She nodded solemnly, squeezing your hand and brushing your hair back from your face.

“Want me to be here?” She asked softly, her eyes searching yours as if looking for an answer to such an impossible situation.

“No, no it- it’s probably better if it’s just me. It will be ok.” You put on a brave face, trying your best to smile for her despite the pain you were in. With weak hands, you tried to squeeze her fingers back, but it was almost impossible. Your fingers had turned purple and black at the ends and the mottling was slowly making its way down your hands towards your wrists, and your feet, knees, shoulders, and neck had all begun to do the same. Rotting from the inside out, just like the healer said.

On the Saturday at the end of the week, there was a compulsory meeting for all final-year students to attend (with the exception of you), so Shoko was able to see Gojo and Geto properly for the first time in a while. As they waited for the meeting to begin, Shoko sat picking at her nails anxiously- she hated being away from you.

Gojo noticed and cocked his head to the side, eyes watching her curiously, and Suguru did the same.

“Hey, we know you’re worried. We are too. It’ll be okay though, right?” Geto offered her a small smile, reaching across the table to squeeze her forearm reassuringly.

“Yeah, why don’t we do something? Next weekend, the four of us, we could go to the aquarium? Ooh, the food market? Or my favourite restaurant and a movie? Or-” Satoru suggested excitedly, before being cut off by Shoko.

“Seriously? Next weekend?” She snapped and narrowed her eyebrows, completely shocked he would even suggest that.

“What?” Gojo replied softly, his voice cracking slightly like a wounded puppy. Even Geto was taken aback by her sudden outburst, the two of them clueless as to what could have offended her.

“You seriously forgot? Are you kidding?” She hissed, looking around to make sure no one overheard their conversation. “That’s the date we’re booked in for the meeting with the funeral home!”

All Satoru and Suguru could do was stare at her, dumbfounded. Suguru was at a loss for words completely, and for once even Satoru didn’t know what to say, he just sat there with his jaw dropped and eyes wide with shock. Shoko stared at them, confused, before her face fell with the realisation that she had just broken the worst news the two of them could have possibly gotten- angrily, with no warning or care. She stood up, hands over her mouth, and shook her head, before turning on her heel and sprinting away. It took them a moment of complete silence, before Gojo and Geto looked at each other, and took off after her.

Shoko burst into your room, shaking violently and apologising more profusely than she had ever done before, collapsing onto her knees beside your bed, tears rolling freely down her cheeks. You were disoriented by her sudden arrival, having just been asleep, and stared at her with a confused expression as she clasped your hands in hers.

“I can’t- ‘m so sorry, you- oh god-“ she spluttered out, burying her face in your palms, shaking. You had no idea what she was talking about, too weak to try to comprehend the sudden disturbance. More of your skin was mottled and darker now; the hollowness of your cheeks and sunken eyes was a nauseatingly corpse-like sight.

Not even a minute later, your bedroom door burst open and Geto and Gojo spilled in, practically shoving each other out of the way to get in first, before coming to a screeching halt as they took in the scene before them. Shoko, a crying heap on the floor, clinging to you- or whatever was left of you. If it wasn’t for the fact you were looking up at them, blinking slowly with subtly furrowed brows, it would have been easy to assume you were already dead.

Satoru gasped and stepped back, almost falling over his own feet, and Geto was visibly beyond broken.

“I- I don’t- you said… you said you were getting better?” Satoru whispered, not trusting his voice as he shook and stared, tears glistening in his beautiful, ocean eyes. Suguru couldn’t even speak, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t do anything but stare as he took in the sight before him. One of his best friends on the entire planet, reduced to a shell of who you once were. You reeked of curses, the scent and sight of which had been covered by your and Shoko’s RCT, trying to keep your secret up as long as you could, but you were just too weak to do so anymore.

Suguru took one step forward, then another, his legs trembling as he reached out but hesitated, as if afraid you would disappear if he touched you. He sank down to the floor beside Shoko, staring at you silently as tears threatened to spill from his eyes.

“Why? Why didn’t you say anything?” Geto whispered, his voice broken and wavering. Slowly reaching out, he placed a gentle palm over where Shoko held your hands, silent tears now crawling down his face. Shoko was still sobbing beside him, overrun with guilt and devastation.

Satoru was the only one still standing, his glasses off as he tried to process the information his Six Eyes was giving him, able to see fully now that the techniques covering up your illness had finally faded. He let out a stifled sob, realising the truth, and paced the room, chest heaving as if he was starved of oxygen, trying to stop himself descending into a complete panic.

Wordlessly, he walked around your bed and stood behind you, before shakily climbing into the bed and burying his face into the back of your neck, sobbing into your skin as his arms cradled you. The room was filled with tears and quiet sobs as the group of friends grieved the reality they were faced with, all while you lay in the centre of them all with a weird sense of clarity, and peace.

Yes, you had promised Shoko you would tell them. No, you didn’t have the strength nor the courage to do so. You messed up, and this was what resulted from it. Weirdly, however, it almost felt better this way. The big secret was out, and you could finally rest without worrying about breaking the news. A gentle wind chime sung in the breeze of the open window, a gift from Shoko to you, and you closed your eyes and just breathed. Took in the love and warmth from the three people that loved you most in the world, even though your soul was beyond freezing; your body beyond exhausted.

The funeral was two weeks later.

A small ceremony, with just the three friends, a few other classmates, and a couple of the teaching staff from Jujutsu High. No family showed up to say goodbye, despite efforts to reach out from Geto, who was the only one still somewhat holding things together.

Shoko was a complete emotional mess, sleeping in your bed every night, smothering herself in your perfume, curling up in your hoodies. All to keep you close, to keep you real. She cried almost constantly when she was alone, but tried to keep up a brave face whenever someone else was around (it never worked). Everything reminded her of you, and it was sickening. The idea that this was all that was left of you, an empty room with no one left to care, it shattered what was left of her heart.

Satoru was destroyed. He had very few close friends or family members, so loss had never truly affected him before, but this… this was the most pain he had ever experienced. It felt like someone had broken completely through his infinity and carved his heart out of his chest, the physical ache of your absence a white-hot agony in his very soul. He pulled away from everyone, disappeared most days, slept for a couple hours every other night, and refused to eat. Sometimes he would cry, tears dampening his blindfold, but only when he was sure he was alone. He had to keep up appearances- he was the strongest, after all.

Suguru’s grief was quiet. Unending. It manifested in a simmering anger that bubbled up under the surface, oftentimes having to remove himself from the room before he snapped at someone. His eyes were dark, empty. The sparkle (you) had died out, and nothing brought him joy anymore. He tried to keep up appearances, keeping on top of his work, organising the funeral on Shoko’s behalf after she had a breakdown while reading the first document, and forcing food into Gojo’s hands whenever he saw him. It was all he could do to keep himself busy, to stop himself from falling apart completely.

After the viewing, funeral ceremony, and cremation, Shoko, Suguru, and Satoru gathered together around your cremated remains. Silently, they began separating the larger fragments of the remaining bones with shaking hands, carefully passing them between each other with chopsticks and into your beautiful little urn, the one Shoko had carefully chosen in your favourite colour, each of them silently paying their respects to you in their own way. Shoko had tears streaming down her face silently, only the odd hiccup or sniffle breaking the peaceful silence in the room. Traditionally, the deceased’s family members were the ones to perform this sacred practice, but they were as close as you got to family, perhaps even more so, and that was good enough. More than good enough.

Once the bone fragments had finished being collected and arranged in the urn so your soul would be upright for eternity, they all sat back, tearful and overwhelmed, but with a strange sense of… tranquility. Like now they could finally remember you properly, no more traditions or rituals, just pure love and admiration for the person who meant to much to them.

“Do you… do you think we… would… did we do well?” Shoko sniffled tearfully, struggling to find the words through her grief. She looked at Satoru, who was crying silently beside her through his blindfold, and Suguru who had a few stray tears crawling down his cheeks. The three of them sat in sombre silence for what felt like hours, not having the strength to stand or keep up appearances anymore. Just grieving for all of the memories that had been stolen from them from the past, and the ones stolen from the future, too. You deserved to be there, to be making them laugh when they cried, to be wiping away their tears with gentle hands and comforting them at their lowest. Not this. Not reduced to ash and preserved forever in an urn. You deserved more than that. You deserved your life.

Eventually, the three of them made their way back to the school, not speaking or acknowledging anyone, just a procession of devastation in black attire. Of course, everyone at the school knew by now, and kept a respectful distance between them so as to not interrupt their grief. By the time they made it to the corridor your room was located in, the trio noticed a small huddle of people gathered outside your door. When they approached, the students all gave them a respectful bow and cleared away, allowing Satoru, Suguru, and Shoko to see what they had left behind.

A beautiful memorial, just for you. White flowers, candles, incense, pictures of you and the amazing things you had achieved, little offerings like chocolate and even a tiny teddy bear. Shoko laughed tearfully, sinking down to her knees in front of the tribute, still clutching your urn tightly in her hands, before reaching out and trailing a trembling finger down your cheek in a picture where you looked as happy as you ever did. It was the day you had passed an exam you had been stressing over for months, and you were grinning from ear to ear. The trio were in the background of the picture, all laughing as you celebrated, and even in the black and white ink of the photo, your soul had never looked more colourful.

Satoru and Suguru knelt down beside her, admiring the memorial with fond gazes and gentle smiles. True, genuine smiles, for the first time since you had left. Satoru raised his blindfold as he took in your beautiful life through the pictures, not wanting to forget a second about your existence.

“Such a remarkable person.” Suguru murmured, smiling down at the picture of the two of you. He cradled the frame in cautious hands, memories of you two flooding back. He remembered the day the photo was taken- all the way back in second year- a beach trip. The photo showed you clinging to his back, shrieking with laughter as cold water from the sea splashed around your legs. It was such a beautiful, pure memory. “That was a good day.”

Satoru hummed in agreement, and Shoko picked up a photo of the four of you in your formal dance outfits. You were holding them all together, pride and centre, with your reached round as wide as you could and managing to reach around Satoru and Shoko on your left, and Suguru on your right. The four of you were laughing so hard you could see the slightly reddened faces even through the distant camera focus.

“We were so happy.” She whispered, finger tracing your tiny cheek as she laughed tearily once again.

“We will be again, one day.” Satoru murmured, squeezing her hand. Suguru sighed and nodded solemnly, leaning into his friend as Gojo’s arms came up around the two of them beside him.

A sudden noise came from inside your room and they all startled slightly, eyes flicking up to the closed door as if expecting you to be hiding behind it, as if this was all some elaborate joke. Deep down, of course, they knew it wasn’t, but the moment of pretending made it hurt all that bit less, and a bit more.

“Is that music playing?” Shoko whispered softly, standing up on shaky legs and clutching your urn to her chest, and her two friends stood up behind her as the faint musical notes caught their attention too. Shoko slowly opened the door to the (naturally) empty room and stepped inside, Satoru and Suguru following, the three of them transfixed on the source of the beautiful melody.

After falling silent in conjunction with your passing, Shoko’s gifted wind chime, hanging in the window, had begun to sing again.

A.N. ~ woo, first fic published! thank you so much for reading, if you enjoyed please let me know!! (this was really scary and I would appreciate the confidence boost) mwah ʕ·ᴥ·ʔ

all written content belongs to @dorayakipancakes. i do not own the original characters!! please do not feed my work into ai, repost, translate, or copy it, I will be very sad

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