The Dork Knight Rises

Just your average polka-playing, monster-slaying, cadaver-poking Medical Examiner turned Knight of the Cross. Oh, and Jewish. Go figure.

[t-raith]

FMK, Butters, Toby, Deklan

It does say kill and not drink, so I’ll kill Deklan, obviously. Guess I already married Tobias once. So… yeah. Deal with it, Butters. Shhh. Just close your eyes and pretend it’s Andi.

[dorkknightofthecross]

[dorkknightofthecross]

🐣

(( Send 🐣 for my muse to confess an embarrassing secret ))

“Yes, I’ve fantasized about Andi and Orchid... Concurrently.”

[dorkknightofthecross]

🐣

(( Send 🐣 for my muse to confess an embarrassing secret ))

“I didn’t have any underwear on in that mountain.”

[rpmeme-shit]

Send 🐣 for my muse to confess an embarrassing secret

[dorkknightofthecross]

(offering) The phone number and picture of a very nice young man

I’m in a relationship, Justine!

[dorkknightofthecross]

*leaves an accordion and a complete collection of Weird Al CDs plus a blu-ray of UHF on Butter's altar*

I’ll allow it

[nano-morph]

If my Muse was a Deity, what Offerings Would you Leave at Their Shrine?

My muse will react to whatever items you leave for them

[justineinsilver]

Rule 34 || Justine / Butters

(text) Doctor Butters? (text) Do you have any interest in being fixed up? (text) there’s this nice young man on the security detail who doesn’t get out much. I think you’d like him.

@dorkknightofthecross

[dorkknightofthecross]

[text] I’m in a relationship [text] With a woman [text] So [text] I appreciate the thought [MMS selfie of Butters and Andi]

[justineinsilver]

(text) … Great! (text) my bad I didn’t know

[dorkknightofthecross]

[text] I do appreciate the thought! [text] Have you been doing okay? [text] No more fallen?

[justineinsilver]

(text) I haven’t heard from him in a while. (text) I’m kinda worried.

[dorkknightofthecross]

[text] Worried about [text] We’ll keep trying, and if we have to, we’ll do what needs to be done [text] And by ‘we’ I mean the Knights. [text] You should stay away from fallen angels.

[t-raith]

(some sort of random symbol) from Butters

[text] Important question[text] Okay so if someone is technically dead and doesn’t have a heartbeat or anything but they’re reanimated by magic[text] Would they still have normal bodily function at all[text] Or, hypothetically speaking, would lube be required[text] I need to know fast

[t-raith]

[text] That sounds unpleasant [text] I’m going to try to stick with things designed to be comfortable [text] And pleasant! [text] Um… enjoy not applying makeup to girls corpses I guess [text] Everybody’s got to have a hobby

[dorkknightofthecross]

[text] I respect that [text] And polka

[t-raith]

(some sort of random symbol) from Butters

[text] Important question[text] Okay so if someone is technically dead and doesn’t have a heartbeat or anything but they’re reanimated by magic[text] Would they still have normal bodily function at all[text] Or, hypothetically speaking, would lube be required[text] I need to know fast

[t-raith]

[text] Oh I didn’t know it was the mothers side [text] Weird [text] I guess I have no idea if I’m Jewish! [text] So I could be Jewish AND a vampire! [text] Uh I’m going to go with no on the conversion though [text] I don’t think I’d be very good at it [text] I’m not entirely comfortable with religion…

[dorkknightofthecross]

[text] I think it’s designed to be uncomfortable

[t-raith]

(some sort of random symbol) from Butters

[text] Important question[text] Okay so if someone is technically dead and doesn’t have a heartbeat or anything but they’re reanimated by magic[text] Would they still have normal bodily function at all[text] Or, hypothetically speaking, would lube be required[text] I need to know fast

[t-raith]

[text] Uh I have no idea [text] I don’t think so? [text] Not mine specifically I guess but someone’s could be [text] Wait what’s wrong with my dad [text] Er don’t answer that, undo undo, I mean couldn’t he hypothetically be Jewish too [text] I guess it depends on how it counts for generations like if you can be considered Jewish if you’re a quarter Jewish [text] Hey I thought it was a religion though, can’t you basically choose to be Jewish and convert and everything

[dorkknightofthecross]

[text] If your mom is Jewish, you’re Jewish [text] Some reform people count patrilineal decent, too, but Orthodox don’t [text] If your mom’s mom’s mom’s mom’s mom’s mom was Jewish, you’re Jewish.  Matrilineal decent!  Doesn’t matter the fraction.  It’s yes or no. [text] Yes, it’s a religion [text] and a race [text] and it’s permanent [text] You could convert, too.

[t-raith]

(some sort of random symbol) from Butters

[text] Important question[text] Okay so if someone is technically dead and doesn’t have a heartbeat or anything but they’re reanimated by magic[text] Would they still have normal bodily function at all[text] Or, hypothetically speaking, would lube be required[text] I need to know fast

[t-raith]

[text] I have absolutely no idea [text] CAN vampires be Jewish? [text] You’re the jew here you tell me [text] Are there any anti vampire clauses or anything [text] No I just mean you don’t look like a vampire but to be fair I don’t think I would recognize someone as Jewish on sight? [text] I don’t exactly think about things like that! I’m an equal opportunity vampire [text] Sort of [text] At least in that regard…

[dorkknightofthecross]

[text] Well, not your kind of [text] Well, I suppose [text] I mean, if your mother was Jewish [text] Was your mother Jewish?

[t-raith]

(some sort of random symbol) from Butters

[text] Important question[text] Okay so if someone is technically dead and doesn’t have a heartbeat or anything but they’re reanimated by magic[text] Would they still have normal bodily function at all[text] Or, hypothetically speaking, would lube be required[text] I need to know fast

[t-raith]

[text] So get a bumper sticker that says so [text] Basic problem solving skills! [text] Besides you might just get mistaken for a vampire [text] Well until they see you…

[dorkknightofthecross]

[text] Are you saying that because I’m Jewish?

[t-raith]

[text] Are you saying vampires can’t be Jewish?!

[dorkknightofthecross]

[text] It sounds like that’s what you’re saying!

[t-raith]

(some sort of random symbol) from Butters

[text] Important question[text] Okay so if someone is technically dead and doesn’t have a heartbeat or anything but they’re reanimated by magic[text] Would they still have normal bodily function at all[text] Or, hypothetically speaking, would lube be required[text] I need to know fast

[t-raith]

[text] So get a bumper sticker that says so [text] Basic problem solving skills! [text] Besides you might just get mistaken for a vampire [text] Well until they see you…

[dorkknightofthecross]

[text] Are you saying that because I’m Jewish?

[t-raith]

(some sort of random symbol) from Butters

[text] Important question[text] Okay so if someone is technically dead and doesn’t have a heartbeat or anything but they’re reanimated by magic[text] Would they still have normal bodily function at all[text] Or, hypothetically speaking, would lube be required[text] I need to know fast

[t-raith]

[text] Ohh I get it [text] You’re a one woman kind of guy [text] It’s quaint but I guess it can work? [text] Probably [text] Well just let me know if you change your mind [text] I’m telling you, hearse!

[dorkknightofthecross]

[text] I’m not getting a hearse because I don’t want to be confused for a MORTICIAN

[t-raith]

(some sort of random symbol) from Butters

[text] Important question[text] Okay so if someone is technically dead and doesn’t have a heartbeat or anything but they’re reanimated by magic[text] Would they still have normal bodily function at all[text] Or, hypothetically speaking, would lube be required[text] I need to know fast

[t-raith]

[text] Look, I don’t discuss your sex life with my girlfriend! [text] I’m usually a little too busy having my own [text] If you would prefer I discuss you when I’m in bed with her I will do so [text] But she might not retain much of that information [text] So you do like girls, so you are on the market then! [text] Anyway like I was saying, chicks dig hearses [text] Also you really SHOULD put makeup on corpses, it’s probably good practice [text] We just used those little plastic face things and each other in class but dead people are like a combination of the two and they wouldn’t let us raid the morgue

[dorkknightofthecross]

[text] I am currently in a relationship with a woman [text] So I am not in the market for any more women [text] or any guys [text] REALLY NOT A MORTICIAN [text] I cut them open and see why they died [text] Morticians make them pretty so their widows can cry over them.

[t-raith]

(some sort of random symbol) from Butters

[text] Important question[text] Okay so if someone is technically dead and doesn’t have a heartbeat or anything but they’re reanimated by magic[text] Would they still have normal bodily function at all[text] Or, hypothetically speaking, would lube be required[text] I need to know fast

[t-raith]

[text] Yeah because some of us learn from our mistakes and stop driving our personal mortician around after [text] You should drive a hearse [text] It would be kind of awesome [text] Chicks love hearses

[dorkknightofthecross]

[text] I’m not in the market for chicks [text] and I’m not a mortician! [text] I’m a MEDICAL EXAMINER.  COMPLETELY DIFFERENT JOBS

[t-raith]

[text] Right right you work with dead people, close enough [text] Sorry I guess I never asked about your preferences [text] You WERE pretty chill about it when you thought I was dating Harry [text] But I thought you had a girlfriend

[dorkknightofthecross]

[text] I WENT TO MEDICAL SCHOOL [text] MORTICIANS PUT MAKE UP ON CORPSES [text] I DO NOT PUT MAKE UP ON CORPSES [text] I’m sorry, that just bugs me. [text] I do have a girlfriend [text] And your girlfriend just offered to fix me up with one of your sister’s employees [text] Why does she not know I have a girlfriend?