Shady Pines, Ma

Wit and acerbic commentary by Dorothy Zbornak

[dorothypetrillozbornak]

Use vodka and black underwear like everyone else!

Dorothy Zbornak on Blanche Devereaux needing a special aphrodisiac 

[dorothypetrillozbornak]

Listen, I have an idea! Why don't you all take turns hitting me with a two-by-four?

Dorothy Zbornak on Rose Nylund, Blanche Devereaux, and a cleaning lady pointing out the bags beneath her eyes

[dorothypetrillozbornak]

If you get Norman's attention it won't be because of what's in that bottle. But if it does, I'll sell my mother for an ounce.

Dorothy Zbornak on Blanche Devereaux's love potion

[dorothypetrillozbornak]

Oh, yes, Rose. But then again, who isn't when he's caught relieving himself and eating dinner at the same time?

Dorothy Zbornak on Rose Nylund showing her a picture of her pig, Baby, when he was younger 

[dorothypetrillozbornak]

Four grown women decide to live with a pig, and he's the one with the mental problem?

Dorothy Zbornak on Rose Nylund telling her their pet pig is homesick 

[dorothypetrillozbornak]

Even your money has more fun than I do.

Dorothy Zbornak on Blanche Devereaux planning to get naked and roll around in inheritance money 

[dorothypetrillozbornak]

Rose, I know this is a long shot. But, uh, did you take much acid during the 60's?

Dorothy Zbornak on Rose Nylund confusing Dr. Spock with Spock the Vulcan

[dorothypetrillozbornak]

Rose, we've been over this a hundred times. You cannot get pregnant from using the toilet at the mall.

Dorothy Zbornak on Rose Nylund stating she's going to be a mother again

[dorothypetrillozbornak]

And it was so sporting of you to share your winnings. With my $10 I got that can opener I always wanted.

Dorothy Zbornak on Blanche Devereaux winning the $1,000 prize at that Dance Marathon 

[dorothypetrillozbornak]

How old were you when they dropped the "dancing" part?

Dorothy Zbornak on Rose Nylund stating that when she was younger, she was known as the "Dancing Fool" 

[dorothypetrillozbornak]

Blanche, we are not dancing on our backs.

Dorothy Zbornak on Blanche Devereaux saying she has more endurance on the dance floor

[dorothypetrillozbornak]

You remember that, but you don't know that MASH is off the air.

Dorothy Zbornak on Sophia Petrillo remembering back to Brooklyn, April, 1954

[dorothypetrillozbornak]

Maybe it's a Jehovah's Witness with a caffeine problem.

Dorothy Zbornak on the doorbell ringing at three in the morning 

[dorothypetrillozbornak]

We’re gonna eat chicken for the rest of our lives.

Dorothy Zbornak on an event they were catering being canceled 

[dorothypetrillozbornak]

A bucket of chicken. I hope you like it extra flat and crispy.

Dorothy Zbornak on Rose Nylund asking her what she bought for dinner while she was holding a pizza box. 

[dorothypetrillozbornak]

Listen, Daisy, I do not like being intimidated, I do not like being threatened, and frankly, kid, I do not like you. And I am not gonna buy you anything, and I am going to tell your folks what you're doing and then I'm going to call the School for Bad Girls and they will come and pick you up and put you in a sack and take you away… And you will never eat ice cream or play jump rope again.

Dorothy Zbornak on a Daisy, a Sunshine Cadet, taking Rose Nylund's toy bear Fernando hostage for a 10-speed Schwinn bike 

[dorothypetrillozbornak]

I understand, Rose. Which, if I thought about it, says something deeply disturbing about me.

Dorothy Zbornak on Rose Nylund telling her she has a right to sing the blues because she lost her teddy bear Fernando