It wasn’t rare for Gabriel to have a bad night. That’s why his therapist prescribed him a cocktail of drugs to take during the day and before bed. But sometimes they don’t even help. Sometimes he still has dreams, or night terrors as his therapist told him once he’d described them. Sometimes he’ll wake up with a gasp but be able to fall back to sleep after some deep breaths, a few more pills and a glass of water. But on rarer occasions, he’ll wake up with a scream, shaking and paralysed with fear for a good five minutes or so. He’ll then be so shaken up that no amount of pills could help him fall back to sleep and he’ll spend the rest of the night awake.
That’s how he ended up at Dot’s. He’d had an awful night. His first one in weeks, actually. He thought he was making progress, and so did his therapist but she’ll be disappointed to know that he’s still just as fucked up as ever. Running on only a few hours of sleep and a fuck load of coffee, Gabe headed to Dot’s straight after his classes had finished. He didn’t want to admit it to himself, but he needed the company. He actually needed someone there, and that thought alone made him feel inferior and weak, but he always felt a little softer and found himself craving someone to be around him. He could have gone to Mattie’s, but she would have been loud and demanded to know why there were dark circles under his eyes, and why his hands shook when he thought no one would notice. He could have gone to Silas, maybe he should have, but there was just something about Dot’s calm demeanor that Gabriel needed right then.
Spending the afternoon laying on the sofa with her, still catching up on Lost and sharing lazy kisses was exactly what he needed. He was still a little twitchy, startling every time there was a noise just a little too loud on the television, but laughing it off with forced, nervous laughter to try and hide it. Even though the afternoon was going so well, he couldn’t ignore the frustration growing inside of him. He knew that Dot hadn’t really seen him in such a bad way before and he just couldn’t get himself to calm down fully. His frustration was only making things worse. After he twitched at a loud bang coming from the show, he abruptly sat up and paused the television. “We should watch something else. This is boring now.” He muttered, a heavy frown setting on his brows.
A heavy conversation weighed on Dot’s mind recently. Where her father had called her, telling her the answer to a question she had asked not long ago. About her boyfriend. She already got the information on Mattie since she was a little more eager to find out what he girlfriend has done in her life. Nothing too noteworthy or surprising. But what her father found out on Gabe, now that was something she’s been thinking about. All of it. From his dad, to his mom, to his therapists. God, he’s had so many. It’s one of the few times she’s heard her dad tell her to be careful. That he doesn’t want her to get hurt, like Gabe’s a threat to her. She still manages to talk to her father, he still cares even after all she’s done. Even after she butchered her own child. Her mother, on the other hand, that’s another story. She can’t face the women who named Dot’s baby, who bought her the clothes now most likely sitting on a Salvation Army rack, claiming a new family. She hasn’t spoken to her mother since the night the small life form inside her was ripped to shreds.
But aside from the guilt of her own, she had been thinking about Gabe a lot. The poor man. She wasn’t scared of him. She wasn’t upset with the past he so clearly wanted to cover up. Who wouldn’t? Who wanted that sort of thing plastered across everyone’s face. No wonder he moved. She understood. While she couldn’t fully relate, Dot could wrap her head around the concept. She could only imagine but for Dot that was good enough. Of course she didn’t bring it up, but hanging around him made her think a lot about it. Looking up at his face while watching that dumb show she didn’t give two shits about, thinking of the damaged bones inside him caused by kin. Why she kissed him so gently so much. he was a soul damaged by the cruelties of the world. She didn’t want to fix him but she wanted him to know he wasn’t along in the dark world God had created.
God, a cruel power that made the world an fucked up place to live and not everyone was as forgiving to Him than Dot was. Maybe Gabriel often questioned His glory. Cursed to the high heavens about why he was given the life he was given. The world if fucked up, and also filled with bitter souls. That was the thought in Dot’s mind as she watched Gabe was the show, his body suddenly jolting and soon sitting up, making her curl back like a worm just being touched. What a change in mood; Dot’s brows furrowed and she looked at him, then the television. “Oh.. alright. Whatever you want to put on, go ahead, Gabriel.” God have mercy on his soul for her is not responsible for the actions he takes, but curse his father instead.
