In a sense, I have found my “own” happiness. I was under the impression that I could never find someone that would love me like you did and truth is, I really hope no one ever does love me like you. Your love was one of a kind and for a while, it was a rush. But, I got trapped.
I fell into a cycle of never ending tears, broken hearts, and betrayal. It took me so long. So. Long. So long to even consider that the love you were giving me wasn’t the love that someone should have. I was an option.
I wasn’t used to someone loving me on and off like you. It was new to me and I never experienced something like that before, so I just assumed that, that was what love was and I assumed that I was truly loved.
I was convinced that I wasn’t able to find happiness without you and I convinced myself for so long that you were the source of my laughter and joy. I was so wrong.
Please don’t ever say I never loved you because for the longest time, I loved you more than I loved myself. I loved you and nursed you when you were shy. I told you it was okay to blossom and come out of your shell, and in the end, it backfired.
Since I finally, finally, FINALLY, left...? I found my happiness. It’s not with someone else and my heart is where it belongs. With my family and friends and the life that I have always had, but left for you at one point.
I’m lucky to still have it.
I’m finally happy.
