Thunderous Applause: A Tragedy
Oh hey, it’s you! How are you? Me? I’m great! Did you catch President Trump’s inauguration ceremony? Greatest day in American history! Our country will finally get back on track. What? Oh yeah, I did see Elon Musk salute the audience. That was really special, really from the heart. Everyone was cheering and clapping so loudly! What do you mean? No, it didn’t remind me of anyone….
Look, we don’t have time for a history lesson. History isn’t important anyway, only the future matters, and our future is going to be great! How do we start? Well, I was thinking, the problem is the people. No, I don’t mean us. MAGA only wants to help the country. It’s other people, especially illegal aliens. No, I’m not going to call them immigrants! They don’t belong here. They’re not immigrants, they’re illegals!
We have teams ready all over the country, we’ll start sending them out. Oh, the Arizona governor isn’t playing ball? Arrest her, we don’t have time for this. No, it’s not her state, it’s ours. This country is ours. And if the libs and traitors don’t like it, they can leave too.
What are you complaining about now, those internment camps are fine! No, they’re not allowed phone calls or lawyers! They don’t have rights, they’re not citizens. We’re not giving them free cable TV either, is that okay with you, your majesty?! Are you sure you’re completely legal? Let me see your paperwork. Yes all of it….
Oh, it’s you again. Yes, I have news. It turns out that you are a legal citizen. For now. But while we were digging into your family, we noticed that your wife’s cousin is a birthright citizen, which doesn’t count anymore. Yes, we’ve already had a team get her… Don’t worry, we’ll send her to one of the less crowded camps before we deport her. Yes, I’m aware that she was born here, has children and grandchildren, a career that spanned decades…she shouldn’t have been born here illegally! And no, it doesn’t matter that she doesn’t know anyone in the country we’re sending her to or that she's unable to speak the language. It’s where she belongs. You know, this is your fault! All of those complaints about human rights weren’t doing much to make America Great! We had no choice but to look into your family. Do we need to take a deeper look? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Oh, hey, I have great news! President Trump has decided to give the Gulf it’s rightful name — The Gulf of America! He’s also decided that Canada isn’t doing so great. We’re going to help them out by taking over. We’ll just make them one big state. No, why would they mind? They’ve screwed it up for long enough. You know how many natural resources we can get when we include them in our Great Nation?
I’ve been looking back at all of those anti-illegal alien and pro-Great America laws we've passed, and we left a really nice loophole! See, if you go far back enough, literally everyone is related to a one time immigrant or illegal! Even the Native Americans came here from somewhere else thousands of years ago, and it's not like they had our permission when they did! Why does this matter? Well, it means we can go after the real problem — those who aren’t Making America Great. We don’t have to bother with things like civil rights, we just need to find an ancestor who came here illegally. Or invent one. We can mark potentially undesirable people with tattoos, and maybe even force them to wear uniforms every day. Track their phones, force them to check in with us weekly. That way it’ll be easy to gather them all up if we need to.
Good news! We just passed a law that makes Elon Musk’s “From the Heart Salute” the official greeting of the MAGA government! What?! Are you going on about WWII again? No one cares. Say, how’s your wife’s cousin like her new country? Yes, the war with Canada is going well, and we still have plenty of troops to send to our Russian allies. I mean, poor people have to be useful somehow, right? Conscripting them was a really good idea. With our help, Russia is gaining ground in Europe. Soon everything on that side of the world will be Great.
Did you hear about Phil? He kept babbling about women’s reproductive rights — as if they have any since Trump signed the Men”s Reproduction Rights Act into law. He was really annoying me, so I called the Committee for American Greatness on him. They took his entire family to a reeducation camp. Except his son — the kid is in the closet. You know, he has not-Great LGBT leanings. Straight to a deportation camp for him.
Oh, hi. Yeah, I’m aware that all of our camps are beyond overfilled. But I’ve found a solution! See, I’ve been thinking, and it’s unfair that Great Americans have to pay taxes just so we can lock these vermin up for a few months before we deport them. And they just sneak back into the country anyway. The humane thing to do is to end their lives. They’re meaningless anyway. They’ll never be Great, never belong. No, furnaces will be easy to install. That way we won’t have to bury them.
Well, no, we don’t need to exterminate all of the vermin. We should keep some alive to experiment on. There’s something about them that makes them no-so-Great, and we need to find out what it is. Why? Well, because that way we can start eugenics programs to breed the vermin out, get rid of them permanently.
Yes, I am a National Christian. Isn’t it illegal to not be? Oh, that law is going through next week? Anyway, I like it in practice, it’s good enough now as the official religion. But I don’t buy into all of the Jesus stuff. The only man who has ever been there for us is Donald J. Trump! He’s done so much to save us from the illegals and the vermin. Really, this is a MAGA country, and Trump is MAGA! He deserves more of a role in our national religion.
No, I’m not going to be on the campaign for vice president Vance to run for president. There’s no need. Trump lost out on his original second term because of us. We didn’t have enough faith in his wisdom and leadership. We didn’t love and honor him enough. We didn’t stop the vermin from stealing the election. It was our fault, and he has suffered for our sins. That’s just not right. And yes, he has his second term now, but that doesn’t seem like enough. No, I’m not talking about changing the law so he can have a 3rd term. We need to make him our lifelong president. Look how well it’s working out for Russia! Putin is president for life, and he’s managed to exterminate quite a bit of vermin there and make not-so-Great lifestyles illegal. President Trump is doing the same here, but he needs more time. And this way, he can choose his successor in his will! There will never be a need for another election. Democracy? What do you mean? This is a republic!!
Yes, all of the illegal aliens and anti-Great vermin are gone now, burnt to a crisp and their ashes dumped in the Gulf of America. But let’s keep some of those camps open. There are still some people who oppose President Trump and Admiral Musk’s plan to spread our Greatness around the globe. The furnaces will be a fitting end for them once they stop hiding like rats and we catch them.
Well, we've finally done it. We have exterminated all of the illegals and vermin, set our laws in line with God's will, and guaranteed that a Trump will always be there to lead and guide us. We have Made America Great Again, and with lifelong President Trump’s help, we did it together.
