SENTENCE MEME ⟶ WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS / 2.01
always feel free to tweak the sentence to fit your muse.
‘he had an accident and died.’
‘i had what is known as a summer of self-discovery.’
‘i spent so much time at the DMV they finally just gave me a license.’
‘i did what any young, handsome man would do: i went and bought a classic convertible, put the top down, blasted some tunes and blocked the entrance to the lincoln tunnel.’
‘no, don’t you remember? his intestines came straight out of his bum.’
‘not much new with me. i’ve been spending a lot more time in the upstairs bathroom.’
‘that’s the tenth vampire i killed this month.’
‘well, can you dust more quietly please?’
‘i haven’t slept in 72 hours. i’ve been eating these chocolate-covered espresso beans.’
‘did you make a messy toilet again?’
‘you should really drink more water.’
‘my wife and i have not a whore’s notion what any of that means. but we like it.’
‘it’s like my father used to say: never accept a towel from an italian.’
‘i dragged it for three blocks before i noticed and i’m embarrassed to say i dragged it for another eight blocks after that.’
‘i could watch him clean all day.’
‘what they don’t know can’t hurt them.’
‘i feel like there’s a way to be cool… which you are, you’re very cool… and also, respectful, you know?’
‘you need to let them know that you are worthy of being turned into a vampire someday.’
‘who doesn’t want to be a vampire?’
‘he’s still learning. he’s still finding himself. he’ll get there.’
‘you know, if you want, you can drain me right now.’
‘i don’t mean to be hard on you, but it’s important you follow the fules for everyone’s safety.’
‘do me a favor and stay away from the koi pond.’
‘yeah, i’m sad that he died. but… that’s the business.’
‘death comes for us all. it comes for the bees. it comes for the trees. it comes for, uh, basically anyone from zero on up, so…’
‘there’s no such think as vampire killers, you knob lord.’
‘i’m just saying that it wouldn’t hurt to be more cautious and alert.’
‘it’s a truly fantastical part of the dark arts.’
‘no, he’s excellent at the dark art of ripping you off.’
‘these people are shysters. they’re obsessed with the upsell.’
‘’meet me at my hut’ what bloody hut?’
‘look, mister, we are not interested in your tricks and trinkets.’
‘yeah, uh, how long has he been dead?’
‘he is not dead, although sometimes we wish he was.’
‘did you bring a personal item belonging to the deceased?’
‘it’s all there, razzle-dazzle man.’
‘life takes time, my friend. we are reversing the very power of nature itself.’
‘i have recently noticed that the house reeks of decaying flesh, and there are dead birds everywhere.’
‘i think there might be something really wrong with him.’
‘he waits under my bed and tries to bite me, for one.’
‘that, my boy, sounds like slander.’
‘do you have any proof of this wild accusation?’
‘i just wish you guys knew how hard i work for you, and you don’t, so that’s okay, never mind, forget it.’
‘sorry, buddy, but you were trying to kill me.’
‘i’m not gonna high-five you anymore.’
‘your screaming disturbed me from my slumber.’
‘you shouldn’t be putting your head in there. it’s not hygienic.’
‘you conned us, you slippery bastard!’
‘he was crawling on the ceiling, which is odd.’
‘you were bloody texting on your phone the whole time!’
‘just copy what they do, you’ll be fine.’
