tonight i feel really sentimental. looking at a bunch of stuff from a while back makes me cringe, but it makes me laugh too hahaha. it’s funny how i thought the best (most satisfying) way to get my point across was to write about people online instead of addressing/meeting them in person. i’m just a dumb millenial too.
writing these kinds of “look-at-me-but-not-really-i’m-writing-this-for-myself-but-secretly-hope-someone-reads” angst-filled posts is what millenials do too, right? jk i just wanted to write something because checking a bunch of old stuff got me feeling super nostalgic. i’m just thankful for God’s faithfulness through everything, honestly. i still feel like a dumb kid sometimes, because maybe i am, but i really feel that i’m growing into the man You want me to be. it’s slow, steady growth, but i finally see what i need to live for.
listening to all of my old music makes me die and want to turn into a raisin inside, but it’s also kind of fun to listen to because i was feeling myself like crazy and hearing that kind of bravado from a little ant boy is just hilarious hahaha. music is still fun to make, but i have so much more peace and satisfaction when making it now. hopefully i can make something soon, for the homies.
been thinking a lot about who that person is gonna be and who i need to be. more of the latter, though. honestly it’s been starting to feel like crunch time as of late. one of my more unreasonable fears is that i’ll wake up and i’ll be 30 and still be single with a middling job and all. but God is still super sovereign even if that were to happen. i also don’t want to lose out again. i mean i’m good, but i guess that’s a fear that i’m afraid will carry over.
discipline. in my studies but even more so with my spirit. i’ve been thinking about the Lord, reading the word and praying in the past few months more consistently than i ever have, and it’s better than anything. i see how wretched i am, more everyday actually haha. but i see above everything how holy and loving God is. His faithfulness will never end, and i will always have to look at the cross and remember Christ if i expect to grow at all. currently learning about being satisfied in Him, and seeing how much the cross is worth everyday.
friendship is so precious. maybe i’m diverting the residuals of my loneliness and love to my homies, but i truly love them all. they are all incredibly encouraging, fun, and comforting all at once. i’m thankful for them always, and i let them know that consistently, but i truly am thankful to God for all of the growing relationships i have. roasting each other is incredibly fun as well hahahaha.
i guess this is specific enough to look back and read and remember what was going on, but vague enough that i still want to write in detail about some stuff for myself hahaha. i forgot how dumb/fun tumblr is.
