genre: angst, comfort, not at all established relationship but the feelings are there
warnings: mentions of death, implied (kinda) stalking (nothing bad), reader is not the traveler (reader is never the traveler with me)
synopsis: Xiao struggles and attempts to understand why he shouldn't constantly be watching over you.
author's note: no way i'm back? that's crazy
Xiao doesn’t believe it’s odd to make sure the only person he truly cares for is doing well at all times.
“You’ve been following me.” you say, and there’s an accusatory edge to your voice despite the calmness of it. Xiao feels it cut his skin. It’s uncomfortable enough to make him rethink his choices for a second.
But he doesn’t understand. “No.” he states, flat. It’s a blatant lie but the tone of your voice makes him feel like he shouldn’t be completely honest, right now. “I come when you call my name. As we agreed.” he adds, for good measure.
You tilt your head to the side, eyes never leaving his. It’s like you’re trying to read him. No matter how nervous it makes him feel, he’s certain his gaze does not betray him. He looks as uninterested as he usually does. And surely, you sigh and return to your original position, seemingly a bit confused.
“That isn’t true.”
Xiao gulps. He furrows his eyebrows, features pulling into a slight scowl. His expression urges for further explanation.
“I mean,” you sigh, crossing your arms. Your eyes move elsewhere as you think. “You’ve come to help me several times before, without me even calling your name. There’s no point in denying that.”
“I was nearby.” he counters, “Should I just ignore you, then?” his voice turns to a scoff, now. He’s annoyed. Or just trying to cover anxiousness.
“Xiao.” you say, and your voice is soft but it sounds like a warning. “Let’s not do this. Just be honest with me. You’re following me.”
He looks away, his expression faltering. He looks more upset than irritated, now. The crowds of people walking around Liyue Harbor are a dull noise background to this scene. He wishes it was less full of people, more peaceful— Though you’re standing near the entrance gate, and it’s much quieter there. He wants time and space and silence to process his thoughts, and yours, and his emotions, and yours. He’s not usually this picky, but he wants to understand properly.
He just needs to make sure you’re okay. He has the ability to do so whenever he isn’t busy, so he figures he should. But the way you’re talking about this makes him think this isn’t considered regular behavior to… Normal people.
He thinks about the best way to word this before he speaks. It takes a while.
“… I don’t want to lose you.” he almost whispers, voice so soft it could easily be lost to the noise in the background. He doesn’t meet your gaze, no matter how persistent it is. He wants to say why, he wants to insist that he just needs you to be safe, wants to tell you that he’d be willing to spend every second of his life making sure you’re alright if he had the time—
“I’ll quit watching over you so much if you really dislike it.” — He settles for this. After all, he shouldn’t be overstepping any boundaries. But he’s unfamiliar with humans. He’s not used to what is too much, and the opposite. When it comes to you, it gets so much worse. He’s never cared this much— Not in centuries, probably not ever.
“I can take care of myself.”
Xiao almost feels angry, and it shows in his eyes when he looks back up at you. “You’re mortal.”
You give him a look. “And I’m alive. I can take care of myself.”
“And you could die.”
“So could you.”
Xiao stammers slightly and looks away, closing his lips. He wants to say you’re not half as careful as he is, but it just isn’t true. There’s no excuses to use. He sighs sharply, before bringing his gaze back up to you. “Your point being?”
“That I don’t want you to die, either.” you exhale, eyes a bit wide. “I care about you and I want you to be safe— Hell, Xiao, you have no idea what it’s like watching you suffer so much and stay unable to do a single thing about it. I can’t help you, and I can’t even tell you to take a rest, because you’re terribly stubborn. It’s frustrating. And yet I go on with my life, because I have to.”
The wind blows. It’s cold.
He cannot count the times he’s watched the anxiety in your eyes each time he would come back to Wangshu Inn with more injuries than usual. He usually tries not to think about it, about how dismissive he tends to be of your own worries. Though now it feels like a slap in the face. What right does he have to insist on worrying so much when he doesn’t even let you? Still.
Xiao listens to every word and stares at you wide-eyed, before looking at the background. The lanterns are lit and the people of Liyue go on with their lives. They all have their worries, all have people they hold dear, and they go on with their lives. So do you.
“I’m an Adeptus. Unlike you, I have time to spend. Time to kill.” he says simply, “I’m willing to spend it on you. I don’t care if it’s a waste.”
“You can’t devote yourself to me.” you scoff, and it sounds like it should be a joke.
“I can, and I will. If you allow me.”
You look back at him and your expression’s unreadable. It softened, but Xiao cannot tell what you’re feeling. At all.
“… And I won’t, if you insist.” he adds slowly, tone careful.
A long silence follows, and it’s hard for Xiao to tell what’s on your mind. He feels like he hasn’t felt this scared in a long while, and it feels ridiculous. He fights deadly creatures from the Abyss every day and night, yet he’s never felt his heart beat so painfully against his ribcage. No, not even the events of his self-sacrifice and the certainty of what should have been his own death made him feel this way.
He doesn’t like feeling anxious around the person he considers more important than life itself— Though he supposes it just goes to show how important you are. Otherwise, he would not even bother caring.
“No one enjoys being followed. Just come see me as you normally would.” you finally say, and there’s a small smile on your face. Xiao doesn’t know humans well, but he knows you. And he can tell at the very least that you have no intention to tell him to never see you again— That you hold no ill feelings towards him. You’re not angry, thank the Archons.
He breathes out quietly, relieved, and nods slowly. “Then I’ll stop.” he speaks with certainty. He will. He will stop. He’ll… Shorten his visits. Make them less frequent. Make himself known, like you said.
Maybe just… Go to you and ask to spend time together. Is that what’s normal? He figures it is.
His gaze wanders to your hand and he suddenly grabs your wrist, gentle, but firm enough to pull you along with him. He hears you yelp in surprise but walks all the way outside the gates of Liyue Harbor.
He stops at a familiar spot and sighs. There, all he hears is the sound of the sea, and all that is alive is you, him, and the nature around.
There, he feels more at ease. So his hand slips down from your wrist to your own hand, fingers wrapping around yours carefully. It isn’t the first time your hands intertwine, and Xiao prays each time that it’ll never be the last. There’s times you tell him the way he looks at your hands is the way a lover does. Xiao does not know love. He doesn’t care about a name to put on what you two have, either.
He looks up at you. “Always be careful.” he says, eyebrows furrowing— I won’t be there as much, then be careful so I’ll know I don’t need to worry.
He just knows he needs to be there for you. Always.
You wrap your arms around him slowly, setting your chin on his shoulder. Xiao closes his eyes and feels himself relax into your hold. His hands move to hold you, as careful as usual. He needs to die like this, he thinks, that’s the only good way to go. No heaven would dare compare to this.
“Please.” he adds, quieter. His voice almost sounds shaky, and he doesn’t even realize the word that slipped out. But he feels you nod against his neck.
“I’ll be careful.”
Xiao feels vulnerable in your hold. Weak. It’s something he would usually hate, but not when he’s around you. When you’re here, the feeling is warm, and comforting— It’s like he can finally allow himself rest.
Zhongli says home is where you can let your guard down. It’s a safe space. Xiao understands his home is not a place, but a person— his home is you. And he will always do anything in his power to ensure its safety. So his hold on you tightens, like a silent promise to do all that he can to ensure your wellbeing.
After all, you’re more important than anything else.
“Xiao.”
“Hm?”
“Let’s stay like this for a while longer.”
“… Okay.”
Tales could be written about the unusually soft smiles of the Conqueror of Demons, about his love for a human being so much more important than the world itself. Alas, none will know about it, for you keep all these stories to yourselves.
okuyasu deserves the best he deserves to be loved and taken care of and to be spoiled in any way he needs and wants. i just want okuyasu to live his best life with no worries.
Calculester x Reader w a bad tendency to pick at their fingers/cuticles. TW for blood mention? Reader is Gn! Pure fluff tbh, just a short drabble :]
You can’t help but pick at your hands; listening to lectures, reading, trying to solve a hard problem, tests- you were always mindlessly picking or biting at your cuticles.
Cal’s worried about you, as you’re technically causing harm to yourself and engaging in auto-cannibalism.
You try to assure him that it’s not that bad and that a lot of people monsters pick at their hands, that it’s because of your (adhd/ocd/anxiety/etc).
He’s convinced for a short bit, until one day in class he looks over and realizes you’ve completely bloodied your hands picking at them. Like. Dripping on the desk bloody.
You didn’t realize what was happening as he pulls you out of class and practically dragged you to the nurse, until of course, you looked down and saw your bloody hands. Once you were in the nurse’s office and sat on a cot, Cal began attaching bandaids to your fingers with a [:( ] displayed on his screen.
“Cal, it’s okay really- I just spaced out, I won’t die from a little bit of bleeding from my hands.”
“Your hands have [17,000] Seventeen Thousand nerve endings in just the palm. Bleeding from the hands can cause serious damage-“ [:,O ]
He gently sticks another brightly colored bandaid around one of your fingers.
“-And there’s a 2.9% chance that you contract an illness or infection from your exposed finger injuries. I would like for you to care more for your health.” [:/ ]
You sigh. There’s no use in arguing with him. He is technically right, you are causing harm to yourself, even if it’s unintentional.
“Maybe you can just hold my hands so I don’t pick at them?” (So Charming!)
His monitor changes to a [ :O ?] expression;
“It isn’t possible for me to always hold your hand, I would have to be by your side at all times.”
“I think I’d like that…” You mumble, your face growing warm.
His hands freeze around yours as his screen goes red, bright ERROR message displayed on the poor bot’s face, fans whirring.
“ERROR: FEELINGS OF ROMANCE TOO STRONG.”
Laughing, you take his metal hands in your bandaged ones and quickly lead him to the freezer to cool down. Despite your suggestion being a flirtatious joke, he seemed to hold your hands far more after that. And you truly didn’t mind.
