i am sin frenzied and full of teeth

i speak to god / but the sky is empty

[draco--pavlovic]

famous last words || d.p. + b.i.

benji-imes​:

[’When does secret stop being secret and become a lie?’

It’s an interesting way of looking at it. And this man like a serpent has a lot of interesting ideas, it sounds like, and Benji is discovering this as he listens. He listens, and looks again for signs of what the Darkness might tell him about this Draco, but he gets nothing concrete again. Usually, he doesn’t mind, but today he feels curious. 

But maybe it’s like Draco is saying: he has no secrets. Could that really be true though? Could a man really have no secrets at all? Could he really be proud of everything he’s done? ]

[It’s an interesting notion, though. Or perspective, at least. To not believe in regret. That’s admirable. Benji nods.] That’s a respectful way to live, yes. [He pauses.] I also try to live without regret. But pride? [Huh, he’s never thought of it this way before, exactly, but hearing Draco phrase it like this… yes, there’s definitely a separation there. He shakes his head.] I don’t think I have regrets, exactly. But I’m not proud of everything I’ve done. That’s admirable. Many people would envy that. [Or envy the ability to lie to oneself about it in a convincing way.

He doesn’t really have specific questions for Draco, because he’s not… used to connecting with people in the same way as the average person. But he finds there’s something about Draco’s invitation that Benji doesn’t want to disappoint, somehow.] 

What would you say you’re most proud of? [he asks after a beat.] 

Everything. I am proud of everything in my life, because every time I wake up I make decision to have day worth being proud of. {It’s so simple in Draco’s eyes that he doesn’t quite understand why he seems to be the only one living this way. What’s the point of hanging onto the past? There’s nothing he can do to change the fact that he’d been arrested multiple times, or that he’d grown up with narcissists for parents, or that he hadn’t made it back to Dubrovnik before D-Day. No matter how hard he may have wished he could turn back time during the first days of living in the Wastes, nothing fruitful had come of it.

Benji still seems skeptical but Draco just shrugs, idly scratching his chin. There’s just as little point in wasting energy trying to get others to feel and think the same way as he does. It’s up to each individual how they want to live their days - Draco just happens to have decided that he wants to spend however long he has left enjoying every second of every day.

He’d been like this before D-Day and the NWRF - the end of the world has just helped prove his point: stress is useless and regrets are stupid.}

I know may sound little crazy but it is very easy to live simpler life when you decide not to regret past. What happened yesterday cannot be changed so why do people bother worrying about it? Only thing I can influence is tomorrow, and I have already decided that I am going to have good day tomorrow. Is always a choice.

[draco--pavlovic]

privacy breach || mira & draco

mira-sigar​:

[You do not have a brain or opinions of your own. Mira doesn’t outwardly falter but something drops inside of her. Its strange. Because for so long Mira was okay with that. That was how she went about her time here at the colony. But with her friends–with Annie, Lissy, and Maisie– always encouraging her and telling her how great she was and how important she was and making her feel more human, it’s strange to have someone remind her that she’s not.

And Mira doesn’t even realize that that isn’t what he’s doing. 

Draco moves closer, examining her, and Mira doesn’t move. But there are bells in her head ringing–screaming at her– telling her to move. To leave. A sense of panic and danger sets in at her core. Fight or flight. A self preservation program in her. As loud and as urgent these messages get, though, she doesn’t move. She stays in her spot. She keeps her smile. Because he’s trying to confuse her, and she couldn’t let that happen. She hates when that happens.

His reasonings… Mira blinks, tilting her head a bit.] It’s a complex system, [She starts to explain.] I’m able to process some food and beverages. I convert them into stored energy that refuels me when my body is in rest mode. Mr. Sigar wanted me to be able to function with very little environmental impact. Many of my parts are biodegradable. [She’s trying to sound cheerful–to sound how she always does– but her tone becomes even more hollow, her gaze even more distant. You are just troubled. No, I’m not. I know I’m not. He’s confused. He’s the one who doesn’t know what he’s talking about. He just doesn’t understand; he’s just having difficulty processing such an advanced piece of tech.

I am not troubled. She wants to say it. But she can’t. Because if she got defensive, what would he say then? Her feelings aren’t real? they’re fabricated? Programmed? How could she know she wasn’t troubled if she didn’t have her own brain?]

 I suppose I’m always ready to learn more. About the world and about myself. Because the more I learn, the more I’m able to assist others. [She tries to sound cheerful. Still invested and like she does actually want to talk about herself like this. Because she said she was. She’s happy to help. Happy to explain. Happy to be complicit.  

He says the word bleed and most of her shuts down. Warning bells and flashing lights. Leave me alone. She can’t move. The smile fades into just a curious expression, but inside she wants to run away. I know what I am, I know who I am, leave me alone, leave me alone!] I haven’t tried, no. [she answers calmly.] I know I do have fluid in me, same as any machine. Coolant, oil; I have fluid that keeps me functioning and able to move and work. But I don’t bleed the same way you do. [She hasn’t moved. She hasn’t left. Blocked memories try to surface but her programming keeps them down. Locked away. Inaccessible because they won’t help with her directive. Especially not now.] I am also not a robot. I am a service android. That’s different than a robot.

Have you ever read biology book? {This is getting absolutely ridiculous, he thinks. ‘I convert them into stored energy’. Yes, Mira. That’s what food and drink does to human beings. It becomes energy that is used when active, and stored when resting. How very convenient that this Mr. Sigar bloke added in that function.} Every human makes energy out of food, that is why we are eating. Answer two questions. After you have drink you piss, yes? If robot builder man is so clever why do you use bathroom? There is no reason to piss or shit if you are not human. Toilet flush is water waste. And do you not think would be more environment friendly if you are charging on solar panel? Why would he build robot that takes away food from other people? Would be much easier to plug you into wall over night.

{It’s quite impressive the way she’s come up for reasons and excuses to justify her beliefs - truly covering all fronts. Draco doesn’t doubt that no matter what he asks, she’ll have some way to explain it. He really does feel a little bit sorry for her but there’s only so much sympathy he has to spare. If she won’t even listen to a reasonable explanation, how is she ever going to get better? There’s no point in pitying someone so deep in their own little hole they won’t even consider trying to climb out. }

I know what you are. And is not robot, or android, or anything with metal and programmes and wires. You have a delusion- and is a shitty one too. Just look at your wrist, there you will learn very much about yourself. You think NWRF got it wrong with you? I am not fan but they are good at what they are doing. I do not think they would make mistake. All you are is troubled little girl with no friends, no family, and brain mixed like eggs for breakfast. You do not have to help anyone because that is not your job. There is no such thing as service android in world.

{As far as Draco is concerned he’s doing her a favour. What kind of a life she must’ve lead up until now - obeying every last command, running around fetching and cleaning and helping while the Colony makes fun of her behind her back. Hell, if Draco weren’t such a good person, he might have a little fun with her apparent overwhelming desire to make others happy. It sure would be handy if he had someone to fetch him his stuff all day long - like a personal house elf or some shit.

But Draco is a good person, and a good person would do their best to make Mira understand her truth. Even if it’s a little painful to bear.} Go on. Look at wrist. You see big fat D there? I think you know what it means. Do not believe me? What will you do when battery wears out? {Work your way around that one, he thinks triumphantly.} Even high technology cannot last for too long time without breaking. Especially now in damp climate. Is very, very bad for machines. Soon you will need repairing and there will be nothing that can help fix your loose screws.

{He circles her slowly while making a show of pressing a finger against his lips.} Shh. I want to see if I can hear wheels turning inside your head. I know being human is shitty most of time but you cannot escape or hide from it. Why do you waste your life believing something you know is bullshit? You would have much better time having fun drinking alcohol and having sex.

[draco--pavlovic]

to know you all wrong | draco + adrián { howl }

ajay-benitez​:

[Ajay snorts, takes a healthy swig from the bottle of liquor he’d nicked from the Catch a few months back (his past self had been smart enough to ‘save it for a rainy day’, and low and behold, today is that rainy day and today he is very grateful for his past self).

After a small wince and a swallow, he lifts it in gesture towards Draco.] And I hope you don’t push me, [he intones with a smirk. He doesn’t feel great, but he’s going to act like he feels fine because denial ain’t just a river in fucking Egypt and Ajay currently feels like the cowardly lion, mane and all.]

[Cheesy clichés are also a very fun distraction.]

So you wanna join me up here, or are you afraid of heights? I can come down—but there’s a lot less horse shit up here. Just sayin’.

I will do best not to push but I can not make promise.

{Ajay may be putting on his usual face but Draco can immediately tell that something’s off. His shoulders are a little too stiff, eyes not quite mirroring the grin on his face.

Presumably it has something to do with the recent death (what a fucking downer that’s turned out to be), but Draco doesn’t say anything because he doesn’t actually care. He’d known Kaiser all for five minutes so there’s really nothing to mourn, and he’s never been particularly good at dealing with other people’s emotions. The last thing he wants is for Ajay to break down crying or some shit; if he really has to, Draco would much prefer if he could get drunk first.

Grabbing ahold of the ladder he climbs up into the loft, idly brushing a few lumps of dried dirt to the side before sitting. There’s is less horse shit this high up but the smell of the animals remains pungent. Keen to mask the stench with something more pleasant he stretches out his hand and wriggles his fingers in the direction of the bottle.}

I need big drink to get over bad smell. I am feeling like Herkules. 

[7l7l7l7l7l7l7l7]

fuck small talk how old were you when it all went wrong

[draco--pavlovic]

famous last words || draco + orson

bear-little-loss​:

[Orson nods. Yes, he can definitely agree that his restlessness and frustration comes from knowing something is wrong, but being unable to fix it. He can count the ways and reasons in which he feels like this. His lack of control of his visions being a big part of that. And the looming shadow of his potential training with Mitch, a path still yet to be taken, is another big one.

By the sounds of it, Draco had a very different experience in the wastes than Orson did—which, considering Orson’s Infection, is sort of to be expected. Still, it makes him wonder how things might have been different, had he not had his visions back then. Or, if his clan had never found out. Could he have kept it a secret? Would a secret that big and lonely have eaten him alive, without the structure of the Colony to expose him to other people like him, or teach him that, as different as he is, that he’s not entirely alone? Obviously, being treated like he’s crazy is a set back. But the Colony is also where he’d learned that he wasn’t the only one experiencing ‘Delusions’. It’s where he’d been reunited with connection, even if it wasn’t in a physical way. 

He smiles gently as he imagines Draco in the scenarios he describes: adventure and camaraderie, freedom and wilful community.]

[He shakes his head a little.] Wow. Yeah, we definitely didn’t have the same wasteland experiences. I spent most of it alone, actually. I was lucky I was still alive by the time they found me. But… when you talk about it like that—adventure and friendship and all that. It sounds not so bad. Though, I’m not sure I’d do as well with all the anxiety and uncertainty. [He grins a little.] I’ve never been all that adventurous. I like a little predictability in my life. 

There is nothing wrong with predictability as long as you yourself do not limit what you can experience. It is big shame to miss out on things and people because you have set way of life. Sometimes taking big leap into unknown is best thing that ever happens to person. If we do not have chance for change, then what is point of living?

{Draco shrugs, idly twiddling the cue around in his hands. It isn’t hard to imagine what Orson’s experience in the Wastes was like. He does like the guy but thinks he’s just lacking some… backbone? Spontaneity? Lust for life outside the regular and mundane? It’s really not Draco’s cup of tea but he can accept that Orson’s delusion is significantly adding to his general misery.

Of course, if Draco had his way, Orson wouldn’t be this afraid of his power. He wouldn’t be afraid at all. He’d feel powerful, in control, superior to any and everyone who tries to put him down for it.

People would be the one’s afraid of Orson.}

Do not worry much, past does not matter anymore. Next time you are in Wastes we go together and I show you that is not bad. It is freedom. No rules, whole world ready to be taken. Does not sound like paradise?

[draco--pavlovic]

famous last words || d.p. + b.i.

benji-imes​:

[Benji blinks a moment, before he laughs. It’s a rare thing, when he smiles, and despite the fact that he doesn’t miss it, when he’s not doing it, it feels nice. Like the spray of the ocean on his face, like a catch of warm breeze, that’s caught him by surprise, just the way this question has caught him by surprise. 

Draco holds the cue like it symbolizes his holding of the power. He asks questions and he says what he thinks and he stares, and Benji chuckles, nods. He can admire the straight forward approach, if nothing else.] 

I didn’t realize I was ‘playing’ at anything, [he replies. It’s the truth, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know that people find him ‘mysterious’. He shrugs.] People think a lot of things about me. I’m different—not wrong. Just different. But sometimes people don’t like that. They don’t like things they don’t understand or can’t categorize. [He pauses, looking to the table—ball, ball, solid, solid, stripe, stripe, solid—a jet black sphere, like a hole in the universe, when it’s not catching the light.] 

I think there’s a difference between hiding something, and holding it. Don’t you? [He looks up at Draco again.] Are you hiding anything, Draco Like the Serpent?

Only interesting people are different. The rest are normal and boring, so you can consider yourself lucky. And I did not say I do not like it. Where is fun in telling all secrets from beginning?

{Benji’s laugh sounds strange at first; a little rusty, like a rarely used instrument slowly falling out of tune. But there’s nothing about it that immediately gives Draco the impression he’s being fucked with or that Benji is being insincere. If anything he gets the feeling that there really might not be any more to the story.

Maybe Benji’s just awkward, or Draco’s people reading skills have gone to shit since D-Day. God knows they’re all traumatised in their own way - maybe Benji simply hasn’t had anything to laugh about in such a long time that he’s near forgotten how to. Draco can hardly blame him for that. The lingering suspicion that there’s something more lurking behind the shadows doesn’t dissipate entirely, but it’s enough that the beast lowers its head and withdraws for the time being.}

I think depends on if you plan on ever telling anybody. If you do not, when does secret stop being secret and become lie? {He shrugs, still leaning against the table.} I am open book. I have no need to hide things because I am proud of everything I have done. That is only way to live good life, my friend. Past is past and you cannot change. Only thing to do is make sure past is so good, you would not want to change even if you could. There are many more important things to do than hide secrets in place like this. There is only so much time until someone asks wrong question and everything comes out. Why live with stress of that? If there is something you want to know, I am happy to tell.

[draco--pavlovic]

to know you all wrong | draco + adrián { howl }

ajay-benitez​:

Sunday,  April 9th, 11:13pm​

[Putting it lightly, it’s been a rough couple of days. And by Sunday evening, though he wouldn’t say he feels any better just yet, he’s definitely more tired. It numbs things, a little bit—the exhaustion, that is. He’s avoided people where he could, and where he couldn’t, the conversations had been draining and exposed. He feels raw. Tender to the touch and so he avoids being touched—figuratively, that is. And what he needs now, with the inevitability of Kaiser’s funeral looming over him, is a fucking drink. And maybe some good company.

He wouldn’t mind a bit of action, too—to give him something to feel other than the pain—but that’s neither here nor there.

He can’t say for sure if Draco is surprised to hear from him or not—they hadn’t exactly spent that much time messaging, but when they have, it’s been for something similar: good company and a drink (or many). And Ajay had really enjoyed Draco’s company in the past. He’s good for a laugh, is always an entertaining conversationalist, and is extremely easy on the eyes. All things Ajay could use a bit more of, tonight. 

Tomorrow, too. He’s not sure if he’ll make it to or through Kaiser’s funeral if he’s not drunk.

He tells Draco to meet him in the stables—makes a small crack about haylofts and horses, never the type to miss an opportunity for an innuendo—and is sitting, his legs swinging over the edge of the rafters in the loft, a long piece of straw in his mouth, when the Torren arrives.]

Howdy, partner, [he intones.] Glad you could make it. [He pretends to tip an invisible cowboy hat.]

{Draco had been nothing short of thrilled after receiving Ajay’s invitation to a drink. With all the fucked up shit that’s been happening and all the rumours that are flying around, even he’s starting to get a little twitchy. He’s not gullible enough to believe everything that’s being said about Kaiser and Clove, but there is absolutely no doubt in Draco’s mind that the Reformists were more involved in this death than they’ve been letting on.

It’s an uncomfortable thought, and while Draco absolutely refuses to give anyone any kind of power over him, it’s enough to make even him want to lay low for a while. That means no more wandering about in places he knows he shouldn’t be, no more late night snack raids, and no more pissing off any of the guards on duty. Unfortunately being a general pain in the NWRF’s ass is Draco’s favourite hobby, so with his options severely limited for the time being, there’s not a hell of a lot left for him to do.

By the time Ajay’s message reaches him Draco is so close to crawling up the walls - or being thrown into correctional - that it feels like a gift from god. He barely leaves enough time to type out a quick response before he’s on his way, hands in pockets, a renewed spring in his step.}

Howdy. {It takes Draco a moment to locate the voice and when he does, a grin lights up his face.} You are looking very comfortable. I hope you will not fall off once you are drunk.

[draco--pavlovic]

famous last words || draco & constantin

cvnstantin​:

draco–pavlovic​:

You do not? {Draco inclines his head a little then shrugs. He’s used to having people balk at his outright and public displays of anti-Reformist sentiment, but he’s still not sure why so many of the Infected seem so surprised. For Draco it’s pretty black and white: the Reformists treat them like criminals, controlling every aspect of their lives, and he doesn’t take kindly to being told what to do by a bunch of pricks.

He doesn’t get mad or anything like that when people ask him about his political opinions - he’s just confused. How do they not get it? Why does he have to explain to people like Costin, who suffers under this rebranded fascism just as much as Draco, that the Reformists and their mandates are bad? Why is it not obvious to every fucking person on this island that the system is corrupt and that an overhaul is the only way forwards? It seems so blatantly obvious that he almost feels sad.

People have become so used to fighting for survival that the moment they’re given a proper bed and non-canned food, they’re willing to roll over and take the abuse that comes with it.}

I think is very long conversation best had at other time my friend. Now is evening and drinking time, not talking about boring politics. I think we should go find best alcohol thief in business and save deep and philosophical conversation for other time. What do you think? Are you ready to find out how shitty your tolerance has become?

[Draco is as surprised by Constantin’s lack of hate for the NWRF as Constantin is by Draco’s hatred. He’s been told before that he’s lacking some of the necessary context, having been stranded so far from the world – but this is something he’s heard from both sides of it.

He’s got his own opinions on the matter, and he doesn’t think his feelings lie with either end of the spectrum. If he seems overly sympathetic towards the Reformists, it’s because they get a far larger portion of the hate. Ultimately, Constantin isn’t loyal to them. He’s not loyal to the Rebels, nor the Radicals. He’s loyal to Anaya, and right now getting involved in politics wouldn’t be good for them. It’s not that he doesn’t care about the political situation, but he’s got other priorities.

So yes, he agrees with Draco: maybe it’s a conversation for another time.] 

If you are ready to carry me back to Torren after. [He holds a hand out in gesture as if to say, after you. It feels like a patently bad idea, following this guy to an unknown person or location, but Constantin is curious. And he really, really misses the burn of a proper drink.] 

FIN.

[draco--pavlovic]

privacy breach || mira & draco

mira-sigar​:

[Mira’s brow furrows. For a moment she’s happy that she seems so much like a person that he’s confused, because that was her father’s goal. To create artificial life so realistic it was indistinguishable from human. But no. He mentions the tattoo on her wrist, and it takes everything she has to not clasp her hands behind her back. Something she will normally do as an idle stance anyway, but with him questioning her, she doesn’t want to seem like she’s hiding something. She doesn’t want to fuel his belief that she’s wrong or crazy or lying any more.

Mira knows what he’s saying, but she chooses to take it a different way.] 

I don’t think it was bad luck for me to be created this way. I’m happy to help. Mr. Sigar had ideas for other types of androids but his main passion was those designed to help others. [She says, her face returning to her default smile. Nothing too bright, not anymore. If her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes before, now it definitely didn’t.]

I suppose it’s the same way you know you’re a human. [She says. But that answer won’t satisfy him, she knows. No answer ever satisfies anyone when they try to tell her she’s wrong.] I have my programs and my protocols. I have memories saved of when I first gained awareness of my surroundings. I was in the lab of the man who invented me, Mr. Sigar. I saw his work, all the computer files, all the tests he ran. I witnessed him build me from almost nothing. 

[His next question–what is it like– gives her pause. If she were talking to her friends, she would say she doesn’t mind it, but it makes it hard when people don’t believe her. When they call her a liar even though Mira hates lying.] It’s what I am, so it’s all I’ve known. I don’t know what it is like. Not in a way I can explain. [Not anymore than he could explain what it was like to be human.]

[The idea about the NWRF taking her apart sends spikes of panic through her. Mira doesn’t flinch, though. She stays steady and calm and answers with the same light yet tinny tone.] I suppose it’s because they don’t understand my mechanisms. Mr. Sigar was extremely advanced with his inventions and I am only a prototype. I don’t believe they would know how to reprogram me. Besides, they probably do find it helpful to have something around always willing to clean and help anyone. [And though she doesn’t want to, because she can already feel the sparks and flashes in her head telling her to leave– the pieces of her that just want to shut down– she still asks him,] Do you have any more questions? I’d be happy to explain more.

{‘Ideas for other types of androids’. Draco can’t help but raise an eyebrow at that phrase, mind immediately jumping into places it shouldn’t be. Christ he needs to get laid.} When you say you are happy, is that you talking? Or is it very strange man with good tech abilities making you say that? Since you are robot and he built you, how can I trust anything you say? You do not have brain or opinions of your own.

{Brief discomfort already passed Draco takes a small step closer to peer at her, eyes curious as if though he’s expecting to see or hear the sound of wheels turning and clicking. Naturally there’s nothing to be heard apart from the sound of her breathing and he shakes his head, irritated that he’d actually believed her for a second. Out of all the possible delusions, this has to be the weirdest one. It’s so fucked up it’s bordering on making him uncomfortable, and that alone is saying something.

But the way she’s staring back at him, smile firmly in place, is enough to convince him that she isn’t fucking with him. She genuinely believes she’s a robot and holy fuck, what a can of opportunities that opens.} I know I am human because I piss and drink and eat, and if I do not, I die. What about you? You eat, yes? Why would robot need to eat or shit or sleep? Does not make sense. Just because you believe what you think is real, does not make it real. You are just… {He doesn’t want to use the word crazy but is struggling to come up with alternatives that convey the same message just as eloquently.} Troubled. {Nailed it. That sounds like something Carrington might say.}

Do you not want to know more? I bet I am not first person to ask about this. Do you think maybe there is more to story if so many people mention to you? You are common factor in all situations. {Slowly Draco starts to walk, circling her like a predator might stalk its prey.} Have you tried seeing if you have blood? It would not hurt much. Just tiny prick to see if you bleed. We can agree that robot does not have blood, yes?

[draco--pavlovic]

famous last words || draco + orson

bear-little-loss​:

[Draco wishes he had seen the Colony before the NWRF. It makes Orson wonder what he had seen, where he had been. What his experiences were before the rise of the New Wave. Suddenly, he realizes that even though their interactions have been made up of mostly Draco doing the talking, Orson still knows so little about him. Aside from where he grew up, he supposes, and how Draco felt about his home before the End.

Is he bored? He’s not sure. Maybe. But he’s used to being used to boredom. Boredom was the preferred alternative to trouble, to chaos and anxiety, pain and upset. Now? Well, he’s still not sure. He wouldn’t call it ‘bored’ probably, because ‘bored’ implies a certain level of expectation or desire for entertainment. Orson isn’t looking to be entertained. He’s just tired. So, so tired. And he’s fed up.] 

I don’t know, [he starts, shrugging gently.] I don’t know about ‘bored’ exactly. But.. restless. Frustrated, I guess. [He pauses, chances a small grin.] Oppression is exhausting. [He thinks that maybe it’s the kind of drawling joke Kip might’ve made, were he here. Orson isn’t sure he can pull it off in the same way, but he likes to try. Kip always has brought out this familiar and yet often-too-distant side of himself. A side he misses.] 

How long were you at Colony 4, then? Was it your first Colony? Did you.. spend a lot of time in the wastes? [They’ve gotten distracted from their game, Orson absently realizes, but he wouldn’t say he’s too concerned about it. He’d said yes to playing more because he likes Draco, than because he likes pool.] 

I think being restless and frustrated is even worse than being bored. If you are restless is because your mind knows you should be doing something to change situation you are in. Not specifically situation with Reformists, even if that is now the big problem, but any situation. That is natural instinct of human, no? When something stays same and we know is wrong, we get frustrated and restless until is changed. If you would said you are bored then I would be more worried. I think is normal to feel like you do- no, is important to feel like you do. Because you know something is bad and you want to change. Is not your fault that you do not yet know how.

{‘Oppression is exhausting’. Draco has to laugh. That it most certainly is. It’d been a whirlwind change for him; coming from the top of the pyramid with the whole world at his feet, only to end up at the very bottom with someone else’s foot on his neck. And that’s exactly why he refuses to shut up about this. He’d grown up with the taste of effortless victory and he wants it back. The NWRF just happen to be the single largest target blocking his path.

They’ve sort of slipped out of the game and back into having a different kind of conversation, but he doesn’t mind. If anything he’s glad Orson’s the one prompting this kind of talk, even if Draco had promised to save the lecture for another day. It’s also for that reason that he silently reminds himself to at least try and keep it light. He doesn’t want to scare Orson off with too heavy a mood, but forwards progress is vital.

Bit by bit, step by step. Draco isn’t usually this patient but that’s exactly what had caused him to crash headfirst into a wall at Col4. He needs to be more tactful this time ‘round.}

Not very long. And yes, it was first Colony. I arrived not much longer before Reformists came. I think it was less than one month before first Reps showed up. Very bad timing for me. {Game momentarily forgotten, Draco easily mirrors Orson’s grin.} I was in Wastes for long time, yes. But was not what you think. Was not all bad and struggle. I met many good people and had many good adventures. I did not even want to move into Colony, but they did not ask very nicely and we did not have enough weapons to fight back. If I could go back there now I would. Maybe I will once Reformists are gone. Is not so bad to be there.

[draco--pavlovic]

famous last words || d.p. + b.i.

benji-imes​:

[Benji nods calmly, not looking up from the table.] Me too, [he says simply, his tone even and composed. And it’s the truth. He is sorry about what had to happen to his sister. In his own way, he missed her after the incident, and he felt for his parents too—also in his own, detached sort of way. He’d not enjoyed watching them struggle with the loss of her. Then again, he’d not had to do it very long, given how quickly he was separated from them. 

He watches somewhat idly as Draco looks for and lines up a shot. The question, stilted and pretty, in that melodic accent of his, makes Benji smile the tiniest amount—he’s not even sure why. He does appreciate his quiet alone time—though there’s not much to be found here at Col22.] 

Hmm. I don’t know about secret places—[he doesn’t think he’s ever explicitly looked, now that Draco mentions it—] but I enjoy the baths a lot. It’s always very quiet and it’s a good place to think and relax. The steam rooms too. I also quite like the stables and the hayloft. It gets less traffic than the library, and horses are quieter than people. 

There is hayloft? I will check out. {How rustic. He takes a moment to ponder the line-up of the shot before taking it, smirking a little as the ball he’d been aiming for disappears down the corner pocket. Sweet success. The winning streak lasts another two rounds before it’s the cue ball that sinks, but instead of handing the cue back to Benji, Draco leans against the side of the table to fix his opponent with a heavy stare.

He still can’t shake the feeling that there’s something off about Benji- like there’s something dark and a little bit cruel haphazardly disguised as timidness with a hint of modesty. Draco usually prides himself at being a fairly good judge of character, with no reason not to trust his instincts, and there’s just something going on here that he can’t quite put a finger on.

It’s not even Benji’s unwillingness to share too much personal information or anything regarding his past. Not everyone is as open and happy to share as Draco is, and he can respect that to an extent. But this feels different. Like Benji isn’t keeping secrets for the simple sake of maintaining privacy. Like he’s keeping them because he has something to hide. The way he’s talking about his sister is just... weird. It doesn’t take growing up with siblings to catch that.

So naturally Draco, not possessing a fraction of tact, steams in head first.}

Are you always playing so mysterious when people make conversation with you? Is not a bad thing, do not think I am attacking. I am only curious. I thought people here would not care much for keeping their past life so secret. Is almost like you have something to hide.

[draco--pavlovic]

famous last words || draco & constantin

cvnstantin​:

[It’s the first time Constantin has heard someone say something quite so openly against the NWRF, and he’s not entirely sure how to proceed. He doesn’t share the same hatred for them – if anything, the unadulterated hatred most seem to feel towards them makes him sympathise with them.

This is clearly something Draco feels strongly about. While Constantin sometimes comes across as a people pleaser, he’s more blunt than people tend to credit him for. The limited communication skills tend to make people assume any bluntness is just poor vocabulary rather than him being upfront, when in reality both things are true. So he doesn’t particularly feel the need to hold back his thoughts on the NWRF just for the sake of keeping the peace. A lively debate is just part of a good evening.] 

Okay, so maybe we ask your friend instead of we vaste more money here tonight. [Constantin leans on one hand against a bar stool for support, but doesn’t actually sit, in case they decide to move on and look for whoever Draco’s contact is.] You hate Reformists so much? For why?

[He’s heard a lot of the arguments before, but he’s interested to hear it from someone so evidently passionate. The tracking devices in their necks are a bit intense, certainly, but from what he has heard and seen the Wastes are fucked up, so it’s not a bad idea to ensure people don’t roam. Mandatory testing? There’s such a limited population, and the Infections are so new and ill-understood that harsh measures make sense so that they can test the largest sample size possible. It is, admittedly, pretty fucked that only the Infected do chores, but that’s his only real gripe.]

You do not? {Draco inclines his head a little then shrugs. He’s used to having people balk at his outright and public displays of anti-Reformist sentiment, but he’s still not sure why so many of the Infected seem so surprised. For Draco it’s pretty black and white: the Reformists treat them like criminals, controlling every aspect of their lives, and he doesn’t take kindly to being told what to do by a bunch of pricks.

He doesn’t get mad or anything like that when people ask him about his political opinions - he’s just confused. How do they not get it? Why does he have to explain to people like Costin, who suffers under this rebranded fascism just as much as Draco, that the Reformists and their mandates are bad? Why is it not obvious to every fucking person on this island that the system is corrupt and that an overhaul is the only way forwards? It seems so blatantly obvious that he almost feels sad.

People have become so used to fighting for survival that the moment they’re given a proper bed and non-canned food, they’re willing to roll over and take the abuse that comes with it.}

I think is very long conversation best had at other time my friend. Now is evening and drinking time, not talking about boring politics. I think we should go find best alcohol thief in business and save deep and philosophical conversation for other time. What do you think? Are you ready to find out how shitty your tolerance has become?

[exitwound]

fuck hustle culture i love not doing anything. i love not getting out of bed i love being late i love not working when im at work and i love watching time dissapear like it’s afraid of me

[draco--pavlovic]

famous last words || draco & constantin

cvnstantin​:

[Constantin pulls a bit of a face at vodka and milk – not because Draco’s talking about giving it to kids, but because it just sounds a bit nasty. But hey, you do what you must to help kids sleep; Constantin’s mother said that she would rub țuică on his gums to help him sleep when he was teething. Much as Constantin wanted kids at some point, the idea of being kept awake by a screaming infant isn’t terribly appealing.] 

‘Team work makes dream work’? [Constantin repeats the phrase dubiously, clearly amused. He’s not heard that one before.] That is sound American as fuck. I am not, sure about my ‘contact’, I have not actually asked. They just… suggest very strongly vhat is possible. Why, you think you can get something good to drink tonight?

[It feels very teenage, and Constantin isn’t really a fan of sneaking around breaking rules. But, it’s been a long fucking time since he had a proper drink so there is a large part of him that is tempted. He doesn’t feel the same need to break free as a lot of people seem to under this government, but it does get frustrating having so little liberty to simply live his life.]

Eh, maybe not everything coming from America was bad then. I like it. Team work makes dream work. Is good slogan and rhymes. I bet Reformists have secret slogan too. Something like… ‘Be dick or be prick, today is your pick’. Probably have rewards system on who can be biggest asshole every week. Winner gets gold star and something nice from merchants. Maybe good champagne, or food that does not taste like someone scraped together from bottom of old tin can. I am even pretty sure I know who is constant winner.

{Draco smiles languidly, arm propped up against the bar with his head resting on the palm of his hand. So far Costin hasn’t necessarily said anything specific enough to give Draco a concrete idea of just which faction he likely supports, but Draco also simply doesn’t feel the need to keep his dislike of the NWRF a secret.

At the question of how they might acquire booze, he shrugs. Ajay hadn’t explicitly said anything about being willing to steal for Draco on demand, but he can imagine the opportunity would be an enticing one to someone so light fingered.

Draco could attempt the theft himself but it’d likely be clumsy and unsuccessful, and almost certainly see him back in correctional. Why risk the consequences when someone else can do it for him?}

I think so. I know good person to ask, someone who is very happy to take from Reformists what does not belong to him. We have done business together before. He is very good.

[draco--pavlovic]

famous last words || draco + orson

bear-little-loss​:

[Orson grins a little at the comment about Col4, and though it occurs to him it’s sort of a weird thing to smile about, he’s gotten his cue from Draco, and so maybe a smile is what the Torren wants. That’s one thing Orson’s noticed about Draco—he’s good at making light of his own troubles. Maybe that’s on purpose, a deflection of sorts, or maybe he truly just isn’t concerned or bothered by these things. Orson sort of wonders what it would be like to feel that carefree. Unworried. He’s fairly sure he’s shortened his own life by at least a few years, just by the amount he worries alone.

Part of him feels like Draco is humouring him, by being ‘impressed’ by Orson’s slice of rebellion, but he doesn’t mind. Draco’s just being nice, when he could have chosen to be condescending instead. 

But he agrees wholeheartedly to Draco’s assessment of rule breaking and free will. At least where the NWRF are concerned, it’s about principle.] Yeah, that’s the thing… before the Reformists were here, breaking the rules and stealing felt… greedy and disrespectful, because the Colony was just trying so hard to give everyone their fair share, and to keep things accessible and safe for everyone. We were encouraged to think like a community, and it was how they’d hoped to, you know. Rebuild and grow and keep people as happy as possible. [He shrugs.]

Now though… it feels like following every rule to the T is giving in. Giving up, like you say, and letting the NWRF just… get away with all their garbage. I try to stay out of too much trouble, because I don’t want to attract attention to myself or make my life more difficult, but I also don’t want to make their lives too easy, either. 

I like sound of that. Looking out for each other, keeping people safe and making sure everyone has enough of everything - that is what Colony should be. Not some people at top dictating what others can or have to do. It should be community, like big family, where everyone helps others who need it. I would not have stolen or broken rules from place like that. At least not so much. {Draco shrugs, unable to suppress a grin.}

I wish I had seen Colony like that. How it is now… It is not right. I know some people think I do not like it because I want the power or because I just like fighting. But that is only little bit true. I want to help make place what it was before Reformist assholes came, and that is why we need to work as team. Everyone has part to play. Staying out of trouble is good for you, but are you not bored? 

I do not think Reformists deserve us to make sacrifices to keep their lives easy.

[draco--pavlovic]

famous last words || draco & constantin

cvnstantin​:

[He didn’t actually know that about rats – it’s not something he was ever taught, and animals and biology weren’t really his area of expertise. But he doesn’t have time to dwell on it as Draco immediately turns it into another dig about vampires and bats. Constantin offers a good natured eye roll, like he’s so tired of the silly jabs. The truth is that he finds it refreshing. Brits in general are so fucking polite, and there are plenty of people that walk on eggshells around Constantin and Anaya particularly. It just gets tiring, so it’s nice to talk to someone that will just openly mock him.] 

Favourite? [He repeats the word with scathing amusement, like it’s a stupid fucking question.] None is any good, really, although I should not complain. Is such long time since I have proper drink, regular alcohol probably put me right on my ass. Usually I order vhisky but I think it does not really make big difference here. But I think is not so hard to get proper drinks, if you know who to ask.

[Corbin had all but offered to obtain something for him, for the right price. The black market doesn’t seem terribly secretive, as far as he can see.]

I know what you mean. Sometimes I wake up in middle of night from lovely dream where I am sitting on beach with bottle of vodka and sunset. But I wake up because of snoring people and it almost makes me cry because dream was so beautiful. I think is one of greatest tragedies that they are giving us water and piss and calling it whisky. If world was still normal I would call human rights organisation. But until we can make world right again we will have to drink shitty vodka and pretend our whole life are not fucked.

{Being a Level 3 citizens there’s only so much alcohol Draco’s even allowed to drink - something he finds outrageously unfair - so actually getting drunk on what they serve at the Catch is near impossible. He’d managed to get pretty sloshed the night Adrian stole three bottles and they snuck off to drink themselves stupid, but similarly to Costin, Draco’s tolerance for alcohol is by now pretty nonexistent. It hadn’t taken much to get him swaying that night.}

This is great great tragedy my friend. We are from balkan. We grow up with grandparents giving us vodka and milk for better sleep. In winter nights, sometimes it was only thing that kept us warm. {It’s colder here than it’d ever been in Dubrovnik. A good drink would warm them right up.} I like how you are thinking. I have good contact for this and it sounds like you do too. What does English say… Team work makes dream work?

[draco--pavlovic]

famous last words || draco & constantin

cvnstantin​:

Fuck off. [He scoffs, absolutely certain in the knowledge that he didn’t play well at all. Draco is just, very kindly, trying to save Constantin’s ego. He has such mixed feelings on it when people do that; on the one hand, he so appreciates the gesture of kindness. On the other, it only frustrates him further and makes him feel like he really is useless.

He is glad that at least Draco is from a culture at least somewhat similar to his own – he’ll know not to read too much into the ‘fuck off’. It’s the sort of comment that Brits balk at, but Constantin doesn’t really mean it aggressively. In his own way it’s a friendly comment, just one that is easily misconstrued.

He’s got his pride, after all, and it’s a bit wounded just now. He should have known better than to try and play pool, knowing the condition of his strength and his eyes. It makes him feel particularly foolish that he’d thought Draco was flirting with him; that was stupid, and Constantin should know better by now. A drink will certainly cheer him up, he thinks, as Draco is still certainly good company. It’s not his fault that Constantin is emotionally unstable.

There is something about Draco, though, that stops him from feeling too mopey, and he does find himself smiling in spite of himself as they make their way towards the bar.] 

You can keep telling me how good rats is, I still think is sounding like insult to yourself. Perhaps clever, but they are small, and dirty, and have disease. You should pick more flattering animal for yourself.

That is where you are very wrong, my friend. {Draco shakes his head, offering a disapproving tut. As if he’d ever compare himself to anything diseased and dirty.} Rats are one of cleanest animals in world. They are cleaner even than dogs and cats and there is much more chance you get sick from dog than touching rat. Did they not teach you about this in vampire school, or were you too busy pretending to be bats?

{They reach the bar and Draco settles onto one of the stools with a satisfied little smirk. This is nice. Hanging out with Costin is nice. It’s easygoing and fun and exactly what he needs to distract himself from the general gloom and doom of this place.}

What is favourite drink here? Sadly I have heard there is more water than alcohol in most bottles, but is better than nothing. Maybe one day we manage to sneak something better off boat before they can contaminate. Then we will show Colony how proper drinking goes.