Dec 21, 2022
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Blep.
@sgtmarshmallow
ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
Dec 21, 2022
Happy Bir—
Dec 20, 2022
Reblog and put a review of your year in the tags.
Dec 20, 2022
the most important reason to have friends is so they can get u a job where they work which is the #1 way to get a job in america
sending in application/resume: instantly shredded, if you get an interview the hiring manager makes u ride a sybian with car batteries hooked up to your nipples via jumper cables for 4 hours (you do not get the job)
if your friend works there: (exhaling bong smoke into his bosses nostrils) yeah my buddys a good guy he was looking for a job. hes addicted to 4 different drugs and has narcolepsy but he’s an allright dude (instantly hired)
Dec 14, 2022
the french beatles
jean, paul, george, et ringeaux
Dec 14, 2022
Dec 6, 2022
Dec 3, 2022
These days I feel like a pariah
An albatross with my feathers on fire
Dec 3, 2022
Dec 3, 2022
The mage’s wife
Dec 3, 2022
Dec 3, 2022
Boy toy + goofin around
Dec 3, 2022
Dec 3, 2022
Dress code
Nov 28, 2022
FedEx: shits on my box, stomps on my box, kicks it, dumps gasoline on it, throws one of my chickens into the back of the van UPS: whispers at my front door “is anyone home” as quietly as possible before leaving a “we missed you!” note, tries to gaslight me into thinking my address doesn’t exist USPS: sets my package down gently where it’s not visible from the road, knocks on the door and kisses me directly on the mouth
Is this…shipping discourse?
Amazon once threw a package at my door and then took a photo while it was midair. Not sure where that fits in this schema but I did want to tell y’all about it.
Nov 25, 2022
Review of a butterfly farm… 🦋
I interned at a place w butterflies and had to tell a mom to please stop offering the “snacks” on the pedestals to her kids and we had to give a speech to all the ppl who entered which I added lines to daily. Including the infamous “butterflies like fruit that’s a little older than what we eat, so the fruit is just for them! Please don’t eat it!” And “please please please please please don’t come in here if you’re afraid of butterflies.” It was the closest thing to hell I’ve ever experienced
*going to a butterfly farm* there better not be any fuckin butterflies in here
Nov 24, 2022
look at my flop posts boy
