you are twenty minutes early. you are late. and you know it.
the scripts in your backpack come and go like street cats. do you have the one you need today? are you sure? there are three in there. four. two. five. none.
you cannot tell allies from foes. does your SM want you dead? are the actors conspiring against you? is every goodnight a veiled threat? you will not find out.
you are crying in acting class. nothing has happened. tears stream down your face simply because you are living, and you are alive. how awful. how conscious. where is your breath coming from?
the lobby lights dim. no one has dimmed them. it seems they dim more and more every day, and yet they are never out.
the show posters are never in the same order. nobody says a thing about it. if someone said something, they would stay the same. and that would be worse.
your mainstage musical is on constant loop in your head. ceaseless. you did not work the show. did anyone?
“we are taking suggestions for next season.” you suggest a show and next season never comes.
everybody wants to switch majors just a little bit. “i can do that” each thinks. they can’t. nobody ever switches majors.
“i hate theatre kids” a voice says from backstage. the voice sings les mis not two minutes later. it repeats, but the voice has changed. it continues, a new voice each refrain, until you finally say it yourself. there is peace.
you checked the program. you checked it twice. your name still has an extra ‘o’. whence came the ‘o’? it doesn’t matter. it’s never mattered.
two actors stand onstage. one holds out their chin. the other decks them. the first hits the floor. they stand and walk off downstage left. you do not know if this was stage combat or merely the purgation of self.
the walls have heard the word “aristotelian” so many times they wish that they could crumble themselves to dust. they chant “plot, character, thought, diction, music, spectacle” as if it will give them wings.
annaxmalina
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