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Little Bird Blue (Poem)

Blue bird, fly high, Or don’t. The sky has teeth tonight. Blue bird, sing your songs of woe— No one is listening, But sing anyway. Let the sound bruise the air.

Little yellow flower, You face the sun out of habit now. Light thins. Warmth forgets your name. They say today is a new day dawning, But dawn keeps oversleeping. Hold still. This will hurt less if you don’t move.

Brown grass, Brown and dead as what we don’t bury, Sludge dragging from the soles of my shoes, Each step a reminder That nothing lets go cleanly. Don’t worry— The ground has already claimed you. Blooming is just a rumor we tell the dirt.

They say the grass is greener On the other side. It isn’t. It’s the same brown, Frozen under the same cold, soggy snow, Just seen from farther away.

Maybe there is no other side. Just this— Waiting out the season That never quite ends.

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Hello To Myself (Poem)

Hello to myself— do you still answer when I call your name? Or have you gone quiet somewhere deep inside, where even I can’t reach you anymore?

Where did you go? I’m standing here, on the edge of a cliff that feels like it’s been waiting for me longer than I’ve been alive.

I’m waiting for you. Have you flown away? Did you slip out in the night without saying goodbye?

Will I ever know what peace feels like— not the kind people talk about, but the kind that settles in your bones and stays?

Help me. I can’t find myself. Everything is scattered— loose wires sparking, a system breaking down with no one left to fix it.

Peace— I need peace. Not later. Not someday. Now.

Hello to myself, hello—where are you? You’re not beside me, not in my chest, not in my voice.

And I need you. God, I need you right now.

I can’t hold myself together. I’m back at the edge, toes curling over the drop, staring into something that stares back.

The abyss doesn’t shout— it whispers. It promises quiet. It promises an end to all this noise.

Save me— someone, please. Say my name like it still belongs to me.

Because here I go— leaning forward, just enough to feel how easy it would be to disappear.

Who do I think of at a time like this? Who would think of me? Who would notice the silence I leave behind?

I’m so tired. Tired of trying. Tired of being something I’m not even sure I am.

I’m ready to give up. I’m ready to give in. I feel the weight of it— this quiet tragedy wrapping around my ribs.

I want to leave this world behind. I don’t want to live like this anymore.

Here I go— closing my eyes to the wind, letting it push against me like it’s asking a question I don’t know how to answer.

Someone— please. Call my name. Reach out. Pull me back before I forget how to turn around.

I’m leaning— leaning— leaning more— until balance becomes a memory.

One foot grounded, the other hanging— a decision suspended in the smallest space of time.

I’m ready to jump.

…aren’t I?

Wait.

Why can’t I do it? What’s holding me here in this unbearable in-between?

Is it the voices telling me who I’m supposed to be? A good woman. A good mother. A good believer.

Good.

Such a small word for such a heavy weight.

Am I good enough? Was I ever? Or am I just pretending to be someone worth saving?

Here I go— or maybe I don’t.

I say I’m ready, but something in me refuses to agree.

A breath catches. A thought interrupts. A thread—so thin— but unbroken.

And maybe… just maybe…

that thread is me.

Still here.

Not gone.

Not yet.

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Mission Impassible (Poem)

You: If a school shooter were to come into this school, you would be the decoy.

Me: Me? Why me?

You shrug.

You: The rest of us would run away.

Me: Okay then! I would take them down!

You: No. You would die.

Why was I so desperate back then?

Why was I so willing to prove myself?

I shouldn’t have been your lackey.

I should’ve been your best friend.

I have to wonder,

What was going through your head at this moment here?

I have to wonder,

Just what on earth is the matter with you?

You: Do you want to see something?

Me: Yeah, sure, what is it?

At this point,

You show me a whole lot of nudity and nonsense.

You squeal over the two characters in the photo.

Why is this even on my computer screen?

Why must we always entertain such thoughts?

It’s dirty and unclean for our hearts.

Not to mention,

It lead me into believing you swayed in the other direction.

I put on a song in the car.

You: Oh, I like this song!

At this point,

I’m getting all hyped up over nothing.

Why do I even bother to care?

At this point,

You knew nothing about my life.

Me: Yeah, it’s an amazing Christian song!

Right here,

You give me your utmost look of disgust.

You: No, it’s not! It’s a love song for this animated music video!

Me: Um…no it’s not…It’s a Christian rock band.

You: I don’t care.

Why are you getting all upset with me?

This isn’t my fault.

Stop squealing over stupid stuff.

Just because it’s floating around on the internet,

Doesn’t mean that is what it is.

People use Christian songs all the time.

They use them for romance.

They use them for glorifying self-harm.

They use them to promote eating disorders.

You: Hey, I need you.

Me: What? Hold on. I have to ask my parents first.

You: You have to ask your parents for permission to do anything?

Me: Well, yeah. I live under their roof. That’s kind of how it works.

You: Ha! My parents let me do whatever.

Me: Mine don’t.

Maybe that was the issue.

Maybe it was that this entire time.

Your parents might not have cared.

Mine might have cared far too much.

Either way,

No matter what we have to say now,

Those were the times and they were what they were.

Would you like to go missing at 2AM for 42 years?

Would you like to be found dead in a ditch somewhere?

You: You’re just jealous of me.

Me: No, I’m not.

You: You’re jealous because I have friends.

Where are your friends now?

I mean, you sit alone at a table in a restaurant.

You have two plates in front of you.

Both plates are obviously over a thousand calories.

The noodles flooding the table,

The amount of meat,

The rice,

I mean, it’s all so nauseating.

I was never jealous of you.

If anything, I would think that you’re jealous of me.

You look a fool.

It makes me mad.

You have nothing to be jealous of.

I’m just like everyone else around here.

I’m just trying to survive.

You’re over 200 pounds.

I NEVER want to be your weight.

I want to be skinny.

I want to be strong.

I don’t want your job.

That’s what you’ve made of yourself.

That’s yours.

I don’t want your friends either.

That’s for you.

You seem to think that you’re this big important person.

Well, I’ve got news for you.

You’re not.

You’re not the hot topic of the day.

You’re just a person who lies about her sexuality.

You’re not a very honest person.

You: You don’t have the responsibilities I have.

Me: I do now. More than you will probably ever have from the looks of it.

You: I get to do whatever I want. I pay rent. I have my own privacy.

Me: Ever consider that maybe I’m not ready yet?

Me: Do I know you?

You: No, you don’t.

Me: Are you sure?

There is a pause that holds a heavy weight.

Me: Anna Mae from church?

You: No, I think you have me mistaken for someone else.

There is yet another heavy pause.

Me: Then…would you like to attend my church?

You: No thanks.

Why are you so offended?

Why are you looking up at me with such disgust?

I know you know me.

I know you.

You lied.

I lied.

However, I didn’t want to get called out for stalking.

So…in my case…I was left with no alternative.

I want you to be held accountable for your actions.

You’ve made some very hurtful mistakes.

I want you to feel some regret over here.

I want to scream.

I want to cry.

I want to shove you into a wall.

I want to choke you.

The way I feel is dumb.

I have so many mixed emotions.

I don’t even want to drive pass your house.

I want to already live in town.

I mean, just so that I don’t have to pass your house.

You are my past trauma.

I’m not ready to confront this.

Why do I feel this way?

It sucks big time!

I’m not supposed to feel these things.

It’s wrong!

It’s all wrong!

How do I deal with these emotions?

I close my eyes.

I breathe.

I allow you to rise to the surface.

I’m thinking about it.

I’m thinking about grabbing my little blue box cutter,

Dried blood still on the blade.

I want to take it.

I want to rake it clean across my wrists.

Both of them.

I want to dig deep.

I don’t care if I nick a vein.

This is what has become of me.

You point the finger.

You play the blame game with me.

You make things up as you go.

You never play by the rules.

You always want to run off and do your own thing.

You’re the only queen of your world.

You’re a queen without a crown.

You’re a queen without a country.

You’re the Queen of Hearts in my book.

You’ve chopped my head off.

My body is now convulsing,

Trying to stay alive.

You’re the queen of all bullies.

You’re the queen of mean.

You’re the queen of pushing your insecurities off on others like me.

That’s not queen to want to be.

I suppose you don’t care though.

You can’t even be honest with yourself.

You were one of the only few who didn’t make fun of me.

Now people accept what I like.

Now I don’t get made fun of for what I like.

It’s too late for that.

Dude, you people are in sixth grade!

Where were you people when I was growing up?

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These are the characters that make up Mark's Red String of Fate

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These are the characters that make A Line in Time.

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These are the characters that make up Agnes's Story from my Lunar Academy series.

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These are the characters that make up Lunar Academy.

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Hold It Right There. This is my character Mark Klav from my Lunar Academy series. He's talking to his older sister who suffers from anorexia nervosa.

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Check out my profile on Wattpad, I'm Ange Amour https://www.wattpad.com/Ange_Amour?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_profile FictionPress: Ange Amour FanFiction: Ange Amour AsianFanFics: AngexAmour DeviantArt: KawaiixNekoxGal Archive Of Our Own: Ange_Amour YouTube: AngeAmour360

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