Bard totally thought Bilbo and Thorin were married
So I remembered yesterday that the dwarves like totally lied straight to Bard’s face when they first met him, saying that they were going across the lake cause they were visiting their relatives in the iron hills. Now who knows how much of that he believed, but ya know, he didn’t ask many questions at least
So sure, cool. Couple of dwarves traveling between the blue mountains and the iron hills, nothing strange about that, they’re dwarves. But amongst the bearded little dudes, there’s a Hobbit. Hobbits, who famously rarely travel anywhere, much less as far as the iron hills. What is he doing so far from home?
But since none of the dwarves said anything akin to “Also this hobbit is traveling with us, just for convenience”, then it must mean that the hobbit is with them. Apart of the group, apart of the family. And unless one of these dwarves have adopted the little dude, which would be highly unlikely, he must be apart of the family in some other way. And what’a the most common way to enter a family? Marriage.
So the Hobbit, Bilbo as he introduces himself as, is probably married to one of the dwarves. But who? Well, he’s seen standing very close to the brooding one with dark hair and short beard. The brooding dwarf in fact rarely leaves his side, always standing on the ready to protect the little one.
And in the town square, when the brooding one (Thorin, rightful king of Erebor) needs someone to vouch for him, who is the first to pipe up but the hobbit, speaking highly of the young king, with adoration and hope in his eyes.
But not only did Bard probably think the two were married, no he also probably thought he was witnessing their divorce first hand on top of the wall of Erebor. Probably one of the weirdest couples he’s ever met, and his town had the unibrow guy hooking up with Stephen Fry.
