don't let the frog go

moved to @dibidibidrama

[dibidibidrama-blog]

New account!

Hi, it’s @dramaticalminho ! My hiatus is finally over but I’ve decided to come back with a new account for personal reasons, I’ll try not to forget to follow anyone so please if we were mutuals and I haven’t followed you here send me a DM and I’ll immediately do it! ♡

[dramaticalminho]

Guys I’ve moved to @dibidibidrama , this is the last day I’m entering on this account so I wanted to remember it to you. If I didn’t follow you on that account please tell me and I’ll do it, I’ll leave this blog open because I have so many edits and gifs in it that I would be so sad to delete from tumblr. See you in @dibidibidrama , I love yall. ♡

[fyjjong]

in the last three years (and three months) that i have had this blog open it has helped me … a lot. it has been a source for not only distraction but a good use of my free time. it’s also helped me when i’ve felt anxious and i’ve been able to meet a handful of friends that i hold very near and dear to me through it. beyond this, through the 32,900(+) followers that i have gained, i have been able to have countless interesting and heartwarming conversations that i would never take back or take for granted. each and every one of you has been nothing short of kind and gracious toward me which, in my opinion, is a lot more than i deserve as a simple blog admin. despite this, i want to gave back to you all somehow and the best way that i was able to think of doing so can be found below: at the linked below you can find a very … deeply organized maze of folders. this is the entirety of my archival folder that i have on my personal computer. these images and videos took me years to collect, whether it be simply through saving or downloading or taking my own personal screencaptures. the content spans the entirety of jonghyun and shinee’s career. i have made everything completely public so you may do whatever you please with the content as long as it is properly credited to the watermarked, etc. you can download it all, you can download some or you can just bookmark it to come back and look at when you feel like doing so. due to the high gigabite count across the board for the files (and my not really having the spare money to buy up extra google drive space at the moment) i had to split everything between two accounts. an early note that this is not a definitive collection of all of the photos of jonghyun out there. that’d be impossible to have, but it’s everything that i do have that i haven’t uploaded onto fyjjong already. you can easily find anything that isn’t included by going through either the archive or looking through the pages located under the dates page on the main blog. with the date and event folders all are organized by year, event and fansite.  link #1 (click here): fantaken and newstaken photos from 2014 - 2017. album scans, blue night radio (older official photos), endorsements, hello baby, inkigayo bts, older official board photos, photoshoots (both official pictures and scans - mostly pre-2015), predebut photos, screencaptures (from bts videos, fancams and variety), selfies (older), starcall videos (with english subtitles), naver starcast photos, ufo photos and videos (various bts, cfs, undated fancams, photoshoot bts / interviews, some yunhanam bts, misc stuff). total files: 3,491 link #2 (click here): fantaken and newstaken photos from 2008 - 2013. total files: 17,370 other than wanting to give back to you all my primary reason for doing this is pretty simple: i have a queue set up on fyjjong to post one photo a day until the start of april. this is, in my opinion, the best way that i can take care of myself as i do not feel that i am emotionally ready to update archival content of jonghyun into my queue that is simply that: archival. i will get to that in due time but, until then, i didn’t want everything to just … sit around collecting dust on my computer so this is my gift to you - for being so great and supportive, especially over the last week.

[fyjjong]

(171219) @shinee: jonghyun. who loved music more than anybody, enjoyed the stage, the greatest artist who liked communicating with his fans through music. we will always remember you. (source: oh_mes)

[fyjjong]

to early emphasis: dear cloud’s nine has confirmed that she was asked by jonghyun to post his final note before passing to fans. she has also confirmed that she was given the blessing from his family to share it with the world. you can find confirmation of this here. below will be proper triggers for this post as it is not easy to read. i will also leave nine’s comment that she left on her post as it is important in regards to why she was asked to post it. if you feel that i have missed any please do not hesitation message me on my personal blog (jaekyung) and i will add them as quickly as i am able to. also thank you to sonexstella for translating. —- trigger warning(s): death tw, depression tw, suicide ideation tw, suicide tw nine: i said my final goodbye with jonghyunnie. even after seeing his smiling portrait of the deceased, it still feels like jonghyunnie will come to me and smile as if all of this was a dream. starting from awhile back, jonghyunnie told me his dark and deep internal stories. i think each day was very difficult for him. i kept having uneasy thoughts so i made it known to his family and tried my hardest to capture his heart but it only ended up postponing time and i could not block his last (action). i still cannot believe he is not in this world and it’s so painful. i’m still afraid, not knowing if it’s the right thing to upload these words but jonghyun himself asked me to please upload these words if he disappeared from this world. i wished this day would never come … after discussing with his family i am uploading his final note, according to his last wishes. i think that there must be a reason why he left this up to me. i worry that there will be controversy. however, i think that he predicted this and asked me, so i decided that i will do the one last thing i can do for jonghyunnie. i hope everyone knows now that jonghyun was not alone and that he worked hard … that he did really well … please thank him for withstanding well … beautiful jonghyun, i really love you a lot. going forward, i will love you a lot. in that place, please don’t be in pain and i hope you will be peaceful … —- i am broken from the inside. depression that slowly ate away at me ended up swallowing me. i couldn’t beat it. i hated myself. i held onto memories that have died out and, even though i shouted to snap out of it, there was no response. if suffocating breaths will not open up it’s better instead to stop. i asked who can take responsibility for myself. it’s you. i was completely alone. it’s easy to say you’ll end it. it’s hard to end it. i lived up to now admist that difficulty. you said i wanted to run away. that’s right. i wanted to run away. from myself. from you. i asked who was there. i said it was me. again, it was me. and once again, it was me. i asked why i kept losing memories. it’s my personality. i see. in the end, it’s all my fault. i hoped someone would notice, but no one knew. never met me, so of course, no one knew i was there. i asked why i was living. just. just. everyone just lives. if i asked why someone would die, you would say you’re exhausted. i suffered from concern. i never learned how to change tiresome pains into joy. pain is just pain. i urged myself not to be like that. why? why can’t i end it according to my own will? i tried to find out why i was in pain. i knew too well. i am in pain because of myself. it’s all because it’s my fault and because i’m foolish. teacher, did you want to hear these words? no. i did nothing wrong. when he blamed my personality with a quiet voice i thought it was so easy to be a doctor. it’s fascinating to see why i’m in this much pain. people who have more hardships than i do live well. people who are weaker than me live well. maybe that’s not it. of people who are alive, there is no one who has more hardships than i do, and who is weaker than i am. despite this, i was told to live. i asked why this is the case a hundred times, and it’s never for me. it’s for you. i wanted it to be for me. please don’t say things you don’t know. find out why it’s difficult. i told you many times why it’s difficult for me. with that, is it not possible for it to be this difficult? does there need to be more concrete drama? are you wanting more of a story? i already told you. did you not pay attention? what i can overcome doesn’t leave a scar. colliding with the world must not have been my fate. being known to the world must not have been my life. that’s why everything was difficult. colliding, and being known was difficult. why did i chose that. it’s a funny incident. it’s commendable that i was able to withstand up to this point. what more can i say? just tell me i worked hard. that i did a good job. that i went through a lot. even if you can’t smile, please don’t send me off in blame. you worked hard. you went through a lot. goodbye.

[ashawol-deactivated20240605]

[fyjjong]

this is not specifically jonghyun related but if any of you have an instagram account and can leave nice and supportive messages on taeyeon’s most recent posts that would be lovely. there have been antis and hateful people leaving gross and hurtful comments about her in relation to jonghyun on there. they are targeted her due to her close friendship to him. also it goes without saying to do the same on kibum and jinki’s instagrams to cover up any sort of cruel commenting.

[jong-fetti]

please pray for his mom, sister, roo, his members, his close friends, and everyone that holds him dear.

please take care of yourselves as well no matter what that looks like.

i’ve been thinking about what to say and all i keep saying is that i love him. and i will continue to love him, and that will never change.

[bbhl-incporated]

I want to thank Jonghyun. And, to apologize to him.

Thank you Jonghyun for everything you’ve done in your life.

Thank you for brightening so many of our own sad days when yours were still dark.

Thank you for sharing your creative, artistic vision with all of us.

Thank you for your words of suppprt to those students advocating for LGBT rights, those years ago.

Thank you for the songs you wrote for other artists in the industry.

Thank you for your radio show, Blue Night.

Thank you for supporting every member of SHINee. You all debuted so young and you helped each other stay strong and succeed.

Thank you for highlighting mental illness in various settings and conversations. We need more advocates in South Korea and your voice helped.

Thank you for supporting your family, your sister.

Thank you for sharing part of your life with us.

Thank you for making SHINee shine.

Thank you for making every day shine.

Now I want to apologize.

I am sorry we could not help you out of your own darkness.

I am sorry we could not get you the help you needed.

I am sorry so many of us took your gifts for granted.

I am sorry so many of us took you for granted.

I am sorry that we could not save you.

I am sorry that what you were stigmatized for in life, will only ve rectified in death.

I am sorry you found hell in living, when your smile, your words, your art, your existence were all heaven.

I am sorry we could not do better.

I am sorry your country did not do better.

I am sorry that so many people failed you.

I am so sorry that it all ended in this way.

You truly Inspired us all.

Rest in Peace, Kim Jonghyun.

[leaolivia]

My favorite Jonghyun moment was when SHINee was performing Replay at their SHINee World Concert IV in 2015. Towards the end of the song Jonghyun gets choked up and emotional thinking about their career and his life and starts to cry uncontrollably. The crowd and the rest of SHINee continues to sing, but we get a real good glimpse at how sensitive and fragile our Jonghyun really was. 

I miss him so much.

[michitae]

Visit Original Link

Breathe - Lee Hi

[hankangwoo-deactivated20150126]

Visit Original Link

jonghyun: is there anyone, from our blue night family, that is crying alone?

not crying of pity, but asking, “why am i living like this?” is there anyone that is feeling uselessly sentimental and guilty? 

don’t be like that. i hope you think those bitter days of crying alone are the most beautiful days of your life. you’ll realize with time that your life is actually, pretty alright. i promise you. i’ll write you a guarantee! 

the most beautiful thing in the world is right now, this moment, you. don’t ever forget. 

today’s closing song is boohwal’s “friend, do you know? (친구야, 너는 아니?). until now, it has been blue night, this is jonghyun.  

[dazzlingkai]

©

[incorrect-shinee-quotes]

SHINee is five. SHINee always has been five. SHINee always will be five. no matter what.

[fyjjong]

a note from your admin: i honestly don’t know what to say or post right now. i am going to wait until there is an official statement given from sm entertainment but, for the time being please being careful regarding what you read in terms of trigger warnings. i’m sorry this isn’t better written or more graceful. i’m kind of in shock right now.

[seulpeo]

some jonghyun moments i never want to forget

standing up for lgbt students and minorities at large by amplifying their voices, but doing so respectfully (dec 2013)

reflecting on his appreciation for hero movies… ‘i have to protect my world’ (mar 2013)

receiving boxes of listerine after a joke comparing his deja-boo suit colors to listerine flavors went viral, during base promotions (feb 2015)

comforting a fan who was self-conscious about her name with a handwritten note at a shinee fansign (may 2015)

going to comfort a crying key during shinee’s concert at tokyo dome, but ending up crying himself (early 2015)

speaking playfully with a male listener on blue night radio (may 2015)

mentioning his gratitude for fans and listeners in creating a safe space with blue night radio (july 2015)

discussing his conversation with taemin about “gender roles, prejudices and negative views about artists, etc.” when writing pretty boy for taemin ft. kai on blue night radio  (aug 2015)

personally supporting radio guest baek young ok on blue night radio in her efforts to bring sanitary pads to low-income girls (mar 2017)

there are so many more moments to include but i wanted to hold onto these for sure. jonghyun, you were a celebrity like no other. i cant imagine a world without you. i wish you’d gotten to known how many hearts and minds you touched with your voice, your songwriting, and just by being yourself.

[fytaem]

Dear Jonghyun. I’m so sorry. It feels like a terrible nightmare, something I wish I could wake up and forget in a matter of minutes, but this is the ugly and disgusting reality. I’m in shock yet, so shocked, tears keep falling and yet I can’t react, I can’t believe it, I’m dead inside. But I need to express this… sadness, anger I feel inside. And you know what’s really sad… that I feel you, that I understand you, and I’m so sorry for that. So sorry because we both made it to survive to the dark side of ourselves so many times, but you couldn’t make it this last time. Why… why you couldn’t… I’m so sorry to know that I’m here but you’re not. It feels terrible, I feel so guilty, so useless. You, that have been so important to me; you, that have been my best friend inside my head; you, that helped me to accept that side of myself and fight hard to move on. I wish I could have been there to hug you, to take care of you, to listen to you and your worries and to be there to remind you how important you are and how much I love you. I’m sorry I’ve never been able to reach you in the way you reached my life. Your music, your art, touched the deepest spots of my soul, it was… a wonderful feeling to know I wasn’t that alone because someone like you also felt those fears, those nightmares, those insecurities, and you were there to heal me. You healed me so many times, Jonghyun, I’m so sorry I’ve never been able to heal you and I will never be. I’m so sorry that terrible monster ate your soul completely. Still, thank you for everything. For your music, for your inner fight, for your sweetness, for your power, for your beautiful everything, because there was no ugly spot on you, Jonghyun. Yes, that dark side is terrible, but it’s part of ourselves; you accepted that and you transformed it into music, into art. A beautiful art. An art that has been by my side through these years. I’ve made it to fight and to succeed in many things and you were there in my lowest and highest moments. Oh god Jonghyun, you have no idea how much your songs healed me so many times, how much you were inside my life and my heart. It breaks me that I will never tell you this face to face, but right now… if there’s a bit of warmth in my heart is because I know you existed, I was able to know about you, I was able to enjoy your existence. I feel so thankful for that, and I will always remember you. In every single song from you, in every single moment I look at your face and in every single tear that will keep falling. You were so important to me and for so many people, Jonghyun. I’m deeply sorry our love wasn’t strong enough to heal you. Thank you and I’m sorry. Jonghyun, fuck, I love you so much. I’m thankful for everything you’ve done and I’m so sorry for doing nothing for you. I’m deeply sorry. I love you. I love you so much. I’m so sad you had to end your suffering like this. My deepest condolences to Jonghyun’s family, to SHINee members, and of course SHINee World. Let’s stay strong, more than ever. Jonghyun, I’m so sorry. Thank you. I love you.

[fytaem]

Dear Jonghyun. I’m so sorry. It feels like a terrible nightmare, something I wish I could wake up and forget in a matter of minutes, but this is the ugly and disgusting reality. I’m in shock yet, so shocked, tears keep falling and yet I can’t react, I can’t believe it, I’m dead inside. But I need to express this… sadness, anger I feel inside. And you know what’s really sad… that I feel you, that I understand you, and I’m so sorry for that. So sorry because we both made it to survive to the dark side of ourselves so many times, but you couldn’t make it this last time. Why… why you couldn’t… I’m so sorry to know that I’m here but you’re not. It feels terrible, I feel so guilty, so useless. You, that have been so important to me; you, that have been my best friend inside my head; you, that helped me to accept that side of myself and fight hard to move on. I wish I could have been there to hug you, to take care of you, to listen to you and your worries and to be there to remind you how important you are and how much I love you. I’m sorry I’ve never been able to reach you in the way you reached my life. Your music, your art, touched the deepest spots of my soul, it was… a wonderful feeling to know I wasn’t that alone because someone like you also felt those fears, those nightmares, those insecurities, and you were there to heal me. You healed me so many times, Jonghyun, I’m so sorry I’ve never been able to heal you and I will never be. I’m so sorry that terrible monster ate your soul completely. Still, thank you for everything. For your music, for your inner fight, for your sweetness, for your power, for your beautiful everything, because there was no ugly spot on you, Jonghyun. Yes, that dark side is terrible, but it’s part of ourselves; you accepted that and you transformed it into music, into art. A beautiful art. An art that has been by my side through these years. I’ve made it to fight and to succeed in many things and you were there in my lowest and highest moments. Oh god Jonghyun, you have no idea how much your songs healed me so many times, how much you were inside my life and my heart. It breaks me that I will never tell you this face to face, but right now… if there’s a bit of warmth in my heart is because I know you existed, I was able to know about you, I was able to enjoy your existence. I feel so thankful for that, and I will always remember you. In every single song from you, in every single moment I look at your face and in every single tear that will keep falling. You were so important to me and for so many people, Jonghyun. I’m deeply sorry our love wasn’t strong enough to heal you. Thank you and I’m sorry. Jonghyun, fuck, I love you so much. I’m thankful for everything you’ve done and I’m so sorry for doing nothing for you. I’m deeply sorry. I love you. I love you so much. I’m so sad you had to end your suffering like this. My deepest condolences to Jonghyun’s family, to SHINee members, and of course SHINee World. Let’s stay strong, more than ever. Jonghyun, I’m so sorry. Thank you. I love you.