solitary confinement

19 | vent blog | I'd unfollow if I were you | please unfollow

[abthepoet]

Because there isn’t always a reason.

[dreambutchbarbie]

God i hate feeling like this?? Because now that I'm not an asshole I'm like "oh. When I tell people I'm sad, that's bad, because it's manipulative bc they're going to feel obligated to drop what they're doing and help me"

So you make an anonymous tumblr like "haha no one here knows me!! I can finally vent all I want!!" Until people call you out for being a victim and a ton of other outlandish weird shit for talking about how you're feeling.

And you tell the people who can help you that you need to help but you lie to the therapist so you don't sound sick enough and your parents tell you you're an adult to suck it up and your adult friends have enough problems and they don't wanna hear yours.

And you can't bottle it up bc then you get sick and meltdown but they're so much to do and you have to prove you can do it all without freaking out or doing it wrong bc if you do it wrong you're fucked but if you stress or try you're fucked and I'm just

I'm so fucking exhausted. And I GET that literally every fucking other person can do shit with no problem I get that I don't have a reason to be sad but just

I dunno. Everything's fucked.

[dreambutchbarbie]

Oh girl if you aren't the biggest mood. It's been such a rough year for me, even when I think I'm getting better I find out I'm like 50 steps back. But tbh I'd kind of like it if both of us could eventually get through this and actually be better. I'm tired of crying and being isolated and paranoid. Let us prosper some day.

It's a mood. Hope it's going better for you than it is for me. Seems like every time I turn around and say "I'm happy! I'm recovered! I'm not necessarily happy, but I'm numb, and that's enough!!" It hits me again how horrible of a person I am. I dunno. It is what it is, I guess. Good luck ♡

[dreambutchbarbie]

God and I'm so manipulative??? I just want everyone to drop everything and tell me how much they like me and I'm in for a rude awakening every damn time bc no one likes me lmao

[dreambutchbarbie]

And I'm REALLY starting to get the whole "they'll be better off without me" mindset? Bc. Yeah. Everyone would.

I'm a fucking drag. People are actively going out of their way to tell me how much they don't like me. No one wants me here. I don't want me here. Anyone who still talks to me is a pity relationship or bc they have to.

There's just. There's a fucking reason I feel so alone all the time. I'm tired of hurting people. I don't wanna do it again.

[dreambutchbarbie]

Like the worst fucking part about all of this was I really thought I was getting better when I was just getting worse. And who fucking cares? Yeah I've got some shit to look forward to but there's a lot worse shit that I have to deal with every goddamn day and I'm just

I'm so tired. Of waking up. And existing. Knowing no one cares. And knowing that I'm just fucking worthless and I keep getting dumber??? Nothing makes sense????? My whole brain is all fucked up and everyone hates me and I know im just being dramatic but I fucking can't do this again I don't wanna be sick and paranoid again

[dreambutchbarbie]

God I'm so worthless

[rebels-scum]

Don’t tell Mike Faist I did this

[dreambutchbarbie]

So far two weeks in my junior year I've realized I'm an idiot, definitely still not over the shit that happened in 2016 by a mile, abusive by extension of that, and just overall really sad and broken and confused about what I'm doing with my life and trying to weigh the options of living with that of getting a degree and lemme tell you it's not favorable

[dreambutchbarbie]

Me: ugh my stomach hurts

Me, actively trying to remember if I binged today and can't recall a damn thing I ate: uhhhhhhh

[dreambutchbarbie]

rebels-scum >>> dreambutchbarbie

[dreambutchbarbie]

I moved!!! I finally made my main blog my personal blog @rebels-scum so if you’re following me for things like deh or ffxv or other Fandom content, you’ll wanna follow me there instead!

I’ll still be running this blog, but it will mostly be personal posts/venting. All reblogs will be done @rebels-scum

[dreambutchbarbie]

Does anyone wanna kill me I'll give you $12

[dreambutchbarbie]

Bonus points to me for not binging today yo

[selfdeprecatingsuggestion]

Just stay in bed. It’s not worth it.

[dreambutchbarbie]

Whatever

[cptsdofficial]

me resisting the urge to ask people if they still like me

[cptsdofficial]

me isolating myself instead of talking to the people i care about because i’m afraid they hate me

[outcastsuggestion]

the crushing loneliness you’ve left me makes me want to tear my hair out over and over again