How Gaming Helped Me Challenge Depression
In March of this year, I was feeling unfulfilled. Hell, I was probably downright depressed (I have a history of feeling this way that started during my time in the Navy, and I've always had severe anxiety in my general disposition).
I had decided to spend a semester in Ireland, and it was a particularly dreary spring in that otherwise lovely country. The clouds hung low and oppressive, and the rain (and even snow at times) felt endless. I had left my position at Fragment Production, and was attempting to use my creative energy for anything I could get my hands on to take my mind off the miserable conditions I had found myself in (imagine an airy, freezing cold, student flat with bad insulation, worse appliances, walls covered in mold and rotting plaster, an eternal damp in the air, and about 5 minutes worth of hot water in a country where you know only one person...)
I was jobless. I was lonely, thousands of miles from home and years removed from having lived where I saw family regularly. I needed something more to make me feel... Happy. No... Whole. While in this slump, I happened upon some screenshots posted by my buddy Joni, who I had worked with at Fragment.
We had been good friends, and I had seen him as a bright spot. Not just sharp, but straight-laced. Fun-loving. Things I admired. But when he had left, our paths simply hadn't crossed much, and life had put a little distance where it didn't belong. And then one day I saw his name on my Facebook timeline again.
Either he had posted some screenshots, or the Dreamloop Games Facebook had. Either way, they looked good. I mean... Really good. I remembered the project from an unsuccessful pitch that had been done a while back at a brainstorming session where I pitched my first game concept (which also wasn't accepted). I had liked it then, and supported it, and now that it was more tangible, I couldn't wait to get my hands on it. So I sent Joni a message. It said something like "This looks good! Gimmie!" but not in so few words (I find it difficult sometimes to shut my mouth or stop my fingers from typing.) And he sent me a playable.
I immediately enjoyed it. It was like a game of Wizard's Chess, in a way. You moved your warriors to where you could gain an advantage and used a combination of ranged, spear, and sword attacks to vanquish the enemy. Hell yes. It was primitive, but it showed promise. I asked questions, and Joni answered. Our friendship meant he wasn't scared to give me details most developers wouldn't have shared. It sparked a fire.
I asked him something like "Is there any chance you could use me on a project like this?" He told me he'd love to have me, but he couldn't pay me. What did I care? I needed something to keep me going. Something to work toward. A distraction, maybe, but what's more is I needed a little bit of hope. I grabbed at it like a drowning man grabs at a thrown rope. I was ecstatic. It was all I could think about.
I sat through lectures jotting marketing notes, hardly paying attention to the words thrown about around me. For the first time, I understood how a project with potential could make you consider dropping out, but that's a story for another day...
I sent Joni ideas, and he sent me his back. I joined the team, and found a group assembled that was already entrenched in the struggle to take a musing from imagination to reality. Talented artists, brilliant programmers, and both old friends and new who were excited to come together to make something great, if they could find a way. While they struggled with that, I formulated a plan to try to figure out who this piece of art (a picture, looking for a wall with a spotlight) would be appreciated by. And my mind found a new outlet... And suddenly summer was here, and I was moving on from Ireland and the funk I had settled into. I was grinning, and thinking about the future. I was enveloped in concepts and possibilities and as these things go, I hadn't realized that the cloud around me had turned to a glow (an aura, even) and I was once more moving forward.
We're still in the early stages, and we're still working out the usual kinks. But months later, here I am. I still feel excitement, and still feel a sense of purpose. I feel a sense of enjoyment when I connect with my co-workers, and when I hear their ideas. I feel gratitude and excitement when they listen to mine. Whatever happens, I'm happy to be where I am, and to be quite honest, I think that I was able to throw off my funk, and refocus myself... In the pursuit of Challengers of Khalea.
Steve Stewart
Chief Marketing Officer
Dreamloop Games