Happy belated Solstice ✨
Elain and Azriel come close for the first time on the night of Solstice.
But what if it wasn’t Rhysand who caught them, what if it was Feyre?
I’ve smutty adjusted the bonus chapter hehehe
You can also find me on AO3
I write headcanons, OS, and an ongoing fanfic. Most of them are currently on my TikTok, but I’ll be posting them here too hehe 🤍
It had never gone this far. They'd exchanged looks, the occasional brush of their fingers, but never this. Never blatant, unrestricted touching.
Wrong—it was so wrong
He didn't care.
He needed to know what the skin of her neck tasted like. What those perfect lips tasted like. Her breasts. Her sex. He needed her coming on his tongue
Ariel's cock strained behind his pants, aching so fiercely he could hardly think. He prayed she didn't peer down. Prayed she didn't understand the shift in his scent.
He had only allowed himself these thoughts in the dead of night.
Had only allowed his hand to fist his cock and think about her then, when even his shadows had gone to sleep. How that beautiful face might appear as he entered her, what sounds she'd make.
Azriel's hand slid up her neck, burying in her thick hair. Tilting her face the way he wanted it. Elain's mouth parted slightly, her eyes scanning his before fluttering shut.
Offer and permission.
He nearly groaned with relief and need as he lowered his head toward hers.
There was no hesitation. No tentative testing of the waters. The moment his lips crashed against hers, the restraint that had leashed him for years snapped. It wasn't gentle; it was a collision of longing and starved desperation.
Elain met him with equal force. Her hands, usually so delicate, fisted into the lapels of his leathers, pulling him closer, anchoring him to her. Her mouth opened to him, a sweet, inviting heat that shattered his remaining defenses.
He devoured her.
Azriel groaned low in his throat, a vibration that rumbled against her lips as he deepened the kiss. It was wet and unyielding, his tongue sweeping into her mouth, tasting the jasmine and honey that was uniquely her. She tasted like spring, like hope, and right now, she tasted like surrender.
He felt the soft puff of her breath against his cheek, heard the tiny, high-pitched whimper she made as he tilted her head back further, taking control. His shadows, sensing the break in his composure, surged around them. They didn't warn him of danger this time; instead, they swirled in distinct delight, brushing against Elain’s arms, tangling around her waist like smoke, shielding them from the rest of the world.
He tore his lips from hers, gasping for air, only to trail a hot, wet line down the slope of her jaw. Elain arched into him, baring her throat—that long, elegant column of creamy skin that had haunted his dreams.
"Azriel," she breathed, her voice wrecked.
The sound of his name on her lips undid him.
He buried his face in the curve of her neck, inhaling her scent, his nose brushing against her pulse. It hammered against her skin, a frantic bird trapping in a cage, matching the thundering of his own heart. He kissed the sensitive spot just below her ear, his lips open and wet, soothing the skin before he scraped his teeth lightly against it.
Elain shivered, her fingers digging into his shoulders. "More," she whispered.
He gave it to her. He fastened his mouth over the soft junction where her neck met her shoulder. He sucked hard, the friction wet and exquisite. He wanted to leave a mark. He needed to leave a mark. He needed the world—and any male who dared look at her—to know that the Shadowsinger had been here. That this light belonged to his darkness.
He drew the skin into his mouth, his tongue swirling against the pressure, sucking until he tasted the metallic tang of his own desire. Elain cried out softly, her head falling against his arm, exposing more of herself to his hunger.
When he finally pulled back, chest heaving, a dark, blooming bruise marred the perfection of her ivory skin. A violet kiss. A claim.
He stared at it, his eyes blown wide, his breathing ragged. He should stop. He should pull away before he ruined her, before he took things he had no right to take.
But then Elain opened her hazy eyes, looked at the dark mark he’d left on her skin, and then up at him. She didn't look afraid. She looked wrecked. She looked his.
She reached up, her thumb brushing his wet lower lip. "Don't stop," she commanded softly.
The command shattered his restraint. Azriel’s large, scarred hands dropped from her face to her waist, gripping her tightly. She was so small, so delicate in his hold, yet the force with which she pressed her body against his was anything but fragile.
He pulled her hips flush against him, leaving no space for air or doubt. A jagged breath tore from his throat as the friction seared him. His cock was painfully hard, straining against the thick material of his Illyrian leathers, aching with a ferocity that threatened to bring him to his knees. He ground his hips forward, just once, a helpless, instinctual seek for friction.
Elain gasped, her head falling against his shoulder, exposing that bruised, wet mark on her neck to the dim light.
"I have always wanted to know," Azriel whispered, his voice a rough scrape of sound against the shell of her ear, "what sounds you would make for me."
She whimpered, a broken, needy sound that went straight to his groin.
She was starving. He could feel it in the way her fingers dug into his biceps, in the frantic rise and fall of her chest. When was the last time she had been touched? Truly touched? Not as the sweet, broken girl the Inner Circle tiptoed around, but as a woman? It had been years. Since before the Cauldron. Since before she was made.
He moved one hand from her waist, sliding it up the side of her ribcage. His thumb brushed over the curve of her breast, grazing the peak through the silk of her dress.
It was hard.
The realization sent a shockwave of lust through him. She was as aroused as he was.
He brushed his thumb over the hardened nipple again, firmer this time, and Elain arched into his hand, a soft sob escaping her lips.
Wrong. The word flashed in his mind like a warning beacon. This was so wrong.
They were standing in the middle of the living room. Anyone could walk in. Rhysand. Feyre.
Her mate.
Lucien was sleeping just down the hall. The male who had a claim to her soul was mere walls away, likely dreaming, while Azriel had her pressed against the wall, his hands mapping her body, his tongue tasting her skin. If Lucien woke, if he sensed the bond flare...
Azriel didn't care.
For two years.
For two years, he had suffered in silence. He had stood in the shadows, watching her laugh, watching her garden, watching her exist, while his chest hollowed out with a longing so sharp it felt like a physical wound. He had dreamed of this exact moment every single night. He had woken up aching for her, his hand fisting in his sheets, imagining it was her skin.
He had convinced himself she was too pure, too good, that she didn't want this darkness.
But she was pressing back against him. She was trembling. She was needier than he had ever dared to imagine.
"Azriel," she pleaded, her voice thick. She grinded back against him, her soft stomach brushing the ridge of his erection, and his vision nearly blacked out.
He couldn't stop. He was a creature of darkness and cold, but she was setting him on fire, and he would happily burn if it meant he could have just one more minute of this.
"Tell me you want this," he growled against her lips, his hand cupping the weight of her breast fully now, squeezing. "Tell me you want me."
"Azriel." She moaned his name softly, her cheeks burning a delicious crimson, her eyelids heavy with drugged desire. "I want this. I want you. I always wanted you."
Fuck.
He was undone.
Those words shattered the last of his restraint. He wanted her. He needed to be inside her. Her arousal hit him then, a scent so sweet and heavy it drowned out his senses—lilac and rain and pure, unadulterated need. It smelled beautiful. He wanted to taste it. He wanted to drop to his knees right here, push up the skirts of that dress, and taste her until she screamed his name.
His hands tightened on her waist, ready to lift her, ready to take everything she was offering—
But then, his shadows seized him.
They didn't swirl or dance; they clamped onto his shoulders like cold iron chains, physically yanking him back, freezing his muscles. He had been so lost in the haze of her, so drunk on her scent, that he had ignored their warning whispers until they had to physically hold him back.
Azriel blinked, the red haze of lust clearing just enough for him to snap his head up.
Feyre.
She was standing in the archway leading to the kitchen, a crystal glass in her hand. Her eyes were wide, panicked, and she was frantically trying to look at the wall, the ceiling, the floor—anywhere but at the two of them tangled together.
"I—I..." Feyre stammered, her face flushing a deep, violent red that matched the heat in the room. "I wanted to drink water..."
Elain went rigid in his arms.
The soft, pliable woman who had been melting against him a second ago turned to stone. She scrambled back from him, her hands flying up to her neck to cover the wet, dark bruise he had just sucked there. She looked horrified. She looked as though she wished the Cauldron would simply open up the floorboards and swallow her whole.
How much had her sister seen? How much had she heard?
I want you. I always wanted you.
The silence in the room was deafening, broken only by the ragged sound of Azriel and Elain trying to quiet their breathing.
Feyre cleared her throat, finally forcing herself to look at them. Her gaze darted from Azriel’s blown-out pupils to Elain’s swollen, kissed-bitten lips, and finally to the undeniable tenting in Azriel's leathers.
"Since when?" Feyre asked, her whisper cutting through the tension like a knife.
Azriel opened his mouth, his voice rough, but Elain couldn't speak. She was trembling, her eyes cast down.
Feyre took a step closer, her expression shifting from embarrassment to a frantic, protective worry. She pointed a shaking finger toward the dark hallway behind her.
"Elain, Lucien is down the hall," she hissed. "He is sleeping three doors away. If he wakes up... if he senses the bond flaring..."
She looked between the two of them, shaking her head in disbelief.
"You both are too reckless."
Elain didn’t say anything. She didn’t offer an explanation. She simply gathered her skirts, her breathing still erratic, and turned toward the stairs.
But before she disappeared into the gloom of the hallway, she paused. She didn't look at her sister. She looked solely at Azriel. For a fleeting second, the panic in her eyes vanished, replaced by a soft, secret curve of her lips. A hidden smile, just for him. A promise that said I don't regret it.
Then, she turned and walked away, ignoring Feyre completely.
"Elain," Feyre called out, but her voice lacked authority. She watched her sister’s retreating figure, the slight sway of her hips, and sighed. She wouldn't chase her. Not tonight. She would deal with Elain tomorrow when the air wasn't so thick with lust and secrets.
Feyre turned back to the Shadowsinger.
Azriel was shifting his weight, his hands moving awkwardly to his belt, trying to adjust the heavy Illyrian leathers to hide the evidence of what had just happened. He tugged at his tunic, trying to settle the fabric, but it was futile.
Feyre’s gaze dropped. She couldn't help it.
She saw the straining ridge in his pants, aggressive and undeniable. Her face flamed hotter than the hearth fire, and she snapped her head away, staring intently at a vase on the table.
Elain did that, Feyre thought, her mind reeling. Sweet, innocent Elain did that to the Spymaster. Gosh, Elain.
The silence stretched, heavy and uncomfortable.
"Don't tell Rhys," Azriel said. His voice was gravelly, wrecked.
Feyre bit her lip.
"Please," he added.
Feyre froze. She looked up at his face then. His hazel eyes were wide, pleading, stripping away the mask of the indifferent warrior. In all the years she had known him, through wars and nightmares and endless debates, she never heard Azriel say please. Not once.
She let out a long, weary sigh, the fight draining out of her. If she told Rhys, the repercussions would be immediate. The politics with Lucien, the fragile peace... it would be chaos.
"I won't tell him," Feyre whispered. "Not yet."
Azriel’s shoulders sagged with relief.
"But Azriel," she said, her voice sharpening into a High Lady’s command. She gave him a stern, warning look. "Next time, whatever you do... don't do it while everyone else is in the house. We have ears, you know."
She shook her head, unable to believe she was even having this conversation, and turned on her heel.
As Feyre walked back toward her bedroom, the glass of water forgotten in the kitchen, her mind began to drift from the shock to something else. Something innate.
She flexed her fingers at her sides, itching for charcoal.
Of course, she thought, a wry smile touching her lips in the darkness. Of course the most beautiful woman would end up with the most beautiful man.
The image of them burned behind her eyelids. The contrast of Azriel’s dark, lethal power and Elain’s soft, glowing light. The way he had pinned her against the wall, consumed by her. The sheer, raw eroticism of it. It was a masterpiece of composition—shadow and starlight, hardness and softness, hunger and surrender.
She loved it.
She needed to draw it. She would hide the sketch deep in her portfolio where Rhys would never find it, but she had to capture the way Azriel looked at her sister. Like she was the only air he had ever breathed.
Authors Note: This is a small fanfic where Elain asks Azriel to take her to the Townhouse post Nessians wedding ceremony. She is being bold about her wants (with respect to Azriel). This is probably my third draft, as my last two kept getting deleted! So forgive me if it isn't great! This is part 1/2!
Part 2 will continue the smut, let me know if I should finish this out!
Azriel POV
"Help me?" Elain held out her heel, pointing her toes at Azriel. Her voice was low, a tone different than any he had heard before.
Azriel froze, his shadows now silently slipping into the corners of the room. She was wearing a silk, cobalt blue dress, the fabric flowing over her curves like waves of shadow. It had taken his breath away when he first saw her at the ceremony. And seeing it beneath the candlelight on her bed was only hindering his breathing more.
The dress glistened, hitching up her calf as she lifted her leg.
His eyes roamed up Elain's body. Starting at the foot she still held out to him, up her bare legs kissed by the Sun, her thighs still covered. Her waist hugged by the fabric, breasts softly moving up and down.
He was hard before he met her brown eyes, the ones that looked through thick eyelashes. The ones filled with mischief. With invitation.
He could feel the tingles that spread through his body. The quake in his hands proof of her impact. He nodded, taking a shaky breath as he stepped forward.
He closed the space between them, allowing himself to kneel before her. Her scent wafted to him, a mix of vanilla, rose and...
By the Gods.
He could smell her excitement. Unrelenting, unmasked, so fucking close.
Elain wiggled her foot, throwing her hair over her shoulder, "Heels are the worst." She pouted, leaning against her elbows.
She stretched her neck, a soft landscape that Azriel wanted to ravish. Flashes of last solctice rang through him as he allowed one shaky hand to carress the back of her heel. She relaxed her leg into his grip, the weight and touch alone warming his chest.
"Why do you wear them?" He asked, his voice distant as he moved to the clasp at her ankle.
"It was my sisters ceremony," Elain started, watching him undo the straps that laced around her skin, "ceremonies require heels, do they not?"
Azriel chuckled to himself, relishing in the ability to touch her skin as he slid her heel off. "Not really, Elain." He said, setting her bare foot to the ground.
"Yes, really, Azriel." She laughed, "I cannot walk around barefoot as though I am walking the garden."
He thought about the times they had spent in that garden. How often she would roam the garden with no shoes. No gloves. As though she wanted to connect with the earth beneath her. She was whimsical, a freeing dream that flittered through Azriels mind daily now.
"Even barefoot, you would have been beautiful."
The words left his lips before he could stop them. A clumsy mistake made by a Spymaster. But he continued, picking up her other foot to release it from the heel that snaked around her. Even as his heart thundered in his chest.
Elain POV
Azriel's deep voice sent chills over her exposed skin, goosebumps rising. The word "beautiful" making Elain's heart begin to race, a deep blush painting her cheeks. She couldn't help it. Could not help that she would do anything to be beneath his touch.
His scarred hands grazed her skin, as gentle as ever. She stared at those hands, admiring the way they handled her. The scars looking more like vines climbing a tree.
As light as his touch was, Elain was licking her bottom lip. She had dreamed of being this close to him again. And she felt her core heat at how close his head was to being between her thighs.
She wished she could lock the doors, stop time and enjoy the moment with him. Was scared he would run off again. That she would be his mistake.
Her heart twinged in pain as he slid her other heel off, setting it down. She feared it was over, searched her mind for any excuse to keep him there. To ask him to stay.
But there was a lapse in time, instead. A moment where Azriel did not set her foot down. A second where his thumb rubbed circles into her ankle mindlessly. An eternity of their eyes locking into place.
It was just like last time, but Elain could not withstand another year of yearning. This was the closest they had been in far too long, and she wouldn't stop herself if he wouldn't.
Elain pushed herself up, moving a strand of Azriels dark curly hair from his forehead. "Why won't you have me?"
Her question was whispered, her hand tracing down his cheek to cup his jawline.
Azriels POC
Azriel shuttered, Elains soft carress almost breaking any sense of control he had. And her question? It broke his heart.
"You think I don't want to?" His eyebrows knitted together, a hint of sadness in his tone.
She leaned in, then, pressing her forehead to his. "I think you're scared to."
Her statement was a silent truth that hung in the air. Azriels fingers encased her ankle completely now. Elain leaned in further and spoke so softly that even a step away from her would leave him in silence.
"I don't want to be afraid anymore, Azriel." Her lips brushed his, just a breath of contact, "It's just you and me here."
Whatever ounce of restraint he had burned away. Azriels hand released her ankle, only to venture up the smooth skin of her calf. He never looked away as he watched her shiver.
"It's just you and me here." He parroted, gripping the back of Elains knee. He pulled her further on the edge of the bed, closer to him, before molding his lips to hers.
Elains POV
Elain found her fingers tangled in the fabric of Azriels shirt. His lips held traces of wine, the smell of cedar consuming her senses. In essence, he tasted as delicious as she dreamed.
She dipped further into him, dragging her tongue in hunger across his bottom lip.
Azriels fingers dug into her flesh, eliciting a moan from Elain. He growled in response, as if something feral that was once asleep had finally been shaken awake. Elain needed more of it, needed whatever beast was rising.
Elain released his shirt from her fingers, allowing her arms to wrap around his neck. As they had once before. As she wished she could stay. She parted her lips under his kiss, allowing her fingers to trace the space between his wings.
Azriel sucked in a sharp breath, shoulders pulling back beneath her fingertips. Elain paused at this and watched his wings stretch, seeming to shiver against the candle light.
"Fuck." Azriel grated out, a strained sound.
Elain took delight in his response, her fingernails finding that space again to sweep up and down. Up and down.
Azriels POV
Azriel let Elain torment that spot between his wings. Such a sensitive spot, untouched by most. He had lovers in the past touch his wings, sure. But Elain had targeted uncharted territory.
And Azriel could no longer restrain himself. In one swift motion, Azriel stood to his feet, lifting Elain's body off the mattress to wrap her legs around his waist. Her dress lifted in wrinkles at her thighs, the skin of her legs as luxurious as the silk. Her scent clung to her skin. Azriel once thought maybe she spritzed herself in some alluring perfume. Now he understood, as he began a hot trail of sloppy kisses across her collarbones, that her smell was evenly baked across and into her skin. She needed no perfume, her essence alone was that of paradise.
She locked her ankles around him, her fingers making messy work of his hair now. He allowed his hands to seek absolution, traveling the backs of her thighs, landing on the full expanse of her ass. He squeezed, lifting her hips and pulling her down against his hardened cock.
Elains head fell back, a moan so deep it reverberated against azriels abdomen. He found the little plot of skin on her neck where her pulse fluttered, his lips hovering over it. He placed gentle kiss, then another. Elain ground herself against him, a needy movement that had Azriel smiling to himself.
"Elain, which Gods do you pray to?" He asked, a sudden yet soft inquiry.
Elain furrowed her brows, pulling her hazy attention his hazel eyes.
With full honesty, she spoke barely above a whisper, "I don't anymore."
Azriel's wings began to encase them, then. His eyes darkening as he began moving her hips in soft, consistent motions against him. She moaned, louder than before, at the friction between them. Azriel kissed her chest, his fingers moving further inward, teasing the fabric of her underwear.
"Good. I get to praise you and your pussy alone tonight."
+++++++++++++
UGH FINALLY!!! So, I finished the fanfic. Very spicy, though I am breaking it up into 2 parts! This one is about 2 chilli peppers on the spice scale to me. Part 2 will be many more chilli peppers if yall enjoy the writing style and format!!!!
Let me know your thoughts! Be honest, don't lie to me, friends. If it's shit, I need you to tell me lmao. Anywho, love you guys!!!!! Can't wait to hear what you all think!
Someone had asked who do we think will make the first move after the Solstice disaster. In my opinion it will be Azriel. He will make the first move this time because Elain no longer trusts her instincts after what happened the previous solstice. This is how I envision his "f*ck it" moment.
Azriel showed up at the Townhouse garden as Elain was pruning her rose bushes. He heard what she is planning to do tomorrow and he no longer can hold himself back. To hell with Rhys's orders.
"What are you doing here?" Elain asks without turning around to look at him.
"I needed to see you, to know if it is true you are planning to accept the bond when he comes to Velaris tomorrow."
"Yes, it's true. What I don't understand is why that concerns you." She turned around this time to face him. Tears brimming her eyes.
"You don't want to accept the bond Elain. I know that much."
"How do you know what I want, when you won't even deign yourself to speak to me? You know nothing Sir. There is no point in fighting it any longer. I belong to him."
"YOU BELONG TO NO ONE! Remember?" He approached her and stood a foot from her. A tear escaped Elain’s eyes. He reached out his hand to catch it with his thumb. He moved closer still a breath away from an embrace. He held her face between his palms.
"Tell me your heart belongs to him and I'll leave here, never bother you again." A sob escaped Elain’s throat.
"Come on Azriel, this isn't easy for me."
"It's a simple question Elain. Does your heart belong to him?"
"No. My heart belongs to you."
Azriel crushed his lips against hers. She clung to him as if she feared she would fall if she didn't. Azriel poured his entire soul in that kiss. The kiss he should have given her that solstice. He asked for forgiveness with his lips, he told her he loved her with his soul and she understood. She forgave him. It was only them from now on against an unforgiving world.
Note: This is a belated Christmas gift for my Elriel besties. Merry Christmas!
AO3 Link: 'Twas the Night Before Christmas Eve
Summary:
Elain and her sisters are spending the holidays in a cabin near the town of Velaris. They are planning a Christmas party with some friends, but need supplies and a Christmas tree. They head to town and find out there are no trees left anywhere, so they head to the grocery store in the middle of the city, and one of the store owners lets Elain know they just sold the last tree in their lot. That is, until the other handsome brother offers to take Elain to their tree farm outside of town.
Elain and Azriel just met, but they feel an undeniable pull towards each other. What could go wrong, or right in their case?
Part 1
Elain
Feyre and Nesta could not agree on what to do. Of course, it was always up to Elain to fix the mess they were in, because her sisters could not agree on anything if their lives depended on it. Their bickering gave her a massive headache, and she had had enough. It was the day before Christmas Eve, and they had no time to waste. Their friends would arrive the next morning, and they had neither decorated nor prepared anything for the party. That was because they had arrived late to begin with, and now that they were here, they could not agree on a theme. Nesta wanted a Nightmare Before Christmas theme, and Feyre absolutely would not allow it. She wanted a more refined traditional theme with lots of holly and mistletoe. So Elain ended the squabble by simply stating,
“I’ll wait for you two outside. We are going to town to find a Christmas tree first, then we’ll find whatever we can to decorate it. Doesn’t matter the theme, we need to get going.” She walked out of the house, went into their rental SUV, and turned on the ignition.
It was a good idea on paper, thought Elain. The town looked idyllic in pictures and seemed like a great way to spend Christmas with her sisters and some of their friends, in a cute log cabin surrounded by mountains and lots of snow. Unfortunately, she was now, in fact, stuck with her sisters, in a log cabin, in a remote town, with nowhere to escape.
After five minutes, her sisters came out, scowling. They briefly fought over who would sit on the front passenger seat, but Elain rolled her eyes and flipped a coin, calling tails for Nesta and heads for Feyre. Feyre won, and an entirely miffed Nesta had to sit in the back. Elain drove them to town, looking for a nearby Tree Lot. After about 30 minutes of nothing, she decided to go to the town’s main grocery store. Elain turned to her sisters,
“I’m going to go inside first to check with the people here to see if they know of a tree farm close by or something. If we don’t find anything, we will forego decorations altogether.” That earned her a hiss and a petulant pout from both her sisters.
Elain walked into the store. It was neat and nicely decorated. She wondered if they would sell some of those decorations here. She was greeted by the tallest man she had ever seen in her life, who looked like a handsome Paul Bunyan with a close-trimmed beard and a man bun. She giggled to herself at that mental image.
“Hello, my sisters and I are desperately looking for a Christmas Tree and decorations. Do you happen to know where we might find some? We are from out of town.” The man gave her a warm, jolly grin,
“I could tell you are not from here. Velaris doesn’t often see angels walking around town.” She blushed, and someone came behind the man. An equally attractive, clean-shaven, raven-haired man with striking blue eyes.
“Cassian, would you please stop hitting on our customers? Hi, I’m sorry, please forgive my brother, he is an incurable flirt. My name is Rhysand. How can we help you?”
“Hi, I’m Elain. My sisters and I need a Christmas tree and decorations. We could not find anything, and we are desperate.” He picked some invisible lint from his impeccable, crisp, black long-sleeve shirt and tutted.
“Unfortunately, you are too late. We just sold the last Christmas tree in our lot out back. There are no other places for miles.”
Then a third voice came from the back, someone she could not see, but whose voice sent a shiver down her spine. It was deep, but soft and almost sensual.
“Rhys, I can take them to our farm if they are really in need of a tree. We have about 20 trees left in the yard.” Then he came around one of the aisles, and Elain’s heart jumped. He was easily the most beautiful man she had ever seen. Tall, raven-black hair like the others, with skin the color of caramel, and eyes that looked like golden pools of amber with flecks of green. She swallowed thickly.
“I… thank you. I wouldn’t want to inconvenience anyone. Is your tree farm nearby?”
He looked at her with such intensity that she felt she needed to hold onto something.
“It’s no inconvenience to me. Our farm is about 40 minutes away. We can go faster in my truck. I can then take you to your place and set up the tree for you.” Was he flirting? Because that sounded like a proposition with that voice. Elain needed to get a hold of herself; the man was just being polite.
“Uhmm. Ok. Let me talk to my sisters. We still need to buy food and supplies for our party.”
Elain walked on unsteady feet to the car, where her sisters were once again verbally sparring. As soon as they saw Elain approach, they stopped.
“What happened? Did you have any luck?” Feyre looked hopeful, then her gaze slid past Elain towards the entrance of the store, where the three brothers were standing arms crossed over their muscled chests. Elain looked back at them and smiled. Feyre spoke with a low voice.
“Wow. What do they feed the men of this town? Whatever it is, I want three servings, please.” She grinned at Elain, and Nesta. Elain rolled her eyes.
“Yeah, they have offered to take me to their farm to get a tree, and then drop it off for us at the cabin. Isn’t that nice?” Nesta put a damper on Elain’s enthusiasm.
“How do you know they will not murder you as soon as they have you in some remote place? I mean, look at that giant of a man, he can break you with one hand, I bet.”
“Nesta! Keep it down, they might hear you! In any case, I don’t think it would be in his interest to kill me if you two stay here to do the grocery shopping, while I go to the farm and get the tree.”
Feyre did not protest or say a word; her gaze had not left the one with the violet eyes for a second. Nesta wore a haughty expression when she approached the men. Oh, for God’s sake, can she at least pretend to be pleasant for one minute?
“Hi, thank you so much for offering to help. My sisters will be shopping for groceries here while I go get our tree. This is Feyre, and Nesta.” She motioned to her sisters, hoping the introduction would dispel the awkwardness of Nesta’s scowl.
Rhys, the one with violet eyes, introduced himself and his brothers, then grabbed Feyre’s hand and put it in the crook of his arm to walk her inside the store. Elain was astounded at how quickly her rebellious and wild sister followed him, like a moth to a flame. Cassian tried to do the same with Nesta, but she ignored him and walked in without even looking at him. He followed her anyway, with a devilish grin on his face that told her he liked a challenge.
Elain looked at the last brother, whom Rhys had introduced as Azriel. Azriel, the name stirred something profound in Elain’s subconsciousness that made her inwardly purr. What was happening to her?
“It’s very nice to meet you, Elain.” He extended his hand to her, and she noticed the scars then. She wasn’t sure why, but instead of shaking his hand like a normal person, she took his hand, looked closely at the scars, and, with the index finger of her other hand, lightly traced the pattern.
“Beautiful.” She whispered over his skin. What possessed her to do and say that, she doesn’t know, but it was the truth. His scars looked as if they were hand-drawn in the pattern of rose vines. She looked up at his face and noticed his cheeks were red, just like hers. She dropped his hand quickly.
“Sorry. I see patterns in everything. Your scars look like rose vines.”
He just stared at her as if she were some rare creature from another world, and she knew she had once again stuck a foot in her mouth. She had a tendency to speak her thoughts out loud, and people did not always appreciate the riddles she saw in her head. But Azriel just gave her a small smile and motioned for her to follow him.
As they approached a large pickup truck, he opened the passenger door for her. Elain was wearing a very tight corduroy pencil skirt over thick wool tights and knee-high boots, which limited her range of motion and prevented her from lifting her leg high enough to reach the truck's running board. Unexpectedly, she felt strong hands wrap around her waist, easily hoisting her onto the passenger seat. Elain was both embarrassed and grateful.
“Thank you.” She smiled shyly at him. He inclined his head and closed the door. Elain’s heart fluttered like a goddamn teenage girl with a crush. It was not just his handsome features and imposing figure. It was something about the way he carried himself, his mild manners, and soothing voice. Elain cursed her romantic heart for this. She saw love and beauty in everything; she could not help it. It was the reason why she fell in love with stupid Greysen and gave him her heart. Get a grip on yourself, Elain!, she thought. Only 6 months after suffering a devastating breakup, she is already looking for her next tormentor. She schooled her features into an impassive expression. No, she would not let her heart win this time. Let her brain and common sense stir her in the right direction.
Elain kept quiet, not wanting to fill the silence with idle chatter, because she hated small talk and banter with a passion. It always seemed fake, like putting on a performance for someone else. So, she settled in the silence, looking out the window to the beautiful countryside. It was almost 6 o’clock, and although there was still some light in the sky, dusk was slowly settling in with the hues of magenta, yellow, and blue. It was something to behold, and she sighed deeply, leaning her forehead on the window, not realizing he was looking at her through the corner of his eye, and then he spoke.
“I take it you are from Hewn City and don’t come here often?”
She turned to look at him with a wistful smile.
“Yes, we live in Hewn City, and unfortunately, I don’t get to spend as much time in nature as I would like. It is lovely here. I would love to see what it looks like in warmer seasons. If it looks this beautiful in winter, it must be breathtaking in Spring.”
“It is vibrant with wildflower fields and blooming gardens during the warmer months. Although I spend most of the year in Hewn City, this is home.”
“Oh, so you don’t live here?”
“Unfortunately, no. I only get to spend holidays and some weekends here, checking on the store and the farm. The farm and the store are typically run by others. We just gave the store and farm managers 2 weeks off for the holidays.”
“They must have been very grateful for that reprieve.”
“They didn’t want to leave, but relented at our insistence. They have been in our family’s employ for over 25 years.”
“So what do you really do? In Hewn City, I mean.”
“I have a tedious office job, I am ashamed to admit. I’d much prefer the quiet country life.”
Elain hummed. Although she loved what she did, she sometimes daydreamed of living a quiet life in the country. She fell silent, not feeling the need to fill it. He didn’t seem to be the type to mind comfortable silences. As the minutes passed, she noticed the change in the sky. Heavier, darker clouds on the horizon, and flurries beginning to drift past her window.
“I’m sorry, Elain, it appears the snowstorm we anticipated for later tonight has arrived earlier. We have about 20 more minutes before we reach our farm. We’ll need to stop at the main house and wait there for the storm to let up, or we could be stranded in the Tree yard without a way out.”
“How long do you think the storm will take to clear?”
“It’s hard to predict. Weather experts have never been able to pinpoint our town's weather pattern with accuracy, I’m afraid.”
Elain felt a pang of worry. She needed to ensure everything was prepared tonight or the party would be an absolute disaster. He seemed to sense her distress.
“I’m sure it will be fine. They predicted less than 3 inches.” Seeing that she was still apprehensive, worrying her lips between her teeth, and furrowing her brows, he decided to distract her with conversation. Something he appeared to be entirely out of practice with.
“So, what made you and your sisters come to Velaris for Christmas? Shouldn’t you be with your family back in Hewn City?”
“My sisters and I are each other’s only family. We have no close living relatives we would spend Christmas with. Our parents passed away 5 years ago.” She sounded sadder than she thought.
“I’m sorry for your loss. But it is great you and your sisters have each other.” He looked at her through the corner of his eye. She let out a snort.
“Yeah, if they could stop bickering to notice their luck. It feels like all I do these days is referee their fights.” She uttered without thinking. She didn’t know why she felt like sharing things with this stranger.
“I can relate to that. I love my brothers, but sometimes I feel like I need to be the voice of reason, or we would end up in a lot more trouble than we usually are.” He laughed and shook his head.
“What brings you joy, Azriel?” She asked out of the blue. Again, feeling a strange pull to this stranger. She needed to know who he was at his core.
“Music. I wish I had dared to go to music school instead of boring business school.”
“Do you play any instruments?”
“I learned to play piano when I was only 12 years old, but stopped. I haven’t touched it since freshman year in college.”
“What’s stopping you?”
“I don’t know. Duty, the rush of everyday life?”
“I think life is too short to not do the things we want to do. If you want to play piano, then play it. Who is stopping you?”
“You are right, no one is stopping me but myself. What about you? What brings you joy?”
She didn’t hesitate.
“Creating beautiful and delicious things that bring joy to others.” She knew her answer was cryptic without context. But she let it sit without an explanation to see what Azriel would do with that information.
“You enjoy cooking for others?”
“Very much so. I’m a professional chef. I love what I do, but…”
“But what?”
“Lately it feels like a chore, rather than something I really want to do.”
“I know the feeling.” He said almost to himself, and the silence returned. Neither felt the need to interrupt it.
Elain woke up with a jolt when she heard and felt the driver’s door close with a thud. She didn’t even realize she had fallen asleep, as she stretched and wiped the drool from her mouth. Azriel came around the front of the car and opened her door. Once out of the car, she noticed they were in front of the most beautiful farmhouse she had ever seen, and it was now snowing heavily.
“It’s a beautiful house.”
“It’s been in our family for generations.”
“Well, it looks like one of those houses that appear on Christmas greeting cards, or a Thomas Kinkade painting.” She paused and looked around.
Elain was nervous. She didn’t know how long the storm would last or whether they would have enough time to even decorate. Most of all, she was nervous about being with this stranger in the middle of nowhere. He seemed nice, and she felt a strange sense of comfort around him, but he was still a man, and she didn’t know him. He appeared to notice her apprehension.
“I promise I’m not an ax murderer. Plus, your sisters have seen me and know I brought you here, so I would be a very stupid murderer to leave so many loose ends.” She could not help but giggle at that.
They went inside the house, and it was just as beautiful as she had imagined a house like that would look. She wondered whether they had wives or girlfriends, given how immaculately it was decorated. She hadn’t seen a ring on his finger when she looked at his scarred hand earlier; it was empty. He was not married, but a man like that could not possibly be single. He must have a girlfriend, one who probably looks like a centerfold model.
“This is beautifully decorated, a feminine touch.” He chuckled.
“Rhys has a flair for the dramatic, actually. He brought a professional decorator. I would have preferred something more wholesome, and not so…”
“HGTV staged?” He laughed, a deep, joyous laugh. She thought it made him look more handsome and open.
“Something like that. Sit, I’ll go make us some hot chocolate.”
“Oh no, I’d like to help if you allow me.”
They went to the kitchen, which looked like you would expect. It was a modern farmhouse kitchen that looked like it had been pulled straight out of a magazine. Did anyone even cook here?
“This kitchen doesn’t get much use, does it?” She commented more than she asked.
“Not really. We spend most of our time in town, and we typically eat lunch and dinner at the store.”
“It’s a shame. I’d die for a kitchen like this. I would practically live here.” He looked at her again with that intensity that made her knees weak.
He found the cocoa powder after searching all their cupboards and pulled two mugs. Elain went to the refrigerator to get the milk. There was also almond and oat milk in there, so she had to ask,
“Are you allergic to cow's milk by any chance? Should I get you oat or almond milk instead?”
He made a face that told her he absolutely did not want any of those choices, and she smiled.
They worked together to pour milk, cocoa powder, and sugar into a pan, and Elain found a whisk to mix the ingredients, then placed the pan on the burner. She was careful to ensure it didn’t boil, turned off the stove, whisked the hot chocolate vigorously to create foam, and then poured it into each mug.
“I feel like you did most of the work.” Azriel chimed in after he grabbed the mugs and put them on a tray next to a plate of store-bought shortbread cookies.
They walked to the family room, which looked much cozier than the grand living room. There were blankets draped on either side of a large plush couch, and a large fireplace with a TV above its mantle. There were several picture frames and what looked like family mementos on top of the mantle. She wanted to take a closer look but felt it might be rude. She was just a guest, an interloper in their home at this point. Her thoughts were interrupted by Azriel, who set the tray on the coffee table.
“Would you like a tour while the hot chocolate cools down?”
“Oh, I wouldn’t want to impose. I wouldn’t want to intrude if anyone else is home.”
“No one else lives here. It’s just us three and the housekeeper, who is also on holiday for two weeks.”
“All right. Lead the way.”
The house was three stories, but most of the bedrooms, eight of them to be precise, were on the second floor. The third floor was more like an attic, the size of her own apartment, where the “master” bedroom stood. Azriel said this was Rhys’s quarters. She wondered why Rhys, who looked younger than the other two, would get the master bedroom. She kept that to herself, but Azriel had a sixth sense or something, because he felt the need to explain.
“Cassian and I are adopted. Rhys’s parents adopted us when we were around 11 years old.”
“Oh.” She didn’t want to pry with additional questions. She’d rather let him share what he wanted to share.
When they went back to the living room, she stopped by the Fireplace mantle and asked Azriel about the people in the pictures. There was one of the three brothers smiling widely against a background of winter white and snowballs in their hands. Another where they were all dressed in tuxedos, in the company of a beautiful blonde woman and a tiny, but also beautiful, Asian woman.
“That is Morrigan. Rhys’s cousin.” His face betrayed some sort of discomfort that told her perhaps he wanted Morrigan to be more than Rhys’s cousin. That thought made her stomach twist with a twinge of jealousy. The blonde was everything she wasn’t. Tall, voluptuous, sexy, and astoundingly gorgeous. Here she was at only 5 feet 3 inches, with hips wider than she’d like, and a modest decolletage that couldn’t possibly compete with all of that.
“And the tiny, angry-looking one is Amren. One of our oldest friends.”
She hummed, then zeroed in on the last picture. A beautiful, raven-haired older woman sat in a chair surrounded by the three brothers.
“Is this your adoptive mom? She is beautiful.”
“Yeah, mom was beautiful, and the kindest soul you’d ever meet. We lost her 8 years ago. Rhys’s father had passed away the year prior.” She noted that he referred to their adoptive mother as ‘mom’ and to their father as ‘Rhys’s father’.
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
They made their way to the couch and found the hot chocolate was no longer hot but warm, perfect for drinking without burning their mouths. They sat on opposite sides of the sofa. She looked out the window and noticed that snow was falling more heavily now. It didn’t seem like it was going to end any time soon.
“That doesn’t seem like 3 inches to me.” She said unhelpfully.
“I know. Again, the weathermen continue to fail in their predictions. Would you like to watch a movie or a show while we wait?”
“Ok. What do you prefer watching? I am a Christmas comfort movie fiend. Every year, I force my sisters to do a classic Christmas movie marathon.”
“Really? Which movie is your favorite?”
“It’s a Wonderful Life.”
“That is as classic as it can get. My favorite is Die Hard.”
“No. You are not one of those; you are joking.” She laughed.
“What? Die Hard is a Christmas movie!”
“The hell it is.” He lifted an eyebrow in amusement.
“I’ll prove you wrong. Let’s watch it, and I’ll change your mind.”
He stood up to grab the remote control from the mantle. Then he sat closer to her, only a foot separating them. He then grabbed one of the blankets and draped it over both of them. Her heart started to beat faster. This stuff only happens in Hallmark Christmas movies, right? Her imagination was playing tricks on her. Was he flirting with her?
They began watching the movie. Elain had seen it before, of course, but never thought of it the way he was explaining it.
“See how it starts with the most quintessential Christmas movie element. The office party.” Indeed, it was a Christmas party, and holiday music was playing. As the plot progressed, he inferred more meaning than she thought possible.
“See the parallels with It’s a Wonderful Life. Here we have John, a man who doesn’t know how good he had it, until he faces the possibility of losing it all, just like George Bailey. He is separated from his wife, just like George is estranged from his family.”
She had to admit, he had a point, and she nodded thoughtfully, considering his arguments as the movie played in the background. She was mesmerized by his voice and his amazing hazel eyes. She shyly averted her gaze as soon as she realized she was blatantly staring, even when he wasn’t talking. She cleared her throat and directed her attention back to the screen.
“Also, we have a Scrooge-type of villain, who doesn’t care about the holiday and wants to ruin it for everyone else. Hans Gruber is the foil who wants to ruin everyone’s good time.”
“I guess you could see it that way. But the movie could have been done on any other holiday, and it would still work. I think that is what sets an actual Christmas film apart from any other movie. The story centers on Christmas and its meaning.”
“Ah ha! There lies the reason why Die Hard is a Christmas Movie. Wait until the end, and I’ll explain.” She was amused and sipped the last of her now cold hot chocolate. It was really dark outside, and the snowstorm was raging. She should call her sisters, because she may not be able to make it back to the cabin tonight. It was almost 7:30 PM, and snow was rapidly accumulating, well beyond the expected 3 inches.
She asked Azriel to pause the movie so she could call her sisters. She called Feyre because Nesta would surely spend the first 5 minutes yelling at her for putting her life at risk with a stranger. Feyre answered after 3 rings.
“Feyre, how are you guys faring over there. I’m unfortunately stuck at the farm until the snowstorm passes. Did you get everything we needed?”
“We are doing fine, but are stuck in town with Rhys and Cassian. The snowstorm caught us all by surprise, and the roads are dangerous to drive right now. They invited us to their apartment in town while the storm clears.” Elain smiled to herself. It appears their sisters were also stuck with handsome men. She had to laugh at the serendipity of it all.
“Ok. I think our party may need to be canceled. I doubt our friends will be able to make it tomorrow if the roads are as bad as I think.”
“Most likely, they won’t make it until later tomorrow if at all. You may have to spend the night with Azriel. Although that doesn’t sound like a punishment at all. He is the prettiest of all three.” Feyre giggled. Actually giggled. Elain blushed.
“Feyre! You are incorrigible. I’ll call you guys tomorrow morning and determine what to do from there. Our holiday party may be a bust. There is no way I can decorate, cook, and host people at the same time.”
“It’s ok, El. We will make it work. I can go out and hunt deer if need be.” Feyre laughed, but somehow Elain believed her. She could see her, bow and arrow in hand, aiming for a deer and striking true. Feyre had always been the most resourceful out of the three of them and could come up with a solution to everything.
“Talk tomorrow, Feyre. Love you guys!” She heard her sister say ‘Love you’ back, and it warmed her heart. They were both a pain in the butt, but she loved them dearly. She hung up and faced Azriel.
“It appears the roads are unsafe, and the storm may rage the entire night. Seems like you are stuck with me until tomorrow. Your brothers are stuck with Feyre and Nesta.” He smiled at her,
“I can think of worse ways to be snowed in.” Elain’s cheeks heated, and she absentmindedly bit her lower lip. He tracked the movement and looked at her lips, a glint in his eye, which made her all warm inside. This man is dangerous, she thought. Elain did not do one-night stands, but this was the first time in her 26 years of life that she considered it. She averted her gaze again and cleared her throat.
“Let’s finish the movie. I am curious to hear your final argument.”
The movie was clearly action-packed, with John outmaneuvering the villain at every turn. She had to admit the movie was entirely entertaining. As the plot hit its tipping point, she could already see where it was going and what Azriel’s argument might be, but she wanted to hear him say it. As the end credits rolled, she turned to him.
“Well?”
“Don’t tell me you didn’t see it.”
“I did, but I want you to tell me why.” She teased.
“Ok. Going back to the parallels with It’s a Wonderful Life, John goes through hell trying to save everyone in that building, almost dying in the process, just like George Bailey. Then at the end, what does John realize? That his life is worth living as long as he has love and people who care about him.” He made a ‘mic drop’ motion that made her chuckle.
“Touche. I have to admit, you have made the case for it very clear. It may not be an entirely family-friendly Christmas movie, but it does fit the theme of one, machine guns aside.” She smirked.
“Are you hungry?”
“I’m starving. I thought perhaps you heard my stomach growl a couple of times.”
“I did, but didn’t want to embarrass you.” They both laughed. “Come on, let’s find something to eat.” He got up and offered her a hand. She took it and followed him into the kitchen. He didn’t let go of her hand, and she didn’t mind it one bit. His hands felt rough against hers, but surprisingly warm and gentle, as if he was afraid of hurting her.
They raided the refrigerator and the cupboard. Thankfully, they had plenty of food. Elain offered to cook something, but he said it was late and they could just eat a sandwich. So Elain prepared her signature ‘go-to’ sandwich for both of them: a simple ham-and-cheese on a French baguette. She added her secret ingredient after asking Azriel if he had any specific food aversions or allergies. A slice of fresh tomato, a sprinkle of balsamic vinegar, and olive oil. Azriel ate it in 3 bites and declared it the most delicious ham-and-cheese sandwich he’d ever eaten.
Since it was getting late and Elain looked tired, he showed her to one of the guest rooms. Azriel said he was going to look for something she could wear as PJs. While he was away, she looked out the balcony doors, and the storm was getting even stronger. She sighed; they were probably going to be stuck until at least tomorrow afternoon. There was no way she would be able to cook anything in time for the party, even if she made it to the cabin.
Elain sat down at the edge of the bed and began removing her boots when Azriel appeared at the door. He handed her what looked like flannel pajamas.
“I found some old flannel pajamas in Morrigan’s old room. I hope they fit. Also, there should be some toiletries in the cabinet below the bathroom sink.” He hesitated before adding.
“I’ll be 3 doors down if you need anything. Good night.” She smiled at him.
“Good night. Thank you for… being a gracious host.” He smiled back at her and inclined his head, closing the door as he left.
Elain inhaled deeply. He stirred things inside her that she hadn’t felt in a long while. It unsettled her. He was undoubtedly a very attractive man, but she had just met him, and she could not shake the feeling of recognition. As if she had known him for a very long time, like a long-lost friend she was reacquainting herself with. She had the very distinct feeling of having met him before, which was crazy because she knew she hadn’t. As she removed her clothes and put on the borrowed pajamas, a memory hit her. It was not a memory but a series of dreams she had had over the years. The dreams were always the same: a soothing, masculine voice encouraging her to follow her dreams, a gentle touch from rough hands on her cheek, soft lips that kissed her cheek, the scent of cedar and mist cologne. No, it couldn’t be; she was making things up in her head again.
Elain could not sleep. She tossed and turned in the strange bed. She felt hot and entirely too anxious to relax. She got up and opened the door carefully to avoid making noises and waking Azriel up. She headed downstairs to the living room, intending to put the TV on to distract her from her crazy thoughts and try to fall asleep on the couch at least. But as she turned to enter the family room, she crashed into the hard chest of Azriel and let out a blood-curdling scream.
“Holly shit, Azriel! You scared the bejeezus out of me. What are you doing still up?” He chuckled and tried to hold her steady as she wobbled like a bowling pin.
“I could ask you the same thing.” She was entirely too close to him, and then his scent hit her, and her knees wobbled. He immediately held her by the waist.
“Whoa, are you feeling ok?” She just looked up at him and slowly nodded.
“I think so, I just need to sit down.” She disengaged herself from him, seeking some distance, and went to sit on the couch.
“Do you mind if I turn the TV on? It is the only thing that helps me sleep when my anxious mind doesn’t let me relax.”
To both her chagrin and delight, he sat next to her and passed her the remote.
“Then I take it you suffer from insomnia like me?”
“Yeah. It doesn’t help when my dreams get weird sometimes.” She didn’t want to elaborate, so she changed the subject quickly. “Do you have any preferences on what to watch?”
“Well, it is Christmas Eve, how about we watch another Christmas classic. How do you feel about Home Alone?”
“All right, let’s do it.” She tucked her feet under her and noticed he was even closer than earlier, only mere inches separating them. Her pulse quickened. Did he feel the same pull towards her that she felt for him? It was all so disorienting, and she needed to look away towards the window to keep from staring at his profile while he perused through the channels.
When he found the movie and pressed play, he grabbed the blanket they had used earlier and draped it over them once again. It all felt so intimate, as if they had done this countless times. She leaned against the back of the couch, trying to find a comfortable position, when he reached over her, and she held her breath. His arm moved towards the sofa's arm, and then the sofa started to recline, bringing the footrest up. He turned to look at her, his face mere inches from hers,
“Is that comfortable enough?” She took a deep breath and nodded.
When he leaned back to his place, he moved closer still, placing his legs next to Elain’s on the sofa’s footrest. His arm was draped over the back cushion behind her. She was entirely too aware of his nearness to relax and pay attention to the movie. She felt dizzy as his scent enveloped her again, and she thought she was surely going mad. This had never happened with anyone, not even with Greysen. Even when she thought she was madly in love with him, he never elicited this type of response. It was as if something primal was taking control within her. She wondered if maybe she was just lonely and just needed a man or something. However, she had had plenty of admirers since Greysen, as recent as the day before they left for Velaris. None of her suitors ever made her feel this way. She turned them all down, as she really wasn’t looking for another relationship at this point and wanted to focus on her career as a chef.
She decided it was best to stop her wandering mind and simply get into the movie. Kevin had already made plans to fend off the bandits, but right before he went home to prepare everything, he stopped by a church. This is Elain’s favorite scene in the movie, the interaction between the scary old neighbor and Kevin. After Kevin tells the man to call his son, saying, ‘At least you’ll know and then you can stop worrying about it, and you won’t have to be afraid anymore!’
“Ugh, isn’t that the best line I’ve heard come from a kid?” Elain observed.
“Is the best line coming from anyone. It really speaks to having courage and living without regrets, doesn’t it?”
“It’s true. How would you know how something might go, if you don’t even try?”
They looked at each other, and whatever magical tether that was pulling her to him tightened. She found herself pulled into his arms, her lips pressed to his, her arms around his neck, his arms around her waist. Did she do that, or did he? She couldn’t think, only feel. It felt right, as if it were something they were meant to do all the time. She belonged in those arms somehow; those lips belonged on hers. As if her soul recognized his from a past lifetime or something. She knew it was wrong to kiss someone she had just met, but she couldn’t stop. His lips were soft against hers, gentle, patient. She knew she was lost the minute she opened her mouth to let him deepen the kiss. No one had ever kissed her like that. She was utterly ruined because this kiss tasted like the kisses in her dreams, a mix of mint, yearning, and extreme desire. Fuck! She was utterly fucked. And the worst part, she didn’t care. Azriel would be her ruin, and she would go into it eyes wide open.
Elain and Azriel became best friends ever since her sisters, and she moved to Velaris 2 and a half years ago. However, something happened during summer break, and now she and Azriel aren't speaking. She is about to finish her first semester of junior year in college, while Azriel is a senior. She misses her best friend and fears their friendship may be ruined forever.
Azriel and Elain in a college setting. Canon divergent, angst, and fluff, with some eventual spice, and tooth-rotting, fluffy, beautiful, happy ending. A Gift for my new Elriel fanatic friend @shedoessoshedoes for @acotargiftexchange 2025
Words: 21,871
Rating: Eventual Spice
For an immersive and better reading experience with the sountrack songs embedded within the text at the specific scenes where they belong, head over to AO3
AO3 Link: The Story of Us - an Elriel Fic
The full playlist on Spotify, can be found here:
Fall 2025
Elain
Elain is walking the campus pathways, wearing her large over-ear headphones. Her noise-cancelling headphones help her tune out startling noises and the unnerving hum of the student body. She is in her own little world, listening to her music, oblivious to the stares she receives, both appreciative and disdainful. Elain is beautiful, in an otherworldly way, but walks as if she is unaware of how attractive she is or doesn’t care. She ignores the whistles from the football players in their varsity shirts and the snide remarks from some of the girls beside them. It’s not that she doesn't care; she just can’t hear them when “About You” by The 1975 is loud in her ears. She is listening to her personal soundtrack, the playlist for the story of El.
Ever since she was little, her mother couldn't understand Elain’s outbursts and tantrums when she was forced to wear particularly scratchy clothing and attend loud kid parties where she hid in a closet and didn’t interact with the other kids. Her mother consistently berated her and made it her mission in life to break Elain into “behaving” appropriately, like a lady ought to be. “Why can’t you be more like Nesta!” “Why can’t you be a normal kid like Feyre!” So Elain learned from a young age that it was not ok to cry in front of others, that she could not scream when she was frustrated, or that hiding under her bed or in a closet to calm herself meant her mother would burst in and yank her out by the hair. Her sister Nesta served as a buffer many times when her mother became particularly vicious. Nesta would sleep in Elain’s bed when she had one of her anxiety attacks and hugged her tight until she fell asleep. Still, her mother instilled in Elain learned behaviors that remained rooted in her psyche to this day.
She grew up suppressing everything that could be seen as “abnormal” by her mother. She learned to speak in a small voice, like a whisper, and found a way to cope with noisy or large crowds by wearing headphones. Although sometimes even that was offensive to her mother, she allowed it, as long as Elain didn’t devolve into a crying mess in front of people. She forced herself to smile, to attend social events, even though her entire body screamed for her to run away and hide. She hid only when it was appropriate, and no one noticed her absence. In essence, Elain learned to behave like a “proper lady” to survive her mother’s crushing expectations. Learning to mask her emotions.
As she entered the building and turned the corner to reach Professor Helion’s Calc I class, she crashed into a hard chest, and her headphones fell to the floor. She immediately bent to pick them up and hit her head with the other person’s head. “Ouch!” she yelped, rubbing her forehead.
“Are you ok? I’m sorry, I didn’t see you.” A deep midnight voice spoke to her, and Elain opened one eye to look at them. Before her were the most beautiful hazel eyes she had ever seen in her young life, set on the handsome face of her friend Azriel. She felt an immediate jolt to the heart, and the pain in her chest became once again unbearable. The kind of pain one feels before despair claims one's senses. She schooled her face into the blank mask she had perfected her entire life.
Elain had moved to Velaris with her sisters 2 and a half years ago, after their parents died in a car crash. The first friends they made were the Naht brothers, who lived next door to their aunt. Now, her sisters Nesta and Feyre were in committed relationships with two of them, Cassian and Rhys. She and Azriel were just great friends. That is, until something happened at the end of summer break. She cleared her throat, heart hammering in her chest, as it happened every time he was in the same room as her.
“Oh, Hey Az, I’m fine. It was my fault for not paying attention to where I was going.” She gave him a small smile. He smiled back.
“Don’t move. I’ll pick up your headphones.” He bent down to pick up her headphones and handed them to her.
“Thank you. I’m sorry for bumping your head so hard.” She looked at him with concern. He chuckled and rubbed the red spot on his forehead.
“I’ll survive. How about you? Does your head hurt?” He raised his hand to touch her forehead, but pulled it at the last minute. He always did that, came close, but pulled away just as he did that last day of summer. It was as if he was afraid to hurt her if he touched her or something. She sighed and smiled at him and decided to end the interaction before it became awkward and pregnant with unasked questions. It was better to go now, before her carefully constructed mask of indifference fell to the floor, revealing the raw emotions hiding beneath the surface. It wasn’t like this before. Before, she could be herself around him, and that hurt more than anything. Losing her best friend was ten times more painful than this unrequited love she felt.
“Yes, I’m fine. Catch you later!” She continued walking to class. She could not stop thinking about how she had gotten herself into this mess. She had developed a massive crush on Azriel from the moment they met. They had been thick as thieves, sharing everything from ice cream cones to secrets and their innermost fears. He became her whole world, her best friend. He understood her struggles, and she understood his. But now he was ignoring her and making excuses not to come around or participate in get-togethers with her sisters and his brothers. She blamed herself most days. Why did she go and spoil it all by falling in love and acting on those feelings? But she could not help it when he was the way he was. Caring, intelligent, fun, a great listener, and achingly handsome. But that’s all it would ever be, a stupid unrequited crush. He had made that perfectly clear the last day they spent together before the start of the fall semester.
Elain put her headphones back on and noticed she had missed one of her favorite songs, ‘So Easy (To Fall In Love)’ by Olivia Dean. No matter, she thought, the Cranberries were now playing.
“And now I tell you openly
You have my heart, so don't hurt me
You're what I couldn't find
A totally amazing mind
So understanding and so kind
You're everything to me…”
Someone tapped on her shoulder, and she saw Professor Helion motioning to her headphones.
“You have a lovely voice, Ms Archeron.” Elain hadn’t even realized she wasn’t singing in her head, but actually singing the tune for others to hear, and her cheeks flared red.
“Uhm, hello, Professor Helion. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was singing out loud.”
“No worries, Ms Archeron, you didn’t disturb anyone. Like I said, you have a lovely voice; you should try out for the A Cappella group.”
“Oh, no, thanks, Professor Helion, but I am not a performer. I would not be able to stand in front of a big crowd and sing.”
“What a pity, you are depriving us all of hearing an angel sing.” If she didn’t know Professor Helion, she would think he was flirting with her, but she knew this was the way he treated almost everyone. No one was bad in his eyes, and she actually admired him for that.
“Ready for a riveting Calculus lesson?” He opened the classroom door and let her walk in first.
“Absolutely not.” She smiled at him. Elain was actually a pretty good student, and to her surprise, she turned out to be a college math and calculus genius. At least, that was according to her sister Nesta, who hated the subject with a passion. Elain missed Nesta. Now that she was mainly taking upper-division classes, she rarely saw her on campus. Elain felt pretty lonely now that her sisters spent most of their free time with their boyfriends, leaving her as the third wheel. Azriel was usually there to keep her company, but that was no longer the case. She missed him, and she knew why he was avoiding her. It didn’t make the pain any less.
Professor Helion’s class ended right at midday, so Elain headed to the lunchroom. She didn’t have class until 2 PM. With her headphones on max volume, she continued her playlist with Florence and the Machine's ‘Dog Days Are Over.’
Elain always had the same meal at the cafeteria, every single day, in the exact same spot, where she was essentially hidden from passing students and professors. It was the only thing that kept her sane in a constantly changing environment: her routines, her safe zones, and the fact that she had ways to disappear without hiding in a closet. No one cared, no one saw, no one listened anyway. Only Azriel did, but now he was gone too. She kept herself hidden within shadows, using her headphones as a barrier to others, and music as a distraction from her self-critical thoughts and constant anxiety.
Elain read the material for her next ethics class. As she was bringing a spoonful of plain pasta to her mouth, she felt somebody standing next to her. She looked up to find her sister Feyre standing there. She paused her playlist because she freaking loves Alicia Keys and didn’t want to miss this particular song that was just starting. She put the fork back on her plate.
“Hi Feyre!” Elain greeted her sister warmly. Even though they weren’t as close as she’d like, Feyre was always refreshing to be around and had a heart of gold.
“El, what are you doing here all by yourself? Come sit with us.” Elain hesitated, but she had no good excuse to turn down her sister. Feyre looked so hopeful, she could not let her down, even though she had no desire to third wheel again or talk to people she didn’t know. Feyre was always surrounded by many friends and acquaintances.
“Sure.” She put her textbook back in her sack. She was almost done with her pasta anyway, so she returned the tray of food to the caddy near her. Elain reaccommodated her blouse and smoothed her skirt. A nervous habit she had developed when faced with the prospect of having to make small talk with people. It was not that Elain did not like talking to people or being social; it just brought back memories of her mother chastising her for being “weird”. Her mother had made sure she learned how to talk about anything and everything, but not share anything of substance about herself. As a result, she felt like she was putting on a performance every single time. A smile here, a nod there, interject with some opportune quip, and for God’s sake, Elain, do not mention a word about flowers, nobody cares.
She followed Feyre to a table where several people sat, and Elain swallowed hard, her palms already sweating, her heartbeat above 100 bpm. Feyre introduced her first,
“Guys, this is my sister Elain. She is a year ahead of me. El, this is Tarquin, who just transferred from Summer U, and Vivianne and Kalias, from Winter U.” Rhys, Mor, Cassian, and Azriel were also at the table, thankfully.
Elain waved at the newcomers with a shy smile and sat at the table next to Azriel and in front of Cassian. They were discussing their upcoming Basketball tournament. Mor and Vivianne were chatting about Winter fashion, while everyone else was discussing the upcoming student elections.
Elain had the liberty of taking a good look at Azriel now that no one was paying attention to her. Her eyes roamed over his figure. He was well-built, but not overly so; he was lean. His hair, the color of a raven’s wing, was cut short, just touching the collar of his tight black shirt, with silky curls at the ends. The kind of hair you want to run your fingers through. She had done so many times when he would lie on her lap as they read a book together. The untamed nature of his hair made him look boyish, like a walking, beautiful chaos. Gosh, he was so gorgeous. It always felt as if she was seeing him for the first time, every time, and her heart always squeezed to the point of pain. Although her perusal lasted only a few seconds, she felt self-conscious about blatantly staring, so she averted her gaze to Feyre’s group and tried to pay attention to what they were saying.
After about twenty minutes of no one bothering to include her in their conversations, she decided that was enough socialization for the day. She began gathering her stuff to get up and leave when Azriel stopped talking to Cassian and addressed her.
“I’m glad you survived impact with my thick skull earlier today.” He was looking at her in a way that made her fidget with her skirt.
“Right back at you. I’m glad the bump on your head didn’t cause a traumatic brain injury.” She teased.
Azriel was about to say something else when Cassian interrupted.
“Hey, El, our fraternity is hosting a party this weekend to get wasted before we have to start cramming for finals. Would you like to come?” She was about to answer when her sister interjected.
“Oh, I don’t know, Cass, El doesn’t like loud parties, and you know how your fraternity likes to get rowdy. You know she is kind of a home buddy.” While Elain appreciated Feyre looking out for her, she felt small, as if she needed her younger sister to protect her from the big, bad world.
“Actually, I’d love to come. Just text me the details, Cass.” She noticed how Azriel’s eyes widened in surprise, and Feyre was about to protest. Elain just said goodbye and left the table, without giving her sister or anyone else a chance to change her mind. She put her headphones back on and pressed play. Alicia Keys’ "Girl on Fire" began playing in her head.
She had about an hour to kill before her next class, so she decided to go to her favorite place on campus for some peace and quiet. Azriel had shown her the place when she first arrived on campus as a freshman, and she loved it. They used to take naps on the benches in the middle of the botanical garden, or just sit side by side, reading a book or simply chatting about life. She misses those days. She strode into the garden and went to lie down on her favorite bench. The garden remained empty most days, especially in the afternoons. Botany and Landscape design students typically came here in the mornings, so she had the place to herself, with just the flowers, plants, bugs, and birds as company. She set her phone alarm to wake her ten minutes before class, put her backpack under her head as a pillow, and adjusted her skirt to cover her legs. As she closed her eyes, “Somewhere Only We Know” began playing.
Azriel
Azriel waited five minutes before exiting the lunch room after Elain left. He desperately wanted to talk to her, but they never had the opportunity unless it was under the watchful eye of her sisters or his brothers. Azriel and Elain had become really close friends over the past couple of years. However, he made a huge mistake by letting his feelings run wild, hurting Elain in the process. At the end of the summer break, his brother Rhysand had pulled him aside to talk him down from pursuing her. He said that Elain had gone through a traumatic breakup not so long ago, and the last thing she needed was a loser like him seducing her to then dump her as soon as he satisfied his itch. Not exactly Rhys’s words, but that was the gist of it. Rhys implied that Elain deserved better, that she was fragile and needed a good guy without the baggage. Azriel felt like a piece of shit for even thinking he had a right to breathe the same air as her. Azriel knew he was not good enough for anyone, especially her; thus is his lot in life, the story of Az.
The problem is that Azriel could not stop thinking about her. His chest ached every time he saw her. He wanted to hug her tight when she felt overwhelmed, to hold her hands when they trembled, and to listen to her voice as she talked about her dreams and fears. He was irrevocably and unequivocally in love with her, and he had ruined everything. Because he is an idiot who listened to the demon on his shoulder. The one that constantly told him he isn’t good enough, that he doesn’t deserve happiness.
He still remembers the first time they met. It was the end of summer break 2023. He and his brothers had been playing hoops in the front yard when a moving truck arrived at their neighbor’s next door. They all stopped to look at what was happening when three goddesses stepped out of a car next to the truck. Time stopped for Azriel, and surely for his brothers, because Cassian released a low whistle.
He only had eyes for one of them, though. She looked like a garden fairy princess walking amongst humans, in a sinful tie-front floral crop top with a long flowing skirt to match. Her golden-brown hair cascaded in soft curls around her shoulders and down to her waist. She had a glowing, ethereal beauty that was difficult to describe. The kind of beauty that is understated, effortless, and made men like Azriel stare open-mouthed. She walked as if she were stepping on clouds, giving the impression of being barefoot, despite the heavy Doc Marten combat boots decorated with roses she was wearing. She was an intriguing contradiction he wanted to explore. But it was her eyes that captivated him the most. Curious, observant, sparkling milk chocolate eyes with impossibly long lashes. She smiled shyly and waved at them. Her eyes radiated warmth and kindness, and he just knew then that he would do anything to be her friend, if not her love.
Thinking about it in retrospect, it was love at first sight for him. Because that day, his entire world was turned upside down by her. Everything he knew to be true turned out to be a carefully constructed lie in his head. He wonders how he did not see it then, that she was everything he always wanted. She was right there, and he let her slip through his fingers because of his fucked up self-sabotaging habits. As a result, instead of wooing her, he led her straight into the arms of that unworthy bastard, Greysen Nolan.
Back then, he had wondered many times whether he just wasn’t boyfriend material. What parent would let their sweet daughter go out with someone like him? He had a troubled past, was prone to brooding and dark moods, and had a tendency towards rebellion against authority. Not the kind of guy a mother would want for their daughter. He had thought his fairy princess was probably destined for a fairy prince, not the knight and mercenary with battle scars.
Unfortunately, too many things had happened since that day. Because of Azriel’s stupidity, Elain friend-zoned him, and he became her best friend and confidant instead of her love. He does not regret any single moment with her. He just wanted to be the one to love her, instead of hearing how she loved someone else. She would come to him for advice about her relationship, sometimes with tears in her eyes. All he wanted to do was punch that bastard in the face for making her feel like she wasn’t the most fantastic girl his miserable ass would ever have the pleasure of calling girlfriend.
Azriel was there next to her when the piece of shit broke her heart in a million pieces. Five months after she began dating that asshole and two weeks before the end of her first semester of freshman year, he showed his true colors to her. Elain was hoping Greysen would ask her to the Black & White winter Gala. What the bastard did still made his blood boil to this day. He did not invite Elain to go to the gala. Instead, he humiliated her in front of everyone in the lunchroom by asking someone else to go with him. The bastard essentially ignored Elain and blatantly made out with that snake, Ianthe, in front of everyone. Elain was devastated and locked herself in her room for a whole week after that. Azriel spent time with her every day after class and convinced her to go to the gala with him to show Greysen that he had not destroyed her and that she would not let him take that experience away from her.
They went to the gala as friends, took pictures, danced, and had lots of fun. She kissed him on the cheek and hugged him at the end of the night, calling him her best friend. He ignored how that felt like digging a finger into a fresh stab wound on his chest. He knew it was going to take time for her to recover from that breakup, and the last thing he wanted was to be her rebound. So, again, he didn’t make a move; he offered her unconditional friendship, and they became even more inseparable. People would often ask if they were a couple, but Elain would always present him as her best friend. It didn’t matter to Azriel because he got to spend time with her and listen to her talk about anything and everything she was interested in. In turn, she would listen to him talk about his dreams, what kept him up at night, the demons he was still fighting. She was patient and never pressed him to share more than he wanted. She even endured his days of learning to play the guitar before he was any good and would applaud his feeble attempts at playing anything. In essence, Elain was a saint, and he had been lucky to have her in his life.
Azriel thought that being close to her in this manner was better than not being close at all, even if it tortured him not being able to kiss her, to touch her the way he wanted to. He would only allow himself those thoughts when alone in his room at night. He felt guilty the next day because she was an angel, and he was a demon in the night, who should not be allowed in her presence. But he was drawn to her like a moth to a flame, and he could not stay away from her.
After breaking up with Greysen, Elain never dated anyone else or showed interest in any of the guys drooling over her. A fact that both relieved him and saddened him. Relieved because he didn’t have to suffer from seeing her with someone else. Saddened, because she deserved to be loved, and he was a sorry excuse of a man who didn’t have the guts to tell her he loved her. He fucked up so royally that he cannot even figure out how to dig himself out of the hole he put himself in. It was his fault they weren’t even talking and hanging out anymore. He was a senior now, and she was a junior. He would be graduating after the spring semester of 2026, and who knows what would happen after that. He was terrified of losing her for good.
If only he had not done what he did at the end of summer, he would not be in this limbo. A dead zone where he existed without purpose, where everything was devoid of her light. He missed her to the point of pain. He missed her laughter, her hugs, her warmth. Even riding his motorcycle now made him sad, remembering how much she loved hearing the wind's song with him. He had listened to Rhysand, but most of all had listened to his demons. Those demons that planted doubts in his mind and made him break her heart, distancing himself from her. Now he could see how what he did was slowly destroying her and the newfound confidence she had gained over the past 2 years. She was lonely, sad, and losing too much weight. Her sisters, so far up their own asses, hadn’t noticed. But it was all his fault. He did this. He was the one who destroyed their friendship in a temporary moment of insanity at the end of summer. Azriel replayed that summer in his head, like a reel.
Flashback - The End of Summer 2025
Azriel
They all went to the summer vacation home for the second year in a row. Feyre and Rhys, and Cassian and Nesta, had been seriously dating for a while now. So it was always him and Elain spending time together to get away from the annoying love birds. They would go to the beach at night and swim in the dark, or go out on his motorcycle, or to the restaurants in town. It really seemed as if they were boyfriend and girlfriend, but without the ‘benefits’. This year, however, Rhys had decided to invite Lucien Vanserra, and that’s how everything began to unravel in Azriel’s chest. Lucien had been trying to date Elain since he transferred from Autumn last fall.
Elain had shown no interest in Lucien, but he did not seem to be giving up. Since he had struck up a friendship with Feyre and Rhys, he would sometimes show up to their events, souring the mood for Azriel and Elain. She had told Azriel multiple times how uncomfortable he made her feel and how she was forced to be polite. All she wanted was to escape to their usual hiding spot and talk until the stars were swallowed by the early morning light.
Azriel knew all of this, and yet could not stop the demon of jealousy from taking over. This summer was the first time Elain didn’t look like she wanted to hide under the table. Lucien had turned on his fairy-prince charm for her, it seemed, because he was commanding all of her attention. Azriel was sitting by himself at the dock nursing a beer when he heard soft footsteps behind him. He didn’t turn around to see who it was because he knew who it was. Elain sat next to him, gathering her usual long flowing skirt up to her thighs. She wasn’t wearing shoes because, here, she was wild and free, smelling like sunshine and happiness. He learned the name of the flower she smelled like. It was jasmine, or jasminum officinale, as Elain had told him its scientific name. It had become his favorite scent in the world. He frequently sought to hug her, in a friendly way, of course, just to smell her sweet scent.
“Why are you out here by yourself? You left me to fend for myself with Lucien.” She peered up at him.
“You didn’t seem to need my help. It appears you are starting to come around to the idea of Lucien.”
He felt her gaze bore into him.
“You know I’m incapable of being rude, Azriel. He is actually not a bad person and quite funny. Sarcastic, which takes some getting used to, but funny nonetheless.”
“I’m glad you like him, so you don’t have to pretend to be nice when he asks you out.” He spoke with more bite than he intended, but hearing her talk about how Lucien made her laugh unleashed that angry and jealous demon in him.
“What’s going on, Azriel. Why are you acting like this? You know I want nothing to do with Lucien. As a matter of fact, I don’t want anything to do with any other guy.”
“Lucien is not Greysen, Elain. He is not my cup of tea, but he is clearly the kind of guy you should be dating.”
Elain’s face fell, and tears were starting to pool in her eyes.
“I don’t know why everyone seems to think they can dictate what I should or should not do with my life. Everyone wants to have an opinion as to who I should be dating. Whether I should be dating at all. Has it occurred to you that the reason I am not dating anyone is that I have everything I need in my life and don’t need anyone else?” Tears were now streaming down her cheeks, and Azriel felt like the total asshole he was. He brought her in for a hug.
“I’m sorry.” That was all he said, because he had no words to express what he felt.
“Az, you know you are the most important person in my life right now, right?” She looked up at him with those doe eyes, and his heart cracked in two. How was he supposed to rein in his feelings and suppress what the years of longing and dreaming about her had done to him? He was powerless when she looked at him like that.
Azriel was unable to stop himself from bringing his scarred hand to caress her face; his thumb tracing the outline of her lower lip. Before he realized what he was doing, he lowered his head to touch his lips to hers. He expected her to move back, to call him out on his audacity, but instead she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him back. He snaked his arm under her knees and brought her to sit across his lap, easily lifting her in a swift move. He cradled her to his chest like the precious thing she was. He only wanted to kiss her, to show her how much she meant to him. She opened her mouth to let him in, and he groaned with need and something feral. It was as if the sky cleared in his mind, like the sun warming his soul, dispersing those doubts that clouded it. This perfect creature wanted him just as much as he wanted her. That realization brought down the carefully constructed walls he had around his emotions.
“Elain…” Azriel uttered her name like a prayer. He almost spoke the three words in his mind, but instead, he kissed her eyelids, her nose, her cheeks, and, once again, his lips captured hers. Her hands threaded through his hair at the nape, and he heard a little whimper when his tongue met hers in a sweet dance. Their kiss went from sweet to passionate and desperate in a fraction of a second, where he thought his soul had left his body. He saw her move to straddle him, desire and something else in her gaze, as she pressed herself tightly to him. He could feel her heart beating on his chest, synchronized with his own. His hand entwined in her hair, pulling it gently to expose her neck to him. He lavished kisses on that creamy expanse, and she moaned his name, stirring something primal in him. The sweet sounds she was making as they continued to kiss and touch each other through their clothes were awakening that beast within that just wanted to devour her.
Azriel was fighting a losing battle, and his restraint was slowly evaporating as her delicate fingers moved under his shirt to feel the skin of his chest, his stomach, his back. His hands moved of their own accord, from the nape of her neck to the small of her back, to her bare thighs as her skirt had ridden up to reveal more of them. Elain was now kissing his neck, her nails digging into his back. Azriel was so lost in her, he didn’t know when his hands had moved under her shirt. It just felt right to touch her, to elicit those moans, like she was meant to be loved like this, with equal amounts of tenderness and uncontrolled passion. But then he heard steps on the dock, and they froze. Where they were sitting, they were hidden by the outhouse, but whoever was walking their way would soon see them. Azriel quickly moved Elain from his lap and sat her back next to him.
Rhys came into view 10 seconds later and called to them.
“Hey, guys, we are going to play charades. Come back inside.” Elain looked at Azriel pleadingly. She didn’t want to go inside, but Azriel knew they would only raise suspicions if they both stayed out here.
“We’ll be right there!” Azriel responded, but Rhys didn’t move. He was just staring at them.
“Elain, Lucien was looking for you. You should go talk to him.” Elain groaned and whispered to Azriel. “Can we meet here after everyone has gone to bed?” She looked so hopeful, and open, and trusting, that Azriel could not bring himself to disappoint her. He nodded to her, and they both got up to go. As he passed Rhys on the dock, he held Azriel by the arm. Elain looked back questioningly but kept walking toward the house, leaving the two of them alone. Rhys forced Azriel to face him.
“What do you think you are doing?”
“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Is he now his keeper or something?
“You, about to deflower Elain out here in the open.” Azriel almost laughed. Who the fuck says ‘deflower’ these days?
“Not that it is any of your business, but Elain is an adult, if you can’t recall, we just celebrated her 21st birthday on June 28. She is older than your own girlfriend, too.”
“You know what I mean, Az. She is innocent, and she gives her heart too easily to unworthy people. I mean, she was still crying over Greysen not long ago. I don’t think she could take another heartbreak, and we all know you can’t hold a relationship for more than a month. Why don’t you just let her find a guy without the demons and the baggage? She says you are her best friend, but you clinging to her is holding her back from finding true love. If you just want to fuck someone, find somebody else, not sweet Elain.”
Azriel’s heart broke at hearing his brother speak of him as if he were a feral dog that needed to be put in its place. He wanted to scream that he loved her, that she was precious to him, and he would never hurt her or use her for sex. But something deep inside him broke at Rhys’s words. He always knew she was too good for him. She was an angel, a being of light that deserved everything good. He did have many demons and lots of baggage. Rhys was right; he was holding her back. Azriel yanked his arm from Rhys’s grasp and left him there without saying a word.
Azriel walked back into the house. As he entered the room and saw Elain next to Lucien, he thought: ‘That is who she deserves.’ So Azriel did not look at Elain, knowing her gaze was fixed on him, he walked to his room and packed his clothes. As he was walking to his bike, Elain caught up to him.
“Az, where are you going? What is going on?”
Azriel didn’t look at her. Because if he did, he wouldn't be able to do what needed to be done.
“I have to go home now.”
“What? Why? That makes no sense. Az, please look at me. Do you regret what happened at the dock? Because I don’t! I love you, Azriel!” Her last words felt like a spear to his heart. He forced himself to say the words,
“It was a mistake.” He put on his helmet, visor down to cover the tears starting to line his eyes, then got on his bike with his backpack tight on his shoulders. He looked at her one last time before he started the bike, and saw in slow motion how her heart broke in front of him. Her tears looked like rivers on her cheeks, and she took off her half of the yin-yang bracelet that he had gifted her for her birthday, throwing it on his chest. He caught it before it fell to the floor, where his heart and hers now lay in broken pieces.
He started his bike and left her standing there without another word passing between them. As he drove off, he opened the visor to inhale deeply, sobs wracking his chest. Her bracelet, tightly clutched in his hand, pierced his palm with the pointy end of the yin-yang symbol, drawing blood and staining the bracelet’s white cord with it. He had the urge to throw it on the side of the road, but decided against it. It would mean he was throwing her away, so he put it on, fitting it right next to the matching black bracelet he had bought for himself. The symbols’ magnets clicked into place, connecting the two halves. As tears fell from his eyes, the wind dried them, the roar of the bike muting the screams that made his throat feel raw. His face was frozen by the time he got home 2 hours later. Ice coated his veins, and he was numb, devoid of feeling, because he was empty. A worthless shell of a man.
Fall 2025
Azriel
Azriel wished he could go back to that day and do it over, and not call their kiss at the dock a mistake. But time machines do not exist, and he could not go back in time to undo his errors. He regrets pushing her away, hiding like a coward, and avoiding her. He had spent the last week before the start of the fall semester locked in his room, avoiding the sisters and Elain when they came over. He invented all kinds of excuses to avoid hanging out with the group. The start of the fall semester was hard because he usually spent the first week helping Elain figure out where her classes would be held and map them for her. He knew she was perfectly capable of orienting herself on campus at this point, but she pretended to need his help so she could spend time with him. He misses going to the botanical garden with her during breaks and taking naps on the benches there. The fall opening night was not the same without her. Last year, they had laughed themselves silly as they fell into the fountain trying to capture some plastic toys to win the treasure hunt. Everything seemed duller without her.
Elain avoided his gaze every time they saw each other anywhere. She didn’t attend any student life events, and he rarely saw her on campus. Today, she spoke more than two words to him, after they collided rounding a corner of the math and stats department building. It was the first time in months that they had said a word to each other that wasn’t a forced pleasantry in front of others. But it was not enough, not nearly enough. Especially when he saw her don her mask of indifference as soon as he attempted to touch her forehead, and dropped it. He was afraid she would reject him if he did touch her. After all, she had every right to hate him. Azriel was going to put an end to this impasse once and for all, shoot his shot, and let the cards fall where they may.
Azriel knew where to look for her; they had spent countless hours in that space. Elain preferred the Botanical Garden because it was the quietest space on campus, with hardly anyone there at this time of day. As he approached the garden’s entrance, he saw Lucien Vanserra walking in. His heart hammered in his chest. Did she show him their space? Was she now spending time with that loser in their little hideaway? The slithery feeling of jealousy coiled in his chest. He went into the garden, but hid amongst the trees and bushes as he followed Lucien. Azriel was an expert at hiding in the shadows, just like Elain, but this time, he saw the redhead approach her as she was lounging seemingly asleep on top of her bag. To his dismay, Elain’s skirt had ridden high on her thighs, almost to her hips, and she was probably giving Lucien the best view of his entire life, by the ravenous looks he was giving her. She didn’t move, which meant she was fast asleep. Lucien didn’t move to wake her or to help cover her for modesty. He just stood there looking at what he had no right to look at. Azriel almost jumped to tackle him, but chose to text her instead, hoping that the chime of the text message would wake her.
Azriel: Hey El. Can we talk?
It was short and sweet, and he hoped she hadn’t blocked him. He heard her phone chime with the distinct melody of the Darth Vader Imperial March, which he had set as the ringtone for any of his texts and calls. He smiled to himself; he was still in her contacts.
As soon as the 10-second song finished, she stirred and looked at Lucien with confusion. She soon realized her skirts had hiked up and immediately covered herself. Lucien cleared his throat.
“Hi, Elain. Apologies. I didn’t want to wake you.” Azriel almost scoffed. Sure thing, loser! You were having a great time staring at her panties, thought Azriel.
“How did you know I was here?” Elain sounded annoyed. She was probably embarrassed and startled. She pulled the phone out of her bag and looked at the message. An almost imperceptible lift of the corner of her mouth was not lost on Azriel.
“Oh yeah, I have seen you walk in here before, so I figured I’d come check and see if you were here.” Liar. The Botanical garden was way out of the way from prying eyes. He had to have been following her to know where she went.
“Sure, ok. Did you need anything?” She was being short with him, an indication that she was definitely annoyed by his intrusion. Elain was never rude unless she somehow felt attacked or imposed upon.
“Yeah, I wanted to see if you were planning to go to the fraternity party on Saturday.”
“Yes, I might go… with my sisters and the Naht brothers,” She quickly added.
“Oh, well, I’d like for us to hang out more. I noticed your shadow is not around as much anymore, so perhaps you want more interesting company.” The smug fucking bastard. He saw Elain tense and sit up on the bench, staring daggers at Lucien.
“I don’t know what you are talking about, Lucien. I don’t have a shadow.”
“Yeah, you do. Azriel was like your shadow for most of last year, scaring anyone who would approach you. Some would say he would fancy himself more than a friend, but don’t quote me on that.”
“Lucien, hear me loud and clear. I am not interested in a relationship with you or anyone else. Azriel is my best friend, and I take offense at you speaking about him when he is not present to defend himself.”
Elain stood up and gathered her things. But as she tried to step around Lucien to leave, he grabbed her arm. Azriel’s hackles raised, and he was ready to jump in and knock this asshole on his butt if he didn’t release her in the next ten seconds.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any offense. It’s just that I like you a lot and would like to at least be your friend.”
“I already have all the friends I need.” She took her arm out of his grasp and walked away. Leaving Lucien behind, completely miffed.
Azriel was so proud of his girl that he forgot all about the text he sent her. His phone chimed with Elain’s theme song, right as Lucien was heading out of the garden. She had put in an old 70s classic, ‘Come and get your love,’ which made him laugh out loud when he first got a message from her last year. Thankfully, Lucien didn’t hear it.
Elain: Hi, Az. I have class until 5. Video chat after dinner?
Azriel: 8 o’clock good?
Elain:
---
Later in the day, Azriel walked into his house to find his brothers and their girlfriends in the living room, eating pizza. Sighing, he greeted everyone, because this was his life now, third wheeling. Taking a slice of pizza and a can of Coke, he headed to his room. As he was opening the door, Nesta approached from behind.
“We need to have a chat.” Nesta let herself into his room without waiting for a reply.
“Sure, Nesta, come in.”
“I need you to come clean and tell me what you did to my sister.”
“Please clarify, which sister, and what do you think I did?”
“Az, don’t be daft. You know I’m talking about Elain. You guys were two peas in a pod until the end of summer break, when you up and left the Summer house without saying a word to anyone. Now you are not even speaking to each other.”
“Nesta, with all due respect, it is none of your business.”
“I make it my business to ensure she doesn’t get hurt.”
“You can’t shield her from the world, Nesta. She is an adult, and she does not need you or anyone else to treat her like a child. She can stand up for herself. Let her make mistakes, and learn from them.”
“I am just going to tell you this once. If you hurt her, I will cut your balls off.”
“So what, are you also going to tell me to back off your sister?”
“What? No! You dumb ass. You are good for her. I had never seen her so happy and alive as she was with you. But whatever happened between you at the summer house, better fix it, because your balls are at stake.”
“I’m trying to.”
“Try harder.”
“It’s not easy, Nesta. I really messed up.”
“Did you humiliate her in front of the entire school?”
“No, it was worse.”
“You really want to die today, do you?”
“Wasn’t planning on it.”
“Fix it, Az!”
She walked out of his room and made the I’ve got my eyes on you gesture at him.
Az paced his room, trying to figure out what he was going to say to Elain, preparing a whole speech. He scratched all of it and just decided to go with Elain Archeron's preferred method: total honesty.
At 8 o’clock on the dot, he punched on Elain’s icon on the video chat app. She answered after the longest 15 seconds of his life.
Elain: Hey.
Azriel: Hey. How was class?
Elain: Boring as hell. You?
Azriel: Same. I just could not concentrate when Mr. Helion talked about Bayesian inference as if it were the sexiest thing in the world.
Elain: Then you haven’t heard him discuss P-values suggestively.
An awkward silence settled between them. Something that Azriel would not allow. She was his friend first and foremost; awkward silences should never be a thing between them.
Azriel: El. I’m sorry for leaving you standing at that driveway without an explanation. For being an asshole and abandoning you. I’ll do anything to fix it, to make things go back to the way they used to be.
Elain: I don’t think we can ever go back to how things were before, Az.
Azriel’s heart plummeted to his stomach. He didn’t know what he was expecting. Of course, she would not be able to forgive him for what he did. But before he could apologize again and beg her to reconsider, she continued.
Elain: I mean, how could we go back to just being friends, Az? It is impossible for me at this point to look at you and not think about that night and how it felt to kiss you, to be kissed by you. It may be easy for you because you don’t feel the same way I do. I can’t take back the words I said, Az.
Her eyes were brimming with tears, and Azriel just wanted to hold her in his arms, tell her he felt the same way. Speak the words, fool!
Azriel: I agree. We can’t be friends anymore.
The tears she had been holding began to fall, and she closed her eyes.
Azriel: Are your sisters still at my house?
Elain: Yes. Why?
Azriel: We can’t have this conversation over video. I’m coming over. Leave your window open.
Elain: 👍
Elain was freaking out. Azriel said he was coming over and to leave her window open. He had jumped through her window many times before. He would come over to talk into the wee hours of the night, tuck her into bed, and leave after she fell asleep. However, this time felt different because things were different now. She frantically ran to the door to lock it, just in case. She didn’t want her sisters or her aunt to interrupt whatever Az was going to say to her. She looked at herself in the mirror of her vanity and took off her scrunchy, letting her curls fall down her back. She wouldn’t have time to change into clothes if she wanted to. As she was leaning onto the mirror to look at her face and ensure she didn’t have makeup smudges, Azriel’s voice filled her ears.
“No need to primp yourself for me, El. I have seen you at your worst, with drool, and everything.” Her heart fluttered at hearing his deep voice in her room again. She turned around to face him. Azriel’s foot and part of his torso were inside her room, the other part still outside her window.
Elain ran to him to pull him inside quickly.
“Don’t linger by the window. If anyone sees you, the neighbors will call the police, thinking you are an intruder with ill intentions.”
She closed the window after he was safely inside and shut the curtains.
“I am not an intruder, but I may still have ill intentions.” Elain’s cheeks heated. This was a game they liked to play all the time. A competition to see who could say the filthiest things with double entendres.
“You haven’t changed a bit.”
“No, why would I change if that is the way you like me?”
She averted her eyes, unable to withstand the intensity of his gaze. So she decided to redirect the conversation to where they left off. Her hands were shaking, and she hid them by clasping them at her back.
“So, what do you want to talk about, Az. We both agreed we can’t be friends, given our recent history.”
Elain felt her chest constrict, thinking how much she missed him and how lonely she had been without him. Knowing their friendship was now ruined was killing her. But she could not help how she felt about him. It would be impossible to look at him without wanting to jump into his arms and kiss him silly. Right now, he looked impossibly handsome, even when only wearing a white hoodie over his black t-shirt and his black sweatpants. He moved a step closer to her. She moved a step back. He moved again. She moved farther back until her back hit the wall next to the window. He put his hand on the wall next to her head.
“Yeah, we can’t be friends, but you didn’t say we couldn’t be more than friends.”
Elain swallowed thickly. She had to crane her neck to look up at him, because he was a head taller than she. The top of her head just barely reached his chin. Looking into his beautiful hazel eyes sent shivers down her spine. His other hand slowly lifted to caress her cheek, and she leaned into his touch. She craved it.
“Az, please don’t play games with me. You don’t feel the same way I feel.”
“You are so good at reading me. You could tell when I was angry, sad, or happy, but you can’t tell how I feel about you? After all this time?”
“No, Az, unfortunately, when it comes to me, you seem to send all kinds of mixed signals. Ever since I met you, I've never been able to tell. Plus, you never really tried to hit on me.”
“Well, El. I thought by now you would have figured out why I have never dated anyone else since I met you. Why do I spend most of my time with you? It’s because I can’t stay away from you, El. You are everything to me.”
She was about to say something, but his head dipped towards hers, and his lips were on hers. His hand, still stroking her cheek, moved to hold her by the nape, grabbing a handful of her hair to tilt her head the way he liked it. His kiss was gentle but had an undercurrent of barely contained desire that made Elain weak in the knees. She knew she was about to be engulfed in it, and she still had a lot of questions.
Elain put her palms flat on his chest and pushed him off her with incredible difficulty. With panting breaths, she blurted,
“Why did you say it was a mistake that night?” She had to know. Azriel sighed and pushed off the wall, grabbing her hands and pulling her with him to sit on the edge of her bed.
“Because I am a dumbass?”
“That’s not an acceptable explanation. Why did you kiss me and then proceed to crush me with those words, after I had just bared my soul?” Elain had never been confrontational a day in her life. But he had hurt her, and she spent almost every night for several weeks after that night, thinking she had done something wrong. It had crushed her spirit and newfound confidence in ways she didn’t know she would be able to recover from. Azriel looked at her with pain in his eyes and brought her hand to his lips, kissing it with reverence.
“Because I still think I am not good enough for you, El. Rhys was right when he said I have a lot of baggage, and I am holding you back. I just… I thought I was doing the right thing by giving you a chance to find someone who is not a walking red flag.”
Elain was taken aback. Why would Rhys be involved in this? Why did he meddle in her and Az’s relationship? Not just that, he made Azriel feel unworthy of her. His own brother…
“Az. Rhys is wrong. I don’t know why you think you are not good enough for me, when you are the only person in the whole world that makes me feel seen. The only one who doesn’t treat me like a porcelain doll. You befriended me when everyone else shied away from me or thought I was weird. Most of all, you never saw me as just a pretty face. You made me feel like a real person for the first time in my life. I don’t see the red flags you are talking about, when all I see are the sweet things you do for me, and how you are the most honest and caring guy I’ve ever met.”
Elain could not help the tears that began streaming from her eyes. She threw her arms around his neck and crushed him in a tight hug. The kind of hug they used to give each other out of the blue, just because. Before the air between them grew heavy. She had to get it into that thick skull of his that he was worthy of love, and she was ready to give it.
“I love you with my whole heart, you dumbass! Do you love me?”
“I thought it was obvious.” Azriel pulled her to sit across his lap and gave her a slow, searing kiss. But she pushed him away again.
“You have to say it, Az! You can’t cheat your way out of telling me. Use your words, sir!”
“I’m not cheating, sweetheart. I'm not telling you, because I’m showing you how I feel.”
He grabbed her face between his palms and peppered her face with gentle kisses.
“I…” Kiss on one eyelid.
“Love…” Kiss on the other eyelid.
“You…” Kiss on the nose.
“Dopey…” Kiss on the lips. Dopey was his favorite nickname for her when he wanted to get a rise out of her. So she would always call him Grumpy in return.
“Now, please, for the love of God and everything holy, would you let me kiss you properly, and without interruptions?”
She had no fight in her because she had been dreaming of this for a very long time, and she loved him. Firecely so. Thus, Elain let go of her fear of rejection, the nagging doubts, and the self-imposed constraints and pretense. Rational thought gave way to unbridled desire. Here was her best friend, the one person who truly knew her, confessing his love. Her heart surged in her throat with that undeniable truth.
In answer to his question, she wrapped her arms around him and pressed her lips against his. Logic be damned. She kissed him with desperate, pent-up intensity—the unleashed force of someone who has spent a lifetime suppressing everything that made her different.
Azriel moaned against her lips as their tongues met, teasing, tasting, exploring one another. Elain wanted more, wanted to be closer still, she pulled apart, and stood up. Azriel protested and tried to pull her back to him by the waistband of her shorts, but Elain put a finger on his lips, silencing him. She sat back on his lap, this time straddling him, where she could press her entire body against his.
“Az, I need you to hold me really tight.” Azriel moved his arms, wrapping them around her torso and lower back, pressing her against him tightly. He knew why she needed this. Many times in the past two years, a tight hug from him was the only thing she needed to feel calm. Right now, being this close, almost fused to him, felt incredibly delicious. They continued kissing, and she was so turned on that she moved her hips involuntarily against him. He groaned, and his hand tightened at her lower back, stilling her. Elain whined and tried to move again. He pulled apart from the kiss.
“Slow down, sweetheart. If you keep doing that, it will end pretty quickly and embarrassingly.” His lips traced a path from her jaw to her earlobe and down the column of her throat. Elain felt as if her skin was burning, and blurted,
“I need to feel your skin.” Elain began lifting the hem of his sweater and t-shirt, and he quickly took them off, baring his chest for her. She sighed as her fingertips made firm contact with the skin of his muscled chest, his biceps, and his abs. He felt so warm, smelled delicious, and his skin was so smooth to the touch that she had the urge to lick and bite him. She moved as though in a dream, her senses taking over. Her hands, mouth, and tongue traced his skin, guided by instinct alone, beyond the reach of conscious thought. Hands threading through his silky hair, lips kissing his throat, tongue licking his earlobe, and teeth biting the juncture of his neck and shoulder.
Elain did not know when it happened, but her hoodie was gone, tossed somewhere on the floor of her bedroom. Azriel kissed her shoulder and pulled the strap of her cami down with his teeth. Then, as if remembering something, he stopped. She opened her eyes and locked onto his.
“El, sweetheart. I want to touch you in places I haven’t touched before. I want this to feel good for you. If what I do bothers you in any way and you want to stop, just say the word, baby, ok?” She nodded. He was always so considerate and attentive to her needs.
“I need you to touch me, Az. Please!” She was being serious; she wanted to be consumed by him, feel those strong hands everywhere. His lips on the most intimate parts of her body. It was essential to her well-being at this point.
Azriel understood, taking her plea as a command. Unleashing upon her that beast that called upon her own. His lips found their objective as soon as his fingers exposed the pale skin of her breasts. Her cami disappeared in the mound of discarded clothes somewhere on the floor of her room. As he sucked her nipple and licked it for the first time, Elain almost fainted at the sweet, torturous sensation. Her moans only encouraged him to continue sucking and licking her breasts, while his hands squeezed her hips tightly.
“Oh my God, Az! Please don’t stop.” His hands loosened their grip on her thighs, moving towards her soft and shapely buttocks. His rough, scarred fingers caressed and squeezed the flesh. He groaned.
“El, you have no idea how much your beautiful ass has tortured me through the years. There were times I wanted to squeeze it just like this, and I had to slap myself back to reality.” She chuckled and kissed him.
“You were not alone in those filthy thoughts, you know. You have no idea how many times I wanted to squeeze your nice, round butt? I thought about doing it playfully a couple of times, but propriety won.”
“Damn propriety.”
Azriel kissed her again, slow and deep. In one swift move, he lifted her and placed her on her back, head on the pillows. He pulled away to look at her. Elain held his gaze, her eyes conveying all the love and need she felt for him. She reached out a hand to caress his cheek and jaw. He leaned closer, resting his forearms on either side of her head to keep from crushing her with his weight, his hand caressing her cheek.
“You are precious to me, El. I need you to know that. I want to worship you like the Goddess you are, but know that this is not just physical for me. I don’t just want sex with you, baby. I want to make love to you, if you let me.”
“Az, I am afraid. I have had sex once before, and… it hurt. I don’t want to disappoint you.” A tear escaped her eye. Az muttered a curse.
“That bastard, next time I see him, I am going to kill him. Baby, it should never hurt that much, unless they are a fucking brute. He probably didn’t even prepare you and just went straight for it. Didn’t he?”
Elain felt embarrassed. She had let Greysen take her virginity. She thought she loved him at that time and caved to his pressure. She really didn’t want to, didn’t feel comfortable. Still, her need for acceptance and approval overrode the nagging feeling in the back of her mind. Az was right, Greysen didn’t even prepare her, he just pushed aside her underwear and thrust into her, while groping her breasts brusquely. It hurt so much, she cried. Greysen was upset, almost disgusted by her reaction. She never told Az about it because she was so ashamed. She felt used by Greysen.
Azriel had found her crying in her room the next day, and when he asked what had happened, she just asked him to hug her tight. He didn’t press for her to tell him what happened, but he knew the reason for those tears was Greysen. Two weeks later, Greysen publicly humiliated her by asking Ianthe to the winter gala and then kissing her in front of everyone in the lunchroom.
When Az saw the hurt and embarrassment his question had put on her face, his eyes softened, and he gave her a gentle kiss on the lips.
“We don’t have to do anything, baby. We can just hug and kiss like this. I have waited this long to be with you; I can wait longer for this. I’d wait an eternity if that is what it took to make you feel comfortable.”
“I trust you, Az. Just kiss me and touch me. I need it.”
“I am going to kiss you from head to toe, my hands are going to caress every single part of your body like it is meant to be touched, with devotion. I pray at the altar of Elain.”
She smiled at that and kissed the tip of his nose.
“I love that you always say the most wistful things. You have the soul of a poet, Azriel Naht.”
Azriel dipped his head to kiss her, his tongue meeting hers again, playing a game of cat and mouse. His sinful lips soft against hers, soon became more insistent and demanding, pressing hard against hers, teeth clashing. He gently bit her lower lip, and Elain whimpered, throwing her hands around his neck and grabbing his hair with her fingers, tugging hard. He groaned, and she wasn’t sure if it was from pleasure or pain. It didn’t take long to know the answer when his hips thrust into hers and the delightful friction of his erection against her core elicited a moan from both.
An insatiable hunger overtook them both, as Elain bit his lip and dug her nails into his back. Azriel moved down to kiss her neck, her clavicle, and the curve of her breast. He looked up at her, waiting for her cue. She pulled on his hair again to bring him to where she needed his mouth on her, and she thrust her chest up to him. He captured her nipple between his teeth, gently, flicking it with his tongue, and Elain thought she saw stars from the pleasure and hint of pain combined. His beautiful scarred hands caressed her torso and fondled her other breast while he lavished attention on her nipple. Elain was panting and moaning, trying to do so quietly, but it was becoming a challenge to stifle the sounds coming out of her.
Azriel moved down to pepper kisses on her stomach, her navel, and lower abdomen, until he reached the waistband of her shorts. He stopped to look up at her,
“May I take these shorts and your panties off?” She was too turned on to speak and simply nodded.
His fingers hooked on the waistband of both her shorts and panties and slowly peeled them off her, leaving her completely bare to him. It was the first time she was entirely nude in front of a man, and she felt shy, trying to cover her nudity with her hands. He grabbed her wrists with heartbreaking gentleness, and she let him move her hands to pin them at her sides.
“Don’t hide from me, baby. Let me see all of you. Dreams of you like this were all I had to keep me sane. You are perfect in every way.”
He placed a gentle kiss on her lower abdomen and her hip. He looked up again.
“El, have you ever had someone go down on you?”
Her cheeks heated, and she shook her head, biting her hand as he continued placing kisses on her hips and thighs.
“Elain Archeron, my love, may I kiss you in the most intimate way possible? May I taste you, please?”
Elain was burning and shaking with need, and his words just released the last of her inhibitions, and she spread her legs for him, as she answered breathily, “Yes!”
Azriel groaned at the sight of her. Elain held her breath when he brought his head down between her thighs, and exhaled as he turned his face to the inside of her thigh, placing a gentle, open-mouth kiss there. As he moved his head the other way, his nose gently grazed her center, and she whimpered, but he placed a kiss on the other inner thigh. Then his mouth moved to the juncture of her inner thigh and center, making her squirm as he licked there. When he placed a gentle kiss on her center, time stopped in Elain’s mind, and everything narrowed to the space between them. As he licked her for the first time, she had to bite her hand to stifle a loud moan.
“El, look at me, baby. I have to see your face and hear your sounds, so I know this feels good for you. You have to let me know if it is too much. Do you want me to stop?”
She removed her hand from her mouth and locked eyes with him. His eyes, full of desire and love, made her core throb with need.
“Oh, please, Az, don’t stop.”
Azriel licked her center in one long sweep, and she was sure she would die at the sensation. She had been afraid it would be too much, but instead she needed more. Before she knew what she was doing, she ran her fingers through his hair and pulled him closer to her center. Azriel moaned as he lapped at her entrance, as if he were a starving man. He devoured her with ravenous hunger, as his tongue and mouth slid between her lips. He lapped and drank from her as if it were his last meal, and Elain never knew such pleasure was possible. But then he reached her apex, and all rational thought vanished. He sucked and licked her there, like he was enjoying a sweet treat. His mouth moved all over her, tongue flat against her core, lapping and penetrating her in the most exquisite of tortures. He moaned when she pulled his hair. She desperately needed something, but did not know what. Then, she felt his finger at her entrance, and she gasped.
“Is this ok, baby?” She nodded, unable to form coherent words.
Az thrusted two fingers carefully into her core, looking at her as he did so. She let him know how good it felt with shallow, breathy moans. He lowered his mouth to her apex again. As he worked her with both his mouth and his fingers, Elain felt something building in her core that she had never felt before, like a growing wave of heat in her core, radiating outwards into every nerve. She felt his fingers curling inside her at the same time his tongue swirled on her apex, and the rollercoaster of intense feeling she was on crested then careened into a free fall of absolute bliss. As the waves of her orgasm hit her, Azriel continued to gently thrust his fingers in and out and only lapped once at her core. Once the rhythmic contractions of her inner walls stopped, Azriel removed his fingers and placed a gentle kiss on her inner thigh. A satisfied smile of male pride on his face.
Elain sank into the sheets, letting her head fall back, enjoying the feeling of deep relaxation that follows an earth-shattering orgasm. Azriel crawled up her body to kiss her, and she could taste herself on him. For some reason, it didn’t bother her at all, because it was him and it was her. She pulled away from his kiss and looked into his eyes.
“Az, I’ve never felt like that before. I didn’t know what an orgasm was until today.”
“That is how sex should feel every time, baby. It wasn’t too much? I think I may have gotten carried away at the end there?” Elain chuckled.
“Az, it was the most intense experience of my life, and I enjoyed every minute of it. Especially at the end. Are you kidding? I think I saw all the deities from all religions.”
Azriel’s laugh was a deep rumble in his chest, and it filled her heart with joy. She had missed that laugh. His gorgeous eyes always sparkled and changed colors when he was happy, showing hues of green and flecks of gold. She cupped his face with both hands, pulling him in for another kiss, and the connection that always existed between them wrapped tightly around her heart, like a vine. She needed him on an almost primal level, and she knew now she would never feel like this again with anyone else. He was it for her, to the end of her days. Her best friend, her gentle, kind, and loving Az, filled her heart so completely that there would never be any room for anyone else.
The need to fuse her soul with his drove her to pull him into a tight hug once again. As she wrapped her legs around his waist, she felt his erection and moaned, as her desire for him did not abate. Elain whispered into his ear. “I want to feel you inside me.”
Elain pushed his sweatpants and boxers down with both her hands, squeezing his buttocks in the process, making him chuckle. He stood on his knees to remove his clothes the rest of the way. Before her was the most erotic scene she would ever see. A completely naked Azriel in all his glorious, perfect form. Her eyes roamed his masculine features from his handsome face with high cheekbones, to his strong jaw, and the visible Adam's apple on his throat, to his defined pectoral muscles, and biceps. He stayed there, letting her have her fill, as her eyes continued their blatant perusal. Her fingers joined the journey, tracing a torturous path down to his toned abdomen and the deep V. As her eyes and fingers reached his most sensitive erogenous zone, she tentatively wrapped her hand around his length. Doubt flickered in her eyes for a moment, and he saw it.
“We don’t have to do this, baby, if you are not comfortable.”
“I… I just don’t know if it will fit.”
“There is only one way to find out, El. I promise you that I will go slow, and let you adjust and decide how much you can take. I won’t be mad or disappointed if you feel you can’t do it. Ok?”
Right then, she knew he would never hurt her. She wanted this more than anything she had ever wanted in her life.
“Az, please, make love to me.” She pleaded, and he bent down to kiss her. He kissed her neck, then latched onto her nipples again, as the tension in her core began to coil again. He stood once more and quickly grabbed something from the pocket of his discarded sweatpants at the end of her bed. His wallet. Elain looked at him in confusion until she saw what he took out of his wallet. He opened the condom pouch with his teeth and deftly put it on himself. He leaned on top of her again.
Elain felt him align himself to her entrance, but did not thrust immediately. His forearms once again on the side of her face, Azriel locked his gaze on hers, willing her to maintain eye contact as he slowly pushed into her.
“Fuck, El! Baby, you are so tight and warm. Just like I dreamed you would be.”
Every inch of him filled her completely, stretching her to the limit, but to her surprise, there was no pain at all; it was a delicious torture instead. Once he was fully inside, Elain let out a deep moan of satisfaction, as did he.
“Az, please hold me tight.” He snaked his arms underneath her and brought her to his chest, his arms crushing her against him, like she wanted. As she settled on his lap, their connected bodies sought pleasure in the synchronized movements of their hips. For every one of his thrusts, she met him by sinking down onto him. Her nipples rubbed against his chest, adding to her pleasure. Elain found herself moaning louder than expected, and ten seconds later someone knocked on her door. They froze for a second, eyes wide.
“El, are you ok?” Nesta’s voice sounded from the other side of the door. Elain had no choice but to say something, or Nesta would try to barge in.
“Yes, I’m ok, Nes. I just want to be alone.” At that moment, Azriel thrust into her, and she almost moaned again, but instead bit his shoulder hard. He thrust again.
“Ok. Just know that you can talk to me whenever you are ready.” He thrust again, and Elain hummed her response to Nesta, unable to speak when he was delivering waves of pleasure every time he touched a spot deep inside her.
Nesta’s steps receded, and Elain breathed a sigh of relief. Azriel, however, was intent on making her scream or something, because he brought his hand between them to rub the sensitive spot at the apex of her thighs with the pad of his thumb. He was still holding her tight with one arm. He whispered a command with his deep, husky voice in her ear.
“Hold tight, baby, and don’t make a sound. I am going to make you come hard.”
With that, Elain wrapped her arms around his neck, holding onto him for dear life, as Azriel thrusted up into her hard and fast, while his thumb continued to rub her apex.
“Oh, Gods, Azriel!” She once again felt the building wave of her orgasm, and as it crested, she bit his shoulder to stifle the loud moan that left her throat. The waves of pleasure once again robbed her of all sense of self, and she forgot who she was or where she was, as she came around Azriel’s hard length. He followed soon after, her own contracting inner walls, meeting the pulsations of his release.
“Fuck! Elain, baby. I love you.”
They collapsed onto the mattress, Azriel on top of Elain. They kissed as they both came down from their high. Azriel still inside her, he pushed himself on his forearms to not crush her, caressing her face and jaw with his hands and thumbs. Elain raked her fingers on his silky waves, then wiped the sweat from his forehead. He was the best thing that ever happened to her, and she felt extremely lucky. But as it always happened with people like Elain, doubt began creeping back in once the heat of the moment subsided. What if this was a temporary thing for him? He is graduating next spring and will find a job, while she remains in school another year. What if he finds someone else? What if he leaves her behind? Her throat tightened as she tried to stop the careening dark thoughts from ruining this beautiful moment.
Azriel slid out of Elain and grabbed several tissues from the tissue box on her nightstand to remove his condom and wrap it for discarding later in the trash. He took another set of tissues and carefully cleaned her core as well.
“You don’t have to do that.” She said, feeling embarrassed.
“I made a mess of you, baby. Of course, I have to take care of you.”
He found her trash and dumped the tissues there.
“Az. What happens when you graduate next semester? I mean, your life is going to change significantly. You may not have time for someone like me anymore.”
“El, baby, I will make time. I would switch jobs before I let it get in the way of being with you. I love you. El. That won’t change, whether I am in school with you or not.”
Azriel cleaned the tears that escaped the corner of her eyes and kissed her once more.
“El, baby, you need to go to the bathroom and pee. It’s important so you don’t get a UTI infection.”
“Why are you so thoughtful? It’s like you are not even real.” He chuckled.
“I like taking care of you, sweetheart. Always,” He left the bed to find her discarded panties and the rest of her clothes, helping her get dressed so she could go to the restroom.
“Az, don’t leave. I want to fall asleep in your arms, like we used to.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Elain opened her door with extreme care, not to make any noise, but unfortunately, as she did so, Nesta was there. Elain yelped and closed the door behind her. Hoping Nesta didn’t see the naked demi-God in her room.
“Nesta, what the hell, you scared the crap out of me. You know how much I hate jump scares.”
Nesta looked at her with narrowed eyes.
“Why would me just casually walking to my room scare you? You are acting very strangely. I heard weird noises in your room. Is anyone with you?”
“What? No! I need to go to the bathroom.”
Elain was about to step around Nesta when she made the motion to open Elain’s door, and she could not allow Nesta to see Azriel naked in her room. It was just not proper, and she wanted to keep him all to herself anyway.
“What the fuck are you doing, Nesta?”
“If there is no one in your room, then why are you so nervous about me opening this door?”
“Because it is my fucking room, and it is an invasion of my privacy. Even if I had someone in my room, which I do not. It is none of your fucking business.”
She heard another set of footsteps in the hallway, and to Elain’s dismay, both her aunt and Feyre were coming to see what the commotion was about.
“What’s going on, El?” Feyre asked curiously.
“It’s almost ten o'clock, and you girls are being loud.” Her aunt wore a look of displeasure that made Elain flinch.
“Sorry, Auntie, Nesta is just being nosy.”
“Elain is hiding someone in her room.” Elain gave Nesta a murderous look.
“I have no idea where she got that idea, Auntie. There is no one in my room.”
Her aunt simply walked to her door and opened it. Turning the lights on. To Elain’s total shock and relief, the room was empty, no trace of Azriel. Some disappointment crept in, knowing he probably jumped out of the window as soon as he heard Nesta outside her door.
“See! Satisfied, you nosy bitch?!”
Elain had never in her life cursed at any of her sisters, but she was seething with anger at the lack of respect and invasion of her privacy. She left them all standing there and went to the bathroom to pee. As she sat on the toilet, the enormity of what had just happened between her and Azriel hit her. Her sisters and his brothers, the hypocritical assholes they all were, would probably have something to say against their relationship. She did not want anyone to ruin what they had, especially when things were still fragile between them. She decided that they needed to keep their relationship secret for a time until she felt comfortable sharing it with their siblings.
Elain went back to her room, and thankfully, no one was loitering outside to pester her again. She got in and closed the door behind her, locking it. The lights were too bright, and she turned them off immediately, walking to sit at the edge of her bed to think about what to do next. So deep in thought she was that she did not notice when Azriel got on her bed, dipping the mattress. Only when he wrapped his arms around her from behind did she find out he was still in her room.
“Where did you hide?” She looked up at him.
“The closet, as soon as I heard Nesta. I want to keep my balls. They’re important for our future. You know?” She chuckled and sank into his embrace. He brought her with him to sit with his back against the headboard.
“Yes, it would be hard to have a football team of kids if your balls are gone.”
“A football team? What happened with the quintessential 2.5 kids?”
“Nah, we need a football team to beat the asses of our siblings’ kids, especially Nesta’s kids.” They both laughed quietly.
“Don’t be mad at Nesta; she worries about you. They both do.”
“I know, but their meddling in my life has to stop. Az, I don’t want them to interfere between us, what is just starting between us. I don’t want them to offer their unwanted opinions or try to keep a close eye on me every time I am with you. I also don’t want Rhys to plant ideas in your head again.”
“Sweetheart, I am not letting him get in my head again or allow anyone to meddle in our lives.”
“Can we keep our relationship private for a little while, so we can just be? I mean, we can still hang out around them like we used to. We will just kiss in private.”
“I don’t think we should have to hide our relationship, but if that is what you want, I’ll do it.”
She turned to look at him. He seemed a bit disappointed, and her heart squeezed. The last thing she wanted was to disappoint him.
“I’m sorry, baby. Please know that I want nothing more than for the world to know that I love you, because I am not ashamed of what we have. I just don’t want the world to crash our little party of two. Can I keep you to myself a little while longer?”
Azriel smiled at her, a genuine, beautiful smile, and kissed the tip of her nose. He moved her so they could get under the covers. They had done this countless times, when Elain would ask him to hold her tight so she could fall asleep after a particularly stressful day. He was always a gentleman, never tried anything untoward, never even touched her by mistake. Thinking about it now made her feel bad that he was probably tortured by being so close to her and not being able to touch her. He said he had been dreaming about touching her and making love to her for a long time. If she were honest, many a night she wished he had touched her or kissed her. Nevertheless, knowing that her best friend had never crossed a line until she essentially confessed that he was the most important person in her life filled her with undying gratitude and love for him.
Elain settled under the covers, with Azriel’s arms wrapped around her, hugging her tight like she needed. Elain quickly fell asleep, hearing the rhythm of his heart in her ear, the most soothing sound to her anxious soul.
Azriel
Azriel stayed with Elain long after she fell asleep in his arms. It was the happiest he had ever been in a very long time, perhaps ever. She had given herself to him, and he to her. He could not believe that she was finally his. Kissing her, touching her, and making love to her was something that he never thought would be possible. He felt like the luckiest man in the whole goddamn world. He wanted to scream from the rooftops that he loved her, but she had asked to keep their relationship private, and he would respect her wishes. He understood why she didn’t want to share it with their siblings. Over the years, he had noticed how much her sisters meddled in her affairs and treated her like a child who needed coddling. This was despite her showing them, time and again, that she didn’t need them, that she could handle her life without their intervention. But old habits die hard, and they would continue to act as if she were a fragile thing, when in fact she was the most resilient out of the three of them.
Azriel slipped into his room without anyone noticing he was even gone. His brothers were still arguing over a video game they were playing downstairs. It was hard to have to hide things from his brothers, especially Cassian, who always had his back. He was still bitter about Rhys’s words last summer, and he didn’t think he would be able to forgive him any time soon. They hadn’t spoken that much since that day. Sometimes Rhys looked like he wanted to talk, but he ignored him and walked out of the room. He was not going to make it easy for him. Fuck him.
Azriel went to sleep with a smile on his face and Elain’s scent on his hands and clothes, and slept like a baby.
---
The next day, he woke up early, took a quick shower, and got dressed in a flash. He knew Elain’s routine because he had been watching her from his window when they were not talking. Today, she had class at 9 in the morning. His plan was to intercept her as she left to catch the bus and take her on his motorcycle. He raced downstairs, grabbed a piece of toast and a bit of coffee with a hint of cream and no sugar. Their mom was in the kitchen and stopped him before he ran out the door.
“Where are you going so early, Azzie? I thought you didn’t have class today until 11.”
“I’m taking El this morning.”
“Oh, great! I hadn’t seen her much around lately. How is she doing?”
From the corner of his eye, he saw Rhys staring at him.
“She is doing well, Mom. She will be a senior next fall.”
“I’m glad she is doing well. Bring her around for dinner when I’m here. I’d love to get to know her better.” His mom winked at him, knowingly. He never explicitly told his mom he was in love with Elain, but he always talked to her about Elain and the things they did together when his brothers were not around to pester him.
“I will, mom.” He kissed her on the cheek and walked to the garage.
He opened the garage door and put his bike in neutral to pull it out. As he clicked the app on his phone to close it again, he saw Elain leaving her house. He whistled at her, and she jumped, startled, then laughed when she saw it was him. She walked over to him.
“What are you doing up so early?”
“I’m taking my girlfriend to school.”
“Really? Where does she live?” She teased him.
“She’s the girl next door. The sweetest girl you’d ever meet.”
“Well, she is a lucky gal, because you are the sweetest guy she’s ever met.”
She came close to him, and he noticed she was wearing her usual long skirt.
“You will need to gather that long skirt as high up as you can get it without flashing people. Can you manage it?”
“I’m an expert.” She then pulled her backpack tight on her shoulders and bent down to pull her skirt to mid-thigh. Azriel then grabbed her by the waist and placed her on the passenger seat with ease. She pinned her skirt between her thighs and put her feet on the pegs. Azriel put his backpack on the front and got on his bike, handing Elain her helmet. She already knew how to adjust the chin strap and left her visor open. He put his own helmet on and started the bike. She wrapped her hands around his middle in a tight hug, and it was the best feeling in the world.
---
So it was that Azriel and Elain picked up where they left off last semester, spending almost every spare minute of each day in each other’s company. They spent the rest of the week hiding from their siblings, kissing in dark corners where no one could see them, holding hands as they walked in the garden, or in empty spaces and buildings. When hanging out with their siblings, they would just go sit by the pool, where they could make out and hold hands, until Nesta would eventually yell from the sliding door that they needed to go home.
They made love once again in his bedroom, while their siblings were downstairs, none the wiser. They brushed fingers in front of them and kissed each other on the cheek, pretending they were just friends. Azriel knew it was only a matter of time before they were found out, because hiding the magnitude of their feelings was becoming nearly impossible. They would give each other charged looks when they thought no one was looking. It was both exhilarating and frustrating to hide what they were to each other.
When the weekend came, he asked Elain if she was still planning to go to the frat party. He knew that was not Elain’s scene, but he didn’t discourage her from going. She told him she would go if he was going to be there. In truth, he hated the frat parties just as much as she did, but he could not get out of this party, especially since it was Cassian’s idea and he needed his help to set it all up. Elain said she would meet him there as her sisters were taking an Uber.
Setting up for the party went as well as it could be expected, when half the frat boys were halfway to being wasted already, especially Cassian. So Az and a couple of other guys, still sober, ended up doing the bulk of the work. By around 8 PM, when everything was ready, people started showing up. Since this was both a celebratory and a fundraising party, people had to pay a $20 entry fee. They had a DJ, a cash bar, and lots of snacks. By 10 PM the place was packed and the girls still had not shown up. Azriel texted Elain.
Azriel: Where r u guys?
Elain: 1 word, Nesta
Azriel: Hurry up, I miss you.
Elain: BRT
They finally showed up at almost 11 o’clock, and Elain was in a mood. She was cranky that she had to wait nearly two hours for her sisters to get ready, her makeup was no longer fresh (she looked beautiful), and her hair was a mess (also looked stunning to him). They hung out with their siblings for about an hour, talking trash and playing games. Elain was drinking for the second time since turning 21, and she was more talkative than usual. But as the party grew louder and rowdier by the minute, he feared the noise and crowds would be too much for Elain. He took her to the backyard and found a remote corner at the far end of the pool, where there were few people. They sat on a bench hidden from view of the main house, so they could kiss and hug. As they talked and held hands, she started to relax. When a particular song she liked came on, she pulled him up to dance near the pool.
Elain looked goddamn devastating in her party get-up. Azriel had never seen her wear the kind of dress she was wearing, and he suspected this was one of Feyre’s. No matter, because it made her look delicious. The shiny purple dress hugged her curves in the right places. The soft, silky material was made for touching and caressing, and he just couldn’t help himself as she danced enticingly to the music. His hands were on her hips as she turned around, pressing her backside against him. He spoke in her ear.
“Baby, if you keep doing that, people are going to find out you are my girlfriend, because I am going to ravish you right here, right now.”
“Hmm, then take me home, and ravish me there.” She gave him a particularly seductive look and pushed him to the bench so she could sit on his lap. She pressed her lips to his and invaded his mouth with her tongue. Azriel moaned and grabbed her backside hard.
“You are wild tonight. I’m going to devour you, baby.” He pulled her hair by the nape to expose her neck, and he kissed and licked her throat. Elain moaned, but when she tried to move to straddle him, he stopped her.
“Not here, baby. Let’s go home. Mom is working late tonight, so we can go to my house. I want to peel this dress from you.”
“Hmm. And I want to see you in all your naked glory.” He set her back down onto the bench next to him and quickly got up. Accommodating himself in his trousers.
“Ok. Let me just go talk to Cass to let him know we are leaving. Stay where you are and don’t go anywhere.”
Azriel went inside to look for Cassian, and it took him almost 10 minutes to find him in the sea of people. He was already far gone, sitting on the couch with Nesta propped on his legs, looking rather annoyed. He told Nesta he was taking Elain home.
So Azriel and Elain found themselves entirely alone in his house for the first time in their burgeoning relationship. They didn’t make it past the living room, making love hard and fast on the couch, as Elain sat on his lap. That night, they made love two more times. Once in his bed, and another time in his shower, where he took her from behind for the first time. They could not get enough of each other. After they left the shower, he helped Elain to get dressed and dry her hair, then walked her home. Thankfully, her sisters were still at the party, and her aunt was fast asleep. He tucked her into bed, as he usually did, and waited for her to fall asleep before he left through the window.
Elain
Elain thought long and hard about what she would get Azriel for Christmas. He had pretty much everything he would ever want, so she thought of something cute and creative. She compiled all the pictures she had of Azriel and them together over the years. She asked Nesta and Feyre to share any photos they had taken of themselves during their get-togethers and vacations. She created a photobook depicting their relationship from the beginning, putting cute captions to remind him of what they did that day. She called it “The Story of Us”.
Azriel’s mom invited them to spend Christmas with them, just like the previous year. They usually brought 2 or 3 dishes to share. Elain decided to prepare Azriel’s favorite side dish and dessert. She cooked her killer mashed potatoes with chives and baked a pecan pie. Nesta and Feyre went to the grocery store to pick up a cooked honey ham and another side dish. She wore a cute lavender babydoll dress in shimmery fabric. As soon as Nesta and Feyre saw her, they began calling her the “sugar plum fairy”. Elain didn’t mind, because that is one of the pet names Azriel called her. My fairy princess, he would say sometimes, warming her insides.
---
They were all seated in the Naht’s living room, having had their fill of food and drinks. Azriel loved the pecan pie so much that he greedily stored away the leftovers, not letting Cassian or Rhys know where he put it. He was the one with the sweet tooth anyway. Cassian was a steak-only, no-carbs kind of guy, and Rhys was on a no-sugar detox diet. That didn’t stop them from trying to steal his sweet treats.
Elain and her sisters had gotten Mrs. Naht (Dr. Naht) a beautiful photo frame with a picture of the boys and her. It was a beautifully composed photo Feyre had taken of them this past summer. The boys got their aunt a cute necklace with a ruby pendant.
Each brother gave the others socks, and the girls teased them relentlessly for their lack of imagination. Elain gifted each of her sisters a colorful scarf with hues that represented them, and they each gave Elain the same exact hat. They all laughed.
Her sisters gave their boyfriends their presents, and they, in turn, gave them theirs. Predictably, Cassian and Rhys got Nesta and Feyre, most inappropriately, lingerie. Everyone was expecting Elain and Az to exchange gifts, but they just shrugged and said they had agreed not to give each other presents. In truth, they both wanted to exchange gifts in private.
Because it was freezing outside, they could not go to their usual hideaway by the pool, so as soon as everyone got distracted, Azriel and Elain slipped away to his room. Elain had her little booklet wrapped in delicate tulle and a gold cord, with a tag that read, ‘To my Colonel Brandon’. She kissed him before placing the gift in his hands. He opened the gift, being careful not to rip anything. As soon as he uncovered it and read the title, his eyes lit up. He immediately opened to the first page, a picture from the beginning of fall 2023. The caption read: ‘The first time we rode together, and I learned to love the song of the wind’. It was a selfie from when he took her riding on his motorcycle for the first time. The second picture was of them in their winter gala formal wear. A blurry picture Nesta took as an afterthought, after forcing Azriel to spin Elain around. The caption read: ‘The most fun I ever had with a broken heart and my best friend’. Picture after picture of their most cherished memories filled the pages. Many of the captions made Azriel laugh.
Azriel was visibly moved by her gift, tears brimming in his eyes. He pulled her into a tight hug.
“Thank you, baby! This is the most thoughtful and sweet present I’ve ever gotten.”
Elain kissed his eyelids and then pressed her lips to his.
“I love you, grumpy.”
“I love you too, dopey.” He pressed his forehead to hers. “Are you ready for your present? Mine is not as sweet as yours, but I hope you like it.”
He pulled a square box about 4x4 square inches. He opened it to show Elain what was inside. Elain gasped and moved her fingers to touch the necklace in the box, but he quickly snapped the box closed. She yelped and immediately began laughing out loud.
“I can’t believe you remember all my favorite romantic movie scenes!”
“I still want to recreate the diner scene from ‘When Harry Met Sally’, but I can’t get my partner to agree.” He smirked, reopening the box with the necklace for her. It was a gorgeous rose-gold and sterling-silver necklace with diamond accents. The little pendant in the shape of a rose.
“Oh, Az! It is so beautiful! Put it on me?”
She turned around and lifted her hair. Azriel took his sweet time putting it on. As soon as he was done, she turned around to face him, his hand still on her neck. He looked at her and the necklace, his eyes darkening. His thumb stroked the side of her neck, and she swallowed thickly, desire bubbling up to the surface. Her eyes focused on his lips, and she bit her lower lip. She really wanted to kiss him, but the door was open, and anyone could walk by any minute. Azriel had the same thought because he looked toward the door and got up to close it. He pulled her to her feet and held her tight to his chest, as his hands caressed her exposed back and then entwined in her hair, tilting her head so he could bend down to claim her mouth. Elain threw her hands around his neck and kissed him deeply. They both moaned into each other’s mouths, starved for one another. Azriel lifted her and wrapped her legs around his waist, walking to the nearest wall and pressing her against it with urgency. The delicious pressure from his thighs against hers was driving her insane. He thrust into her core, and she whimpered.
“Az! I need you, please!”
“What do you want, baby? I’ll give it to you.”
“You, I want you. All of you!”
And if that wasn’t enough for him to understand, she opened the button of his trousers.
“El, baby, we can be discovered.”
“Lock the door, Az, I don’t care.” She was burning with need at this point and needed him inside her.
Azriel walked with her wrapped around him to the door and locked it. He continued kissing her, pressing her against the wall next to the door. One of his hands moved between them and brushed his nuckles on the inside of her thigh. Elain was panting and writhing against him. As his hand moved to brush his nuckles against her core, her breath hitched, and he pushed her panties aside to run a finger through her center. Elain gasped, and Azriel groaned,
“You are so wet, baby. Is this all for me?”
Elain kissed him harder, as his finger moved to touch the most sensitive spot, rubbing with the pad of his thumb. Elain let out a shuddering breath. His middle and index fingers found a home inside her, while his thumb continued rubbing the apex of her thighs. Then he stopped and dropped her to the floor. She was confused for a minute, then she heard footsteps. Azriel quickly buttoned up his pants and reaccommodated Elain’s dress, then quietly unlocked his door, pulling her to sit on the bed with him, as if they were just talking. Someone knocked and asked to come in. It was Nesta.
“Come in!” Azriel spoke with as much composure as he could muster.
“El, we are leaving.” Nesta looked from one to the other, with narrowed eyes, but didn’t say a word, and walked out.
They collapsed on his bed, side by side, looked at each other, and laughed. Elain leaned over him and kissed him again, caressing his handsome face.
“Tomorrow. Come sleep in my room tomorrow.”
“Ok, sweetheart.”
Spring 2026
Elain
Elain had been spending the majority of her time with Azriel since they reconciled at the end of the fall. They went back to their regular routine: hanging out as ‘friends’ in front of others, but sneaking away to make out wherever they could. However, she could tell Azriel was getting tired of being a secret. He wanted to do things with her in the open, like hold her hand and kiss her in public. He was especially upset when she still presented him as her best friend to guys who were so obviously trying to hit on her. One even had the gall to ask for her number in front of him, until Azriel gave him the look of an assassin about to kill his target, and he left. Elain had laughed, saying she had ‘scary dog privileges’, but he wasn’t amused.
It was when Lucien tried to hit on her again that he snapped. They were sitting in her favorite secluded spot in the lunchroom when Lucien approached them and asked to speak to Elain in private. Azriel immediately tensed and looked at her through the corner of his eye. She knew she had to tread carefully or her boyfriend would no longer be her boyfriend.
“Whatever you have to say, you can say it in front of Az, Lucien.”
Lucien sighed, visibly annoyed and giving dirty looks at Azriel, while the latter was staring daggers at him.
“Well, there is a Valentine's Day event coming up, and I wanted to take you out.”
“Lucien, I told you before, I am not interested in anything with you or any other guys.”
“Come on, El, we can just go as friends. No strings attached.”
Elain knew that she was not going to be able to salvage this one, because she saw Azriel’s jaw clench, his hand curl into a fist, and he was standing…. Oh shit.
“She said, No. Take a hint!” Azriel practically spat at Lucien.
“Oh, here is your shadow again, acting like a rabid dog, El. Put a leash on him.”
“Lucien, leave, if you don’t want to be punched in the face.”
“Why, he can’t control his impulses? Should I be scared because he is a former gang member?”
Elain stood up in front of Azriel because she knew Azriel was about to blow a gasket, and she didn’t want him to get in trouble.
“Leave, or I won’t be responsible for your broken nose.”
“Ha! Seems like you prefer the trash as company.” Elain didn’t know how it happened, but her hand grabbed the empty food tray in front of her and struck Lucien in the face. She effectively broke his nose and heard the crack. The most satisfying noise she’d ever heard.
Lucien cursed, grabbing his nose, blood spilling between his hands. People gathered to see what the commotion was about. She was seeing red at this point, and didn’t even look at Azriel as she spoke,
“He is not only my best friend. He is the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and I love him. The reason I am not interested in you or any other guy is that HE IS MY GUY, you asshole! If you ever refer to him as trash ever again, expect a lower hit next time.”
Lucien gave her an incredulous, dirty look, then left the lunchroom, holding his nose between index fingers to stem the blood loss. She turned around and looked up at Azriel, who wore an expression that was a mix of amusement, pride, love, and desire all in one. She threw her hands around his neck and kissed him in front of everyone. She could hear his brothers hollering, and her sisters yells,
“I fucking knew it! I told you they were fucking Cass!” Nesta uttered triumphantly.
“Holy fuck, Nes, I had no idea Ellie had such fire in her. I guess it runs in the Archeron blood….. Ouch! Why do you hit me for?” Oh, sweet, oblivious Cass.
“Awww, I was rooting for them. I wonder what took them so long!” Cooed Feyre.
“Feyre Darling, I love you, but those two have been a thing since at least last summer. I’m surprised you didn’t notice it?”
Azriel took her hand and walked her out of the lunchroom, seeking their refuge, away from onlookers, gawkers, and opinionated siblings.
Azriel
Since Elain had declared her love for him publicly after breaking that loser’s nose, Azriel walked around campus feeling like a king, with a queen by his side. Because that is what she fucking was. His queen. Not a fairy princess anymore. She was the fairy queen who fell in love with the garden demon, and this garden demon was particularly proud of her. She had grown and become more confident, asserting herself and going after what she wanted. Her sisters had finally begun to respect her as a person. They supported her in all her choices, including her decision to pursue an internship at a prestigious research hospital during her senior year. Elain’s career plan was to earn her degree in Psychology with a specialization in Developmental Psychology, then pursue a master's in Occupational Therapy. Her dream was to work with children diagnosed with ASD and use music therapy to help them cope with emotions and sensory overload. He was so goddman proud of her, his heart could explode.
The spring semester went so fast that it caught Azriel off guard to receive an email with the commencement ceremony details. Azriel was graduating with a BS in Cybersecurity, specializing in Digital Forensics and Incident Response. He had already lined up a job offer at a prestigious firm in Velaris as a Forensics Investigator. His first real job in the real world. His mom was extremely proud of him.
Leaving college for the real world seemed like a daunting prospect to Azriel, but he was itching for independence. Although he loved his brothers and his mom, he wanted to afford his own place, his own car, etc., one day. Elain was both happy and sad with his imminent graduation. The last time they spoke about it, she cried, saying she would miss him dearly. On the other hand, she was very happy and proud of him for earning his degree and graduating summa cum laude.
Azriel was going to miss their routine, too. He loved riding with her in the mornings, with her arms around him, hugging him tight. Their quick escapades during breaks between classes, making out in empty classrooms or the botanical garden, and having lunch together while listening to music. However, he was going to make new routines and traditions with her. They may not be able to hang out during breaks, but they could meet up at lunch on occasion. He would see her every day after work, take her riding after sunset, and spend their weekends together. He would do anything for his girl.
---
The day of his commencement ceremony, Elain was right beside his mom and his brothers. Feyre and Nesta could not come because he was only allowed 4 tickets. As he walked the stage to receive his diploma, his girl, along with his family, cheered him on. After the ceremony, everyone met up at their favorite steakhouse in downtown Velaris.
Rhys and Cassian also graduated, but their ceremonies were held on different days because of their respective majors. Nesta’s ceremony had happened earlier that week as well. Only Elain and Feyre would remain in school.
They were all talking about going to Summer City again for the summer break. But this year was different. The graduates all had jobs lined up, most starting in July, so they could only go in June. Elain’s face immediately fell. It was the first of many changes. Azriel knew she struggled with changes in her routines. He wrapped his arm around her and brought her chair next to him. Kissing her forehead, he reassured her,
“Sweetheart, when I start my job, we can still hang out after work and on weekends.”
“I know, baby. It’s just that these have been the happiest years of my life, and it feels like the end of an era. Even if it is the beginning of a new one. All the memories of those times live in my heart, and you are part of all of them.”
“Oh, El, I love you so much. We will make new memories. We will make this new era the best era of our lives, I promise.”
She looked up at him with those beautiful doe eyes of hers and gave him the sweetest, most devastating smile. He kissed her. He didn’t care that they were in a restaurant, and their family was right there.
Summer 2026
Elain
Elain was sitting at the dock, throwing forget-me-not petals into the water. She was prone to melancholy these days, knowing their summer was ending soon. Azriel was leaving for Velaris soon to start his new job. Elain could not shake the feeling of unease. It felt like a massive shift in the axis of her world. She was scared that everything would change, and they would grow apart. Every petal she threw in the water was a question to the ether. Will he still love me? Will he forget me? Will he come back to me? What if this were just a beautiful dream, and she was waking up from it now?
As the last petal she plucked fell to the water, two hands, strong hands, covered her eyes. The scent of Azriel’s cedar wood cologne filled her senses, and an immediate sense of peace calmed her soul. She didn’t know why she was letting doubts rob her of the enjoyment of their little slice of heaven. Why is she doubting his constancy? Didn’t he stand beside her as her friend for more than two years, without asking for anything in return? Didn’t he wait for her to catch up to him? No, she knew that Azriel would never leave her behind.
She inhaled his scent deeply and leaned her back on his chest. He still had his hands covering her eyes,
“Guess who?”
“Hmmm. Colonel Brandon?”
“Nope.”
“Mr. Darcy? Is that you?” Groan.
“No!”
“I need a hint. This is hard. You smell familiar, though.”
“Boy next door.”
“Travis?”
“Who the fuck is Travis?”
“Best Nicholas Sparks movie, ever.”
“Ok, No. Another hint. Tall, dark, and handsome.”
“Xaden, my love, is that you?”
“What the hell is this obsession with Xaden. I’m going to confiscate those books.”
“Oh, Azriel, that is definitely you.”
She laughed out loud. Azriel lightly grabbed her throat and chin and tilted her head up to kiss her.
“Why are you out here by yourself, baby?”
“You were playing a game of chess with Rhys that looked like it was going long, so I just decided to come out here and throw some petals in the water.”
“What were you asking this time?”
“Trivial things.”
“Like?”
“Will he still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful?”
“That is hardly trivial, baby. And the answer is yes. I already love you, with freckles and all. I think I can manage wrinkles.”
Her face betrayed the sadness she felt.
“El, look at me, I’m serious. I’m in for the long run, until you decide you are sick of me and tell me to get lost.”
“That’ll never happen. You’re also stuck with me for the long run.”
“Then let’s make a promise.”
“What promise?”
“That we’ll stick together through thick and thin. No matter the obstacles or the odds. We will always find a way to stay together.”
“It’s a deal, baby.”
“Deal.”
“El, can I tell you something? Remember the day we met, and you and I were talking by the pool?”
“Yes, I do. Remember it like it was yesterday. You were so easy to talk to, and you made me feel comfortable from the first moment we met.”
“I remember looking at you, and thinking you were not just the most beautiful girl I had ever met, but also the sweetest. As I watched you leave through the double doors that night. I had this odd idea in my head, that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.”
“What did you think?”
“I thought, there goes the mother of my children.”
Elain’s breath hitched, her eyes widened.
“El, sweetheart, I’m not asking you to marry me yet, because you are still in school, and I have just graduated. But one day, baby, not too far in the future, I will bend my knee for you and ask you to marry me.”
“I will say yes, just so you know. So you have time to think about it before you get yourself into a forever situation with me.”
“That was the plan all along. A forever situation with you, baby.”
Summer 2030
Azriel
Azriel was pacing the floor like a caged animal. Cassian was late, and he was going to ruin it all. Rhys tried to calm Azriel down, but he was so nervous, he didn’t know how to stop. Finally, the door to the room opened, and Cassian walked in with a massive grin on his face.
“Cass, I’m going to kill you, you cut it too close.”
“It’s not my fault, Az! Nesta took forever to get ready. It’s a miracle we are here right on time.”
“Do you have them?”
“Of course I do, who do you think I am?”
“A dumbass! Show me!”
Cassian pulled out the box, and Azriel breathed a sigh of relief. Someone knocked on the door, and a head peered up into the room.
“Are you ready?”
“As ready as we’ll ever be.” Breathed Azriel. His heart was hammering in his chest like a locomotive.
Rhys came up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.
“Let’s go, Az. Everyone is waiting.”
His brothers went ahead of him, and he walked behind them as if in a trance. His thoughts went back to the first time they met, to the image of her beautiful face, radiating pure love and kindness. From that moment on, he knew he was hers. He just didn’t know to what extent. He had been an idiot for waiting so long to make a move, then go and fuck it up royally, almost losing her in the process. Ever since Elain came into his life, Azriel’s darkness and constant self-sabotage receded, and he wanted to be a better man for her.
Azriel felt like the luckiest man on the planet when she said yes after he got down on one knee last August. On the day they celebrated the 6th anniversary of their first meeting, he took her on a bike ride down memory lane up the western highway bordering the coast. They stopped at the same viewpoint, high up, overlooking the city lights of Velaris on one side and the Western sea on the other. Elain did not see that their family was amongst the onlookers at the viewpoint that day. When Azriel got on one knee and, with shaking hands, offered her the ring, saying,
“Elain Archeron, my beautiful fairy queen, love of my life, and the dopey to my grumpy, my only sunshine. Will you Marry Me?” Elain’s hands were shaking, her eyes brimming with tears, and the moment she said “Yes!” their family erupted in cheers. Azriel placed the ring on her finger and got up to lift her in his arms, hugging her tightly and kissing her as if no one was around. Yes, that had been the happiest day of his life up to that point. Now, as he walked to stand near the altar, with Cassian and Rhys standing next to him, he knew this day would be forever seared in his brain.
The guests were all seated. His mom and Mor sat at the front on the ‘groom’s side’. Elain’s aunt and Feyre sat on the bride’s side. The officiant cleared his throat and asked a question to Cassian. Cassian shrugged. Elain was five minutes late. Nesta walked in and stood waiting for the bride to appear. Azriel's heart was about to jump out of his chest. He feared she would have cold feet, that she would realize he wasn’t the one and run away. All unfounded fears he knew, but the damn demon of doubt keeps nagging him. Then, the music started playing, and there she was.
Azriel let out the breath he was holding at the sight of her. The vision before him was unreal. She truly was a Queen with her golden brown hair pulled into a half-updo that let her soft curls cascade down to her waist. A veil at the back of her head created a halo of tulle as the wind blew. Her off-the-shoulder white gown hugged her delicate curves, and the fabric billowed in the wind, making her look like an ethereal Goddess in the golden sunlight. She was smiling and looking only at him. He had told her that if she felt nervous, she should concentrate her gaze on him, and only him. ‘Forget everyone else, baby, it is just you and me. You and me forever.’
As she moved down the aisle towards him, her eyes, brimming with unshed tears of joy, Azriel’s own eyes filled with tears, and emotion overtook him. This beautiful creature had chosen him, given him the most precious gift he would ever receive. Her love and devotion. Azriel sobbed because he never felt worthy or deserving of such a gift. His chest was so full he could barely breathe, as sobs continued to wrack him. A tear escaped her eye at his emotional display, and she mouthed, ‘I love you.’ He smiled at her through his sobs of joy and mouthed back, ‘I love you too’.
Azriel and Elain stood before the officiant, their gazes locked on each other. Everything faded to the background, and Azriel barely heard the words the officiant spoke; he was lost in Elain’s chocolate eyes. When the time came to exchange vows, Azriel unfolded a piece of paper from the inside pocket of his suit jacket.
“The day I met you, time stopped. There was a shift in the axis around which my world spun. I didn’t know it then, but it was tilting towards the sun. Before you, there were only shadows and darkness permeating my life. The oppressive feeling that something would always inevitably go wrong. My brothers call it brooding, I call it retrospection (laughter from the crowd). But then there was you, Elain, radiant like the sun. Radiant with hope, and love, and kindness. A radiance that slowly crept into the crevices of that dark place inside of me. That first day, after spending hours with you, talking about anything and everything, I just knew deep in my soul that you were meant to be in my life. That first day, as you walked away, my heart implanted a thought in my head: ‘There goes the mother of my children.’ I know I went about it the long way. I was friend-zoned for two whole years (laughter). But being your best friend was a privilege I don’t regret. I got to know you on a deeper level in 2.5 years than most lovers and married couples ever do in a lifetime. I saw you at your best, when the world and every man in the damn university was at your feet (chuckles from the crowd). But I also saw you at your worst, when you were sick, heartbroken, and sad, snot coming out of your nose. And even then, I thought you were beautiful, and I cleaned the snot and the tears, and made you soup to nurse your fever. That is why I knew the prophecy I wrote for myself 7 years ago would come true. Because you are my best friend, my most ardent supporter, the one who makes me want to be a better man, the love I thought I never deserved. I knew you would be the one that I would build my forever with, football team of children and all (laughter from the crowd, and whoops from Cassian). I love you, Elain Archeron.”
His hands were trembling, and tears covered his cheeks, but his beautiful bride was before him, and it was all worth it to see the love in those eyes. Her eyes were brimming with tears. Then she began her vows, Nesta handing her the piece of paper.
“Azriel, my love. My beautiful, amazing friend through happy and sad times. I never knew that moving to Velaris would change my life in so many ways. My sisters and I had just lost our parents, our lives upended and uprooted to an entirely new city where we didn’t know anyone. Then we met you and your brothers, who not only welcomed us warmly, but became the first friends we ever made. I had always had trouble making friends. People never truly saw beyond the surface. Some left after discovering the true me. And then there was you, with your caring and attentive soul. You saw beyond the surface and did not run away; you stayed and embraced my weirdness.”
Elain looked at Azriel, pausing to speak without looking at her vows.
“I have a confession to make. You were the one who friend-zoned me.” Azriel and the people present laughed. Elain continued to read her vows.
“After that first ride on your motorcycle, 7 years ago, I was smitten and already planning our wedding (laughter). Apparently, you did not get the hint, none of my hints, for two whole years. It didn’t matter either way; your friendship became an essential part of my life. You burrowed so deeply into every part of me and my life that you became impossible to remove, like the vines in the botanical garden beds. It doesn’t matter how many times you remove them; they always come back. Some people liked to call you my shadow in an insulting way. What those people did not know is that to a girl like me, constancy matters. My shadow was there to shield me from the scorching sun. That’s how it felt to have you by my side all these years, like a refuge, an oasis that provided shade and shelter from a harsh world. You made me feel seen, you made me feel valued, you listened, you cared, you stayed. They say love is not easy, and I can’t help but disagree, because loving you has been the easiest thing I have ever done in my life. You are everything that I ever dreamed of, and the real-life embodiment of all the romantic heroes from my favorite Jane Austen novels. I don’t need a Colonel Brandon or an Xaden when I have the real thing in front of me. You may not speak Regency Era dialogue or ride a dragon. You speak my language and ride a kick ass motorcycle (laughter). I knew you were the one, the moment you cleaned my snot when I was sick, and brought me snacks. That is why I reiterate the promise we made to each other four years ago. I will stick with you through thick and thin. No matter the obstacles or the odds. I will always find a way to stay by your side. I love you, Azriel.”
There was not a single dry eye in the crowd, including Azriel’s. The officiant continued the ceremony and called for the rings. Cassian, as the best man, came running to Azriel’s side and gave him the box with the rings. Azriel took his ring out and gave it to Elain, then he grabbed her ring, giving the box back to Cassian, who retreated back to his place. They exchanged rings, placing them on each other’s fingers. Then, they said “I do” when the officiant asked that all-important question. Two words that sealed their promise of forever under the laws of god and men. Azriel did not even wait for the officiant to finish the sentence formally declaring them husband and wife. He kissed his wife with the fervor of a newly converted disciple. He remembered that not long ago, he had told her, he worshiped at the altar of Elain. Never were those words more meaningful than now. Forever starts now.
For this one, we couldn’t resist doing a fun little mashup of Genshin Impact × Elriel!
Just like Zhongli quietly follows Hu Tao through all her chaotic shenanigans, you know Azriel would do the exact same for Elain while they’re out spying together. Calm, composed, and utterly smitten while she sweet-talks information out of everyone in sight.
He’d be in the shadows, pretending to be focused on the mission, but really? He’s just making sure his sunshine doesn’t charm half of Prythian without him noticing. 😏
Huge thanks to @ruisfree for bringing this adorable spy duo to life, the dynamic, the playfulness, and that spark between them are everything!
Inspired by this post from @lovelyshadowblossom and brought to you by my need to get ideas out of my head and onto paper. Is it Elriel inception from Elain's POV? I mean...definitely a maybe. Hope you enjoy!
Read on AO3 here.
That heartbeat. She heard the heartbeat so loudly and it called to her soul. It summoned her. She glanced down at her nightgown and shook her head. She had to go. She had to get to it now. As she followed the sound, her heart fluttered. She could hear him. Graysen. He was calling for her. Her steps turned from a quick walk, to a jog, to an all out sprint. He had changed his mind. He was here. But the heartbeat. The heartbeat was wrong- it got further away as she neared him.
Graysen stood there- welcoming her with open arms- and she threw her arms around him, instead tumbling into the murky waters of the Cauldron.
“Azriel!”
She let out a scream- a plea for help. She did not know why she called for him, why she screamed like her life depended on it for a male she barely knew. As she tried to swim to the edge of the Cauldron, to haul herself out before something happened. It quaked. The waters swirled and she was pulled under once again.
Graysen appeared in front of her again- sneer on his face. She tried to get away from him, tried to sprint away from this trap that had been set for just her. But every time she turned around, he was there. He was RIGHT there.
“He won’t come for you either. No one cares, Elain. No one sees you. They’ll let you die- just like I will.”
She pressed her hands against the steel in front of her, pushed against it- begged it to tip and let her out- to not take her to wherever she was going. She would learn her lesson about love. She would learn that it was not meant for her. That her weakness, her soft heart, was a liability not an asset. She trembled as he captured her, screamed and kicked against him. She would not be weak. If no one was coming for her- she would figure out a way to save herself.
Her world tilted and she landed at the feet of Hybern with a thud. Mud streaked her nightgown, tears poured down her face. No one was coming. She reached into the powers that she barely knew and begged them to help her. Help her get out of this place. Iron manacles wrapped around her wrists and the connection to her powers cut off. The heartbeat disappeared. She was alone in her body once again. Absolutely alone.
The stillness terrified her. Ever since she had emerged from the Cauldron- she had heard that heartbeat- weak at first. So weak. Almost dying. But then it roared back to life and had been her constant companion ever since. She had hated it at first, but now- without it- her entire body trembled, shook. She heard the laughter as they pulled her into a tent and wrapped her to a wall with chains, they assumed she was scared of them- but that wasn’t it. She was alone. She was cut off from the one comfort she consistently had in her life.
She settled herself, forced herself to stare ahead. The cuffs were cold, so cold. Cold in a way that dragged down her entire being. She folded in on herself as much as she could, but she listened. She knew her screams and tears would draw attention. She did not want attention. She wanted to fade into the background- so that she might be able to discover a way out. It might be a stretch, but it was worth a try. She had to try, because no one was coming for her.
Priestesses walked in and out of the tent, commenting on how she looked. What a pathetic creature she was. But she was pretty- beautiful even and the men would pay for her. She forced her face to remain emotionless while she internally screamed. She could not fight them if they came. She did not want this fate- none of it.
She stared at the cauldron, her ire growing. It had caused all of her problems. It took Graysen away from her. It turned her into a fae. It gave her powers she could not understand and did not want. She was furious at everything it had taken and yet she was resolved to her lot in life. She was trapped- whether it was in manacles or in a life she no longer wanted to live. The tears slipped down her cheeks, the realization hitting her that her life was no longer worth living. No one cared. No one cared or saw HER.
She shivered in the night air and willed herself to find some fight, to find a way to combat what was to come. It would be foolish for anyone to come for her, to rescue her. She heard the way they prepared and what was at stake. She was too small of a part for anyone to rally a rescue to get to her. Her tears trailed down her cheeks, landing on her tattered nightgown, but she stayed silent. Silence might save her.
And then the silence changed. She heard the faintest heartbeat not her own, the faintest sound that brought her comfort. Him. It had to be- but no- no the cauldron had told her no one would come for her. It had told her she was to be alone. Why would HE be here?
Images flashed through her mind. Every negative. Every reason that she was not worthy. Ever bit of evidence that any rescue was foolish and the Night Court was anything but foolish. They were just shy of ruthless most days and yet that heartbeat. THAT heartbeat. She knew it. She knew the comfort it brought her and a small spark of hope started in her chest as she sat alone in this tent. She was sure this would not last- so she needed a plan. If only she had learned even the smallest bit from them, she might have a chance at a real plan.
She heard the flap of the tent open and then chanting began. That horrible chanting from the priestesses, but this voice sounded like it was alone. She then heard a second set of footsteps, quiet, stealthy- like night cloaked them. Him. Definitely him.
The curtain moved and her eyes locked on the familiar hazel orbs, her entire body trembled. Scared that this was another trick of the mind, trick of the cauldron to pull her somewhere even worse. Then she heard it- the heartbeat picked up and then settled ever so slightly- a shuddering breath leaving his chest as he reached for her, carefully pulling the gag from her mouth. Feyre. Feyre came with him- but why? Why was SHE worth this risk?
“Are you hurt?” His voice reached her ears as the barest of a whisper, so soft that she was not sure she had heard him properly. She forced herself to nod as she stared at him. The cauldron had told her no one would come. No one would care and yet- here he was, carefully pulling her into his arms as she tried to find the words- any words to say.
“You came for me.” A light flashed in his eyes, an understanding, and he let out a shaky breath as he inclined his head towards her. How badly she wanted to just settle into him, settle into the steady beat that she felt pulsing out of his body- so clear. So evident now that her powers were isolated down to the barest of abilities. He was here, as part of her always knew he would be.
The world narrowed down to him. Only him. As he pulled at the manacles and shook his head towards Feyre. Whatever they were trying was not working and panic lanced through her. Would he leave her? Their eyes met again and she saw him barely shake his head before she found herself in his arms, him ducking his head through the loop in her own. So close that she felt his heartbeat pounding in time with the sound in her head.
“Hold tight,” Azriel leaned into her ear, his voice gentle even though she knew the danger they were in. “And do not make a sound.”
She nodded, gripping him tightly and then buried her face in his neck. She did not want to see what came next- what would have to be done to get out of her safely, but as his shadows obscured them- she felt him calm. He had done this hundreds, if not thousands, of times. He was sure. She should be sure as well. A hole appeared in front of them and then they sprinted out into the night.
She stayed still afraid that if she moved it would cost him the speed that they desperately needed. She heard fighting break out around them and just focused on melting into him, becoming a part of him so that he could do his job and they could all survive. Why had he come? Why was she worth this risk?
“We need to get airborne.” She felt the panic punch through him as she looked to see Azriel grab Feyre and force a siphon over an injury. This would go horribly wrong if they did not get airborne and get out of here. Azriel knew it and now so did she. “Can you make it?”
Feyre nodded and she glanced between the two of them. Neither of them was sure, but it was the only way out and she- she was dragging them down. She then saw a girl. A human girl standing at the very edge of the cliff. Waiting. Waiting for them. And she knew- she knew in an instant that the girl was in such a shock that she would not make this move without some encouragement. Someone telling her exactly what to do.
“Grab onto him! If you want to live- do it- NOW!”
She felt the impact as Azriel grabbed at the girl and Elain moved. She was not sure how she did it, but she got her hands around the girl and hauled her further into Azriel’s arm, his grip on them sure. She could see the cliff and they were close- so close to freedom.
A roar came out of Azriel, pain etched across his face as their eyes met for a fraction of a second and then- she saw it. A hound. Shredding his wings. And she acted. She moved down his body and kicked. Again and again until the beast let go of him and he shot into the air. Slightly unsteady, but still aloft and she worked her way back into his arm- seeing the strain and terror on his face as he barked orders at Feyre. But her eyes stayed on him- for the moment that it might become too much and he would have to make a choice. Her or the girl. It should be the girl. And when the moment came- she would make it easier on him. She would let go and push him away, push him towards his freedom- because he came. And he didn’t deserve to die on her behalf. She was not worth it.
Amethyst light appeared around them, securing her into his body like he knew. He knew what decision she had just made and he would not allow it. He would drain himself dry before he let her go. Pain flickered on his face, but still the amethyst light held and his grip on her never waivered, even as she could see the damage done to his wings. They launched through a ripple in the shields and she felt him shudder and the smallest of a sigh. Her sister’s hand grabbed one of Azriel’s and then she felt them spin into the darkness. Away from this camp. Away from Hybern. And back to where she hoped they could find safety.
They landed on the ground with a thump, the amethyst light shuddering and then disappearing, the blue siphons guttered and then faded completely to black. He set the girl on the ground as her arms wrapped tighter around him, looping back over his neck to take some of her weight, wondering if he would set her down now as well. But as he shifted his arms and got a firmer grip on her- she knew. No visions needed. He would not set her down until he thought she was safe or he died- whichever came first.
The camp was quiet and then- then there was commotion. Shouts for a healer. Rhysand suddenly blocking their path, Azriel’s arms tightening around her and then Rhys carefully placing her on the ground. A look passed between the two warriors- one she was sure was all too common. Azriel stayed. Still, his eyes passed over her body and she tried to shake her head. She was fine. He was the one that so desperately needed help.
“We need Helion to get these chains off of her.”
She took a step forward, rising on her tiptoes, and cupped his cheek before pressing a kiss there. She felt his shadows swirling around the both of them. A whisper travelling along them and finally hitting her ears. ‘Your sisters. Go with them. We’ll take care of him for now.’
She forced herself away, her soul screamed as she left the safety of his arms. She took a step forward and then another, walking towards her sisters- towards the only other option she had.
“We need to get you to Thesan- right now.”
Pain lanced through her body, the heartbeat that haunted her dreams slowing as she watched Azriel try to keep himself on his feet. She could not go to him- it would only cause him more pain in this moment, but she wanted to. She desperately wanted to stay with him. Instead, she threw her arms around Feyre and the sobs finally came. The reality of what had been done for her. To save HER- slammed into her body and she clung to her sisters, refusing to let go. One day, one day she would thank Azriel properly. Let him know how much this meant to her, but tonight- on the eve of war with Hybern he needed to heal. He needed to rest. And she needed to come to terms with the worth he saw in her.
Summary: After a daring rescue and escape from Hybern's war camp, Azriel carries Elain back to the Night Court's own war camp.
Word Count: 2,207
Excerpt:
They reached the outskirts of the war camp before the sun breached the horizon. The starless gray sky was both boon and bane. In the dim light they crossed no male's land as quickly as their injured bodies allowed, Azriel discreetly navigating them around the traps while he kept watch for Hybern's soldiers. He saw no one but felt their eyes stalking them from the treeline beyond the wards, heard the murmur of three or four pairs of leather boots on grass as they changed position. Darkness bled through the forest like a slit artery as shadows searched for soldiers. Too many, and glamoured to blend in. Azriel could still call upon his magic or the shadows, Truth-Teller itched to be used, but if Hybern gave the order they were easy prey.
To kill the shadowsinger and capture two Made females, one the Cauldron itself claimed, Azriel would have given the command. He suspected the only reason the king did not was because he didn’t have a spell at hand to bring down the wards the five High Lords created around their encampments.
Or Hybern was biding his time, believing he would claim the females soon.
Azriel flexed his fingers, letting the smoothness of Elain’s bare upper arm and linen clad thigh reassure him. Her heart beating against his grounded him. She was safe in his arms. No one would take her again.
Instructions- An Azriel Appreciation Week One-Shot
It's getting steamy on day 6 of @azrielappreciationweek. With that said- the full story is available over on AO3- with a little snippet below cut over here. Hope you enjoy!
Azriel stared at the decoded letter, his hands shaking, chest heaving. He longed to be with her, to see her- but this was the closest that he could get. For now. It had been months since he had seen her. Months since they had last snuck away for a few hours to themselves. He checked, every day, to see if it was safe enough to risk a trip, but Lord Nolan had again changed her occupation and her roommates. Liosa was at least trustworthy enough to stay away if the shadows obscured their door.
This letter. This gift. He would do everything it said, because it was the closest he could get to her being here with him. He let out a shaky breath, grabbed the letter and then headed for his apartment. Any Night Court building felt unsafe for what she had told him to do.
I need you to be alone, Azriel. Alone with only your body, a bed, and this note. Somewhere, where none of them can interrupt what I’m telling you to do to yourself.
Summary:
For Day 3 of @azrielappreciationweek I am interested in exploring the possibility of Azriel rebelling and going against Rhys's order to stay away from Elain. I doubt that Mr. "chain me to a tree, I'll fly with it on my back" will heed those orders for long. He is going to snap and have his fuck it moment with Elain.
Elain sees Azriel in a vision and intervenes before he makes a huge mistake. They start their relationship in secret behind their High Lord and their family's back.
Azriel stormed into the River House like a mad person, taking Rhys’s office doors off their hinges with a blast of his siphon's magic. He was livid, rage visible in his features, eyes glowing gold, his entire body shaking. Rhys was calmly sitting at his desk and only flinched when Azriel came within inches of his face.
“Do you think I will allow her to suffer because of your political games, Rhys? I obeyed your order for as long as I thought I was doing the right thing by her. But she is suffering because of you, and because I BELIEVED you had her best interests at heart. You are a hypocrite, Rhys. You are forcing her into a mating bond she doesn’t want because you want to use her as a pawn. This stops today.”
Azriel jabbed a finger at Rhys’s chest. Fury and raw power emanated from Azriel, threatening the balance of power. Rhys’s magic rose to meet Azriel’s. Shadow met the blackest of nights, and they were hissing at each other. In a barely controlled tone, Rhys spoke.
“Az. Sit down and let’s talk calmly for a second.”
“No! You already said your piece last Solstice. Now you hear mine. I am not going to allow you to use her as a pawn. And if she still wants ME, no one will stop me from being with her. Not you, not the Autumn Court, not her so-called mate. Go ahead, Rhys, do your worst.”
Azriel turned around to exit the office, and as he was leaving, his High Lord, his brother, called to him.
“Then you are officially no longer part of this court, since you are intent on disobeying my pretty clear orders. You will not only stay away from Elain, but you will leave the Night Court for good. Pack your things and leave.”
Elain’s eyes cleared, but her heart was racing so intensely she thought it might burst from her chest. She could not allow this vision to come true. Elain’s visions had become clearer and allowed her to see as if she were standing in the room. She had been able to control the power enough to glean essential details before they vanished. For a very long time, when the visions came on a whim, they were simply flashes that she could not make sense of. But this vision was all too clear, and it frightened her. She knew now, after the war with Hybern, that trying to change events she saw in her visions carried a heavy price. But she would make an exception for Azriel. She had to prevent him from making the biggest mistake of his life.
Elain had suspected that Azriel was staying away on purpose, that the missions he was constantly sent on were an excuse to avoid her after the last Soltice. She cried herself to sleep many a night, thinking she had pushed him too far, that it was her fault he had walked away that night, and that he didn’t want her. The revelation that it was Rhys who had ordered him to stay away from her made her heart constrict to the point of pain. Now she knew why it was that they kept shoving her mate in her presence at every opportunity, despite knowing of her clear discomfort. However, she didn’t have time to confront him now. She needed to act immediately before this disaster took place.
Elain ran to the front door of the River House, and at the exact moment she stepped into the foyer, Azriel burst through the door. She immediately grabbed him by both arms and enveloped them both in light and mist.
-----------
A bewildered Azriel did not know what was happening until they stepped out of the mist and appeared in the back of the garden shed behind the River House. He was still seething with rage after hearing Nesta talk to Gywn and Emerie about Elain’s suffering and Rhys’s attempts to pressure her to accept the bond with Lucien. Elain was still holding onto his arms, as if trying to keep him from shadowalking away from her.
“What… how. How did you do that?” He spoke between panting breaths.
“I can winnow. Only short distances for now.” She gave him a shy smile.
“Did you know I was coming? Saw me in a vision?”
She nodded and tentatively moved her hand to his cheek.
“You were going to confront Rhys about me. I couldn't allow you to do that and ruin your friendship or your standing in this court over me.”
“He… made me stay away from you. Then, they began pressuring you to accept Lucien. Is it true? I heard Nesta talk about it with Gwyn and Emerie. She also said you were not eating well and could not sleep. Are you ok?” He took a step back to appraise her, brows furrowed in concern.
“Yes, they indeed want me to accept Lucien, but I can’t bring myself to oblige them. I have had more visions lately. They keep me up at night sometimes, yes. But if I am honest, most of my sleepless nights are because of you. I’ve been replaying that night at Solstice when you said I was a mistake…”
“I never thought you were a mistake. I forced myself to say that our almost kiss was a mistake because Rhys saw us and ordered me to go to his office. I’m sorry, I left without an explanation. I’m sorry I ….” She put a finger on his lips.
“I know. I understand why. I have a mate. It is frowned upon to pursue me, as it is for me to fall in love with another male. What I want to know is if you still feel that way, that you can’t be with me because of him…” She lowered her eyes to the ground. Azriel lifted her chin with his hand.
“No. I don’t care who decided it or why. The Cauldron is corrupted, and it gave you Lucien as your mate. I feel it in my bones that it should have been me.”
Time stood still, and they looked into each other’s eyes. He pressed his forehead to hers in a silence that was soft and spoke to the intensity of the feelings they had both repressed for so long. He grabbed her face gently between his hands and pressed his lips to hers. Time stood still, and he kissed her not as if it was the first time, but as if he had waited centuries for this moment. His hand slid to the back of her neck and entangled in her hair, deepening the kiss. Elain parted her lips in an unspoken invitation. They embraced each other, pressing closer than ever before. They kissed as if they were making a promise to the stars, where only the mother might witness them.
They broke the kiss to catch their breath. They kept hold of each other as if they were at the border of a precipice, trying to prevent one another from falling into the void. Elain spoke first.
“If you want to be with me, Azriel, it means going against your High Lord and brother. It means going against Prythian’s norms and faith. I don’t want you to lose the only family you have known for over 500 years.”
“I could tell you the same. Being with me means being shunned by Prythian’s society, which means you will lose the opportunity to be with someone worthy of you. What if you change your mind, and I have ruined that for you?”
“I never cared for titles or riches. Hels I didn’t even want to be just the wife of a lord. That is what my mother wanted for me. That is what everyone expected of me. Azriel, all I have ever wanted is love. Love is all I need. Do you love me? Because if this is just a passing thing for you, then I can’t give my heart to you.”
“This was never a passing thing for me. I loved you from the moment you held that fork with all your might at the dinner table. I just didn’t know it until it hit me right in the face two soltices ago. When you gifted me the headache powder. I realized that I had fallen for you, and that’s why I tried to keep my distance.”
“You know what this means? It means we must love each other in secret. I can’t allow you to be thrown out of the Night Court by Rhys. I could not bear it!”
“If it means I can be with you, I’ll do anything you want me to do. I’ll go to the ends of our world if I have to. What do you want to do, Elain?”
“While we figure out what Koschei’s plans are, and we can deal with that threat, and we can secure permanent peace for Prythian, we will need to pretend we are not together in front of others.”
“The last thing I wanted was to treat you as if I were ashamed of you. I would scream from the rooftops that I love you if I could.”
“I also do not want to hide what I feel for you, but we have no choice. This society and your high lord and brother leave us no choice. We will create our own sanctuary away from prying eyes. As long as I get to hold you in my arms at the end of it all, the wait will be worth it.”
They kissed again, and this time, Azriel didn’t hold back, and neither did Elain. They devoured each other, letting all the pent-up emotions, loneliness, longing, and desire come to the surface.
After that day, Elain and Azriel met in secret every night at the Townhouse. Elain told Rhys and Feyre she wanted some independence, and they gifted her the Townhouse, which was now Elain’s official home.
At family dinners, Elain and Azriel barely exchanged pleasantries and avoided each other’s gaze. Only when they were alone in a room did they allow themselves the freedom to hold hands or share a quick kiss on the lips when no one was watching. Sometimes it was Elain who pulled Azriel into the broom closet. Sometimes it was Azriel who would shadow walk them to the garden shed while everyone was distracted. The thrill of being discovered intensified the pleasure of their encounters.
Their torrid affair lasted several years, during which they faced Koschei, defeated him, and sent him back to his realm. When Prythian was finally at peace, Elain and Lucien mutually rejected the bond. Turns out Lucien had been having an affair with Queen Vassa, and they had married in secret. It was quite the scandal in Prythian. It was very romantic because Lucien tied his life to the Queen and essentially made himself mortal to stay by her side until the end of their days.
The day came when Azriel and Elain decided to tell their family they were getting married. It was a Sunday, and they were having their usual family dinner. Elain was carrying a dish of potatoes to the dining table, and Azriel got up, moving towards her. He took the potatoes dish from her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She smiled sheepishly.
“Sit, I’ll take care of it, sweetheart.”
Everyone at the table stopped talking and was gawking at them. Rhys was particularly flabbergasted at this. So when Azriel set the potato dish on the table and sat on his chair with an air of nonchalance, Rhys could not hold it anymore and poked Azriel’s mental shields. “What is the meaning of this! I told you to stay away from her!”
Azriel did not respond mentally; he replied aloud, so everyone could hear.
“What is it now, Rhys? What else are you going to order me to do against my will? What is your excuse now for keeping me away from Elain?” At that moment, Elain walked into the dining room and sat at the head of the table, right next to Azriel.
“Yes, Rhys. What is your excuse now? Since you didn’t bother to talk to me last time. Maybe you care to explain it now?” Elain looked at Rhys with all the barely contained fury of a female who was forced to give up so much of herself and her choices for a very long time.
Rhys’s nostrils flared, and his usual mask of composure fell away. Nesta almost jumped out of her chair, holding her hands in a way that could only be interpreted as trying to murder Rhys by choking him. Feyre was staring at Rhys in confusion. Cassian was attempting to contain Nesta. Amren was sipping her wine, smirking, and Mor’s mouth was hanging open.
“Elain, he just wanted a mate. He called you the ‘third’ one and thought he was entitled to you as a mate. He was just clearly panting after you. He has been in love with Mor for over 500 years! I could not allow him to jeopardize this court because of lust.”
Elain got up from her chair and approached Rhys. She lifted her hand and slapped him square on his right cheek. Then she slowly walked back to her chair, put the napkin back on her lap, and asked Azriel to pass her the potatoes. Mor looked at Elain with awe and respect, and Nesta was beaming with pride. Feyre and Cassian were still both in total shock. Then Azriel spoke.
“Listen to me very carefully, Rhysand. I have loved you like a brother, and so has Elain. We were willing to hide our love from everyone to avoid jeopardizing this court or the peace in Prythian. But we are done. Lucien and Elain have mutually rejected the bond. He has married someone else. Nothing is standing in our way. We love each other. If you are going to stand in our way, we are leaving this court.”
Azriel and Elain stood up and held hands, waiting for a response. Rhys rubbed his face and sighed heavily, but before he could speak, Feyre interjected.
“You will not leave this court! You are part of this family. If you two love each other, NONE of us, including my mate, will stand in your way. It was ALWAYS Elain’s choice who she wanted to be with. Right, Rhys?”
Rhys just looked at his mate with shame. Because his words were coming back to haunt him, he did speak about choice, but only when those choices suited his purpose.
“No. We will not stand in your way.”
“Great, you are invited to our wedding in thirty minutes at the temple. Gwyn is officiating.” Azriel spoke as if they were talking about meeting for drinks at Rita’s. His smirk was directed towards Rhys. This was his greatest act of rebellion. Forget flying with a tree tied to his back into a battlefield. The look on Rhys’s face right now was priceless.
Elain stepped closer to Azriel and embraced him. Looking Rhys right in the eye, as the mist and light enveloped them both, and they disappeared into thin air.
-------
The table erupted in a cacophony of accusations between Nesta and Rhys, then Feyre and Rhys, then everyone and Rhys. Rhys had a headache, but he brought it on himself. He sighed heavily, letting everyone pummel him with questions and jabbing fingers. The truth is that he deserved every bit of their ire. He had assumed things he should not have assumed. He made both his brother and sister suffer in silence for years because he was blind with worry about the future of his court and his family. They clearly loved each other enough to carry on an affair in secret for who knows how long, without anyone suspecting a thing. He felt tremendous guilt for not having supported them. So he got up from the table and cleared his throat, picking some invisible lint from his lapel.
“It seems we have a wedding to attend. You'd better start getting ready.” He walked out of the dining room and left them all discussing who was going to winnow who, where, and already planning a party to celebrate.
They all arrived at the temple flustered. The couple was already waiting at the altar. Elain turned around and smiled at her family through the delicate gossamer veil covering her face. She was wearing an exquisite ivory gown with a fitted bodice that included intricate lace detailing that hugged her figure beautifully. The sweetheart neckline accentuated the curve of her breasts, and a distinctive off-the-shoulder cape overlay draped over her arms, which were covered by lace long sleeves. Azriel turned his gaze away from his beautiful bride for a fraction of a second to acknowledge his family. He was wearing a fine black tuxedo, his wings pulled back tight, and his shadows framing him and his wife-to-be, as if they were protecting them from the outside world.
Azriel’s mother was sitting in the front pew, looking proudly at her son and his bride. Gwyn was standing at the altar with a beatific smile. She motioned for the family to sit so the ceremony could commence. Before she could start, Nesta ran to the altar and gave Elain something to borrow, her mating ceremony ribbon for the handfasting. Then Feyre followed Nesta and gave Elain something blue —her favorite sapphire earrings. Then Rhys surprised the bride with something old —a tiara with sapphires from his personal collection, which he had owned for over three centuries. He then turned to his brother and embraced him.
Nuala and Cerridwen, the bridesmaids, helped the bride put on her new sapphire earrings, repositioned her veil, and placed the tiara on her head. Then the ceremony started. Gwyn spoke of the significance of commitment, eternal love, and the blessings the Mother bestows upon lovers. The vows left not a single dry eye in the temple, including the usually aloof Amren. The handfasting was just as emotional, and Cassian turned around and sobbed on Nesta’s shoulder, remembering his own mating ceremony.
Feyre already had a painting in mind; Elain was no longer a trembling fawn standing before death. She was the princess of dawn who didn’t shy away from the dark but embraced it: light and dark, the space in between a blend of the two.
Gwyn proudly announced the new husband and wife, and the family erupted in cheers. Azriel did not waste a single second and kissed his wife. He would no longer hide his emotions in the shadows; he was free to be himself and to love his beloved Elain out in the open, in front of his family and the world.
Thank you Juan Miguel for your beautiful rendition of Azriel and Nesta. You took my inspiration of Anakin Skywalker's pained face and converted it into Azriel's tortured expression, including his and Nesta's body language.
🌸───♡♧🦇🌹♧♡───🗡
Art by @jumipinto
Commissioned by: me @linitalove
Azriel and Nesta from ACOTAR by @sarahjmaas
For @azrielappreciationweek
🌸───♡♧🦇🌹♧♡───🗡
I think it’s safe to say our moody Shadowsinger is down bad for the gentle flower-grower. Sleepless nights. Skin taught with desire. Pure yearning. Having nothing but a bottle of headache powder to cling to in order to think of and be with her, even only in his mind if that’s all he can have. Poor Azzy 😔 (but let’s be real, we’re loving the angst 😏).
Huge ‘thank you’ to @babushkahihi !! Thank you for your incredible work on this piece ❤️ I’ve held onto it specifically for this week and I can’t believe the time has flown by (without a book announcement, at that 😭). It was so fun commissioning this piece and feeling Azriel’s sleepless torment right along with him.
Longing. Is there anything that says longing like following the sound of her laugh, just to get a glimpse of what her face looks like lit up by joy? Just to see what caused it, so you might be the cause of that beautiful sound in the future? Just to share that space with her, for the briefest of moments?
✨Art by /beatriz_isdrawing (IG)
✨Commissioned by @lunaatthezoo @lovelyfawnxx @theseersgarden and /aoitavacorte (IG)
And for the last day of @azrielappreciationweek - another chapter of Spyglass (and a little bit of play on words with the Free spot). If you prefer AO3- you can find it here.
Azriel stood at the crest of the hill, overlooking the Amalfi Coast. Overlooking his home. Five weeks. It had been five weeks since he spirited Elain away in the middle of the night. Five weeks since he had sent messages to Rhys, thinking he was in the clear. Five weeks since he had disappeared and three days since he had broken out of the Byrne family safehouse and headed straight here. Straight to her- because they were coming for her and he only hoped that he had made it in time.
He made his way over to the Valerian villa- placed his hand on the palm reader and was met by some of the ancillary guards. He gave them a terse nod and continued on his way, continued for her cottage. Cassian jogged out to meet him, a few additional guards trailing behind him. If Eoghan had beat him here, they would not be enough to keep him from killing Rhys. Elain should have never been part of the family business.
“Az- Azriel- where’s the fire? You went dark for over a month and…and…what did they do to you?”
“Run of the mill torture- but they know. They know who she is, they know where she is. Someone told them- Eoghan had no idea until last week. I couldn’t mask my features well enough to protect her when he said her name and he’s coming here. I am going to her- I cannot…”
“Understood. She…she’s been quiet…did you?”
“Not now, Cass. Go- tell Rhys I’m home. And we’re figuring out who the leak is- today.”
He felt Cassian studying him as he continued on his way. He had had his suspicions for ages on who in the circle might be untrustworthy- but his latest detention confirmed it. And Nesta was going to hate this confrontation, but him saving Elain might just lessen the blow.
He quickly walked around the cottage. Nothing disturbed. Nothing amiss. He rapped on the door gently, but urgently and waited. The door opened a sliver and in the next moment Elain had wrapped herself around him, clinging to him as the sobs came. He tensed as her arms squeezed his ribs, but he managed to back her into the cottage and secure the door behind them. He wanted to stay like this, to soothe her, to make it better- but he could not risk that. Yet.
“Elle- I need you to listen to me. Get a bag and pack it for at least a week. Do not rush. Do not panic. I’m here, they didn’t beat me.”
“Az…”
Her lips found his and he surrendered to her kiss, he could feel her fear, but also her relief. She must have thought him dead and that gripped a part of his once dead heart tightly, painfully. He would not do that to her again, but they must survive this first. A pounding at the door behind them had him jumping away, pulling out his gun and aiming it at the door, before looking through the peephole and letting Rhys in.
“Jesus Christ, Az. Cass wasn’t joking. What did they do to you?”
“Everything. Elle- how’s that bag coming?”
“Almost done, just need to grab…ah- this.” He looked over his shoulder and saw her holding the dagger he had once leant her and she placed it in the discreet holster he had gotten made for her once he realized how much she preferred it. “Where are we going?”
“No where. Az- this is a fortress- if Eoghan wants to come here and take us on- we’re better to stay here.”
“We’re not, Rhys. I know you and Amren knew who we were going after. Who else knew? Who did you tell?”
“Ianthe- since she is stationed in Ireland I thought it made sense that she…”
“We need to clear the villa, get everyone to safe houses- quietly. He has taken, he has a keen interest in Elle. Every moment I wait-”
“Go. We’ll handle it here.” describe describe “And Az- don’t let anything happen to her.”
He rolled his eyes as he took Elle’s hand and they walked out of the side entrance to her cottage. He quickly scanned her mint Fiat 500 for any obvious explosives on the outside, before checking the seats and everything within. Nothing. Either Eoghan wanted them to get away from the family or he had not made it here yet.
“Az…where- where are we going?”
“I’ll tell you when we arrive. Trust me?”
“I’ve always trusted you.”
***********
They boarded the first ferry leaving Amalfi after abandoning her car a few blocks away. If Eoghan was monitoring him, hoping he would lead him to her- that would not be enough to throw him off. However, the message he had received from Rhys confirmed that oddities had begun around the villa- he was moving the others at his soonest convenience. They would try to reconvene at their secondary residence in two weeks. Enough time for Eoghan to show his hand and for Rhys to – handle – Ianthe. For now- his sole job was to keep Elain safe. It was the only job he had welcomed in years.
She leaned heavily against him, her eyes closed as the boat swayed, panting to try to not be ill. Normally, he would wait for calmer seas, but the priority was to get away from any known family property. Her seasickness had always been mitigated by seabands and sparkling water, but not today. He scanned the other passengers, but he was more focused on the woman in his arms. He planned to ride the ferry to the furthest point south, but he could not stand making her sick.
“Elle- can you make it?”
A stiff nod and then her head settled against his shoulder, her arms wrapped around him- something she had done thousands of times. This time as he settled his arms around her, he brought his lips to her forehead and the contented sigh that left her lifted the corners of his mouth into a wry smile. He hated that she was in danger because of the family, but he loved the idea of uninterrupted time with her. He desperately wanted to explain everything and he hoped they survived so that he could.
The ship docked and he waited for most of the passengers to disembark. He lifted her, cradling her in his arms as she buried her face in his neck. His smell. Nesta had mentioned how much it helped her and he vividly remembered the shade of red her face and neck turned as she scampered away from him that night. Now, he pressed her face more securely against him for a moment as they disembarked. He placed her on the ground next to a trashcan and she leaned over and vomited multiple times, he was shocked that she had made it through the ride.
“I…I’m causing a scene- leave me-”
“Never again. Piggyback ride so we can keep moving?”
A nod. He squatted down in front of her and she managed to jump onto his back, where he quickly settled her, her face returning to nestle against him. Her breath softly huffed against his face, tickling his cheek. He kept his eyes out for surveillance- covert or overt. With each step towards the train station, he felt calm settling over him. He had done extractions dozens of times and each had a moment where he found calm. It had never been this early, but the precious woman now clinging to him had placed her life in his hands. He could not fail her.
They boarded the first train departing Salerno, Azriel weighing his options. He had grabbed spare passports, but he knew that Eoghan would expect them to flee Italy. Most of their safe houses were in other countries, but it felt foolish to go to any safehouse immediately. He assumed that Ianthe had told him about all of those as well. Elain’s hand found his and he let out a sigh. Home. Maybe he should just take her home.
************
Craco, Basilicata. They walked through the abandoned streets- tourists and merchants had disappeared as soon as the sun went down. After several days of staying in questionable hostels, he felt is safe to bring her here. To bring her to his home. His family was one of the few that had stayed in Craco after the earthquake- he was only rescued from this place by Rhys’s father when they wanted to hide some of their goods here. His fighting spirit had gotten him on good terms with the old man and due to desperation and starvation- he had taken what he offered. A home and stability for the first time in his life to train to be their fixer.
“It’s going to be cool, but we should be able to start a fire and the supplies we got over the last few days will help us stay warm. It’s still a bit of a hike to the non-tourist area- can you handle it?”
A nod. Her hand tightened around his and he stopped, he took her in. She was exhausted and he desperately wanted to get her to a safe place, but could he risk them camping here tonight instead of further in the ruins?
“Az- I want a full life. With you. I’ll be okay for a few more hours.”
When they finally arrived at his destination, they settled next to each other for a moment before he began pitching the tent and she searched for small pieces of firewood. They were in dense enough forest that a fire should not be spotted and he was on his fourth burner phone since he had left with her. Their trail was growing colder by the day- with him sending Rhys a last set of encrypted coordinates and a simple message. Retrieve them when the threat to Elain was eliminated- they would not be falling back to the secondary residence without confirmation that she would be safe.
She set down a pile of sticks and then joined him in the small tent. It was a snug fit for the two of them and as he zipped together their sleeping bags he caught her first shiver. The nights were dipping into the 40s and while their sleeping bags were rated for much colder, stress did odd things to the body.
“I never thought this would be my life. Running for my life and camping in the woods with the sweet consultant that works with my sister’s husband. Az- can we…is there…what if we disappear, disappear?”
“It’s an option. But that means no Nesta, no Feyre. A new life. We never look back. We never contact them and they never contact us. Elle- I couldn’t ask you to do that.”
“I know, but I’m asking. If we don’t hear from them in a few weeks- would that keep all of them safer too?”
He caught her hand between his scarred ones, bringing it to his lips as he considered her words. Kind, caring Elle- she would become a shadow in the world to save her sister’s. And they could disappear together, he had no doubt she was capable. But she would lose so much and the ache in his chest let him know it was too soon to truly consider this option. Rhys had solved worse issues in the past- he would protect his family and make things safe for Elain to come home.
“It’s not time to consider the nuclear option. I’ll make dinner. It’ll give you some privacy to change.”
“And if I don’t want privacy? If I want you to level with, to see me, to explain to me-”
The moon was full and cast a bright light across Velaris, as the Shadowsinger came back from a two week long mission. He had hurried and worked overtime to actually be done faster so he could sneak back undetected by the residents, especially by one nosy High Lord. He and Elain had been seeing each other in secret for months and up until now, no one suspected anything going on between them, which made him smirk internally. Azriel shadow walked silently into their bedroom in the Town House, which pleased him every time.
Elain had insisted on her being learnt how to put up wards and she had been very stern about choosing for herself who she permitted to enter her space. Rhys was very reluctant at first, the stupid prick just wanted to monitor and control who came and went to see Elain. She had not backed down, and a jolt of proudness shot through him when the High Lord gave in to the middle Archeron sister. Azriel always found it very attractive when Elain showed her stubborn side and stood her ground, always surprising others, especially since everyone underestimated her. But never him.
Azriel slipped into Elain’s bedroom on a whisper of shadow, the night folding gently around him. The room welcomed him instantly, the warm fire burning and scented of jasmine and honey. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes, savoring the feeling of calm and love that spread in his chest like a sunrise. The curtains swayed in the faint breeze brushing against each other like sighs. Everything was hushed, untouched and peaceful.
Azriel opened his eyes, which quickly adjusted to the darkened room and saw the most peculiar thing. A mountain range of blankets, layer upon layer of quilts in soft creams and blush tones were piled high across the bed. The heap rose in gentle hills and dips, swallowing half of the mattress. He moved closer and saw a single bloom of soft brown hair spilling out and curled on the pillow like the first sign of Spring beneath snow. Elain was buried and snuggled in so deep as if she was preparing for a winter hibernation.
Azriel frowned baffled and stepped closer. He reached out and touched the blankets. Heavy. Too heavy. He cocked his head, shadows circling curiously as if they too were trying to solve this new Elain mystery. She, however, looked happy and peaceful. Her breath soft and even beneath the fabric avalanche. Azriel blinked and huffed a laugh, affection spreading. He moved quietly to the bathroom, washing the road-dust from his skin and pulling on loose night trousers. His body felt heavy with the mission, the hours of travel, the longing he’d carried every night away from her.
Azriel stepped closer, slow and careful and asked his shadows to lift the blankets for him to slip under, without rousing Elain from her sleep. They darted out in greeting, like puppies finally being unleashed and they swirled around her. The cocoon of blankets and quilts, however, remained unmoved. The Illyrian blinked and frowned. Were his shadows disobeying him? His fingers brushed one blanket, then another and each was thicker than the last. Very weighty.
“Sweetheart...” he murmured, shaking his head in disbelief. “Did you build yourself a fortress?”
Elain was lying burrowed, peacefully dreaming beneath it all, a small, serene breath escaping her lips every few seconds. She lay curled like a small woodland creature, tucked perfectly into the warmth she’d made. As he pulled back more layers to dig himself to her, he froze at the sight. Clutching against her chest, held in a grip that rivalled Cassian’s on a training sword, was one of Azriel’s shirts. The soft, worn one he always slept in. The one he’d thought disappeared in the laundry long ago.
Elain had her face buried in the shirt, her nose pressed right into the fabric, lips brushing the cloth as she exhaled in her sleep. Her fingers curled tightly around it, as if someone might dare take it from her.
Azriel stood there a moment, silent, the sight hitting him with a warmth so deep he didn’t know where to put it. It filled his lungs, his ribs, his bones. Slowly, with careful fingers, he tried to ease the shirt free. She made a small soft but also stubborn sound of protest and tightened her grip, nuzzling her nose deeper into the cotton. A breath of quiet laughter slipped from him, barely more than an exhale, his heart cracking open and pure love for her flowing his system. He finally freed the shirt and brought it to his face, breathing it in. It smelled of him and mostly of her. Of softness. Of home. His most favourite thing.
The absence of the shirt stirred her, and her lashes started fluttering. She blinked up at him slow and hazy, still halfway in her dreams. When her eyes found his she smiled a warm and affectionate smile that lit her whole face. “Azriel…” she breathed, like the word itself eased something inside her and a shudder went through him every time she said his name. Azriel reached for her cheek, brushing his thumb across it. “My love,” he murmured, so quiet it felt like a secret. She lifted a hand and touched his jaw with drowsy tenderness. “You’re home…” He nodded, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead lingering. She melted into the touch, eyes fluttering closed with the contact.
Azriel glanced at the mountain of blankets and lifted the corner of her fortress again and raised a brow. “But what is…all this? Did you lose a fight with your linens?”
Her cheeks warmed instantly. She tucked her face into the pillow, voice small and muffled. “It helps me sleep,” she admitted, voice tiny. “I love when you sleep next to me. The weight of you, the warmth…so I tried to recreate it. Layers help. And…” She peeked at him through her eyelashes. “And the shirt helped too.”
“My shirt?” he asked, his voice no louder than the moonlight.
Her fingers brushed the edge of his hand, shy. “It smells like you. It makes me feel safe.”
He didn’t speak. Couldn’t. The emotion was too much, sitting thick behind his ribs, expanding until he thought it might spill from him if he tried. Instead, he leaned forward and kissed her slow, soft and reverent like a promise in the quiet.
Elain’s breath caught, her hand curling into his arm before she tugged him closer under the blankets. He let her pull him in, let her mold herself along his chest, tucking her face into the hollow beneath his throat. She sighed. A small, content sound that warmed his entire body. “This is better,” she whispered.
Azriel slipped an arm around her waist, drawing her fully against him. He pressed his lips into her hair. “Much better,” he murmured. Her breathing slowed, warm against his skin. Her fingers traced the lines of his ribs, then curled over his heart, holding him like she’d been waiting for this moment for weeks.
He waited until she was nearly asleep, her breath steady and slow, before he bent his head and whispered into the quiet, “I love you, Elain”
Sleepy and soft, her voice floated back to him, “I love you too…” Elain pressed a faint kiss to his throat and drifted off in his arms. Azriel held her close, inhaling the scent of her hair, her skin and basked in the warmth she shared so freely.
She thought she was the only thief here. If only she knew about the pale blue scarf hidden beneath his pillow. The one he had snatched away before he left and which he had held when the nights felt too long, too cold without her, burrowing his nose into the fabric to inhale her scent.
A small smile curved his lips as he tucked her firmly against his chest and finally let sleep take him, wrapped up in the softest warmth he’d ever known.
