drecathoughts

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[drecablogs]

August 18, 2025 | 2:04 pm

I'll leave Manila without you.

As much as I want you to like me too, I know it's beyond me.

Now, I want to leave without you.

I don't want to bring this feelings with me.

I want to truthfully be your friend without the what ifs.

I want to mourn, to grieve, and to accept that we may not be for each other.

I want to recognize why I liked you.

I liked you the first time we met. We talked about our Kairos course. We talked about missions. We were both leaders in our own campus ministries.

You checked all my non-negotiables.

A leader with a missionary heart, a family man.

When I started liking you, the idea of marriage excites me.

I started fantasizing us being the speakers during the banquet night. Journeying with our co-believers, together. Doing missions together.

I told the Lord that I really wanted you to be my man.

Maybe the Lord has other plans.

We're on the same accountability group now.

We pray for each others' lovelifes. We share our stories. I can't share mine, you're in the group. Lol

Now, we're getting closer, on chats. You're slowly opening up. I am also slowly opening up. But, you out of your comfortability, you shared her to me.

You somehow asked me to be your accountability partner whom you can share with. To interpret her interactions with you. You are slowly being into her. Overwhelmed by the feelings. Slowly being in love.

I'm sorry but I can't be your partner for this. I can't see you slowly falling in love and not to me. I want to be brave enough to recognize that. I want to be brave enough to guard my heart from that.

On my flight home, I want to leave you here.

I don't want to take you with me.

I decide to let you go. I want to let go of this feeling.

I liked you a lot tho. But now I want to like you not as a man, but only as a friend.

Salamat, igsuon.

[drecablogs]

My heart is heavy.

I'm trying. Am I?

[drecablogs]

Getting better I guess, but not too well.

[drecablogs]

Tatanggapin na hindi talaga. Tatanggapin na wala talaga.

Bakit? Kung meron ba, pwede ba?

[drecablogs]

Pag tanggap ko na, mao-okay na.

[drecablogs]

Stopping or counseling, be sure of your intentions Kang.

[drecablogs]

Jealousy.

I started to feel warm. My face is hot. I feel jealousy. I don't like this. I hate this. It isn't suppose to be this way. But this is an opportunity for me to move forward. This is the thing I don't like. Gusto ko ako lang.

This is an opportunity to move forward. Please help me, God. Lord please please take this away from me. Help me not to be more attached. Ako pa rin ang lugi.

[drecablogs]

Bad choices, bad actions.

I did what I shouldn't do last night. I thought of creating boundaries but I crossed other person's boundaries. I depended on someone I shouldn't have. I am guilty and regretful. It might not be a big of a deal, but it is to me. This is the tendency that I have discovered before that I promised myself not to do it till the right time.

Help me oh God to not do it again. Help me to stop this attachment that is not helping me grow. This that stops me from being efficient and functional.

Oh, what a fallen person I am.

[drecablogs]

I have been very unstable lately. Affecting people almost every time. I feel bad for making others feel bad. What should I do? Should I do the same thing as before, to set aside what I feel and consider others more than my self? I've learned that it's not the best option.

I'll be as vulnerable as I should be. Let others see.

[drecablogs]

I've been very confused lately. More so scared.

Lord please help me not to compromise my faith. Please help me to obey. Please help me do the task You have given me. Help me to want You everyday.

In Jesus' Name I ask, amen.

[drecablogs]

Hannah: My model of prayer.

[drecablogs]

Lord, help me understand this journey You have prepared for me more. Help me have an obedient heart, a sensitive heart, and help me to be teachable that I may continuously grow as your daughter. Amen.

[drecablogs]

"Enoch walked with God..." - Gen. 5:22,24

When Enoch had his son, Methuselah, at the age of 65, he began to walk with God. Before that, he was living like the rest of us. After his son was born, he decided to live with God, walk with him and change how he lived. Because of that, he didn't experience the phase of death because God took him and he disappeared.

It is never too late to decide to walk with God. His grace is sufficient enough for you to walk with Him in this life. When will you decide?

With all I am, in Your grace I stand Lord.

[drecablogs]

Selfish me is not giving.

[drecablogs]

I don't like to be like this.

Why would I have this kind of heart towards you?

You are good to me in actions. You also affirm me with your words.

But I am traumatized by the words you say. You hurt me with your mouth. I don't understand why you still don't know how to be careful with your mouth. Why are you careless and hurt others?

[drecablogs]

Kailangan ko ding may makikinig sa akin.

[drecablogs]

Transformed by Trouble

There is a purpose behind every problem.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. --Romans 8:28

My healing process from the trauma of being a fatherless caused the greatest growth in me. Being uncertain of my father being alive or not made me more dependent to God and turn to Him as my Father. It breaks my heart thinking about my papang. I have loved the pain. I've been taking care of it for a long long time. I kept myself inside that prison thinking that it would give justice for him being away for us. The pain caused me to give pain to my mother and the people who tries to help me. I love the pain. I am comfortable with it.

It took me 8 long years to realize that it's not what God wants me to be in. It took me years to realize that I have kept myself in that cage, that it caused me to hurt the people I love.

During the eight-year process, I have experienced abandonment, rejection, brokenness, physical health problems, anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, and hopelessness. But God is good. He loves me. Through everything, He made me see His hands working in every situation. I tried to ignore it, but I can't. His love overflows.

There is purpose behind every problem. My purpose is to be like my savior, Jesus Christ. My Jesus experienced everything I have experienced. That gave me hope and comfort. And God is using my situation for me to know Him more and mold me to be the 'Ikang' He designed me to be.

Abba Father, as I continue to walk this path with You, please help me to see You in every situation. I tend to forget and ignore. I am sinful. Have mercy on me. Help me Holy Spirit. Thank you for Your grace my God. I love you. In Jesus' Name, amen.