—Well, I decided to post my Idolverse!Angelica and Killer from the same universe
—I thought for a long time what kind of relationship they could have... And I thought that childhood friends, colleagues and... I would like to insert "lovers" (is it possible to ship oc×canon...?)
—Angelica is my OC, a special kind of changeling
—I would be interested in their interactions, plus I like Idolverse
—And the designs are beautiful too!
—I also have a design for fem version of SwapDream(I'll post later)
Well, if that's the case, then I'll bring you one fact about it.:
♡ Last carefully chooses his stage looks, and he especially loves to tinker with makeup. He's actually quite good at drawing, and maybe one day he'll achieve praise from his idol!
If you would like to get to know him a little better, ask Lust a question.
The kind of sleep Taehyung woke up from was the best kind, where his hair was disheveled and a warm patch of drool glued his cheek to the pillow. The kind that was hard to get back to the minute your eyes opened. Bleary eyed, he checked the time, finding it was still too early for the camera crews to show up.
A few more hours and then maybe. They didn’t actually come as close to dawn as careful editing made it look, though it was still early enough for some of the members to be in bed and undressed, so that part was authentic.
Clamoring out of the sheets, he sat for a moment just absorbing the stillness, not sure if it felt more like early morning or late at night. On the other bed, Jimin was sleeping peacefully, on his stomach with his face turned the other way. Rubbing at his eye, Taehyung tiredly shuffled his way down the hall, headed for the kitchen where he was hoping to quench his thirst.
The kitchen was as dark and quiet as the hall had been, which made it amazing he hadn’t stubbed his toe. The little light over the stove was the only one on, until he opened the refrigerator and the bright white blast from inside seared through his eyelids, waking him the rest of the way up.
Taehyung groaned, groping for the first drink his fingers came in contact with and uncapping the lid to gulp blindly. The taste of some cherry sports drink that probably belonged to Jungkook hit the back of his dry throat. Good enough.
Wiping his mouth on his hand, he took a final swig and put it back, preparing to leave the kitchen when he remembered the box on the counter. The bat. She had proven to be a colorful, lively little thing. As much as Jin-hyung scolded everyone (but especially Jungkook) for his insistence on holding it, there was no denying it was cute. So tiny, so much personality. He could have sworn it was almost like there were vivid expressions painted across the small, fuzzy face sometimes as she reacted to parts of the conversation.
And Jin-hyung was determined to have the wildlife rescuer come and pick it up tomorrow, which a rational part of him knew was all for the best. But then the animal loving part of him thought having a bat around was kind of amusing.
And she didn’t disappoint, staring up at him with tiny, curious eyes and releasing a big yawn that stretched her mouth comically wide. Taehyung grinned, remembering how she had devoured the food he and the other members fed to her before. “Good morning,” he shuffled back, reaching for the fridge again. “You’re up early too.”
Of course, she was just a bat, so it wasn’t like he expected an actual answer, but he could hear her scrambling around in the box while his back was turned, and a few flutters as her wings must have flapped around inside.
Short tiny chirps of exertion came along with her attempted to get purchase and scale the side when he turned around, holding a fruit cup he thought they could split. At first, he thought he could just pluck some out with his fingers, but a voice that sounded suspiciously like Jin’s rang through his head, telling him he had better not dare.
‘I can’t even escape hyung in my mind anymore…’ Taehyung dug through one of the cabinets until he found a bowl, dumping the contents of the fruit cup into it before digging through the drawers or a spoon. All the while, the little bat watched him with hungry, shiny eyes. So shiny, they almost looked intelligent. ‘That’s weird.’
He spooned the first bite into his mouth, then the next. When half the bowl was gone he brought it to the bat and held it nose level. She stayed still, snout tipped into the air, sniffing daintily. Taehyung sat it in her box and watched her scramble after it, nipping at the chilled fruit with her tiny mouth.
“You sure eat a lot for your size.” The bat glanced at him, still chewing and mouth wet, but there was something almost indignant to the beady blink of her eyes.
“Sorry, was I not supposed to say that?” He scoffed playfully. Girls didn’t like hearing they ate a lot, but this was a bat. Leaving the animal where she was, Taehyung wandered back to the fridge to check the freezer and see what frozen breakfast foods were there.
He could wait until someone else woke up or even cook for the members himself, but it was a little more ‘fend for yourself’ on down days. And this was supposed to be one, albeit in front of cameras. The most he could offer them was putting on a pot of coffee.
The state of the art coffee maker looked brand new, and he wouldn’t have been surprised if the house had everything they could possibly need added to it all set up just before their arrival.
Taehyung stuffed some waffles into the toaster and located a large unopened box of cereal while the coffee brewed, almost reaching for his phone before remembering he left it back in the room.
Unplugging from time to time was good for them anyway, and for him, it was more time to plot out how he would spend his day. Jungkook mentioned wanting to go on a hike yesterday, and if the weather shaped up for more outdoor activities, Taehyung might consider joining him.
The slow drag of feet pulled his attention to Yoongi, half-awake and not even bothering to hide a yawn as he sniffed delicately. “It’s over there, hyung,” Taehyung said, already guessing what he’d come for.
He got a confirmatory grunt before Yoongi slipped right by him to collect a mug and fill it up. He didn’t say anything, just let him quietly prepare his coffee the way he liked. It wasn’t like he’d be much of a conversationalist until he got going. So early in the morning, only a few of the members would be.
“Good coffee.” His hyung muttered. “Thanks.” Yoongi went looking through the fridge and freezer to grab breakfast to go with his coffee, and Taehyung hunted around the kitchen for the maple syrup. Three cabinets later, he’d found the bottle and a plate to drop the waffles onto. It wasn’t until he sat down at the table to eat that he noticed Yoongi peering into the bat’s box intently.
“What?” He mumbled through a big bite of cereal.
“This has to be the cleanest bat in the world. All you did was feed it yesterday, and I’m guessing this morning, and there’s not a single speck of shit anywhere.”
Taehyung wasn’t an expert on bat bathroom habits, but that was pretty weird. Not weird enough for him to stop eating and comment on it without taking a few bites of his waffles, though. “Maybe it’s there and so small you can’t see it. She’s tiny.”
“Taehyung, everything goes,” Yoongi insisted, stepping away and snatching for the granola bar he’d found in the pantry and set on the counter, “And there’s nothing in there.”
“Maybe she’s holding it.” He glanced at the box himself, able to hear scuffling coming from inside. “We’ve been feeding her a lot of people food she’s probably not used to. She could be backed up.” He didn’t understand where Yoongi could be going with this, if he was going anywhere. Didn’t some animals eat their own droppings, too? He cringed, trying to wave that thought away while he was eating. “Animals are weird.”
“Yeah,” Yoongi said noncommittally, sipping at his coffee and tearing open his bar. “Weird.”
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She didn’t know what she was going to do about these humans. It seemed that there was always one around, and they watched her so closely. Even though they assumed she was just a normal bat, they appeared fascinated.
Though at least they gave her food with no thought to restrict her diet. In the last day alone she had gotten to eat more variety than she had in years, possibly ever, and she was sure it was a meager amount compared to what most her age had, compared to what else was out there.
Them being so attentive had its downsides though. Xiǎo Biānfú couldn’t help but be wary of the man with the peachy blonde hair and cat-like eyes. Yoongi. Nothing got by him. He had even noticed the fact that her box was completely devoid of any droppings!
Of course, it would be the one who was already suspicious about the missing food. Who was this human? To her, trouble. She had to throw him off her scent by getting him to lower his guard.
While she doubted he suspected her of anything, he was bound to figure out something being amiss coincided with her appearance if he wasn’t careful. Sure, the seven men treated a defenseless bat well enough, but who could say how they would react to a hybrid.
Humans had a long history of abusing her kind. She didn’t escape captivity with Gao to embrace it with open arms just because it came packaged younger and more handsome.
Although…some things she just wasn’t willing to do, as a matter of pride. Urinate and defecate in the box to satisfy this Yoongi’s intrusive musings was one of those things.
He didn’t know she had located a bathroom while roaming the house as a human and relieved herself there. Since no one had mentioned it, they all likely assumed it was one of their own they heard when the toilet flushed and the sank ran.
Now Xiǎo Biānfú waited impatiently but not quite sulking, as more humans trickled into the kitchen, bringing with them conversation and more food smells. It felt like a never ending precession, like she would never be left on her own again.
A small part of her was aware she was possibly being too dramatic, and it hadn’t been as long as it felt like waiting for them to file out of the kitchen and start her day. How else was she going to raid their refrigerator and sample all the yummy things she still wanted to try if they weren’t completely gone? Still, they weren’t heartless, she would say.
They kept dropping bits of food into her box in a kind of makeshift breakfast. Discreetly. Because every time the brown-haired, broad-shouldered human (Jin?) caught them doing it, he yelled.
Xiǎo Biānfú munched on things like orange slices, dried cereal, scrambled eggs, nuts and shredded chicken, most of it given by the doe-eyed one, the one with the melodic voice, or the one who had already shared fruit with her that morning.
The trio appeared the most interested in her of all, feeding her scraps like a pet they weren’t supposed to have and eagerly watching what she ate. Whenever one of their faces appeared over the box, an offering followed.
After years of her meal portions being heavily controlled, always hungry, never allowed to indulge the bigger-than-her-body appetite her species was cursed with, Xiǎo Biānfú gobbled everything given to her, taking it as an opportunity to expand her palette and get a better sense of what she liked.
Later on she would still raid the fridge in search of more delights like the leftovers—jokbal, apparently—but for now, she feasted on their generous crumbs.
After a while, the food slowed, the chatter died, and the humans started to disperse, done in the kitchen. The last one out was the one who seemed most against her being there—Jin—catching sight of her as she waited for them to go. “Hey!” He called out. “When are we finally going to get someone to take this bat?!”
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In the end, no one could take the bat because no one could find her. Despite her seeming inability to climb out of the box, by the time someone from a wildlife rehab and rescue showed up, the bat was nowhere to be found. Not in the box. Not around the kitchen. Just gone.
The camera crew followed them around the house on their “bat hunt”, the rehabber explaining that as long as it was still trapped inside, there were a few places it was likely to be. Jin complained in the background about how if everyone had committed to calling someone sooner, a wild animal that might have disease wouldn’t be loose in the house somewhere.
But the complaints nor their search made the missing bat turn up. Jungkook didn’t know whether to be confused or impressed. He knew she was a wild animal, not a pet, but she had so much personality that playing with her was amusing.
In the end, since they couldn’t find any sign of her and didn’t want to waste the rescuer’s time, they told him they would call him back if they came across the bat again. By late morning, Jungkook was all dressed and ready for his hike with Taehyung, Namjoon-hyung and Hobi-hyung, and the bat was all but forgotten.
They all put on the proper shoes, dawned hats, packed a first aid kit at Jin’s insistence, and took snacks and water. Jungkook took the lead, sharing a map with Taehyung as the group traveled down the private hiking trail in the woods, near the property.
“Do you think we’ll see any wildlife?” Namjoon asked from behind them but ahead of Hobi, who was carefully picking his way through the forested path. The camera crew dutifully followed along, documenting their trek with a steady lens. “You know, besides birds and squirrels.”
“You mean like deer and rabbits?” Hoseok asked, glancing up the trail and adjusting his backpack. He was in charge of carrying their medical kit, the most organized and responsible out of all of them, and in Namjoon-hyung’s case, the least likely to trip and spill everything.
“Anything’s possible. It’s not like the animals know we’re BTS. To them this is just home…is a random bat not enough wildlife for you?” he teased.
“Hyung’s going to lose it if we don’t find that bat, isn’t he?” Jungkook wondered aloud. The rescuer had set bat traps before leaving, telling them to call again if she turned up in one, but something told Jungkook their little problem was too smart for that.
“That’s what happens when you treat a wild animal like a pet.” Hobi shrugged. “She’s probably hiding in the walls somewhere.”
Namjoon hummed thoughtfully. “You think so?”
They still had a ways to go up the forested hill they were hiking, the summit promising a nice view of the surrounding area.
The ground was dotted by occasional clusters of wildflowers Namjoon stopped to admire and springy lush green grass that brushed over their covered ankles. “Wouldn’t you?” Taehyung added, looking up from the map. “At that size, we’re all big and scary.”
The grass rustling caught everyone’s attention, and Taehyung clutched his arm, Jungkook almost able to hear the hitch in his breath as a tall bird appeared, some kind of crane or stork.
“That’s…that’s a white-naped crane!” Namjoon sputtered, his voice soft and shocked. “They’re endangered!” It would be his super smart hyung who would know the bird right away, obviously. The crane didn’t look as impressed with them, slowly turning its long neck in their direction.
“Hi,” Jungkook couldn’t help but wave. “Do you know BTS?” He heard a soft snicker at his joke, but they all froze as the bird walked closer, passing right in front of them as it crossed their path.
Namjoon felt the need to give it a respectful bow, so Jungkook joined, noticing Taehyung and Hobi copy them out of the corner of his eye.
“Wow, that was cool,” Namjoon whispered after the crane had disappeared back into the forest.
Hobi patted his back fondly. “Nature came through for you after all.”
Jungkook watched Namjoon-hyung smile slowly, tossing a grin his way too. The camera crew was stealthy and near silent, so it was easy to pretend like they weren’t even there, like it was just him, Taehyung and the hyungs on a relaxing hike.
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Xiǎo Biānfú had waited in silence for what felt like an eternity, until she was certain no one else was around. Her sensitive ears pricked straight up, trying to capture even the slightest sound. But, it seemed, the humans had wandered off, doing who knows what elsewhere in the property.
It wasn’t her concern. They could be back at any moment so time was of the essence. Flying her way out of her hiding place, careful of the fact that the human who called himself an animal rehabber had laid traps, Xiǎo Biānfú plopped onto the neatly made bed and shifted, stretching her arms above her head until her joints gave a satisfying little pop.
Her poor wings ached a bit, having them bunched in for so long, but it was nothing a hot shower couldn’t fix. She had decided that one thing she would do, before considering going through the kitchen again, was bathe. When they had given up and gone to bed for the night the kitchen would be there, maybe even with more food leftovers.
But a shower wasn’t something she got to indulge in without the awareness that Gao’s guard was waiting outside the door. Being utterly alone was a real treat. She shuffled her way into the big en-suite and flipped on the light, marveling at the sparkling white tile before catching her reflection in the mirror over the double sinks. More than likely, some of them shared this space.
Locking the door, Xiǎo Biānfú took her time rifling through what had been left out, the different shampoos and soaps available. Her wings fluttered happily at the discovery of clean towels and rags stored under the sink—in a house full of men that wasn’t really a given. At least some of them seemed to value tidiness.
Turning the shower on was an exercise in patience that taught her the meaning of trial and error. It wasn’t like the basic one in the bathroom she had access to. There were all kinds of fancy settings that weren’t that intuitive for someone who only read Korean on an intermediate level and couldn’t figure out the symbols.
She at least knew hot and cold though, but regrettably only after she had scalded herself adjusting the knobs to just the right setting. Gathering her “borrowed” bath supplies, she stepped under the warm spray and set to work soaping down, getting the length of her body covered in a nice lather to wash off the long journey she had before even winding up here.
The soap she had chosen had a spicy, woodsy male musk scent she wasn’t all that surprised by. Right now wasn’t the time for preferences anyway—her only one was to be clean.
Grabbing up the shampoo—that smelled minty—she squirted some into her palm and worked it into her hair, going from the roots to the ends and back again. It started to drip at one point, and Xiǎo Biānfú tilted her head back to avoid getting any in her eyes while folding her ears down.
This was…something new, the way it felt…cleaning herself not because Gao demanded it of her before she was shoved into yet another skin tight dress, but because she simply wanted to be clean and feel refreshed. Rinsing her body felt like it was rinsing some of the weight off too. It would be dumb to let down her guard after everything. She quite literally wasn’t out of the woods yet, but…
Something giddy bubbled in her belly, something that began to work its way up and up, settling in her throat. A song. Xiǎo Biānfú almost gave into the impulse. Almost opened her mouth and let her feelings drift out in a melody, but she bit her lip, fangs digging into the soft flesh, restraining herself just barely. She needed to get on with this and out of the shower before she couldn’t fight it.
A hasty twenty minutes later found her wrapped up in a towel, another one tightly piled up and tucked around her wet hair as she sat on the edge of the bed and dug out the stolen shirt she had brought from the other room and hidden away. It was safer to use the same one than to steal another one, at least until some of their suspicions about their missing things went away.
Plus, it was still comfortable and roomy, one side sliding off her damp shoulder as she took her hair down and shook it out. If only her wings could do the same, but without holes for them… Well, later. After she had collected what she needed to go back on the run. Then she could find somewhere with clothes that accommodated wings.
And even though she knew there were a million better things to do, that she should give some serious thought to when she was leaving, Xiǎo Biānfú dug out the remote and flicked the TV on again, determined to have a little more entertainment before she got down to business. The show she found today was some sort of game show, with contestants competing in all kinds of silly challenges to win the grand prize.
Xiǎo Biānfú had a little trouble following along with exactly what the point of it was, but she found herself enjoying it all the same. But it was a show with a lot of dancing coming on that really caught her attention. She had been laying bonelessly on her stomach across the bed, nice and relaxed with the back of the shirt riding up and her wings lazily sticking out.
But one look at all the animated choreographed dancing happening on stage with the group of girls clad in matching outfits, and Xiǎo Biānfú felt something in her blood stirring. Suddenly energized, she rocked herself to the end of the bed until her bottom was on the edge, rising on shaky legs and beginning to follow their movements to the best of her ability.
Gao didn’t train her to perform the way he trained her to use her voice—her stage persona was built around mysterious sensuality—but she only stumbled once or twice, dancing around in front of the TV and ignoring the breeze that reminded her she was completely bare other than the shirt.
The burn in her legs actually felt good, though, and a few times, her overexcited flapping picked her up completely in the air during twirls. It must have been a concert, because they went through number after number, never slowing down as fans in the audience cheered for them. When Xiǎo Biānfú got tired, she sat heavily down on the bed again, placing a palm over her racing heart, wondering when the last time she had such a rush was.
Singing in the lounge just wasn’t the same. It was the setlist Gao picked out for her, for one, and as much as she loved using her voice, it was hard to feel her heart went into her performances when the more she put herself out there, the more she inevitably ended up wrung out and left to dry.
Falling down on her back, Xiǎo Biānfú stared tiredly at the ceiling, one arm spread out to the side and the other on her stomach. She didn’t think it was possible, because she had told herself she would be careful and smart, but somewhere between the background noise of the TV and the peace of being free for the first time in years, her eyes fluttered close and she drifted off.
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It was almost dark by the time they got back from their hike, just enough time to wash up before dinner. It wasn’t like Jin was just going to let them sit down fresh from the outdoors without showering anyway.
He’d complain and shoot them disdainful looks or flat out refuse to allow them to eat food—even if it was takeout—if they tried. “You can shower first,” Taehyung told him, sheepishly looking at his connected room. “I…I need to actually put my stuff away.”
He disappeared into the room right next to him that he was sharing with Jimin, and Jungkook slipped into his own, reaching for the bottom of his shirt and beginning to peel the sticky clothing off. The humidity had gotten worse the further into the hills they went, and considering he preferred wearing dark colors so often…
Jungkook sniffed the bottom of his shirt, convinced he couldn’t smell anything, but tossing it off anyway. He was already here, so, a shower was still in order. He had his shorts halfway down when he turned, doing a double take at the body laying sprawled across his bed.
His brain short-circuited, not sure he was seeing what he thought he was. A person…a person was in his room. A person had somehow made it into the house and… A million scenarios ran through his mind about who it was and what they were doing, and none of them ended well. “Taehyung!”
Several things happened instantly. The body laying on his bed started with a violent jerk, popping up to reveal ears that weren’t human and large, thin wings thrashing around, just as Taehyung burst through the connecting door, looking like he was about to ask questions until he noticed what had him frozen in place.
His mouth dropped open too, the wide-eyed girl with big bat wings staring between them with pure horror all over her face. Scrambling off the bed, she held her hands out defensively and tucked her head down, sprinting straight at Taehyung as soon as Jungkook instinctively shuffled to block the door. Apparently she had decided who she would rather take her chances trying to get by.
His brain booted up as he watched Taehyung tense, paralyzed that a strange girl was in the room and running at him. “Wait!” Jungkook heard himself shout, crossing the room in a sprint and grabbing for her, a tangle of limbs as they went down. He ended up on top of her, his full weight pressing her into the floor as she cried out and tried to wriggle free.
Leathery wings beat him in the face as she screeched wordlessly, and he considered what a bad idea it might have been when he realized he was shirtless and the bare skin of her back kept brushing against his as the shirt she had on rode up. “Get off!” She yelled, her voice holding an indescribably alluring quality and thick with an accent he couldn’t immediately place. “I won’t go back to him! I’m not going back to that cage!”
Jungkook quickly sat up on his hands and knees, still caging her underneath him but no longer squishing her, and she rewarded him by turning her head, red-faced and teary-eyed, to chomp down on his arm. He hissed, feeling her sharp teeth dig into his flesh and rearing back, away from her.
The (bat??) girl shot up to her feet, stumbling and almost falling down again as she straightened what he vaguely recognized as Namjoon-hyung’s missing shirt down over her bare ass and tried yet again to escape.
Taehyung, who had been uselessly standing there, finally moved in closer, and instead of trying to fight her way through him, she turned and fled for the bedroom window between the desk and the bed. Jungkook rubbed at his arm, rising to his feet as he struggled to get the window open with shaky hands and Tae closed in on her.
He approached cautiously while she hunched in on herself defensively, her wings raised like she was prepared to use them to keep him back if necessary. But the shirt, although it was too big for her, didn’t have the space for her to lift them out fully, and every time she tried it just ended up shifting awkwardly.
“Who are you?” Taehyung managed to ask. “Are you…have you been here the whole time?” Jungkook thought back to the bat they found outside, had been keeping in a box and feeding. A bat that, by the looks of it, wasn’t a bat at all… but a…
“She’s a hybrid!” The hybrid recoiled like she’d been struck as he said those three words, and Jungkook had to admit he was confused by the reaction. He didn’t think he’d sounded angry, just awed. They didn’t meet hybrids every day, though he knew some of their staff had them, and more widely, they were fairly popular companions in some parts of the world.
In others, well…companions wasn’t really the right term, because people didn’t always treat them equally. Was that why she was so scared and desperate to run? She thought they would hurt her?
“Please…” she breathed, her eyes shining as she turned her back to the window and held a hand out. “Just let leave. Sorry for de-deceiving you…” She spoke slowly, like she was measuring every syllable. Her Korean wasn’t perfect, but he could understand her, so she must have been able to understand them for the most part.
“Well, we were the ones that brought you inside from that storm.” Jungkook said, ignoring the sting from her teeth. Jin would have a fit if he found out a strange hybrid bit him.
“Only because you unknown,” she insisted. “I’m going now.”
Before Jungkook could decide whether grabbing for her again was a good idea, she had the window up and her knee on the ledge. He tried desperately not to notice her hips and thighs, which were exposed again, but as she prepared to crawl outside into the evening air, she lifted her ass, he saw everything, and promptly forgot to breathe. Jungkook.exe had stopped working. Taehyung made a sharp noise, so at least he wasn’t the only one effected. It meant he was less likely to get teased later.
But unlike him, Tae still grabbed at her ankle and tried to, unsuccessfully, tug her back in through the window. “We just want to talk to you. We won’t report you, if that’s why you’re leaving.” He tried. But there was nothing but desperation and fear shining wetly in her eyes, like she couldn’t even hear him.
Like she was running on pure instinct and trying to get away from a threat. It made sense, depending on what she had been through. They didn’t even know where she’d come from, but now he had a burning curiosity to find out. In seconds, she had transformed into a bat, slipped from the shirt before it even hit the ground, and fluttered off into the darkening sky.
Synopsis: Addiction’s a drug in itself, you want to live without it but it keeps sustaining you and living in you—that’s Yeoreum’s struggle, look further into her life, and her moments with Mark as her story begins to take a turn into deeper pits of complexities. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT
Pairing: Mark x OC (you are the OC)
Warnings: mentions of funeral, parent death, grief. mentions of food. Sexual assault is alluded towards, suggestive content involving yeoreum and another guy. Lmk if there’s something missed.
Your limbs scream treason, your tear ducts lose hope, your heart struggles to beat in a rhythm tandem to your shallow and rapid inhales. You weren’t sure how long you had run for but it hurt, tremendously but not enough. It didn’t hurt enough to swallow down the grief that had struck your being. Just then, as you stumbled on a tiny rock on the rough concrete, you bumped into a poor guy going about his way in the neighbourhood.
“My ice cream!” He called out in English, pouting over the spilt vanilla cone decorating the dirty cement. “Sorry…” you came out of your daze, embarrassed and disheartened. “Uh…It…It’s okay I should’ve…” he struggles to find the adequate words in Korean, a western accent in his speech.
“No! It’s my fault, so I will pay,” you point towards the melting cream, stifling a hundred tears. “No you don’t have to…” he continued to say something you didn’t understand, your English teacher hadn’t progressed too far with the syllabus yet, maybe third grade after the summer would help you more.
“Listen, I don’t care, just tell me where you live…” you begin in Korean, searching his face for an understanding and when you do you continue, “I’ll bring the money to your place.”
Before even agreeing to that predicament, he looks at you, really looks at you and asks, “Are you okay?”
You wanted to say, ‘I am fine,’ but what came out was gibberish mixed in with sobs and wailing, you hated yourself at that moment, crying into your black and white striped tshirt sleeve and letting the cotton absorb the tears as the boy probably looked at you with disgust, but when you looked back up at him he had pulled out a handkerchief from the pocket of his beige shorts, his hands offering it to you. You had nodded a no and asked where he lived again to which he pointed towards the iron gate behind him. You knew this house, the residence of a kind old lady who you often helped carry groceries or odd jobs like that. As soon as you had extracted that information you ran back, remembering your own grandparents who were beat up by an equal agony.
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Mark Lee had gone about his own way, worried for the girl in the striped tshirt wailing to no avail and running like a madman—in this case madwoman—so as the afternoon passed by and the sun dipped in for a nap and his grandma was still not back home and dinner was yet to be served he grew hungry and also curious. “Mark, go set the table, Grandma’s gone to a funeral so we’ll just be heating the leftovers okay?” His mom spoke and a train of thought formed in his mind. “Who passed away?” Mark’s elder brother chimed in from the couch where he was lying down and reading a book. “Two of the neighbours it seems. They were parents to a girl about your age Mark,” she paused and shook her head, “Poor girl, it seems she will live with her grandparents now…” His mom sighed and went towards the kitchen only turning around when Mark asked, “Mom can we pray for them?”
“Oh sweetie, you’re so kind to think like that, but I’d say it’s better you pray for the girl left behind, everyone’s sending their prayers for those lost but no one’s looking at the girl who has lost them.” His mom responded and Mark nodded, grasping this new perspective as he went to the temporary room he shared with his brother during his visit here to his grandparents’ place. Just then, before he could start the doorbell rang and he ran to get it since he was the youngest. His Grandma entered the house with a heavy sigh, dressed in black from head to toe and her shoulders slouched as she removed her shoes.
“That poor girl…” she muttered under her breath, before reaching into her purse and pulling out a few coins. “Yeoreum said she owed you for spilling your ice cream, but Minhyung listen,” his grandma began, “Tomorrow I’ll go over to her house with some food and you come with me okay? Whatever she owes you for, you forgive, she’s going through a tough time.” His grandma’s voice was uncharacteristically harsh, and it gave him reason to feel that he had messed up. So the next morning, while preparing to go to her house he asked his mother how to say a few phrases in Korean and when the time came he used them.
When they entered her house it was clean and tidy, though an old couple sat on the couch with slum shoulders and mellow faces, the surroundings looked ever so normal and maintained. Wooden furniture, a 4 seater dining table, brown leather couches, a white floral rugs under the coffee table adjacent to the television screen. And then there were the little things, family photos hung up on walls, accolades of the two kids and the two adults and there popped out the head of an eight-year-old You, puffy cheeks and reddened eyes that hadn’t been rested all accompanied by the whining of your younger brother beside you. Mark’s grandmother gently nudged him towards you and so he followed, returning the “owed” money in the form of a couple red packet wrapped choco pies.
You were hesitant at first, but accepted them and handed it to your little brother, ruffling his hair and telling him to go play. “I am still sorry about yesterday, crying in front of you” you spoke slowly but clearly expressing your feelings to the westerner. Just then Mark remembered the phrases he had memorized, “You don’t need to apologise for that…and uh I can understand Korean well, but I can’t speak it, so speak freely, I’m here to listen.”
Your eyes widened, no one had asked you to talk, not until now, everyone either offered generic advice or recycled sympathy, but not once did they consider to give you a shoulder and this boy who you barely knew was asking you to empty out your heart, so in true egotistical fashion, “Why would I talk to you?” You stormed inside your room and shut the door.
“Mark! What did you do!” His grandma screamed at the nine-year-old boy who only did as he was told and lay faultless. “I am sorry about him,” she bowed towards your grandparents and made Mark bow too as they both left.
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“I’m going to audition for SM this year,” you announced, your tongue darting out to lick the chocolate ice cream you held in your hands. “But you’re only 11, isn’t that too young?” Mark protested as the two of you sat at the swings on a summer afternoon where the sun was slightly overshadowed by a few clouds and the weather wasn’t stinging with heat but radiating it like a heater in the winters. It had been about three years since you lost your parents and met Mark Lee, who had become a friend of sorts, that you only met during the summer or winter breaks when all your other friends were busy in festivities or vacations and he came here to his grandparents’ place. “It’s actually not that young, these companies usually prefer younger kids,” Mark’s brother added as he pushed your little brother on the other swing set, much to the little guy’s excitement who kept yelping, “Higher!”
“I am also going to audition this year,” he continues, “SM’s holding an audition in Vancouver.” Mark’s brother, James, was much like you, musically inclined with a knack for dancing. He was also really cute, so you wouldn’t be surprised if he got picked.
“Imagine if you both get selected!” Your brother piped in, biting into his own, strawberry cone. “That would be great, then maybe Mom and Dad would come here more often and you’d meet Mark more too, and of course we’d obviously meet more.” James smiled and you returned the gesture only to be met by a scowl-ish expression from Mark. “What’s got you feeling blue?” You asked, still munching on the cone. “Nothing…Just that I feel left out.”
“Why do you feel left out for something that hasn’t even happened yet?” You ask, jumping out of the swing and landing swiftly on the hard ground of the playground. “It’s just, whenever I come for vacations here, it won’t be the same because you’ll be busy training…I just want to be friends for a long time.” Mark’s lips were stuck out in a pout, eyes mellowed as he stared at the vibrant colours on the ground, gently swinging back and forth.
“Mark, I’ll always be your friend, we don’t meet for the whole year and still hang out with so much fun, I’m sure we’ll still be good friends in the future, believe me.” You shine a smile at him, but deep down you knew you wouldn’t be friends for that long, people always leave, and they have always left you.
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The memories from your childhood often haunt you, in the sense that at one point in your life, though everything was breaking apart, it was simple, you had companions, you had a reason to keep going, but you weren’t so sure now. As you stepped in the studio to record a total of four lines, you sighed deeply, tying your hair up as you began.
“Alright, it’s going to be a quick wrap now, let’s do this okay?” The producer spoke from outside as you gulped water and warmed up. Not even fifteen minutes later, you were done, a stark contrast to the hours others spent in there, perfecting line upon line while you worked with near nothing. It was only after you reached back to the dorms that you saw Jae’s text on your phone. “Party tonight, you coming? I’ll pick you at 10.” About 5 seconds of contemplating later you replied, “Sure, where?”
When you had stepped into the club with him again, he looked towards you again, “You’re not going to…get laid again are you?” He raises his eyebrows in concern, clearly not aware of your ongoing situation with Kangmin. “Do you not want me to?” You sarcastically bat your eyelashes at him before he says something you couldn’t catch amidst the booming vibrations of loud music and flashing lights, but he didn’t look too happy.
So you assumed he wanted you to stick close to him, so you picked up his hand, entwined it with yours and made it seem like you were really stuck with him. He then rolled his eyes and left your hand before heading towards the bar. As you indulged in incoherent chatter and some yellow, lime and mango infused cocktail with Jae, your eyes drifted towards the rest of the club.
The country’s most celebrated idols, models you saw at every banner across the city, actors trending in the dramas on the television, all with pristine images basking in the filth of alcohol, the stench of a sensual environment and the heat of freedom. Truly if a reporter were to know about this club, all hell would break loose. That’s when another thought troubled your mind, what if people knew about you being here? What if they already did? What if people in the industry knew you were hooking up with Kangmin? What if you were an announced slut within the community? You tried to shake them away but they didn’t leave, they kept spiraling, boiling down to the crux of all your problems, panic rose in your throat, lumping up the muscles.
You tried to swallow it down with the alcohol hoping it would melt away but it made it worse, you turned back towards the bar, focusing on a single letter of a whiskey bottle, “a-a-a” you kept reciting to yourself, but not until Jae turned around from flirting with a girl and saw you brushing your hair back like a madwoman. “Yeoreum…” his voice was gentle, like the breeze in spring as winter melts away, his hand rubbed your back, soft like a mother soothing her baby and his words were concerned, like a lover losing his heart. “I’m here, I’m here…come let’s get out of here.” He helped you down the leather bar stool, aiding your trembling limbs to walk well enough towards a secluded spot in this mess.
“Do you want to leave? I’ll take you home, okay?” He assured, hands on your shoulders like they cared and eyes searching for an answer.
“I…Don’t know,” you muttered out, but that was when you saw him, out of all the people who could be here, it was him, standing right there, eyes having met you before yours met him. He stood there a bit shocked, but mostly worried, his movements were quick as he pushed his way through the crowd from the other side of the room.
You didn’t know why, but you felt like you had to hide, you felt ashamed and your panic felt like it was at its peak so you leaned closer to Jae, tip-toeing to reach his ear. Before he could reach you, you were already walking away, far from his reach.
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Mark inhaled sharply, unwelcome tears pricking his eyes as he watched you walk away from him, refuse his help and in the arms of a man he didn’t know. Mark didn’t know why, but he felt anger and sadness all at the same time. He knew you hadn’t talked in a while, but that didn’t mean you could just run away from him, especially when you needed help…or maybe that was it. Mark sat down on the plush leather couch, hands on his thighs as he considered the situation. “Where did it all go wrong?” He asked himself, feeling the need to bury his head in his hands at the sheer helplessness. Swiftly he got up, heading towards the bar, back to the friend he came with, “Let’s just go home please.” He screamed into the other guy’s ears hoping it would reach despite the loud music.
As Mark walked out of the flashy club and breathed in a puff of fresh air, he felt his phone vibrate in the pocket of his black jeans. He pulled it out to check as his friend went to get the car, and he saw your name in a bubble on the screen. He swiped up, unlocking the device to read your text, “Can we talk Mark? In person?”
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It was way past midnight as you sat on the swing of your apartment complex, the apartment most SM artists and trainees lived in. You swung back and forth slowly, waiting for him, rehearsing the lines in your head, explanations working their way through the gears of your brain. “Hey.”
You looked up from your grey sweatpants to the man in front of you. “Hey Mark.” You greeted back as he sat on the swing beside you, albeit a little too big for it. He was still in his black jeans and leather jacket, a white top underneath and a dark grey beanie covering his bright blonde hair to avoid grasping attention. Similar to how you hid your face under the oversized hoodie you had borrowed from Kangmin the last time you stayed over at his place.
“Are you okay?” Mark broke the silence, his sneakers rubbing the concrete as he stopped trying to swing. “I’m fine, I just drank too much…so I felt sick.” You lied, not looking at him. “It didn’t look like that,” Mark saw through your bullshit, looking at your slouched figure as you stared at the ground.
“Who was that guy you were with? Did he do something to you?” His voice grew a bit enraged and you finally turned to look at him, pulling down your hoodie as you chose to respond, “He’s my friend. He didn’t hurt me, no one did.”
“If he didn't hurt you, then why did you ask to talk? It’s not like you just want to waste time do you?”
You knew his words weren’t meant to hurt you, you knew he cared but you just got angry, how could he not understand you? How could he not want to just talk to you? Since when did your friendship turn transactional?
“I just wanted to tell you to not tell anyone I was there, don’t say who I was with or what I was doing, alright?” Your voice came off harsh, meant to hurt.
“I wouldn’t have told anyone…” he speaks softly, not looking at you anymore. “But just so you know, there’s people out there that want to hurt you. I've heard unpleasant things from people who I wish I could punch, so just take care, is all I’m saying.” He replies, and you feel angrier. “Who are you to care? You haven’t responded to my texts in forever, you haven’t talked to me properly since almost last year. We aren’t friends anymore Mark, so stop caring about me, it’s not your place anymore.”
Those words were painful to utter. You gripped the metal chains of the swing tighter, hoping they’d somehow pierce your skin and hurt more than what you just said, maybe then these tears would be for good reason. You waited for him to say something, not sure what expression his face held because you weren’t looking at him, but you heard him sniffle, you heard him inhale deeply, like he did when he was trying not to cry.
“It’s not my fault…I don’t have time, I don’t…I don’t have the energy for anything, ever.” He huffed out, getting up, probably about to leave. “You once said, we’d be friends for a long time when we were on a swing just like this. I thought I could believe you, but you’re too busy being his girlfriend.”
You finally looked up at him to see the tears streaming down his face, glassy eyes begging you to say something, his fists were white, blood rushed out to other parts as he held them beside his thighs tight. His lips trembled as he began, “That’s his hoodie isn’t it? You’ve just got all the time in the world to be with people who couldn’t even care about you, you push away everyone who tries and then you feel like no one cares. But we do, we all do! But you’re too busy pitying yourself.”
He walked away after that, feet stomping like a child but with the grumbles of a man.
“I’m sorry,” you wish he could hear that, not like it would patch up anything, but still, you hoped it would somehow fix everything, perhaps then you wouldn’t feel like you just lost everything again.
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“Oh hey, you got a bit late today, why's that?” Kangmin welcomed you in, dressed in sweats and a white tee, hair wet from a fresh shower. “My manager wasn’t letting me go, so it took a lot of convincing, that’s all.” You replied, not wanting to explain to him the way you were considering not coming after listening to Mark’s harsh words the day before. You handed him the hoodie you borrowed a week back, washed and neatly folded, to which he said, “You can keep it, you look cute in it, besides it’d be nice to see a dance practice video of yours while you’re wearing that.” He laughed as you rolled your eyes and made your way to the couch.
“You’re quiet today, what’s up baby?” He asked, sitting right beside you, placing a hand on your thigh, rubbing the cotton of your pants.
“We’re not, like dating right? It’s just all casual right?” You suddenly asked, and he stopped in his tracks to kiss you, looking at you with a raised brow, “Do you want me to date you?” He then asked, turning your chin towards him, looking into your eyes.
“Nope…” you smiled back and he chuckled, pecking your lips. “By the way, there’s a party next week? Will you come? Same club, bunch of idols and celebs, we can all have some fun mhm?” He nuzzled your neck, slowly sucking on the pulse point there, his hands trailing up your tshirt to caress your ribs. You pulled away, looking at him as you bit your lip in consideration, “I’m not sure about next week, we’re gonna start prepping for a new release, so I might not be able to.” You see him roll his eyes, not able to read whether he was annoyed or joking. “I don’t want to be mean but it’s not like they’re going to give you a bunch to work with, you never have that many lines or work, it’s just one night too,” he began, pulling you in again as you felt yourself dip deeper into the plush grey couch.
“I-I don’t know, still I shouldn’t drink much during promotions,” you tried to reason looking away from him. “Baby, it’s just one day, you’ll have fun okay? Trust me.” He caressed your cheek, gentle eyes and a warm smile that seemed mostly genuine. You wanted to brush over the doubt you just felt in your gut but you swallowed it down and nodded a yes. “Okay, I’ll come.” You said as he brushed a strand of your jet black hair back and said, “You hungry for something or should we…?”
You leaned in to kiss him, wrapping your arms around his neck as he lifted you up into his lap, his hand groping your ass as he then kissed your neck, muttering empty, sweet praises that seemed to do nothing, only fulfilling you to forget about the worries in your chest and the insecurities in your nerves. His lips only felt good when you imagined them to be someone else’s, his touch only felt sparkly when you imagined them to be Mark’s, his praises would have been far more effective if they were Mark’s, if only you were in his lap and not Kangmin’s.
About two hours later, as you lay naked in his arms, you stared up at the ceiling, wondering how did it ever get to this, when did you go from wanting Mark to talk to you, to wanting him to be yours and only yours? How did any of this ever happen? How could you want him so much when he now hated you? Just then you heard Kangmin’s phone buzzing. You ignored it at first but it kept buzzing and stopped you from trying to sleep or zone out into your thoughts.
So you pulled away from his muscular arms, wiping off some sweat that had formed and picking his phone to put it on silent but that’s when you saw a text from one of your group members. He wasn’t in your group, a different unit but so many messages from him? Your curiosity got the better of you as you unlocked his phone, remembering the password from a distant memory of having seen him entering it a while back.
Your heart dropped.
You scrolled further back, the light from the phone was hitting your face but your feelings turned darker, and the conversation seemed to be going down a pit of creepy and disgusting.
You tried to not let the tears fall out of your cornea, taking quick, shallow breaths as you closed the texts and opened his gallery to check for any pictures. You found none, except one he took today, you quickly deleted it and removed it from his cloud as well as backup, hoping that would be the last of it. Mark was right, he was right, he was fucking right and you didn’t listen to him.
Your limbs were quick to get out of Kangmin’s white sheets, even quicker to wear your clothes and rush out to the living room. You grabbed your stuff and made a run for it outside, choosing to walk home since it was close enough and dark enough to not be noticed. You wanted to scream, but you felt speechless. You wanted to cry but you felt nauseous, every breath felt like a dagger to your lungs and every tear ran down your face audaciously probably reddening your eyes.
You couldn’t believe he was your first…or at least your “proper” first. Even then, as you hugged your sweater tighter and walked faster the night’s breeze was taunting you with its chill and the harmonious silence of the night made you more fearful in the familiar street you took every so often. Kangmin being a creep was one thing, but knowing that someone so close to you thought that way about you made you so sick.
You hated close to everything by this moment, wondering why the walk took so long as the street light flickered five minutes into your walk. You heard male laughter behind you, a couple drunkards and the like, usually you’d just walk fast enough and feel fine but it was late, the street was empty, devoid of even strays. Goosebumps rose on the surface of your skin, the night felt colder and your steps were harder to quicken, it felt like your feet were refusing to move any faster much like your breathing who found it difficult to catch up with your galloping heart. They were right behind you, their steps growing louder and laughter buzzing obnoxiously, they threw around a few incomprehensible slurs amongst each other, there were five of them and one of you, it felt like a losing battle. Is this how it all ends?
You were pulled out of your panic when they crossed by you and took another turn, you sighed out ever so deeply and relief washed over your tired veins as you started walking faster away. You were saved this time, but what could’ve happened. You were ruining your life, from every corner. One dumb decision after another, what were you turning out to be?
As most of Seoul city slept, with the sole exception of a few convenience stores you treaded your way back to the apartment building, thoughts muddling in your head on how you could make it all better. The sky was a dark shade of blue, stars were barely visible through the city’s haze of pollution, you heard a dog bark before it whined and the sound soon died down as you took an inclined path. Pretty soon you had made your way towards the dorm building but that’s when you turned your head to the side and saw Eunryung sitting on a stool at the convenience store, eating what looked to be rice cakes in red sauce. Your eyes softened as you looked into the brightly lit store. You decided to take a detour and enter it.
When you did enter, the cashier was hunched over the register, reading a textbook with a highlighter in his hands as he muttered a tired, “Welcome.”
Quickly you made your way over to Eunryung, taking a seat beside her. “Hey…” you called out to her but startled her in the process. “Oh hey, is your friend okay now? Why are you back in the middle of the night?” She asked, probably referring to the excuse you had made to leave the dorm earlier. “My friend? Oh she…I didn’t go to see a friend.” You replied, tired of all the lies you had cooked up.
“So you don’t know anyone who lost a parent recently? You were lying?” She stopped picking up her rice cake, her doe eyes staring at you with shock. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, it just…you ever feel like nothing in your life makes sense?” The words left your lips before you could filter them causing Eunryung to shift her stool closer to you, the screech of the metal waking the dozing cashier who dropped his book. You both looked back as he bowed in apology and you returned to the conversation.
“I’m just so scared.” You confessed, trying not to cry, but it seemed like that was all you could do until she put a hand on your shoulder, carefully rubbing it. “I’m sorry for snapping at you that day, but I’m here for you now please, please tell me.” She assured, waiting for you to continue. “I feel like I’ve failed, everything, everyone. I spent so long training for nothing and now I— all I do is lie, I’m sorry Eunryung, I just…want to be happy again.” You spoke through your tears, wiping them against the sleeves of you sweater, hoping it would absorb all the sadness along with the water.
“Mark said he was sorry.” She reveals and you turn your head towards her sharply. “Today, after our dance lesson, he told me to tell you that he was sorry and he told me to give you this.” Eunryung reached into the pockets of her grey hoodie, removing a red packet. A packet of choco pie.
“If he’s sorry, why doesn’t he come to me directly?” You sniffled, still high on your ego. “I don’t know why. But I do know that he’s way overworked, I too have to be in many units like him but he, he has so much work in creating music, variety shows and everything, they don’t let him rest, it’s really bad you know?” She explained, looking out the window of the store into the empty street, where the street light flickered twice on the little kitten sleeping under it, probably grasping for some heat. “It’s not that hard to text me.” You replied, getting off the stool, sliding your sneakers across the marble tiles as you started walking away. “Yea well they don’t let him use his phone all the time. Like back when we had debuted and were trainees, they don’t want him getting distracted or something.” Eunryung spoke like it was obvious but your eyebrows rose up, confusion settling in your expression.
“You didn’t know that? His new manager, though young and cool in certain aspects, is a real fucking asshole.”
You took in a deep breath, picking up the red packet choco pie she had put on the table earlier and sliding it into your pocket. “Eunryung, I need to apologise to him,” you sniffled out feeling like someone had tied your conscience with iron-clad chains. “His dorm’s empty, apart from his manager, as far as I know, everyone’s on their own since 127 has a break.” She got off the stool too, picking up the rice cake container and throwing it into the recyclable section of the trash, as you watched the way the lid flipped up and down like a seesaw.
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It was yet another sleepless night for Mark. The pressures of work and the need for perfection crushed his sleep as he tossed around in his bed crinkled sheets, the blanket didn’t feel cozy but rather uncomfortable and hot, despite the cool temperature outside. Mark got up quickly, sliding on his slippers as he walked out of his room. The wooden floor creaked a bit too loudly, risking waking up his manager but Mark really couldn’t care.
The stress from work was one thing, but the weight of his words that were pulling him further and further into this empty pit of regret was worse, the words that he had stabbed you with, how could he ever say that? His mom had taught him to be kind and understanding, how could he have let the jealousy get the better of him. As soon as Mark was about to step out of the house for a walk, the doorbell rang and echoed through the walls of the 3 bedroom apartment. Mark looked through the peephole with trepidation, and stumbled back in surprise, almost stubbing his toe against the shoe rack. Quickly, he looked at the mirror beside him, fixed his hair under the beanie and grabbed a jacket lying carelessly on the wooden chair of the dining table. He zipped it up quickly and opened the door, letting you in.
“Hey, what are you doing at this time…here?” He struggled to form words, this time knowing the language but not the courage. “I came to apologise Mark.” You said, hands tucked in the pockets of your pants. “It was my fault! I lost my temper and just said whatever. You have nothing to be sorry for.” Mark argued, making way for her to enter. She removed her white sneakers, neatly aligning them perpendicular to the step up towards the living room.
Just as she was about to make her way towards the couch, a creak surrounded the room, it was the opening of one of the doors and the steps of Mark’s Manager, Seoham. “Why are you here so late? What’s going on huh?” He spoke audaciously, as if he owned the place, no wonder Eunryung called him an asshole.
“I came to apologise to Mark, I felt bad and I couldn’t sleep, and I heard you don’t let him use his phone.” You snapped back, the smirk on his face pissing you off. “Relax sweetie, I was just kidding, I let the other girls in all the time, you two aren’t the first to mess around,” he scoffed and Mark immediately chipped in, “It isn’t like that hyung!”
“Sure it isn’t. Whatever, just don’t make too much noise.” Seoham rolled his eyes and went back inside, but the scowl on your face never did go back. “That asshole still controls your phone?”
“It’s not as bad as it sounds, you know, it really isn’t,” Mark sat back on the off-white linen couch, sitting on the vertical part of the L-shape. You turned on a lamp beside the sofa, letting the warm yellow light radiate across the room so you could see his face. “Why are you defending him Mark? Why can’t you just say no? I mean what are they gonna do? Fire you? They need you.” You scolded him, your worry laced words bringing a smile to his face.
“Don’t smile like that, you look like an idiot.” You joked, sitting beside him, letting your nails scratch against the linen. “I’m worried for you Yeoreum, you say you’re fine but you, I haven’t seen you truly smile since forever.” He began, looking towards your face searching for the girl he used to know.
“I guess I changed,” you tried to defend yourself, you hated when he saw through you. “No you haven’t, you’re still the same girl who runs away from things instead of letting people be there for her.”
“What?” You cocked your brow at him, another mechanism to draw up walls against his forces. “Let me be there for you, please.” His voice came out like a whimper, like a desperate man praying at the altar. “You weren’t there for me when I needed you.” You announced getting up, “This was a mistake, fuck,” that’s when Mark held onto your wrist, not roughly or forcefully, but begging, clinging on to it like it was all he had left. He was standing up now, his dark brown eyes glassy with unshed tears and blonde hair peeking out the beanie he always wore.
He moved closer to you, muttering please repeatedly. “Yeoreum, I want to be yours, and I don’t want to lie anymore.” His voice was deeper somehow, maturity dripping in his tone, with a tinge of anguish. His lips were not very far anymore, they were slightly chapped and he had a little red bruise on one side, probably from him biting them constantly but they were topped with some lip balm, as if that would fix it.
“Use antiseptic cream for your lips and tell your manager to stop being a control freak.” You pull your hand away from him, walking to the door and shutting it behind you, leaving Mark alone and in despair. “I’m sorry,” Mark wished those words would reach your ears, but even if they did, he knew they couldn’t fix it. Suddenly, Mark wished he was 11 years old again, swinging on a sunny afternoon, being told by the prettiest girl he knew, that she’d be his friend for a very long time. Alas, what he was left with, was not a friend but he didn’t want her to be.
Mark wanted you, he wanted you to love him like he did all these years.
Im planning to make Idol Error cosplay soon and really want to ask you abt final reference of his clothes. I'm not sure who is responsible for its design now. And I would be grateful if it would be possible to get references from all sides ":]
here are all my artworks of him, i haven’t made a full-fledge des sheet yet but it’s a simple design. but if u rlly need more info ab his clothes u can dm me tho, im chill
