If u feel like cryin, read dis novel excerpt i just wrote (i’m crying too it’s ok)
@blackblankpages
Once she had an address, Alyx set out to find Dallin, fighting to keep Zvea from following her. Eventually though, she and Shae convinced Zvea to stay at the cottage a little longer. Alyx lied and said she’d come back that night, then headed out. Dallin had a place smack dab in the middle of town, right next to the bar where he ran into El. Alyx was hoping she’d have the same experience.
As she walked, Alyx pulled out the folded piece of paper Shae had given her with a sketch of El on it. It was highly detailed, and fairly life-like. She studied it, trying to memorize his face in case she saw him. Before long though, she got bored, and put it back in her pocket.
The walk was uncomfortably quiet, her breath and footsteps being the only sounds to break the silence. Rorie rode mostly on her shoulder, but stayed quiet as well. Already, Alyx missed Zvea. Just for conversation, of course. …She was just bored, that was all. The only creature she could talk to was Rorie, and she may as well talk to herself at that point.
Still, quiet as it was, the walk to town only took around 20 minutes, which was nothing compared to the past few days. As soon as she was close enough, Alyx started scanning the buildings for “The Crooked Branch,” which took no time at all. It seemed like the whole town was built around it, and everyone was clustered inside. There were a few stragglers along the front wall, most having loud conversations and laughing, one puking in a bush. There was another building to its right, where Alyx assumed Dallin was staying, but before heading that way she decided to check out the bar.
Alyx squeezed her way inside, slipping in between people and pushing her way to the bar. It was tall, stopping just under her collarbone, so she stepped on the piece of wood holding the legs of one of the barstools and leaned as far over the bar as she could, waving to get the bartender’s attention. He held up a finger, and she pulled out the piece of paper again, looking over it until he could come over to her.
After about ten minutes, he stepped toward her, wiping sweat off his brow with his arm.
“What can I getcha?” he asked her.
In response, Alyx turned the paper around toward him. “You know this kid?”
The bartender squinted at the paper, leaning a little closer and nodding. “Yeah, that’s El. Whaddya want with him?”
“He’s… my friend.”
The bartender snorted. “Friend? Didn’t think he had any.”
Alyx shook her head. “He hardly does anymore.” She paused. “I need to find him. Do you know where he is?”
Nodding, the bartender pointed toward a crowd on the far end of the place. “Right over there, drinking me dry as usual. Good luck pushing your way over there.” With that, he walked away and started helping another person. Alyx frowned, looking down the bar.
Sure enough, there he was, pouring himself shots and downing them. Apparently he needed so much they just gave him a bottle to use. He was laughing after each one, and there were a few people around him cheering him on. Alyx rolled her eyes and hopped down, making her way deeper into the bar where he was.
She had to literally shove people to the side. She’d tried asking, but they’d ignored her each time, so eventually she gave up. Every barstool beside El was of course taken, but Alyx handed the person to his left a gold piece and that was enough to get them to give up the seat.
El didn’t even notice her at first, taking another shot and slamming the glass back on the barstool.
“Trying to break the whole damn bar, are you?” Alyx asked with an eyebrow raised.
Sloppily, El whipped his head around to glare at Alyx. He opened his mouth to probably tell her to fuck off or something along those lines, but promptly squinted at her and tilted his head.
“Don’t I know you from somewhere?” He yelled.
Alyx rolled her eyes. “You could say that. Been awhile.”
He lifted an eyebrow and shrugged. “I believe you.”
“You have a bad memory,” she said. “I know your life story but you can’t even remember my name?”
“Don’t much care.” El turned away from her, forgoing his shotglass and taking a long swig straight from the bottle.
Alyx watched him for a moment, then wiped at her face in frustration. No way was this going to be easy. She tapped his left arm with the back of her hand rapidly.
“Hey,” she said. “I’m not done talking to you.”
“Keep hitting me,” El said without turning toward her, “and you’ll be done talking to anybody.”
Abrubtly, Alyx stood from her barstool. “Are you threatening me? Because I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t last half a second against me.”
El laughed, finally turning his whole body toward her and tilting his head down at her. “Please. I’m hammered and I’ll still destroy you.”
She shrugged. “Guess we’ll see.” Alyx pivoted and booked it for the door, expecting him to follow. At the very least, it’d be easier to talk to him somewhere a little more private.
“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” El shouted, stumbling after her. She kept walking once she got out of the doors, crossing the wide street and climbing up a small hill. Alyx didn’t respond, but kept listening for his footsteps.
He continued to curse at her, growing more frustrated the longer she ignored him. When she finally stopped and turned toward him, he almost ran into her.
“I’m fucking talking to you,” El yelled. Alyx sighed.
“Actually, I’m talking to you.” She paused, glancing down at the crowd that’d gathered in front of the bar. A good 50+ eyes were on them, and Alyx was not about to give them a show. “Just, not here.”
“Did you hear that, everybody?” El turned toward the crowd, flinging his arms out to each side. “Bitch thinks she gets to deci—”
Huffing, Alyx gripped El’s arm and cast “teleport.” She didn’t know of anywhere actually private they could go besides Shae’s house, but there was a forest within decent range, and at least that would provide some sort of privacy.
“—de where we…” trailing off, El stumbled backward a few steps and took in his new surroundings with a troubled expression. “Wait, wh… what the fuck?”
Alyx groaned, sitting at the base of a nearby tree. “Sit the hell down, Elion.”
His eyes widened at the use of his full name, and he took another step backward before replacing his shock with anger. Electricity crackled in between his hands and he dropped his bottle. “Who the fuck are you? Why do you know my… that name?”
“Can you just chill the fuck out for a second? Seriously, sit down.”
El took another step toward her, squinting as if it’d help him glare harder at her. He gritted his teeth and didn’t respond.
“Fine.” Alyx sighed. “Listen, it’s not like we used to be besties or some shit like that, but we had kind of a moment a few years ago. And—”
“I’m gay,” El said, disgusted.
“Ew oh my god, so am I. I just mean—god, will you put the fucking lightning out?”
El huffed, but the electricity disappeared from his hands. He crossed his arms and waited.
“I’m sort of… looking for someone. And Shaewyn said you might know—”
“You talked to Shae?” His voice softened and his expression flickered, but then he rolled his eyes and looked away. “She doesn’t know anything about me anymore. You’re wasting your time.”
Alyx stood up. “She said you might know something about Ruby.”
Immediately stiffening, El snapped his head forward again. All traces of the sloppy drunk she’d just been talking to disappeared. “The fuck does Shae know about Ruby? She spying on me or something?” He took another step toward Alyx, electricity crackling in his hands again.
“Okay, once again, chill. I’m not Shae. I’m Alyx. Which I’m still offended you don’t remember.”
He frowned, recognition in his eyes for a split second, and then he shook his head and dismissed his lightning. “Fine, whatever. What’s it to you?”
She shrugged. “I’m looking for her.”
He blinked at her, waiting for more. “…’Kay. And I’m supposed to help you ‘cause… why, exactly?”
“I don’t fucking know,” Alyx said, exasperated. “The fucking kindness of your heart? Whatever you need to tell yourself. I don’t give a shit. I just… need to find her.”
“I don’t have a heart anymore,” El joked darkly.
“What do you want then?”
Pretending to consider her offer, El paced along the trees. “I want something really valuable. Something that’ll truly make me happy, make the world a better place. Something… I mean, you could easily give it to me.”
“I’m not in the mood for guessing games,” Alyx said. “Just tell me what the fuck you want. Gold? A lifetime supply of liquor? A puppy?”
“You know, it’s just come to me, the perfect thing!” He closed the distance between the two of them, a cheesy smile and faux excitement on his face.
“…Okay?” Alyx put her hands on her hips. “And?”
“Oh gee, I’m so giddy! What I really want, more than anything in the world, is… for you to fuck off!” He gave her a fake giggle and made to leave.
“Gladly. After you tell me how to find Ruby.”
He stopped walking, straightened his back, and sighed dramatically. “Something tells me my boss wouldn’t be thrilled about having her location handed out…” El turned just enough to look at her, something dark in his eyes. “to strangers.”
Alyx took a step forward, but he held a hand up and shook his head. “Nice meeting you bitchwood, but I think I’d rather get back to the bar.” He seemed more sober than she’d ever seen him.
“You don’t remember me, but you can make a pun out of my last name? Something tells me you’re full of shit.”
He laughed. “Believe what you want, sweetheart. No matter who I was when we met, I’m full of surprises.”
Alyx opened her mouth to respond, but he was gone. It hadn’t looked like he’d done any magic, he’d just vanished. She backed up and slid down the trunk of another tree to sit at its base, and put her face in her hands.
So close, she’d been so goddamn close. But he’d played her. She’d let herself relax a little because he just seemed like some goofy drunk boy with a chip on his shoulder, when the reality was… Confusing? It wasn’t entirely clear, even now. Regardless, every step forward felt like a million steps backward, and Alyx was beginning to think she was never going to find Ruby.
Alone in the woods like this, Alyx finally let herself cry. It was so frustrating, getting so close and then losing her chance like that, over and over again. It was like every time there was a semi viable lead, something had to fuck it up. Was there even still a point in looking for Ruby, if she’d never find her? Maybe Alyx could just spend her life on a barstool, bottle in hand, waiting to be forced into Ruby’s slave ring or to die via alcohol poisoning. Kelsey was just fine without her, Zvea had Shae, Rorie could find someone else to follow around. The world wouldn’t even blink, she’d just be another nameless headstone. And hey, at least then she’d be with her mom.
Alyx pressed her silver and gold woven bracelet against her mouth, trying to stifle her rapid breathing. She was almost hyperventilating now, and it was making her dizzy. Her mother had given her the bracelet to use in emergency situations. How she’d been able to give it to her—or get it, for that matter—as a spirit during a séance, Alyx had no idea. But she was glad to have it. Apparently, it was a way to contact her mother in a near death situation, or similar emergency. She didn’t quite know how to activate it, but there’d been a night back at the fort where she’d accidentally used it during a particularly vivid and terrifying dream.
Alyx laid on her side in her vault, bony joints already aching against the cold stone floor. She made a pillow with her arms and watched as tears rolled down her nose and onto the sleeve of her jacket. Everything hurt, inside and out, and she was having a hard time keeping that to herself. The only place in the fort that she could go without having to worry about being seen was her vault, so she’d been making a habit of coming down here. A few mediocre drawings were scattered across the floor, along with her tome of charisma and some trinkets from the shops in town. Alyx stared at them through her blurry vision and the dim light, half expecting them to disappear. She’d never had any sort of place that felt like her own.
It didn’t take long for the side of her body she was laying on to start going numb, and Alyx’s eyes fluttered closed. She hadn’t been sleeping much lately. She spent every night in Kraan’s bed, flailing and screaming in the middle of the night and waking the both of them up. Kraan was too nice to say anything, but she knew it bothered him. As drowsiness kicked in, Alyx let her mind wander, trying to focus on happier things. There were good things happening in her life–the group, Kraan. She’d been trying to drink less, after jokes were made comparing her to the bard. She’d taken up drawing even though she wasn’t very good at it, and she and Rorie had been bonding. It was really the dragon trials and the news about Kelsey that consumed her thoughts.
Her thoughts slowly became more jumbled, images flashing through her mind, and Alyx finally drifted off to sleep.
She stood on a large boulder at the top of a mountain, taking in her surroundings calmly. She felt at peace, as if she had purposely stood on this precipice, and a gentle wind blew into her face, lifting the ends of her hair and twisting them around each other. She inhaled deeply, smiling, and glanced upward at the deep purple sky. It seemed too dark, almost sinister, but Alyx was not stirred by it. In fact, she beamed at it. It was beautiful.
That was when she heard a twig snap behind her. Assuming it was a wild animal, curious about the human standing on a ledge, Alyx turned around to look at the source of the noise. However, instead of Bambi, Ruby stood in front of her. Suddenly, everything shifted.
The gentle breeze picked up into a strong wind, whipping Alyx’s hair so violently it was difficult to see, but not a single strand of Ruby’s hair moved. The demon smirked and the purple sky darkened further, clouds rolling in while thunder clapped in the background. Alyx looked down at her feet, suddenly realizing how high up she was, and how easy it would be to fall. She took a step forward, scrambling to get off of the boulder, but Ruby kicked it like a soccer ball and Alyx, screaming, plummeted to the ground. She was followed by the boulder, Ruby suddenly nowhere to be found. As Alyx laid on the desert sand, bones sticking out of her skin, limbs twisted in unnatural angles, she watched the boulder head directly for her, growing bigger and bigger like in a children’s story. Just before the rock made contact, Alyx woke up in her vault, screaming at the top of her lungs, her face wet from the tears streaming down her cheeks and the sweat beading on her forehead.
She was sitting up now, and backed into one of the corners, gripping the golden bracelet her mom had given her. It took her a minute to regain consciousness, to remember where she was. Slowly, Alyx ran her hands over her intact body and sighed with relief. She closed her eyes again and leaned her head against the wall behind her and tried to calm her breathing, when she heard what sounded like a footstep on the stone floor, just a few feet away.
Her eyes flew open and Alyx dizzily jumped to her feet, squinting at the figure in front of her. The world still looked blurry and the room was dim, but still she could see a woman, barely taller than her. There was a tense pause as Alyx blinked widely, trying to clear her vision, before the woman spoke.
“Alyx,” she said softly, taking a step forward. “Are you alright?”
“…Mom?” Alyx asked, rubbing her eyes and shaking her head. “What are you… how are you here?”
Laurel walked the rest of the way to Alyx, gently wiping her ethereal thumb over her daughter’s cheek. Neither could feel anything, but the motion felt comforting nonetheless. “You used the bracelet,” she told her. “You grabbed it and called to me, as though you were in grave danger.”
Instinctively Alyx moved a hand to the bracelet on her wrist, frowning at her mother. “No, I…” She hesitated, trying to remember her dream. “I was asleep. Ruby…” She sighed. “I’ve been having nightmares a lot lately, that’s all.”
“I know,” Laurel told her, removing her hand from Alyx’s cheek. “I can’t imagine it’s been very easy.” She opened her mouth to add something else and closed it.
Alyx shook her head, fresh tears coming to her eyes. “You have no idea,” she told her.
Laurel smiled sadly at Alyx, observing the stress lines already forming on her daughter’s face. They stood quietly for a moment, looking at each other.
“Mom,” Alyx whispered. She bit her lip to stop it from quivering before she continued. “I’m scared.” The last word had almost no sound, and the second it exited her mouth Alyx covered it, sobs forcing their way out.
“Oh, baby,” Laurel whispered, wrapping her arms around Alyx. She desperately wished she could hug her for real, the way she needed to be hugged. It almost seemed worse this way. “Alyxandre, I am so, so sorry.”
“I don’t know what to do,” Alyx choked. “I don’t know what the fuck to do.”
Pressing her lips together and holding back tears of her own, Laurel pulled her arms away and straightened her back. “You’re strong, Alyx,” she said. Alyx straightened her back too, but covered her face with her hands, trying to stop the sobs. “Hey,” she said. “Hey, you look at me.”
Hesitantly, Alyx dropped her hands, her shoulders slumping forward as she stared at her mother, occasional whimpers forcing their way out.
“Alyxandre Haelan Driftwood, you have survived what common folk could never dream of. I hardly survived being exiled by my family, and yet that alone cannot compare to your struggles. But you are strong. You have grown into a beautiful, independent young woman. You have gotten so used to carrying burden after burden on your shoulders that you forget what you have overcome! I truly believe that you are more than capable of conquering the world, and yet your goal is much smaller than that. Alyx,” Laurel tilted her chin up a degree and clasped her hands behind her back. “Alyx I am so proud of you for what you’ve become.”
Alyx had no words, only sobs. She broke down again, falling back against the wall and sliding to the floor. The sorcerer cried into her hands for awhile, eventually getting dizzy. When her breathing slowed gradually back down, and the sobs had mostly subsided, she whispered a “thank you” through her hands. Then she let them fall from her face, wiping them on her lap.
“I lov–” The vault was empty.
Remembering that night turned Alyx’s quiet tears and quick breaths into sobs, and she let it happen. She crossed her arms over her knees and cried, droplets falling onto her pants and slowly forming a large wet spot. She started shaking as the tears stopped, muscles exhausted as she further dehydrated herself. Alyx worked to calm her breathing, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the tree. She sat like that for a moment, until she heard the snap of a twig just a few feet away.
Her eyes flew open and she scrambled upward, half expecting to see her mother again, half expecting to be accosted by Ruby herself, but when she was upright and stopped her head from spinning, she saw Zvea.
Alyx relaxed her shoulders a little, and Zvea put Buddy on the ground, taking a few tentative steps forward. Her expression was solemn, and Rorie was perched on her head, staring indignantly down at Alyx.
Glancing at Rorie, Alyx shook her head and tried to wipe her eyes as inconspicuously as possible. “How, uh. How’d you…?”
“Oh,” Zvea said softly. She held her arm at her head and Rorie hopped onto her wrist. The fairy tiptoed forward, holding Rorie out to Alyx as if to return her. “I, um. I saw… your owl, and she sort of guided me to you. She seemed pretty upset.”
“Yeah she gets like that,” Alyx told her, holding her hand out for Rorie. The owl glared at her and nipped her finger before taking off just to land on her head. “Um. Thanks.”
Zvea just nodded, pausing to glance around. “Why were you… crying in the forest?”
Alyx averted her eyes, embarrassed. “No reason. I’m… fine.”
Z frowned. “You’re not.”
Biting her lip, Alyx looked back at her. “Sure I am. Just, uh. Needed to…” She sighed. “Fine, I’m not. Okay?”
Stepping closer, Zvea placed a hand on Alyx’s shoulder. It wasn’t awful, so Alyx didn’t shake it off. She looked away again, and Zvea used her free hand to gently tilt Alyx’s face toward hers. Her skin tingled under Zvea’s fingers, and she hesitantly met her eyes. Rorie flew away, landing on a neighboring tree branch.
“What’s the matter?” Zvea asked again, even more softly.
“I…” Being this close to her, Alyx faltered. She almost couldn’t remember why she’d been crying a moment ago. All she could smell was flowers, and everything about Zvea was warm. “I just miss my mom,” she whispered back.
Zvea nodded, concern on her face. Neither pulled away, and Zvea kept her hand on Alyx’s jaw. “That’s quite understandable,” she said.
Alyx slowly nodded too, glancing at Zvea’s full lips. She suddenly felt an intense longing in her gut that was sort of unfamiliar. She’d felt this way in small quantities before, but mostly on a physical level. This was deeper than that. The inches between them felt too far, and the thought of closing that distance consumed her. Alyx’s breath was getting heavy again, but for a different reason than it had been before. She stared at Zvea’s lightly parted lips, and inched forward. Zvea mirrored her, and they stayed like that until Alyx slowly put a hand on Zvea’s hip and looked into her eyes.
Zvea didn’t meet her eyes, instead closing the distance between them and kissing Alyx. It was gentle but firm, and they both sighed, melting into each other. Alyx leaned back against the tree trunk and pulled Zvea closer, deepening the kiss.
They kissed for what felt like an eternity, until Zvea pulled away, her eyes still closed. Alyx opened hers and looked at the fairy, waiting.
After a moment, she untangled herself from Alyx, who was disappointed but straightened her own back. Zvea met her eyes then, blushing a little.
“Sorry,” she said quietly.
“No, you’re um,” Alyx stumbled over her words. “It’s, uh. No, that was. Uh.” Zvea chuckled.
“It’s getting dark,” she said, looking up at the sky through the leaves. “Perhaps we should… make camp somewhere?”
Alyx nodded a little too quickly. “Yeah, that’s um. Probably a good… plan…” Would tonight be different after this? Were they going to… Shit, maybe they should get a room somewhere instead. Or maybe she was getting ahead of herself. Her palms started getting clammy, so she ran a hand through her hair.
“I think I saw an inn, back in town…”
Zvea nodded and picked Buddy up from where he was curled up on the ground. “That… sounds like a good place to… go.” Alyx had never seen Zvea stammer before. At least she wasn’t alone in that.
“Cool,” she said shakily. “I’ll lead the way.”
