In late 2018, after months and months of being single and so depressed that I didn't leave my house at all I finally decided to go on a date with someone. It went well and he was really nice, but after just two drinks I knew that it wouldn't become anything. The reason was because the whole time I was out that night, I couldn't stop thinking about someone else. I was eager to be back home just so I could message him, or call him. I was wondering if he was worrying about me or thinking about me while I was out, but I thought "probably not".
I got home after just a couple hours being out, I told my long distance friend how it went, that it was good but it didn't feel right, something just wasn't there and I wasn't interested in trying again. But the conversation derailed, it turns out he had been wondering about my night, and he felt uncomfortable telling me because he wants me to get out and to be happy but he didn't want to take a chance not telling me how he felt.
Both of us have been holding back for so long from saying that we have legitimate feelings for each other. We both thought that maybe there was no point because we're so far away, or we thought that saying something would potentially ruin our incredible connection that we have. Talking about literally everything there is to talk about every day. Over 100,000 messages. Hundreds of phone calls. Lots of crying. So much laughing. Wanting to share everything with each other before anyone else, looking forward to waking up every day knowing we would have something new to talk about. We couldn't believe how close we were able to feel to each other while being as far away as possible.
At this point we knew that something was supposed to happen, we couldn't just let a connection like that disintegrate because of some distance. The timing was perfect; me finally deciding to go on a date that would in turn spark the conversation about how we really felt, the conversation that would lead to another one about potentially meeting in person. The timing of him just finishing university, before having to start a job, a job that would prevent him from travelling for a long time. It was such a small window of opportunity, but it fit perfectly. We finally met after nearly three years of friendship and getting to know everything about each other. The very first day, even just the first few seconds of laying my head on his chest I knew this wasn't going to be the end of it. He felt the exact same.
On the last night we had to lay together, I needed to tell him. I couldn't let him go back to Australia without saying it, I didn't care if he didn't say it back to me. But he did (and to be honest, I kind of knew he would) We made it happen, we finally met, and to top it off we also fell in love. Now we are far apart but we're still together and we will be close again so soon, and for so much longer than 10 days. I'll never understand the events that had to happen for all of this to fall into place so perfectly... I don't believe in much but feeling this way has me convinced there's something. I love him, everything about him, how comfortable he makes me, how I always want to make him happy, how important we make each other feel, the constant support and encouragement, the understanding, the honesty, there are no boundaries to what we can talk about. Everything is open and effortless and it feels so fucking good. I can breathe and I can exist as myself. We don't care where we live as long as it's with each other. I love him.
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