Summary: After so daringly killing Snoke, Kylo runs away from the First Order rather than rising as the new Supreme Leader. He finds himself in a place from his past craving for someone to be there by his side. Surprising to him, he runs into you, someone he fell in love with years ago.
Warnings: Mention of Death, mention of abuse, trauma.
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Shoutout to @cas-backwards-tieâ for giving me some suggestions for this! Really helped a lot!Â
You just need to find someone. Kylo kept repeating to himself in his thoughts. He clenched his head as his face was buried in his inner arm, fingers laced into his knotted raven locks. Tears streamed down his freckled cheeks, dripping down onto the durasteel table he slumped over, his tears pooling into a tiny puddle of agony. His hand trembled against his hair as he periodically tightened his grip. But no one wants you.Â
Finally killing his master should have been relieving to him but now that he had run, he was terrified that the First Order would track him down and make him pay for putting an end to their precious Supreme Leader. He should have stayed and taken the title for himself, but no. He left in a panic after others had realized what he had done. They instantly ordered him to surrounded despite him being their Commander, ready to capture him for treason.Â
Those fools could never understand the dynamic that he and Snake had under the influence of the Sith where an apprenticeâs long term goal was to one day rise up against their Master. Although he was no Sith, for the longest time he had been prepared to eventually kill Snoke. But now that he had done it, it was not out of hunger for power, but rather to put to an end his abuse. For far too long he gave into the abuse of his master that he had failed to realize at first until he was too far into the manipulation.
He had been so traumatized that he was terrified to stand up to the monster in fear of being hurt again or even killed for one measly mistake. He was now free from his control, yet it still felt as if he was trapped now that he was wanted by the First Order. It was announced all over the Holonet of what happened, even a bounty placed on his head for him brought in alive. There was no doubt in his mind that he would not be met with an ounce of kindness from them.Â
His warm brown eyes flickered up to look through the cockpit window, staring out at what was left of the ruins of the Jedi Temple. It felt like just yesterday that he called it home as he learned the ways of the Force under his uncleâs wing. His lips curled into a frown at the memories. It almost felt as if he didnât deserve to be back but he needed to face his guilt once and for all.Â
Perhaps someday he wouldnât be so damaged.
Reluctantly, he got up and wiped away his tears. âStop being so kriffing afraid,â Kylo muttered out to himself, leading himself to the back of the ship. He used the Force to lower the ramp and descended down. Standing for a moment, he took in the lingering energy still left behind from the demises of the past Padawan. Then haunting silence was all that his mind could focus on as he tried to tear down any of his trauma that was rising to the forefront of his thoughts.
He bit his bottom lip as he tread through the field to walk to the remains of what once had been the Jedi temple. The memories of the flames - the scent of the burning Padawan to the dread and confusion that had washed over him - flooded his mind. After he forced himself to remain there for a few minutes in the rubble, Kylo finally made his way past headed straight for the forest beyond the temple.
Luke would often have his students adventure on through it during their training to explore, so he knew the lands quite well from his years learning to be a Jedi. His eyes scanned the tree line before he closed them, taking a second to sense the beings in the forest. There wasnât much life he could feel, thank the stars. He reluctantly walked in, pushing aside tree branches and ducked under them.Â
His soft gaze fell upon a tiny stream that he remembered so vividly from his time at the temple. A smile formed upon his lips as he recalled the first time he ventured down it with you to find what would become your secret getaway place where no one else would ever find you. The sound of the flowing water was oddly relaxing to him, helping to take his mind off of his pain and regrets. Kylo stepped over some rocks as he crossed the stream, continuing on.Â
Perhaps somewhere out there, those who he longed for were thinking of him too.Â
At the need of the stream, Kylo was led to a small pond as the water flowed down a small mount of rocks. His heart sank in the middle of his chest as his eyes met with a cloaked figure sitting upon a rock on the opposite side of the water, hand shooting down to his saber before he stopped himself. As he could feel the Force energy around, he pulled his hand away. â(Y/N)?â he breathed out in disbelief.Â
âItâs me,â As you stood up, you pulled your hood over your head to get a better look at the man you hadnât seen in years. You smiled, stepping down from the rock as Kylo approached. Tears welled up in the corners of his dark orbs once more as he stared down at you.Â
âYou- what are you doing here?â he inquired softly.Â
âI heard about what you did on the Holonet - I felt it too - and that youâre wanted by the First Order,â you explained to him. Kyloâs shivering hand rose to cup your cheek, smiling as he felt you lean into his touch without hesitation. âI had the feeling that you would come back here,â you both promised to return if anything bad ever happened, so you ventured all the way across the galaxy for your old hiding spot in hopes that he would come. âIâm so happy that I right was.â
He engulfed you in a hug, his arms snaking around your figure to hold you close to him. His right hand cradled the back of your neck. As your head rested against his broad chest, you took in the soothing beat of his heart. âBut why did you come?â he asked again. âwhy are you here with me?âÂ
âBecause youâre still the same man that I fell in love with as a Padawan,â you reminded him. The moment that you heard that he ran from the First Order after putting an end to the monster that called himself Supreme Leader, the were no doubts in your mind that he didnât want to life he had led himself to. Through the Force bond that neither of you came to sever, you could sense his pain throughout the years. So much did you wish to save him, but he never quite seemed to let himself be found. Why, you could not figure out.
âYou loved me?â he murmured.
âI never stopped,â you confessed to him. You balled his shirt into your hand and pulled Kylo down into an affectionate kiss. He sunk down into your lips as they danced against his, admiring how warm they felt. His left hand trailed down to your waste and pulled you in close to support your form as you kissed. Once you pulled away from the kiss, lips still hovering a mere two inches apart, he stared into your mesmerizing (Y/C) orbs.
âI donât understand why you would, but -âÂ
âBut nothing,â you cut him off, shaking your head faintly. âIâm here for you now. I know that youâre afraid, but you donât have to be anymore,â you sat down and pulled him down with you, reaching over to run a hand through his raven-black locks to comfort him. âIâm not going to leave you.â
Kylo simply sat with you for some time, not speaking a word as he came to process your declaration. He couldnât quite figure out why you were so willing to love him or be there for him after all that he had done to the galaxy and the pain that he must have caused you. âI⊠Iâve felt so kriffing alone. Too afraid to ever stand up against Snoke and his abuse. I was so trapped in his manipulation all because I couldnât take my life into my own hands,â he breathed. âitâs like my own mind wonât let myself be loved.â
You frowned at his admittance. So thatâs whatâs been causing him so much pain over the years? âHeâs gone now, so you donât need to be afraid anymore,â you assured him. âI want you around, believe me,â you spoke out to him in a soft tone of voice. âI wonât go anywhere no matter how much youâre scared that Iâm going to leave.â
His head rested on your shoulder as he clenched his eyes shut, attempting to compose himself as to not let his emotions seep into your energy. Once more, he ceased to respond to you, letting himself just take in your aura in comfort. It had been ages since the last time he felt so loved. After years of abuse, there was nothing to worry about except how he would be able to repay all of the support he had from you.
âI havenât told her yet, but I think that your mother is going to want to see you again,â you informed him. âsheâs been hoping for years that you would come back to her and she hasnât lost hope. As far as I can tell, itâs the same with your father. No matter what, they still love you, too.â
âPart of me canât believe that they would ever love me again,â he sighed. âbut hearing you say that means so much to meâŠâ he pulled you in for another embrace as if he thought you would fade away to prove to be some sick joke forced upon him by Snoke.Â
âI know that they still love you, and I do too,â you told him once more. âyou donât need to be alone any more.âÂ
Kylo closed his eyes as you rested against him, holding you close in comfort. Never in a million years did he expect leaving the First Order would lead him to you. But thank the stars that it did. Now he did not feel so broken with you there by his side, one of the few things of his past that he never allowed himself to forget in all his years as Snokeâs apprentice. Â
Perhaps somehow, he could feel like himself again.
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