@drizzle-e - Tumblr Blog

Every morning, I wake up and forget just for a second that it happened. But once my eyes open, it buries me like a landslide of sharp, sad rocks. Once my eyes open, I’m heavy, like there’s too much gravity on my heart.

Sarah Ockler, Twenty Boy Summer (via thelovejournals)

writingsforwinter

All of a sudden two decades have passed and you still have not kissed anyone with tongue, or kissed anyone at all for that matter, or had a 3 AM conversation with someone who would rather look into your eyes for ten minutes straight than talk. You have never worn a lover’s sweater or “forgotten” it at home in your bedroom just so you would have an excuse to see them again. You have never even stood face-to-face with someone who makes your hands shake so hard it feels like they’re both having a separate anxiety attack. This causes you much guilt and self-blame and sadness but above all, an overwhelming curiosity. Are you really that ugly, that unwanted, that uninteresting, that boring, that no one, absolutely no one, has ever looked at you like the only thing on earth? The answer is no. The better answer is that someone out there, somewhere in the world, is “wondering what it’s like to meet someone like you,” and they have two decades worth of love stored in their veins like a shoot-‘em-up drug, and they’re just about ready to inject it into someone else’s bloodstream. All you have to do is roll up your sleeves and wait for it to happen. At times you felt so lonely you could stand at the edge of a cliff with nothing beneath you but air and grass and a long, long way down, and you’d still feel emptier than that canyon itself. Maybe you even danced with yourself alone in your room a few times, arms outstretched around a ghost, pretending someone else’s hands were on your waist, someone else’s eyes boring into yours. Or maybe you fell temporarily in love with strangers on public transportation, fell in love with anybody who so much as accidentally brushed your hand on the way past. For you, falling in love with dozens of people a day was a coping mechanism for not having anyone to love you in return. But people are not eggs and falling in love with a dozen of them does not mean your shell will remain uncracked. One day you’re going to hit the point where you’re so desperate for human contact that you’re going to snap in half and all your love will bleed out like egg yolk. But someone out there is eating a bowl of Ramen noodles right now, or putting on slippers, or settling into bed. They are doing all the normal things that you’ve done in your own life. They are just like you. They have cellulite and extra fat in all the wrong places and goals and fears and doubts and bad handwriting. The truth is that they are just like you, and being just like you, they’re looking for a lover too. They’re what you might call a soulmate. They think they’re all alone in feeling the way they do, but you’re really both two halves of a whole. And one day you’ll meet them, bump into them on the street, and your two halves will be put together, and you’ll make one.

Writings For Winter - For Twenty Year-Olds who have never been loved (via bl-ossomed)

suspend

“I honestly don’t know how it’s possible to miss someone so much”

— 3 am thoughts (via suspend)

oknope

“I believe we are all poets at heart. We just have to go through something that will compel us to put our thoughts into words”

— 3 am thoughts (via suspend)

filmswithoutfaces

Normal People (2020)

suspend

“‘I understand’ doesn’t mean that it’s okay or it doesn’t hurt.”

— (via bloody)

nadyajulia

Day 10: Your Best Friend

Tanpa bermaksud terdengar congkak, tapi gue selalu merasa diri gue ya sahabat gue sendiri. Mencari cara berjuang menafkahi diri sendiri, mencoba peruntungan kesana kemari; ya karena walaupun udah ditolak dan dikucilkan berkali-kali, diri ini tetep kekeuh lanjut lagi.

Mungkin terdengar aneh sih, tapi kadang gue suka baca postingan Tumblr lama gue dan merasa terinspirasi lagi; dan akhirnya gue jadi ga menyerah. Mungkin tulisan lama gue mengingatkan gue pernah ada di titik terendah, dan gue tetep push through. Jadi kalo ada di titik rendah lagi, harus push through lagi.

Di satu sisi, gue menyadari gue adalah pribadi yang kompleks, yang kadang sulit dimengerti sama orang lain. Gue tidak menyalahkan masa lalu gue, tapi tentu yang gue lalui di kehidupan gue bersama keluarga, di tempat kerja, dan lainnya, membentuk sisi insecure, sisi lebih suka menyendiri; makanya bersyukur banget dikasih pasangan yang pengertiannya luar biasa, sampe kadang gue ga menyangka dikasih dukungan dan pengertian segini besarnya.

Saat hidup lo merasa gagal; mau karir lo, percintaan lo, apapun itu… Percayalah sama diri lo sendiri, percaya kalo sedih lo sekarang hanya sementara, kecewa lo sekarang hanya sementara, tapi abis itu lo harus bangkit lagi, kalo lo harus paksain ya paksain. Karena kalo lo masih bernafas dan bisa baca postingan ini, artinya hidup lo masih ada tujuan, dan lo bisa sampai disitu. Bahkan jauh lebih dari apa yang lo mau.

suspend

“You make lists in your head about what you want in a lover, like brown hair and a sweet voice. A sharp mind and a soft heart, a sense of humor that actually makes you laugh like you mean it. This and that. And it’s all bullshit. Because people aren’t lists. And I’ve always wanted to be the person who made someone realize that. I want to come across someone with a list in their head that is nothing like the person I am, and I want to show them what they didn’t even know they were looking for. People who think they know what they want are fooling themselves. Nobody really knows what they want. Not until it’s right in front of them.”

— Anonymous (via suspend)

leerang

You did a good job.

gredta

In the last 3 months, every time I pray, I always asked to Allah “if he is the right one for me then please keep him to always be close to me, but if he isn’t right for me then please keep him away and give me some proof that he isn’t the right one”.

After that, Allah answered it; he left me without any specific reasons. He left me.

You know it hurts and I can’t accept that until now because I sincerely love him.

#personal #life #love #hurt #pain #sad