Dromophobia

Dromophobia: the fear of crossing streets Every day I have to be very aware when I cross the street, because if I do not make a point of paying attention I will just stand their to get hit my a car. To end my life. I feel crazy every second of every day. I am suicidal and incredibly depressed. I had things under control for awhile but I lost it all again. I feel like I am going to explode everyday, and everyday that I don't explode I feel like I should kill myself. This is an honest blog about what goes on in my head. I am tired of lying to everyone and telling them "I'm fine!" with a smile plastered on my face. So this is my place to be me. I don't encourage self-harm or suicide, and I think that if you feel depressed or just lost that you should get help. However, I cannot tell you what to do. I do not believe that suicide is selfish. I understand the need for an out, a final end to all the pain. But don't let it be a rash decision. I would have killed myself many times had I just done it on impulse. Everything is shit, and i'm exhausted from trying, but I have to believe just a little bit that maybe, just maybe, I won't feel this way forever.

[perrfectly]

All the hardest, coldest, people you will ever meet were once as soft as water. And that’s the tragedy of living

Ian Thomas  (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)

[dromophobia]

Being ghosted might be my biggest pet peeve

[dromophobia]

how many times can i get played until I learn

A: I just feel used I guess

E: yea. Can I apologize. Like seriously. Cause you don’t deserve that. I am sorry

A: I feel like I bring it on myself

E: nooooo. I mean in other cases with other guys idk. But not with me. Can I ask you something?

A: Yea. You can ask whatever, we might as well be honest with each other.

E: So I like talking to you and I want to remain on a friend level. Would you agree?

A: yea

E: Cool. I don’t want to feel like I have to block you or hide anything from anyone

A: but you do

E: I know and I don’t want to. I don’t know what my future holds, but I know that as of now i’m in a relationship and I must be loyal.

A: Otherwie you wouldn’t block me and you’d be able to contact me when your gf is in town and not just when you’re horny or lonely or whatever it is

E:that what I want. I want us to be on a friend level. 

A: Then don’t make me feel like i’m here for just sex. Honesly I just feel like shit about it

E: well that’s all my fault A. And i’m sorry.

A: And I haven’t been innocent in it all, I know that. I’m obviously attraced to you and am aware you’re in a relationship.

E: Cause all in all you are a beautiful person, and quite fascinating to converse with. I just want us both to respect everything, I want to be on a cool friend level, and if either of us start to ever get raunchy just say hey, cool it down now ha. You get what i;m trying to say. I feel bad and shitty and just over acting like this.

A: I’m living life not knowing what i;m doing or where I’m gonna be living in a few months and it freaks me out. It also doesn;t make it easy to start any relationships so it can be lonely and I guess with you its always been easy to fall back into sexting or whatever and for the brief moment it helps but then I feel horrible about myself and your relationship.

E: I’m sure it can feel very lonely. I feel the same. But I want to be friends A cause like I said, you aren’t basic bitch status ha, I know a cool cat when I meet one and that’s you

A: haha I can be pretty basic. It kinda hurts when you sext me then I see you post something about your gf on instagram. Like I get that’s your relationship but I feel like scum. 

E: wwell most people think of theirselves as plain, but it takes the eyes of nother to see their beauty. I know. I think about it too and it I hurt myself.

A: Well thanks but seriously i;m just fucking around in life trying to figure myself out right now. I wanna be friends too though. Just don’t make me feel so used if you’re gonna be a real friend to me.

E: That’s why I wanted to talk to you about this and kind of just straighten things out because I feel like for the past two years all we do is sext. and honestly i’d rather talk and here about you instead of that. Okay. cool. So friends it is :) that makes me happy inside. 

[dromophobia]

I just wish you wanted to talk to me the way I want to talk to you

[ouch]

[dromophobia]

The future is terrifying

[dromophobia]

I don't think I can ever get married cause here's the thing; it takes me months to get over a crush. A year to get over someone I was talking to but didn't even date. Imagine what would happen if I got divorced?

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

To venture causes anxiety, but not to venture is to lose one’s self.

Søren Kierkegaard (via psych-facts)

[rachaeldee]

Follow your bliss, and doors will open for you that you never knew existed. Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were once only walls. – Joseph Campbell

[rachaeldee]

thankful to be reminded of this day and this love and this truth

[wordsnquotes]

I want to do things for people they will never forget. Maybe that’s the best thing I can do in life.

Simon van Booy, The Secret Lives of People in Love (via wordsnquotes)

[dromophobia]

Is it weird that you made your Instagram private right after I made mine private?

[psych-facts]

People cry, not because they’re weak. It’s because they’ve been strong for too long.

Johnny Depp (via psych-facts)

[dromophobia]

I just think there’s something really beautiful and terrifying and vulnerable that is shown through tears.

[ubercharge]

this blog is pro turn signal

[dromophobia]

Positive thing here is that I hate myself more than anyone else can

[pale-nightingale-deactivated201]

[weltenwellen]

Good intentions don’t excuse bad behavior. You will always enjoy yourself less when you have planned for it. Grief has no solution. Let it be. Not forgiving someone destroys you more than it destroys them. Sometimes there are no amount of encouraging words to pull someone out of the sheer exhaustion and melancholy of being alive. People see you the most when you don’t want to be seen at all. Honest laughs must be drawn out until all the air is gone. Like a balloon. Panic attacks exist to make you think your life is wrong. It is nearly impossible to maintain a close friendship when one person is depressed and the other is not. Not really knowing someone is what makes a life look interesting. Like when the movie trailer is better than the movie. If you need them to care more than they do, it won’t happen. Ever. Learning to dance in public without pretense is incredibly liberating, and people will envy you for it. There is a spiritual war raging inside all of us. Deciding to do something different just because you know it’s different does not make you unique. Unique is liking what you like. Unique is shamelessly admitting how much you still love that band even after they’ve sold out. Being alone is powerful. People don’t praise others because they’re afraid there will be no glory left for them. Nostalgia is the art of abandoning details. You’re never fooling anyone nearly as much as you’re fooling yourself. Small talk is THE WORST. No one hates the prettiest person in the room more than the 2nd prettiest person in the room. Regrets are useful, not useless. Dwelling is useless. Humbling yourself is the biggest component of self-improvement. It’s easier to get in your own way than it is for anyone else to. Kindness is the fastest way to earn respect. Depression is a lack of willingness. Opposites attract because they have so much to learn from each other. If you have to test their love, you’re not worthy. Half-hearted encouragement is worse than no encouragement at all. If a woman is constantly being let down by a man, it’s because she doesn’t know how powerful it is to be a woman. Nothing could be more bittersweet than knowing that it’s not going to play out the way you envision it. Helping people is the most rewarding thing on the planet and the least practiced. If you had everything figured out about anything, you wouldn’t be here. The more you don’t wear makeup, the better you look without it. Love is not rare. Unconditional love is. You’re the only one who thinks your family is embarrassing. Getting rid of one vice means replacing it with another. It’s all in your head. Literally.

Amy Shock (via splitterherzen)