If I Don't Say This Now, I Will Surely Break.

[drowninginwordsleftunsaid]

[drowninginwordsleftunsaid]

I loved you and you left .

Why did you have to die?

[drowninginwordsleftunsaid]

Letter 1/many that I have written over the years .

[drowninginwordsleftunsaid]

She felt nothing She is nothing She was nothing She wanted nothing.

She sought answers and found nothing She sought redemption and gained nothing She sought happiness and felt nothing She sought an ending and remained nothing.

She wondered if she could feel something She wondered if she could be something She wondered if anyone could notice something She wished there was something.

She wanted the nothing to turn into something She wanted to feel and be something She wanted someone to notice something So that they could help her not be nothing.

Alas, she was still nothing And now she can never be something.

[drowninginwordsleftunsaid]

Feeling like nothing.

[chrrywhine]

[drowninginwordsleftunsaid]

Honestly so lost lately. Why did everything have to become so messy?

[13rwhyblog]

[anaestheti-c-deactivated2016060]

[mercysex]

[drowninginwordsleftunsaid]

Can’t believe it has been 6 years. Everything and nothing has changed. From being in one to working in one. It’s so lonely having such a secret and no one to understand

She lay on her bed looking up at the ceiling with her hands both resting under her head. So many thoughts plagued her mind. She counted each panel on the ceiling, carefully examining each one although each was identical. Her focus drifted from counting to listening to the soft voices coming from the next room as she could hear her friend showing her mother her room pointing out various aspects of it. Her friend dwelled on the small aspects of each object as she avoided conversation that held any meaning. She pitied her friend in a way; whilst she never had any visitors herself she pitied her friend for having to talk to her mother every day in a place like this, making awkward but polite conversation as they both side stepped talking about why she had ended up there. Their conversation hushed as the dreaded phrase rang out of the speakers “Code grey, level two, banksia ward”. Her heart broke as she pieced together the day’s events, coming to the conclusion to what had happened. She hesitantly slid out of her bed and leant against the doorway, not surprised to see that her friend and her mother had done the same. At first she thought he was screaming in a language she was unfamiliar with however to her despair she soon realized that what he was speaking was broken and destroyed English. She could hear the pain and anguish in his voice as he screamed for anyone to help him but she knew that she could not help him as much as it killed her inside.  She turned away as he lashed out at the nurses trying to sedate him, screaming about what had happened to him and yelling in pure rage questioning why no one had tried to help him. She couldn’t take it anymore so she closed the door and buried her head in her pillow in a desperate attempt to drown out the screams. It was in that moment that she realized that she could never be the same once she left.

[drowninginwordsleftunsaid]

He died alone away from all that he loved in a psychiatric ward. How is that just?

[youobviouslyloveonew]

It’s late and I have school tomorrow but I wanted to get this out there for people who are suffering and struggling as well as for myself. Life is tough but things can be better.

Please take care of yourself.

Be safe.

[drowninginwordsleftunsaid]

It is honestly so hard being on placement in a psych ward and no one knowing that you have previously admitted into one and being reminded of it every time you walk through those doors

[harshlips]

[lucid-trickery]

[lostblackswan-deactivated201901]