big dick tim @drthrry-blog - Tumblr Blog

so my dad often says “richard cranium” instead of dickhead and i just fucking realized my dad has been using the ‘me, an intellectual:’ meme for my entire fucking life

twitterlols

tychography-deactivated20161203

Reblog if you’re dead

Wanna see how many people are dead

arandomguy163

Its like the 80’s all over again, a remorseless madwoman runs the UK, a maniacal bastard runs the US, the world’s on the brink of nuclear war and all I want to do is listen to synthpop

straightwhiteboyproblems

unclefather

onlytwitterpics

relatablephotosofjustinmcelroy

cervicks-deactivated20141013

not killing myself is a personal achievement but you cant really brag about that at dinner parties

vivienvalentino

hoebutmadefashion

agownofcoalandglowingflame

Making fun of your internet friends like

joelcarroll

For those that wonder about Cars anatomy, here’s Thomas the Tank Engine’s true form

iamtheaardvark

i am so UNCOMFORTABLE

latinkilledtheromans

MYSTERY STORY TIME

So there was a single, solitary kiwi on our counter in the kitchen.

And I decided to make fun of my roommate for it, because who buys one, single, solitary kiwi? So I asked her that.

Roommate: I didn’t buy a kiwi.

Me: This isn’t your kiwi?

Roommate: No?

Me: But this isn’t my kiwi.

Roommate: That kiwi was there when I got home.

Me: I don’t even eat kiwi!

As you can see, it’s a real kiwi. Here it is, on my counter, giving away nothing.

But I was still confused as to where it came from. Did one of us accidentally buy a kiwi at the store?

So I looked up the Kiwiny company to figure out which stores it’s sold at, to see which one of us might have bought it, since we tend to use different grocery stores.