fuck this life

i’m done with recovery

[drunknothing]

goodnight :)

[drunknothing]

how many substances do i need to abuse to feel literally fucking anything

[drunknothing]

i don’t think it’s too late to restart. i don’t know that i totally believe in reincarnation but there’s a chance that i could do all this over again. i wouldn’t mess up so much the next time around. i wouldn’t ruin my body and destroy any chance at love that i could ever have. i am going to do better the next time around. god, i really hope i can remember my mistakes. it’s worth a shot, right?

[drunknothing]

i never have to do anything ever again. i didn’t make myself vomit because i needed to, i just wanted to. fuck you.

[drunknothing]

new driving term: angel cars

when it’s really rainy/foggy and you’re driving on the highway and you can’t see anything, then another car merges in front of you and are driving the same speed as you so you can follow their taillights until your exit

[drunknothing]

i know eating disorders don’t have an age restriction but damn i’m starting to feel way too old to have an eating disorder

[drunknothing]

I haven’t shitposted on here in way too long and that is a damn shame

New P!ATD album name idea: A Stomachache You Can’t Shit Out

[drunknothing]

things that happened today that i am proud of:

i brushed my hair

i brushed my teeth

i got a $1 raise

i showered

[drunknothing]

seeing someone online and thinking “hey i wanna look like that” then looking for their pronouns to see how trans i am

[drunknothing]

wonder if any of my og followers are still here

y’all remember when this was a pro ana page?

[drunknothing]

my coworker told me i look skinny!!!

[drunknothing]

just moved out of my dads house, my eating has not been awesome because i’m so afraid of judgement from my roommates, i can feel my eating disorder coming back so i try to look up youtube videos on cheap easy meals and fuckin youtube throws this in my face. i think it’s a sign.

“You might also like this” literally choke on my entire dick and balls youtube

[drunknothing]

someone please help me. something is in my head. i watched it reach its hands into my skull and into my brain. dark, shadowy hands. i didn’t do anything to stop it, it was calming me down from the panic attack i was having. but it’s still in there, in my brain, and it won’t leave. no matter how hard i slam my head, it won’t leave. someone help me, it hurts.

[drunknothing]

does anybody else get the uncontrollable urge to repeatedly slam your head onto some sort of blunt corner or is that just another space to fill in on my mental illness bingo card

[drunknothing]

officially tired to the point of seeing spiders

[drunknothing]

one year sober.

[drunknothing]

i never really struggled with strong relapse urges before, none that lasted more than a few hours, but holy fuck it’s been weeks and every day i just want to drink more and more. i’ll be one year sober on the 22nd, that’s the only thing keeping me going.