Teapotnesss

Give that chicken a kazoo

[liquidstar]

it’s really frustrating how you have to wait like, 2 weeks before you can drink milk after you buy it. i know you gotta wait for the date on the bottle but like why cant the store just sell the milk thats ready?

[liquidstar]

[softlyfiercely]

i love how weird kids are. they make up the most bizarre stuff when left to their own devices and it's never what an adult would naively predict a kid would do in their imaginative play

my friend's 5 year old recently got a toy veterinary medicine set - it's super cool, like one of those mini play kitchens a lot of kids have, but it's set up to pretend to be a vet (it's this thing) - it has stuffed animals and things to weigh them, give them medicine, take x-rays, write on their charts, etc.

so this kid, who is five and to my knowledge has no experience in the administrative bureaucracy of modern healthcare, puts a stuffed pig named Piggy on the exam table. she pretends to draw blood from Piggy using a fake syringe, and the blood goes into a toy test tube vial that she calls "the resulter"

i'm playing with her, right, so i'm like, awesome, what are the results of Piggy's blood test? and she says "we have to send it to the scientists." so we send the vial to the scientists (put it in her bedroom) and when we get back to the vet playset i'm like awesome what did the scientists say? and she says they have not gotten back to us yet

so she rolls her eyes, exasperated, and says we have to call the scientists. she pretends to call them. apparently, they tell her that Piggy's blood test is "at the bottom of the list" and "we have to WAIT." she frowns. we wait a bit longer and call them back. they tell us it will be a while! she says we should go ask the scientists in person so we go back to her bedroom and she inquires at this imaginary lab, at which point the scientists yell at her and tell her now they will make us wait even longer!

keep in mind she is 100% directing this play. she is making all this up. she is fully in control of this game, and she has decided that what we are going to pretend is that we are dealing with this exhausting nonsense, not actually treating Piggy.

finally the blood tests come back. they are inconclusive. the scientists do not know what is wrong with Piggy. the little girl walks back to the stuffed pig on the exam table, sighs deeply, and says in a very serious voice "we can never help you."

i'm obsessed with this kid. when given complete control over a make believe scenario, instead of becoming the heroic rescuer administering effective cures, she is instead a beleaguered vet making multiple calls to an overworked lab only to be left unable to help her patient.

10/10 no notes. kids are amazing

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I used to watch a toddler and this one time she decided that my arm stretched across a doorway was a magic portal to other lands. My arm was a boom gate type of thing that had to raise up to let her go through the portal. I was like, cool, we're gonna go on adventures in some imaginary world full of stuff she likes.

Nope, she spent an hour troubleshooting and repairing the gate, which was broken in multiple ways. We never activated it.

[splendidland]

my idea for a new disney world ride. please signal boost this so that this ride can be at disney world.

[identitty-dickruption]

gotta love having perfect blood. "good news! you have nothing wrong with you!" awesome. could you pass that on to my body please. I think there's someone in here who needs to get on top of that information. and by "someone" let's just say. my immune system

[vortexanomaly]

[elvis-official]

You love ALL transgenders?? Even the ones who do anti trans propaganda like Blair White & Caitlynn Jenner???

Can people just be normal on this website for five minutes

[junegoose]

[sailermoon]

huge shout out to this little kid for writing my favorite poem

[tboyrory]

So I’m at the stage in my transition where I’ve switched to the men’s bathroom, because people swear up and down I pass (hey, note to all the cis people reading this, DON’T tell your trans friends they pass just to make us feel better, this shit can put us in actual danger if we believe you! Just be honest! Tell me if I’m clockable, it’s for my safety!)

Anyway, so I go into the men’s restroom today, it’s empty, only guy in there is a worker that’s cleaning the stalls. There’s a freshly cleaned one thank fuck. Right as I’m about ready to enter, a group of at least five or more cis boys (late teens or young adults) head right in and I just hear, “hey, this is the men’s right?”

I duck into the stall. I sit there for ten minutes waiting for these guys to leave, they’re loud as fuck and yelling at each other and one of them won’t shut the fuck up about a “woman in the bathroom” with them. And his friends are all like, “really, where?” “I think a stall” and I just have to sit there until they leave. I’m texting my friend in the stall because she’s right outside. She’s trying to assure me that they aren’t paying attention to me, they’re likely just doing their business. No, one of them, the one that clocked me, was very much interested in me. She tells me when they’ve finally left.

She seems to understood that I was in some danger, but I had to explain to her just how much, because she really thought I could just walk out of there and be okay. “What, did you think they’d like ambush you outside the stall? Or harass you?”

Fucking yes? One of them kept saying “there’s a woman in here” to his friends. And why did it take so fucking long for them to finally leave?

On a funny note, someone came over to the stall, and some guy was like, “I think someone’s tryna take a shit in there” it was just me waiting lmao. Also I’m two years on testosterone, high dose, I need people to shut the fuck up about how we all pass perfectly after like a year.

[identitty-dickruption]

every time I mention how many days sober I am I appreciate people congratulating me and telling me to keep up the good work. it is nice. but I also wish that milestones in addiction recovery weren’t still so pinned to length of sobriety/abstinence

yeah yeah I’m 50 days sober who cares. how about the fact that, when I do drink, it tends to be nipped in the bud after two days nowadays instead of weeks or months? how about the fact that drinking has been condensed to a six pack because I’m at the end of my tether, instead of browning out every night? how about my friend who has decided to stop drinking alone, and is actually sticking to that? recovery doesn’t always look like sobriety and I wish it was more normal to talk about that. yknow. when addiction is normal to talk about at all

[segamascott]

[solidsnake]

got eaten up with 3 words

[hofessorx]

you coming back to tell us here

[kaijuno]

[capacity2]

The cure to anxiety is completing all the tasks you have to finish for the day early and doing them phenomenally and being physically perfect and on everyone’s good side preferably even their favorite.

[thebootydiaries]

[nealashitposts]

So for members of bdsm Dungeons, it's a rule that you don't approach other members if you see them on public for privacy reasons. They might not want people knowing they're a freak.

That said, it's normal to make friends in that space who you hang out with, outside of kink stuff. When that happens and people asked where I met my friend, my go-to line was "Spin-class," which is a very funny joke if you know me even a little. Very not my scene.

Well, funnily enough, while I was working at a homeless shelter, we had a very similar rule because of the homeless stigma. If a guest from the Shelter sees you outside of work, you don't acknowledge or approach them. They can approach you, but you don't tell whoever you're with where you know them. The guest gets to decide if they want to share that info.

Smash cut to me being out with a friend I met at the dungeon a very long time ago. I bump into a guest from the shelter who approaches me to chat. My friend asks how I know the guest, and without thinking, I blurt out "spin class" before remembering that's my go to lie for how I ment dungeon friends. These two proceed to have a conversation, neither fully understood.

Friend: ooohhhh okay i get it. Spin class! Me too. Stopped taking that class a while ago tho.

Guest. Oh for real? That's sick man, good for you! You got a good set up now?

Friend: The best!! I've taken up wood working so my furniture is all custom. Got plenty of space to do "spin" at home. It's coming together.

Guest: Hell yeah brother!!!

Friend: was really good to have my own space during the rona, but man it's lonely! I kinda miss the group dynamics.

Guest: Yeah, i heard that from my homie when he got out of "Spin class!" But it's for the best.

Friend: it can be, but its not for everybody. Can be safer to Spin in a group.

Guest: i know that. Lost a few homie to "spinning" alone. At least at the "class" you got other eyes on you.

Friend: I'm sorry to hear that! You know some elements of "Spinning" are risky but you never think anyone would get hurt. So, my buddy here still a real hard ass for safety?

Guest: oh man you dont even know. They revamped our whole fire escape plan.

Friend: Oh shit! They did that back when i was in Spin class too!

Guest: still improving the system i guess.

Friend: they still keep a bunch of robes outside in a shed so people who get out can cover up?

Guest: Yes!!!

Friend: Did you know it's their fault we have a 30 second rule!

Guest: Damn really!?! Makes sense tho, if there's a fire you gotta get out fast!

Friend: Yeah, I Never gave it much thought before they brought it up, but yeah the last thing you want is a fire when you're all tired up!

Guest: Yeah, that's true. I didn't know they came up with the rule, tho. I do like having the space between the beds clear...

Friend: Yeah it's so annoying when people block the path with their shit.

Guest: Yeah there's not enough space between beds for people to be hording shit.

Friend: Yeah! I loved that they always got people to keep their area clear.

Guest: not gonna lie i hate being told to clean up but it is better that way.

Friend: Yeah... haha.

Guest: well it was nice chatting with you brother.

Friend: you too, man! See ya around!

Guest: see ya!

Me:

[nealashitposts]

@mageless

Oh my friend, I shit an entire brick house.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I love that wherever you go you're the safety gremlin

[catchymemes]

[antique-scarecrow]

THE FUCKING PUNCHLINE, I’M ENDED

[i-tried-and-i-lost]

THE PUNCHLINE I’M DEAD

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I don't understand people who are all like "I'm not really happy in this relationship but I don't want to be alone" like why not? Not being in a relationship is the dream. A mediocre partner shouldn't be a safety net or consolation prize, your partner should be amazing enough to beat out the really fucking awesome position of being unattached. It's fucking great. If your partner's making you unhappy then not having one is better, trust me.

Also if you're worried about being "alone" you don't need a romantic partner you need a circle of friends. Join an art club at your local library or something.

(This post is about people who are settling not people with practical concerns like 'cannot afford to live alone' or 'we're raising kids together and it's be worse for everyone to go through the mess of a breakup' or 'I am disabled and because of my country's shitty shitty support system my quality of life would tank severely and I could easily die if I break up with my partner', those are important and very different problems. Let's not piss on the poor here.)