The blinding sun in my face awakened me, that and the discomfort of sleeping in a sitting position. I guess I forgot to pull the sun blocker over the clear window. A small yawn escaped my lips as I stretched a little, hearing a few cracks. A smile crept onto my face at Ariana sleeping peacefully with her head resting in my lap.
“Look at you smirking like a school girl.” I kissed my teeth at this Asian nigga Michael. He always got jokes.
“Nigga, shut up. You just mad your bitch ain’t on the bus.” I chuckled, just as Ariana fidgeted in her sleep. I pulled her hair out of her face, before I leaned down kissing Ari’s forehead.
“You damn right I am. A nigga could be getting some quality head as we speak.” This nigga. He has no chill. All he talks about is fucking bitches and getting what he calls ‘quality head.’ “How in the fuck did you pull that off anyway?”
“I just reminded coach that my family donates annually to this college’s sports program. So it would be a shame to give them a call, to let them know that their son is being mistreated.” Ty and now Mijo both shook their heads. “And then I refused to play if he didn’t give me what I wanted.”
I chuckled as I watched my boys hunched over in laughter. “Were you really gon sit out the tournament if he didn’t let Ari come?” Shad asked as people began to shush us because of our loud laughter. But, what they fail to realize is that I couldn’t give two fucks about the silence they were demanding. As long as we weren’t disturbing Ari, I’m good.
“Hell yeah. I was.” I answered truthfully.
“Call it what you want. I need her here.” I looked down at how stress-free my baby appeared to be. If I had my way, I’d make it so that a smile was permanently etched onto her beautiful face.
Soon after that conversation, I was out cold once again. Only this time, I didn’t wake again until I could feel soft lips caressing my own. Along with every piece of skin on my cheeks. I opened my eyes to a grinning Ari. I cleared my throat as I held her in place. “What are you up to?”
I watched on as each of her shoulders rose and fell. “I don’t know. I woke up with the urge to kiss you.”
My head shook from side to side, as I chuckled at her. “You’re weird.”
“Oh yeah?” She challenged, as she looked into my eyes and straddled my waist, with a sly smirk.
I looked around at a couple of eyes on us, mostly on her. I leaned closer to her, so close that our mouths were damn near touching. “You do realize that you have a bus full of horny niggas watching us right now?”
She took a look around for herself before she quickly removed herself from my lap, with a look of embarrassment just as Shad came back to his seat. “Hey Shaddy!”
Aria called out to Shad, stopping him in his tracks just before the niggas within earshot burst into laughter. “Wright get your girl.” A read faced Shad warned me. I pulled Ari closer into my side, as a few guys cracked jokes on Shad.
Shortly after we were exiting the bus and entering the hotel we’d be staying in over the next couple of days. I kept Ari close because of the fact that she was the only female around. Cheerleaders and especially, girlfriends were prohibited from riding on the players’ bus and sleeping on the same floor.
The team got our usual lecture and warning about our behavior while staying at the hotel. Annoyed with hearing the same tired and old speech, I ignored the coaching staff and decided on messing with Ari, who was a little too focused on listening, but once they laid down the law, we were excused to our rooms. My boys and I made plans to meet up later, but as for now I was focused on getting Ari and myself settled into our room.
It was an average size room, housing two beds, with a nightstand dividing the space. Our bags were delivered to our door during our talk in the lobby and were awaiting our arrival to the room. “What do you want to do first?”
“Uhhh, pee.” I narrowed my eyes at her. “And after that?”
“Shower.” She shouted from the bathroom. “I feel sort of icky after that long bus ride. You know?” I didn’t know, but she did give me a couple of ideas, as to what I wanted to do.
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“I’m never letting you shower with me again.” Ari pouted as I squeezed her tiny waist and tucked my face into her neck, while she smiled at our reflection in the mirror.
“Why?” I whispered into her ear, before she stopped my adventurous hands in their pursuit to feel her flawless skin.
Ari giggled as she shook her head. “That’s why. I can’t do anything without you feeling me up babe.”
“Well that’s your fault.”
Through the mirror, Ari’s eyebrows rose in shock, before she turned to face me, arms folded across her chest. “Elaborate. Please. Explain to me why your wandering hands are my fault sir.”
With a sly smirk and her eyes narrowed onto my face, I repeated her actions. “Because if you weren’t so beautiful I wouldn’t have to touch you and feel up on you all the damn time.”
There was a moment where we were just staring at each other, before her smirk crept onto her pretty face. “You’re dumb and I’m questioning my sanity for loving you.” Ari rose to the ball of her feet, connecting her luscious pair of lips to mine.
Her towel fell to the tiled floor as her arms found their way to the nape of my neck. I devoured her soft lips as the temperature went from a cool fall day, returning to a warm summer night in the south, in a matter of minutes. In the heat of the moment, I lifted her onto the counter top, spreading her legs to make room for myself between them.
Her hand fell, while the other pulled me closer once my tongue connected to her neck and made its way down her body. Stopping every time it found a new taste that demanded my undivided attention.
“Damn it Chris.” With each breath choppy, Ariana shouted as best as she could, disconnecting our bodies with a push to my chest. Sending me back a step or two.
“What?” I questioned as I tried to control my own breathing. “What? What I do? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I’m fine.” Ari joked, but the look in her eyes let me know that things with Ariana were far from okay. “This is the reason…” She paused as she stared into outer space. “…the reason we can’t get anything done.”
I watched her as her dry chuckle ended and I continued to do so as she hopped down, retrieving her towel and exiting into the bedroom. Where she dressed her-self and I followed suit. And during this time, Ari talked about nothing that stuck with me. “What movie do you want to watch?”
“No.” Ari stopped her seemingly happy babbling long enough to realize that I’d spoken and faced me.
“What do you mean no silly?” She went to caress my face, but I grabbed her wrist stopping her dead in her tracks. Slowly, the smile on her face decimated until it transformed into a worried stare. Her eyes wandered over my appearance and I knew she was confused, but so am I.
“For about a week now I’ve given you a pass. I’ve let you cry yourself to sleep. Isolate yourself from you friends and your family…me. I ignored everything thinking that you just needed time. Time.” I looked up at her as she bit her bottom lip, out of anticipation for the place my little speech is going to land, then my sight moved to her watery eyes.
“I just want you to be better.” I stressed.
“I am better.” Ari’s voice as low as a whisper.
I reached my hand out, caressing her cheek, with her permission. “Do you even know why I’m so adamant about showering with you?” Ari shook her head after some thought and shrugged. “I hear you crying in the shower baby.”
“That’s the last thing I want to do.”
“It’s what you need.” I proclaimed. This time I wasn’t letting her off the hook. I’m tired of watching her force herself to be happy. She shouldn’t have to pretend. “I get sad thinking about it too baby.”
“Stop it Chris.” She stormed off, going straight for her shoes. Ari sat on the bed, placing one foot into her white high top converse sneakers.
“Where are you going?” I questioned her as she approached the door to exit our room.
Ari looked back at me with a look I had never seen from her. A look I could not read, not before she spoke her last word. “OUT!”
That was the last time I saw her. I waited, for an hour, thinking that she would come to her senses, but that moment never came. Next came my annoyance at her will to ignore me, when I had her best interest at heart.
So I left. I texted Michael and learned that the crew, with the exception of Shad, was chilling in his room. I shot Shad a text, letting him know the deal, before I made my way to Mike’s room.
I was greeted at the door by some chick I didn’t know I’d barely made it through the door, when yet another unknown chick, bumped into m on her way out. Mijo was close behind. “You’re going to call me right?” This naïve girl inquired.
“Yeah. As soon as I get a chance.” He vowed and even I knew that was a promise he never intended to keep, before he shut the door in her face.
I took a seat in the corner and pulled my phone out of my pocket, finding that my cell was still free of any missed text messages or calls. I’ve been texting Ari since the moment she slammed the door that connected our room to the hall.
The silence on her end was beginning to piss me off. Especially because she was angry at me for trying to help her. The more I thought of it, the more I called her. “This is Ari. I can’t reach the phone right now. So leave a message and I’ll get back to you. Chris!” She squealed my name before the phone beeped.
My thoughts brought me to the day she recorded it. We were chilling at my crib when I asked her did she get a new phone and she said no. “Then why isn’t your voicemail set-up.”
“Because I don’t need it. I never checked it before and I was always so annoyed when I saw the icon letting me know the stupid thing was full.” I climbed on top of her, hovering over her body as she looked up to me with curious eyes. “What?”
“You’re cute as hell when you’re ranting.” I pecked her nose.
“I was not ranting.” I rolled my eyes, with a chuckle. “Okay. So you gonna set your voicemail up now?”
“And why would I do that Mr. Wright?” She smiled as she played in my growing hair and I closed my eyes at how good it felt.
“For one, if I couldn’t get ahold of you, I could just leave you a voicemail.” I explained as I got comfortable on her pillow like breast.
“Or you could text me.” She sang into my ear.
“Can you just do this one thing for your man?” I pouted. A face I knew she couldn’t resist. “Please babe.”
Ari looked into my eyes before she rolled her light brown pair, simultaneously with a sigh. “Fine.”
I watched from my spot on top of her as she recorded the message. I watched on in amusement as she screamed my name from the shock of me biting her nipple through the shirt she was wearing.
“Chris.” Shad calling my name brought me back to the present. “Yo.” I answered as he dapped me up.
“I need to talk to you in the hall.” I looked at him strange because of his odd request, but never-the-less, I followed him into the hall. “Wassup?”
“I want to start by telling you that no matter what I’m about to tell you. I need you to remain calm.” If only he knew that the only thing I care about is finding Ari. I’m pissed and worried at the same time. She’s in a city where she doesn’t know anybody and the one person she does know, she’s choosing to ignore. “Spoke nigga.”
Shad took a deep breath. “I know where Ariana is.”
“What?” I asked very confused.
“I know where she is.” He repeated. “Where is she?”
“Okay, then let’s go.” I responded with relief.
“Wait.” Shad caught up to me, halting my movements. “Wait? What are we waiting for? Take me to my girlfriend.”
“Look. A little while ago I found her crying her eyes out. She wouldn’t tell me why, but I managed to talk to her into coming back to my room with me.” I nodded for him to continue.
“Once we got back to my room, her tears had slowed down, but they were still falling. I tried to get her to talk to me, but all she would tell me is that you two had a fight. That’s it.”
“So, explain to me why you can’t take me to her.” I was becoming frustrated because none of this made sense.
“Right. Well, once I got the text that we were all meeting at Mike’s room. I told her she could just stay here and I’d get you to come to her. But she begged me not to.”
I looked at Shad like he had ten heads. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
Shad held his hands up in defense. “I’m not arguing with you. All I’m saying is that she begged me not to tell you. Something about her needing a day to herself to think things over.”
After hearing this new information I was conflicted between barging into Shad’s room and demanding Ari to talk to me. Or granting her-her wish of a day’s time alone. “Fuck.” I screamed a little too loud, but I didn’t care. I was pissed for pushing her too hard and causing my baby to run away from me, yet again.
All I wanted to do was run to her and kiss her, letting her know how sorry I am. I was gonna do just that until our conversation from a couple of days ago came back to me.
“Fine… I’ll give her space.” And with that I walked away, in the direction of my room. All of a sudden I didn’t care to be around people. I just wanted to be alone.
The bang of a heavy door slamming shut blared throughout the room, jolting me awake. Frantically, my eyes searched around the room for the culprit, because doors don’t just shut on their own. A few curse words shot out of a hooded figure, who quickly revealed themselves.
“It’s me Ari.” Shad explained as she removed his hood with a sigh. “I’ll be out in a second. I just need to grab some clean clothes and my uniform.”
I yawned and stretched my arms, as I rose up to sit more comfortably against the headboard. I was still too tired to function seeing as I’d only gon to sleep a few hours ago.
My thoughts had turned against me. Throughout the night I felt exhausted, but my racing mind wouldn’t allow me to rest peacefully. I glanced around the incredibly neat hotel room, which reminded me of Chris and his overly organized dorm. It makes sense that they are roommates. They’re perfect for each other.
Chris. I was only a short distance away from him, but I miss him dearly. No one understands what he does for me, physically and emotionally. Most of all I found myself missing his arms and the safe haven they provided.
The zipping of Shad’s suitcase caught my attention and made me wonder. “If I slept here alone, where did you sleep?”
That question caused Shad to freeze in place, before he stood up to respond. “Um… I stayed in Chris’ room.”
“So he knows where I am then?” I nervously asked as I fumbled with my friends. He nodded, making me feel worst he hasn’t called or texted since early yesterday.
“He’s not gonna come if that’s what you’re worried about.” It was now my turn to nod. “I explained to him that you needed space so he’s trying to give you what you want.”
Is this really what I want? To be away from him and miserable about it. I wasn’t so sure anymore, and that probably has a lot to do with not being sure once I made the decision yesterday. “Ok.”
“I’m gonna head back over there. We have to meet with coach before the game in a few hours. You’re still coming right?”
I shrugged, simply because I wasn’t sure of anything at the moment. “I don’t know.” I ran my hands through my hair out of confusion. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”
“What if he doesn’t want me there?” I dislike myself for admitting it, but any form of rejection from Chris would be unbearable.
“Come on now. You and I both know that that-that sap nigga loves you. And we both see how much he loves the game, and he was willing to sit out the entire tournament if coach refused to let you on this trip.” This was news to me. All the cheerleaders knew about the strict no girls allowed rule, and I was curious of how Chris pulled this out, but never in my mind did I imagine that this was the length Chris was willing to go to-to get me here.
“I gotta go, but I hope to see you at the game.” Those were his final words before he exited the room, leaving me alone with my chaotic thoughts. I needed someone to talk to, but I didn’t want to bother Draya. She was spending her final week of winter break with her parents and bother in New York and I didn’t want to bother her with my problems
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I found myself having an insecure moment. Suddenly, the legging and white converse that I’d paired with an old jersey that Chris had given me with his number on the back didn’t seem like the best idea anymore.
Just one of many that my sister had thought up. Well not exactly. She said I need to show Chris my support. Show him that no matter what we were going through that I would always be there for him. The same way he’s been there for me.
I ended up telling her about the miscarriage. Nothing that happened yesterday made sense without that vital piece of information. Adrienne said that everything made sense now, including my distancing myself from the family since the day after Christmas.
We had a long talk about how I was justified in feeling a bit empty. For the past week every happy moment I felt, brought on this strange emptiness in my heart. I couldn’t help, but feel cray at my longing for someone I hadn’t met. I felt crazy for needing to grieve a life I had never met, but Adrienne shocked me with her revelation that before Bella she too had a miscarriage. Even more shocking our mother knew.
Overall, our talk let me know that it’s okay not to be okay right away. Adrienne told me to feel everything, but not to let it consume my everyday life. Which is exactly what I’ve been doing.
So here I am, nervously checking my makeup in the bathroom. I have no idea why I wanted to look perfect. I mean, I do, but the admission is embarrassing. I wanted to be certain that Chris notices me.
Stupid right. The kid has already given me his heart, but I’m never satisfied. I’ll always want more of him.
I took one last look in the mirror fluffing my puffy curls. I went for a different look than usual. At last, I worked up the courage to make my way to the stands. The bleachers were packed full of fans waiting with anticipation of the game they love. And some that just loved to look at the players.
A new wave of nerves hit me by surprise once I realized that I was here alone and didn’t have a friend in the building to sit with. It was like middle school all over again.
“Ariana?” I stopped mid stride at the sound of my name. I turned to look across the court, but neither the basketball team nor cheerleading squad present.
“Ariana! Over here.” I looked around me once more before something told me to glance into the bleachers. And that’s when I saw him.
He’s a super cute underclassmen. His caramel skin was as smooth as silk, hair that hood bitches would pay for, and an infectious smile that was irresistible. He waved me over and I had to stop myself from bum rushing him. Not because he’s attractive, but because it felt good to see someone I knew after walking aimlessly for so long in this big gym.
I scooted through the row of seated fans until I got to him. I went in for a side hug, but he pulled me in for the real thing. The way he hugged my body tight reminded me that we met on a set-up.
His sister is the one girl I used to be friendly with on the cheer squad. After months of time spent together at practice, she thought that I would be the perfect match for her younger football player brother. Our set-up was cool, but I didn’t feel anything between us. He attends our school, but we haven’t ran into one another. Even with me cheering at the games. “Hey, what are you doing here?”
“I brought my little sister to Rachel cheer, but she’s more interested in the boy’s team.” We have that in common.
“My bad. Ari, this is my sister Angel. Angel, this is Ariana. She cheers with Rachel.” He explained to her, before she looked at me with a look of utter boredom. “Oh hey.”
“So what are you doing here if you aren’t cheering?” I ran a hand through my hair at the thought of my baby. “Supporting a friend.” My resistance to talking about the subject matter must have been obvious because we didn’t speak much afterwards. The few times we did speak was mostly basketball talk between Justin’s sister and me.
We were all laughing at something Angel said when I felt it. That piercing stare that made me feel…naked. Both teams were huddled in a time-out. All but one player. The smile I once wore was wiped off of my face at the sight of Chris glaring at Justin and me.
The rest of the quarter went by pretty quick. Chris’ behavior in the game had become noticeably aggressive, which was unnecessary because they were up by 12 points. Shortly before halftime, our schools coach pulled Chris from the game for an unnecessary hard foul against the opposing team’s player.
My eyes were drawn to him as he threw his towel on the floor in front of him as he threw himself into a chair. “What’s wrong with C-Dub He never plays dirty.” I looked at Angel as she spoke nothing, but the truth. Chris is usually a happy, aggressive, explosive, yet clean player. But he doesn’t usually have me pissing him off during games either. I feel horrible about it.
There was less than a minute left in the quarter. “I’ll be back. You want anything from the concession stand?” They both answered and I was down the stairs and at my desired location by the time the buzzer went off.
Soon after, a bunch of sweaty basketball players were rushing pass me. I pushed off of the wall with my hands at first sight of an annoyed Chris. He didn’t see me approaching, so in return of me grabbing his arm, I received the dirtiest look known to mankind. “Can we talk?”
“It can’t wait?” My sight fell to my feet as I shook my head. He sighed loudly before he told Shad and Michael that he’d only be a minute. “We up by 15 nigga. Take your time. Coach ain’t gon be talking about shit.”
Shad dapped Chris and I took that time to retreat back to the wall. “What’s up?” He asked nonchalant, and his face blank.
“Don’t act like that.” I frowned.
“Act like what? Confused? Because I’m hella confused on what we have to talk about since you left your boy in the stands.” His laugh was dry, as he licked the lips I so wanted to kiss me and tell me everything is ok.
“Before I explain today, I need to apologize for yesterday. I completely over reacted and I shouldn’t have left and continued to push you away. I told you…I’m not perfect. I make mistakes and my behavior yesterday was a colossal one.” Anger. After everything I’d just said, immense anger was present behind his brown eyes.
Chris opened his mouth to speak, but didn’t. I made him hate me. The one guy in my life that isn’t my papa who loved me and I had to turn him against me. “I’m sorry too.” I looked up with a little hope. “I’m sorry because I’m racking my brain trying to figure out why you thought it would be okay to show up with another nigga on your arm.”
“I-” He cut me off, not caring for a second what I had to say. “Tell me. How did you spark up this bright idea to dress yourself in my jersey and sit across from our bench and embarrass me, by smiling in the face of a nigga you used to date?”
I fought hard to control my emotions as sad tears sprung to my eyes. With every word he shot at me, he backed me into the wall. “You didn’t think I know who the nigga is Ari.” Was it just yesterday that he said my name with so much love and admiration?
“He’s no one and nothing, compared to this.” I pointed between the two of us. “Yes. I went on one date with him. One. And the only reason I did was as a favor to someone I thought was my friend at the time.”
“I guess this,” Chris mimicked my previous hand gesture, “didn’t cross your mind when you decided to reconnect with ole boy huh.”
Now I was pissed. “Don’t you dare. I don’t know how many ways to tell you that nothing happened. I felt alone in this gymnasium and he spotted me, so I went to sit with him and his sister. But the only reason I’m here is you. I dressed up to get your attention.”
I lifted my hand to his neck, pulling his soft pink lips to mine, with a roughness I didn’t usually portray. “I love you and I think the world of you. And I’m sorry I made you feel anything else, but loved and supported. I’m so sorry. Forgive me please.”
“Me forgiving you isn’t the problem. My real issue is that every time we have a disagreement, your first instinct is to run away from me.”
I ran my hands through my hair. “I’ll explain everything, but not here.”
Chris wiped his hands over his face, and sighed audibly before he pulled me into his arms. And I caved. It’s only been a day, but I missed him so much. I smiled and squeezed his torso to me, once he kissed my forehead.
“Are you still mad at me?” I hesitantly asked into his chest.
“I was never really mad at you Ari.” My brows furrowed at his revelation. “I was irritated with myself for making you run off again.” Chris answered looking everywhere, but my eyes.
“I wasn’t running from you Chris. I was running from myself, but let’s talk about this back in the room.”
My baby smiled as he leaned in to peck my lips once, but of course I had to take it to another level. I’ve been away from his luscious lips for almost 24 hours and I missed them. Chris chuckled, as he pulled back. “You missed me? Didn’t you?”
My smile was just as inevitable as the blush of my cheeks. “Yes and stop looking at me like that.”
“How am I looking at you?” He questioned with that toothy grin of his. Ugh. My baby’s too cute. “You know how.”
“Yo CJ. Coach said to get your ass to the locker room.” Chris nodded to his teammate, before he brought his attention back to me. “I gotta go baby.”
I faked a pout and used my thumb to remove a bit of my red lip gloss from the side of his mouth. “I know.”
“Can you do me a favor?” I cheesed really big at him.
“And that would be…” Chris sneakily got a good grip on my butt and all I could do was shake my head because I needed a favor. “Justin’s little sister loves basketball. She basically fainted when she found out this is one of your old jerseys.”
“Where’s the favor in all of that?”
“Right. Can you meet her for me baby? Please. It would mean the world to her and she’s such a good kid. After you’re done playing today of course.”
“Did that nigga put you up to this?” His eyes never left my eyes, as I shook my head. “No baby. She’s just a sweet little girl. This has nothing to do with him. So pwease.” I poked out my bottom lip for effect.
I watched Chris lick his sexy lips, like a puppy salivating at the sight of food. “Be grateful I love you.” I nodded with a cheesy grin. “Now kiss me woman.”
Chris got the ass grabbing, tongue tying, lip biting kiss he requested and left me gasping for air when it was all said and done. “I’ll see you back at the hotel. Tell your little friends that they can meet us for dinner later.” He kissed my nose, before he took off.
“Wait!” I yelled, halting his movements. “What?” He looked back confused.
“You’re playing good baby.” His smug staring back at me. “But stop with the flagrants.”
Chris chuckled, but agreed. “So you have been listening to me during our lessons.” He shouted just before I watched him disappear behind the double doors. Ugh. I love him and I’m in entirely too deep.
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