祝日 / Permanent Vacation
art blog(derogatory)
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Not today Justin
YOU ARE THE REASON
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Claire Keane
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@dustclearsss
Season 4 of <FROM> is great but still cant figure out the storyline yet. Watching in moderation so i wont finish watching it too fast.
Trying to vacant my mind, not think of anything, if that's even possible. Still trying to sleep at 11pm, though the mind doesn't quiet down completely till about 30mins later. Does that mean i should go to bed at 1030pm?
Omg the heat is unbearable, im sure many feel the same. Ac's broken and im not fixing it because im moving out soon, and the standing fan beside me is blowing warm air. I dont know whats worst, having the fan on, or not.
They said its going to get worst, all the way till October.
Im feeling much better, thus the entry today. Also, i got a new laptop so that makes writing so much easier. Heat is supposed to kind of supress appetite but its doing the opposite for me, maybe i just have more time on my hands so i get peckish and i think about food more.
Went to pray to 太岁 today.
Lunch with mum after. Lunch was good but I don't feel the joy I normally do. My only meal of the day. Slept alot today because I don't want to feel anything.
Being master of one’s moods is the privilege of the larger animals.
-The Fall, Albert Camus.
“I wasn’t lonely. I experienced no self pity. I was just caught up in a life in which I could find no meaning.”
I think i am feeling less emotional, i guess.
My days felt long and somehow i lost all the tiredness i usually have.
A void i cant fill, i tried.
Just wanna stare into space and not think about anything.
“Rest especially. Recover during the day. Think of me: you are the dearest thing to me in the world and, kept far from you, I tremble every time I imagine you in this moment.”
— Albert Camus to Maria Casarès, Correspondance, February 21, 1950 [#206]
Yearly affair.
The prompt :
“Based on my all my chat with you, make me an interpretative painting of what my mental health looks like if it was hanging in a museum.”
— josé olivarez // natalie diaz
Reunion dinner last night with the family. My niece is so grown up now, she's already in Primary 1.
Sis came to stay over for the CNY, im glad she's around, but also uncomfortable because i can't grieve properly.
At such a lost and everything reminds me of the future lost and how much I miss him.
I will be fine one minute and teared silently the next. I'm trying my hardest to control my mental state, telling myself this is just a phase and I will get over it etc. Not working so far.
Writing to process my thoughts are supposed to make me feel better (according to chatgpt) but I keep crying instead.
Today is the last day of my lash appointments. Thank god I can barely function with the heartbreak. Now that I get two days off, I dread the free time because my mind goes into overdrive.
This sucks so bad.
"Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back. That’s part of what it means to be alive. But inside our heads - at least that’s where I imagine it - there’s a little room where we store those memories. A room like the stacks in this library. And to understand the workings of our own heart we have to keep on making new reference cards. We have to dust things off every once in awhile, let in fresh air, change the water in the flower vases. In other words, you’ll live forever in your own private library."
— Haruki Murakami (via realizes)
There are approximately 1,013,913 words in the English language, but I could never string any of them together to explain how much i want to hit you with a chair.
Bak kut teh with some mee sua. Downed these with chilli padi in soy sauce.
Back to the grind ~~~
Got this yesterday at Kino.
Feeling so lethargic today. On days like this, I feel like staying home to read but at the same time feel like I should be doing something more. Like I should be working out or doing lash appointment and not "wasting" my time away.
The dilemma.
Yes, still obsessed today.
