Today officially marks my 6th week in senior high school.
It feels surreal to finally be here, at this stage of life. When I reflect on the difficulties I've had to get where I am now, I could only feel one thing: determination.
My journey, though it has only begun, is marked by uncertainties. This I am sure of, and haunts me in both my waking days and dreams. I am unsure of my course, my mental capacity, and capability to handle the academic pressure. But as I walk along the campus paths marked by solitude, a strange energy surges through me that reminds me of why I am here in the first place.
I am here to learn. I am here to discover myself to the best of my potential.
I may be distracted by all sorts of challenges, hardships, and bitterness, but I will not let that hinder my passion to learn.
The cold is here, so it's time to light candles and study in bed and complain about the weather. I'm trying my best to learn all the things I have doubts about, but it's a long list.
As the weather gets colder, things also get harder. I'm trying to be more gentle with myself. Constantly reminding my silly mind that there's no rush. The place is here, the time is now.
Which also reminds me… hey, you, to the one reading this, you know you should be doing The Thing. I don't want to do The Thing, either. But we can sit down and do it for 2 minutes together. Then we can do it for 5 minutes. Then 10. And so on, and so forth until it is done. I'll be coming back to reiterate this.
To whoever needs to hear it: it does not have to be perfect. It does not have to be world altering. It just needs to be done. And I'll sit with you while you do The Thing.
Now go. Stop scrolling. Go work on The Thing. I'll be back to check on you and cheer us both on.
Lastly, I want to remind you that there is nothing wrong with being mediocre. There is nothing wrong with not being the best at everything you do. There is no guilt in doing the bare minimum because you have no energy to do more than that. “Living your life to the fullest” can mean different things for you at different times in your life. Sometimes, it is achieving your goals and fulfilling your purpose, and sometimes, it is allowing yourself to rest and just get through it.
You deserve the space to simply be. To exist, to witness, to breathe, and to find peace.