ghcstsoldier:
Jane was a good person. Bucky knew that from the moment he met her. It was always easy for him to assess people and see whether they were worth putting his faith in, and so far, his instincts hadn’t led him wrong – at least not when he had his head on straight. It was reaffirmed only further when Sam told him that he was with her, because Sam was one of the best people Bucky had ever met, and if he liked her (loved her) then Bucky wasn’t in any kind of position to argue. That’s what made this so damn complicated. He couldn’t be angry, not really. He couldn’t fight against her. The four of them were so tightly woven that it was impossible to untangle their relationships. “Yeah,” he whispered. “I … I can see it. I have some experience. Not personally, but someone I loved … they went through the same thing. I saw the signs.” A lot of the people Bucky loved went through the same thing. No matter what he did, no matter how much they wiped him and started over, he always found himself caring about the girls that went through training. He always found himself empathising with them, when he forgot how to do it. “I love you,” he said, and his voice came out strained but it wasn’t a whisper, because he wanted her to hear it clearly.
“Okay,” he said, and this time, it was a whisper. “Okay, I’ll accept it.” He didn’t want to, far from it. As far as he was concerned, if Sharon had to apologise for snapping, he needed to apologise every damn day for being so messed up that he dragged her down with him – but the fact that she did regardless brought a warmth to his chest that no one else could replicate. “It’s natural, wanting to get out from under a thing like this,” Bucky replied, lowly. “For her to want … for her to want Sam to have more than she can give him, or at least how she sees it.” He paused, looking at Sharon for a long beat. “That’s how I feel about you, but I can’t– I can’t let go. I don’t want to.”
It was selfish. He knew it was selfish to even be talking about this now, to be planning a future, to be tying her to him like this – but it was something Sharon never shied away from, not for a moment. “You talked to Natalia too?” he asked, suddenly feeling things click into place. Manipulated by the Black Widow – he couldn’t find it within himself to be irritated, fondness winning out instead. “She’s using her powers for good,” he teased, proud of the fact he could manage even some levity given the situation. Bucky kissed back, fingers curling around the loops to pull her closer, and let out a sharp breathe when she pulled away. “I want you in a white dress too,” he said, moving in to press a kiss to her forehead before resting his own against hers. “Steve, Sam and Jane up there with us. I’ve been thinking about it all day, can’t get it out of my head.”
Bucky was perceptive in a lot of ways -- some people would have written him off because of the holes in his memory... but like Sharon, he had been trained to see more than what was presented to him, and even when it came to their friends, it was a hard thing to turn off. So, him knowing exactly what Jane was going through? It wasn’t much of a surprise. “I... might have stepped on a landmine on this one,” Sharon murmured, remembering just how she had found out about Jane’s infertility and everything else. Sharon hadn’t meant to, of course, she never wanted to make Jane feel like she was less than or feel bad about herself --- but this was something that Sharon simply didn’t see coming. The realization of what Jane was going through didn’t stop Sharon from wanting what she did, but Sharon did find herself feeling guilty. Like her friend’s plight should have stopped her own feelings but... they were simply too strong. If anything, what had happened, made Sharon want to hold onto Bucky tighter. “We see too much sometimes,” Sharon murmured before meeting his eyes. His voice came out strained and Sharon felt a shift in her stomach, worried that he was in pain too. “Hey,” Sharon murmured, bringing her right hand up to his jawline and then gently cupping his chin. “I love you too.” The mild irritation she had felt at his comment was a fleeting one -- and one that she knew that Jane wouldn't want her to hold onto. (And even if she did hold onto it -- she wouldn’t stop loving him because of it.)
Exhaling, Sharon nodded her head. It didn’t feel like he was really accepting it, but at least he had heard it. Maybe that was enough. Sharon knew that he didn’t mean anything by what he had said -- that this was just a fleeting moment and that what he had said was about them and not about Sam and Jane... but Sharon was defensive. And she wanted to protect her best friend so much that the slightest sign of hostility from Bucky had her ready for a fight (even when it wasn’t really hostility at all... just, insecurity). But then Bucky spoke again and Sharon realized --- was she Sam in this situation? Her stomach flipped and she gripped Bucky a little tighter. “I...” She bit down on her lip and shook her head. He said he didn’t want to give her up -- that he couldn’t, and maybe that should have been enough, but when she looked him in the eyes she realized she couldn’t hold it back. “You start feeling differently about that... promise me you’ll talk to me before making any decisions for the two of us. Because I don’t want that either -- I don’t want to let go of you. Not ever.”
A smile crept onto her face. “Yeah. She’s really pushy sometimes. Said I’m not allowed to drink mimosas anymore -- or drinks of any kind actually. She really wants to be an aunt.” Other people being that invested in them should have scared her too, but instead, it felt like support. Like if they did choose to do this, they wouldn’t be alone in it. They had an entire group of people rooting for them -- and Sharon knew she hadn’t ever had that in a relationship before... had Bucky? This had to be new for him too. Sharon leaned into Bucky as he pulled her closer, her body finally against his with that last tug and her head tipped upwards just slightly so she could look him in the eyes as he rested his forehead on hers. At first, the mention of a white dress made Sharon smirk a little, a comment about how she would have worn that dress again if he had asked her to but then he kept talking and it all snapped into perspective so quickly. He wasn’t talking about the white dress she wore out on one of their earlier dates he was talking about the white dress. The kind that came with wedding bells. “What?” The word came out again and immediately Sharon wanted to scream. “Not -- no not what, I mean, like, what are you saying? Are -- do -- Bucky.” Sharon didn’t move away from him, didn’t distance herself in the slightest. She had her arms still around his neck while she looked up at him. Was he proposing or just saying that he might want something like that in a distant future? “Say it again. Say what you mean --- say it for real.”
