I am not quite sure how this sort of thing works because I have never written a text post on Tumblr before, but I feel more comfortable ranting here than on Facebook because this is an audience of strangers and close friends, not the mildly acquainted and my prying family. I have recently gotten out of a relationship that I feel had been dying, if not dead, for the past half year or so. I felt lonely at the end of the relationship and I still feel lonely now. I am not the type to feel like I need a significant other to feel alive or whole, but feeling loved is nice. My apologies beforehand, but this will be a lengthy and quite possibly boring rant. I'm using this post as a diary of sorts, of problems that I'd like to talk about, but don't want to press on anyone. This gives an opportunity for the opinions of others and the option to talk to me if you so wish to do so.
As I stated above, I feel lonely. I do not think that I am unattractive, but I also do not think that I am super attractive, either. I feel average, and average is okay. Average isn't ugly, and average is approachable and not intimidating. I have very distinctive features, but it is more of the style of my hair and my clothes that attracts attention toward me. I love to wear clothes that are pin-up style or punk rock, all of my outfits having some sort of vampy, gothic undertone to it. I feel pretty in my clothes and sometimes I even feel kind of sexy. I am the kind of girl who will dress to the nines and go out to impress. Occasionally, there will be a guy who I think is attractive and will want to get his attention. I usually have a Devil-may-care attitude about things and just go for it.
I find that hard to do anymore.
I can handle rejection. He isn't interested. Cool. Everyone has their tastes, and maybe I'm not his style. "No thanks, I'm not interested" is polite, I'm not hurt by that. "No way, man", "maybe sometime, I'll call you" (never actually calling, mind you), and the worst that's always kind of hurt "lose some weight, then we'll talk." These are not acceptable ways to reject someone. I know that I'm weird, and geeky, and awkward, but I feel that I at least deserve some respect. You can only be rejected harshly or coldly until you start to give up, which brings us to the focal point of this rant.
There's a guy I have a huge crush on. I've been pretty crazy about him for a while, but I only worked up the courage to talk to him about a month ago. I think we hit it off pretty well. He's interesting, he's smart, he's sweet, he's really, REALLY cute, and he's just fantastic. I've only hung out with him once outside of his place of work (he works at one of my regular hangouts) and honestly? It was great. Better than expected, even though all we did was go on a walk. I'm afraid to ask him out on a real date, even though I'm pretty sure he knows that I like him, and part of me thinks that maybe he might like me back. I'm worried, though. I'm worried that I might be reading his friendliness as something more, that maybe he doesn't like me like that. Maybe he's this sweet to everyone. Maybe he only sees me as a friend. If he does, I would be really sad, but I could get over it, It's just the uncertainty that is getting to me. It's also the uncertainty that excites me, like I am on a journey to find out. I guess I will find out on Monday, because that's when I have my first "real date" with him.
I know I said that I was too afraid to ask him out, but my plans on Monday is happening because a friend of mine who is more bold than I. I love this friend dearly, and I know he was trying to help, but I am so embarrassed that he took initiative and asked this guy out for me. It makes me feel like he might think that I can't speak for myself, or that maybe I'm weird or creepy and therefore undesirable. Maybe it made me look pushy and desperate. Either way, it was nothing but me dropping the spaghetti all over the place. The best part? The guy accepted! I apologized profusely for my friend asking him out for me and that he didn't have to if he didn't want to and it was all my fault because I should have stopped him and he laughed and said "no, it's okay. Don't be sorry. We'll go see this Grand Budapest movie and I'll look up the times. Wes Anderson is my favorite director, so it should be good." That's a good sign, right? I'm going to not talk to him until Monday unless he talks to me first, though. Just in case. I'll post an update in a few days.
dededos
origamiaround
kianamaiart
dailybridgerton
izzy806
jbbartram-illu
ellievsbear
romaincrisis
areudirty
