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@dwayneparton
Sad endings...new beginnings
Sad endings…new beginnings
Sad endings…Bobby’s food bowl sits full in my closet…I haven’t the heart to empty it yet. His collar has become my key chain, I like having it around. It still smells like him. I miss having him greet me when I come home. To open the door, see his startled faces as he wakes up, looks at me, and immediately notices the groceries in my hand. He’d ignore me and stick his head in the bags scanning…
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I sit in the floor of Four Paws Veterinary Office. Bobby’s chest barely raises. I stroke his side. “You’re so handsome, bubba…so handsome.” I tell him that like I always do. He’s a handsome fella and I like to remind him of it. He tries to lift his head. You can see confusion in his eyes, weakness in his body, and tears on Daddy’s face…”It’s OK, bubba…It’s OK.”
I often call him “Bubba”, Bob-O at other times, but Bobby is his name. He owns more of the United Stated than most dogs will ever, marking and remarking scenic America as we gallivant across the country. Alone we covered over 40,000 miles just last year. There’s not much he likes more than a long car ride with yours truly. And now he’s kinda instafamous. Not as much as some doge but more than most. 7K followers is a lot for a furry four-legged fella. “You’re that guy with the dog!” random strangers would say often. And proudly I would confirm that I am that guy.
At 7:00AM I greeted Bob-O for our developing ritual. Rituals are good for me, and part of my technique for making friends. I have this theory that if you do something enough…Let’s say you go to the same coffee shop and order a small mocha. Eventually someone is going to say “Mocha, right?!” and then you will be on your way towards making a friend. Anyways, we just moved to Missoula, Montana mid July for work. After a couple weeks of living in the van we found a place to live. Bobby immediately claimed it as home.
We’ve been here about 4 days now. Lately we wake up early, go get coffee and work until 9:00Am. At 9:00AM I start my real and new job at Gecko Designs. But this morning he didn’t move. He just laid there. That’s not unusual, he likes his sleep as much as I do. Sometimes you’ve really got to shake him awake. So, I shook him like normal and he didn’t move. Not even a little. He just laid there. Chest rising an falling…that’s all.
I grabbed my useless phone to search for directions. I fell on it last night and broke it and now I can’t touch the top two rows of applications nor the left column. I get my computer. Only one vet is open. I scoop up Bobby and we jet to Four Paws. They are just opening when I show up distraught with my boy in my arms. “Can you help me?” No questions are asked, as they make a spot for him. They run tests on him to figure out what’s wrong…and are going to monitor him for a bit. He picks his head up, and hope stands on that thread. Waiting…
There is now way you can prepare for these kinds of things.
Bobby and I lay in the floor of my apartment. I picked him up from the vet just a few minutes ago. She told me in short: it doesn’t look good. He’s got internal bleeding, most likely from a tumor or something on one of his organs, probably the spleen, or liver. He was fine yesterday, and she explains that often this is how it happens. I’m working to gather myself, but it’s so hard.
We load Bobby in the van. I want to spend time with him, I want to be with him. I carry him up the stairs to my room. He’s cradled in my arms like a baby. This is all to familiar. I once carried Lucy like this. I once cried with my white Shepard princess laying beside me. Now my handsome boy is in my arms. Bobby cries as I lay him down, and my heart breaks. I cry with him. I lay there talking to him. I reassure him, that “It’s Ok.” That he is so handsome. I want to keep him here. He starts crying again. He can barely move…I know…this is goodbye.
There are parts of life that aren’t pleasant. I knew the day would come one day, but I wish it wasn’t today. Bobby and I sit in the floor of Four Paws Veterinary Office. His breathing is slowing. I stroke his side. “You are so handsome Bubba, so handsome.” His breathing stops. “So handsome.” “So handsome.”
So Handsome I sit in the floor of Four Paws Veterinary Office. Bobby's chest barely raises. I stroke his side.
#notetoself : Somedays it sure is nice here. (at Planet Earth)
Nature always seems to surprise me. #notetoself : Don't forget how cool #fireflies are. 🐒= @kayakinphil (at Great Smoky Mountains National Park)
#notetoself : you're probably going to regret how much time you spend on your phone. (at Alaska)
The UPS man pull up to my house and said: "You know of all the places I deliver there's something about your place. It's all a man needs..." It's nothing fancy just a little trailer. Gosh I've even caught myself being a little embarrassed, but you know, I love this place...He left saying, "The only thing that'd make it better is a fridge on your front porch." #notetoself : You don't need a mansion to be rich. (at North Carolina)
There's so much one can experience in a lifetime...the amount we get to becomes sort of currency. We can be greedy with it. Always wanting more...so much that we miss what's around us. Wishing we were somewhere exotic or on some awesome adventure. There may come a time but for now, learn to be right where you are. #notetoself (at Table Rock, North Carolina)
Lately balance seems to be a focus in my life and not just because of slacklining. Maybe that's what drew me to it. We can be immobilized by fear, or try to take a step away from it. Balance is not ignoring fear's prescience, but recognizing it and finding the courage to take a step. #notetoself : find balance. (at Linville Gorge Wilderness)
We only get one life. #notetoself - Don't forget to participate. (at Bryson City, North Carolina)
#notetoself - appreciate the little things (at Cooper Landing, Alaska)
#notetoself - The best person you can be is you. (at Byron Glacier Trail)
#notetoself : Spend more days outside. (at The Oregon Coast)
Better not to have it all figured out then to think that you do. #notetoself (at Alaska)
Finding meaning can be difficult. Some may have to give up everything to find it, while others seem to find it effortlessly. #notetoself : Don’t give up. (at Byron Glacier Trail)
It’s easy to find balance in the light. On the other hand, finding balance in the dark feels impossible. #notetoself : That doesn’t mean you can’t. (at Eagle River, Alaska)
Some things take time. It may be inconvenient but there’s nothing wrong with that. #notetoself : Have a little patience. (at Sacajawea Peak)
#notetoself : The way I see it, everything requires some sort of sacrifice. It’s figuring out what’s worth sacrificing. (at Denali Highway)