As Many Questions As Emotions
“So I went yesterday to Planned Parenthood and got a swab. I won’t know until about Friday which type I have but do you think it’s possible that I’ve had genital herpes just never had an outbreak? I thought the moment you are infected you have an outbreak? This is the stuff that confuses me! I’ve been researching and reading over blogs since Sunday knowing very well before I went to the doctors that I had genital herpes but when I was reading on the internet it said that if you have type 2 you are more likely to be exposed to HIV.
All this stuff just makes me not want to have sex anymore. There is someone I have been on and off with for 7 years. He’s in the Navy and what am I supposed to tell him when he and I meet up again. He and I would have amazing, great sex and now I just feel gross and feel like I won’t be able to do the same things I once did with him.
I’m trying to move past the whole stigma about herpes it’s just difficult. Granted, the medication is helping the pain even after only a day of having it but it still just sucks. I literally cannot go pee without looking down and feeling so ashamed. I’m going in and out of being sad and feeling confused and not knowing what to do or think. Who I should tell?
I’ve already had a slut image in high school and I just keep thinking like wow everyone was right. I am a slut and worthless and no one will ever take me seriously. And now that I actually do have an incurable STI it just confirms everything anyone has ever said of me and it sucks. I told my best friend and one of my roommates and they have been extremely supportive. But getting my head wrapped around the reality of it is still difficult.”
Okay let’s break this down…
It is totally possible you could have been carrying the virus for some time and this is only your first outbreak. Herpes likes to hide and is one sneaky bitch. The moment you are exposed to herpes doesn’t necessarily mean you will immediately have an outbreak. Everybody reacts differently to herpes, so while some may have an outbreak a few days or weeks after being exposed, others can go months and even years without an outbreak, and some never outbreak to begin with (Asymptomatic carriers with the ability to pass on herpes).
Now for the HIV question, herpes puts you at more of a risk to acquire HIV. Since herpes causes sores which break open, if you have herpes and have an open sore, engage in sexual activity with an HIV positive individual, you are more at risk to acquire HIV than a herpes negative individual because of that open sore. Normally when you have a herpes outbreak it means your immune system is running a bit low, so that also puts you at more of a risk. Herpes and HIV are each other’s worst enemies, one makes the other worse and it’s hard to stop since HIV causes the immune system to shut down, and what does you body need to heal a herpes outbreak? Your immune system. If you get tested for HIV once a year and are aware of your partner’s sexual status, HIV is not something to worry about though.
You have to be honest with the guy in the Navy if you are going to see him again and know that sex is on the table. Any genuine person should not look at you differently or turn you away. If this guy is in the Navy I would think herpes would be the last thing he’s scared of… You can totally do the same things with him like you were before being herpes positive, you can do anything you want, herpes won’t stop that.
Herpes is 1% physical and 99% mental. The stigma is the absolute majority of the worst part. Nobody had an issue with herpes before the 1970′s when the Pharmaceutical companies went on a propaganda, bullshit, tirade against anybody who had herpes, tainting them with the “slut” image you see today, all to make a profit on their antiviral medication.
Who the fuck cares if you had the “slut” image in high school? I graduated high school in 2010, six goddamn years ago hollyyyy shittt. High school is not real life, everyone from there grows up and moves on, old rumors and shit talking don’t matter, and honestly nobody cares anymore. Trust me when I say that a quarter of the girls from your high school already have herpes, as do a fifth of the men. Herpes is blind, it chooses whoever it wants with no regards, whether you’ve slept with 1 or 50 people, protected or unprotected, in a relationship or not.
Who you tell about your herpes is up to you. At first my mother adamantly told me that this was not for anybody to know besides myself, but I think that further provokes shame and stigma. I quickly said fuck that. It’s also really hard to hide in conversation, you can’t tiptoe around it sometimes so it’s better to just say the reason why. But it took me about 3 years to get to the point I’m at today where I truly don’t give a fuck who knows and who doesn’t.
Herpes happens, it’s a part of life and granted, one we could all live without. But it’s really not as bad as you’ve been taught to think. You are not dirty or worthless, you deserve everything a herpes negative individual does and more. Honestly I feel like we deserve more and are more likely to get more because we don’t settle and recognize our true worth. Plus herpes really does weed out the people who are unfit for you. I promise, you’ll be rocking this bitch in no time.
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